• Published 18th Jul 2020
  • 2,175 Views, 42 Comments

Horsemen and Ponies - Dark Krystal

Death, War, Pestilence, and Famine. After a mission goes accidentally wrong the four of them find themselves separated and in a strange land filled with gross harmony.

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(P) Awakening

“Mmmm……” Pestilence sleeps against the tree, turning his head every now and then. It was a peaceful nap until he feels something nudge against his cheek.

“Mmmmm… don’t disturb my crêpe feast…” The response to his decline was more pokes.

“Staph it……” He grumbles out and sleepily smacks away whatever dares wake him up from his well-deserved nap, only for something to smack him across the face.

“BAH!” He snaps his eyes open and he instinctively rubs his cheek. He looks up to see his assailant; his green eyes are met with bigger amber eyes gazing down at him.

“……………………………” He stares for a bit before silently scooting away; not liking how close it was to him. His gaze moves away from its eyes to examine whatever was looking at him. It was a horse. A horse with amber eyes and coat, grey mane, a black hat, and a white collar around its neck with black tie.

` …. Is this a horse? It has a build of one but...`

Pestilence squints as he stares at the horse's body. The horse silently watches him as a perpetual scowl forms on its face.

` Is this is definitely not a horse! It’s too small but it does have horse like features... though it also kind of has human too... `

His eyes move away when he notices the creature was silently staring at him, judging him. As his gaze moves, he finally notices to his right that the amber being wasn’t alone, there were two more smaller horses. One had a bluish gray coat, short gray mane, and lime eyes that glared into his soul as if he just shot its family up and dump them in a public trash bin. Trying to hide behind the hateful one was another one with a scared look on its face, it had a light grey coat, long dark grayish cyan mane, and violet eyes.

` Aww... it’s hiding! It looks so cute! I could just— `

"Ahem…" The amber one gets Pestilence mind out of the gutter with a cough. Pestilence abruptly stands up, making the creatures eyes widen at his height. He wipes of sand from his hoodie and pants then leans against the tree with hands in his hoodie's pockets, an attempt to look professional in his mind.

` Be cool Pestilence, don’t ask the obvious. Let them talk first and see their deal... also game face! Yes, game face! `

Pestilence runs his hand through his hair and gives them a side glance. The amber horse blinks at this strange behavior and is content to stare until the bluish gray creature nudges its side, snapping it out of it. With small inhale it looks back at the creature with the same deadpan scowl and serious look he saw when he woke up.

"Good day, strange one. I am bid Igneous Rock. Great Apologies for disturbing thy rest yet. I might not but bid what bringest thou hither?" The amber one asks. Pestilence keeps his eyes on it, his mouth opens only to close as he looks away. He looks at the desert in the distance in thought.

` Dear god it spoke in that god-rotten language humans used to speak in. I can’t even begin to solve what the hell it just asked me `

He looks at the desert with a teaspoon of despair in the depths of his eyes before looking back at the not-horse but horse. He notices the small beads of sweat down the stoic horse, unsure it was because of the sun blasting on them all or because it decided to wake up and twice its height. He glances at the hiding not-horse who shrinks even more at his gaze.

` Holy shit I must be terrifying to these things! That’s awesome... but also not really, shit! Why do I have to be scary when it’s inconvenient to me! `

He sighs and gives his gentlest smile as he responds. "Sorry... I don't exactly.... get what you just said. However! I can assure you uh... don’t need to quell a taste for violence towards thou kind?” The amber not-horse relaxes and nods in understanding, However the hateful not-horse narrows its eyes at him.

"You won't if you know what's good for you!" The angry not-horse said with a disgusting amount of venom in its feminine voice.

' What! It actually spoke normal! Why the hell did that speak in... in that damn type of language! Also did this tiny, cute little creature just threaten me I can’t have that! `

"U-understood…" Comes out of Pestilence mouth instead of what his thought demanded of him to say. He bites the inside of his cheek in rage, meanwhile the angry not-horse huffs and relaxes as well. The shy not-horse behind looking at both of the not-horse and deciding to stop hiding.

"Good! Now answer Pa's question!" It said again with a stomp to the ground.

"I would! If I knew what he said!" Pestilence puts his hands up in defense, was he, a horseman actually feeling intimidated? Yes. Yes, he was.

` Why am I like this! `

"He asked you what are you doing on our farmland, you rockhead!"

"I just woke up in the desert and after walking for... Some hours I saw this tree wanted to get a nap Wait farm?" Pestilence he looks and looks around seeing nothing but trees but does spot an agricultural silo in the distance.

` Who decides to make a farm not far from a desert!? `

The angry not-horse opens her mouth to speak again only for Igneous Rock to put out his arm. Foreleg? Forehoof? Whatever, in front of her and silences her. "Methinks, I understand thy plight. Thy eyes say to me thou art being truthful... Hmph, join we. we shall allow thou to keep upon our homestead." Igneous Rock gives the faintest of smiles before turning around and heading towards the where the was silo.

"What! But... but PA!" The mean not-horse chases after her “pa”, the sudden departure leaves Pestilence and the shy not-horse behind. She looks up and lets out a ` eep!` before going after the other two. Pestilence stands there for a bit, dumbfounded at the kindness offered to him.

"…Weird... but better than a tree at least." He whispers to himself. He puts his hands in his hoodies pockets and walks behind the trio. From a distance He can hear the mean not-horse and Igneous Rock arguing over him. As he travels with them a detail finally clicks in his head.

` Igneous Rock?! Okay that's kind of a cool name. Is it together or is rock his last name? Mr. Rock... hehehe. `

After walking through a series of trees they finally come the farm. Pestilence looks around seeing only a large clear area of land filled with small black rocks on the ground and then what seems to be small two-story cottage, a windmill, and an agricultural silo surrounded by a wooden fence. Pestilence looks around in search of farm life but finds no crops, not even lettuce, corn, or even wheat.

` How exactly is this a farm if there is no crops or animals!? It is quite literally in the middle of nowhere! `

After walking through the desolate land of a farm he sees their little home stead in the distance. Their home looked the equivalent to a medieval era, peasant home on the outside. A thatch rooftop, stone bump chimney sticking out, and a classic white and brown wooden cross pattern. Making it to their front door he realizes the home is smaller than he thought, having to slightly duck just to get through the doorway.

He finds himself in their living room which was pretty comfy despite how old fashion it was. A fireplace, a comfy rug under his feet, some small tables with common décor on it. Pestilence relaxes as the medieval rural comfiness fills his soul. Pestilence is told to wait here while they talk and gather, minutes later he hears the sound of hooves and turns to face them.

He finds the group standing side by side with now a new fourth, it had the same build as mean and shy not-horse though slightly smaller. Its coat was a light cobalt bluish gray with its grayish opal mane up in bun, it wore golden chain glasses on its snout, a black collar with white stripes and a neat little brooch.

"Allow we to introduce ourself, new friend." Igneous Rock announces. Pestilence turns to them and gives them his full attention.

"As thou wot, I am called Igneous Rock Pie." Pestilence nods only to pause.

' Wait what? Rock isn't his last name it's... it's PIE!? '

"Thou shalt know me as Cloudy Quartz" The new not-horse says once Igneous finishes.

` Cloudy Quartz? She also named after a rock!? Wait then her full name is “Cloudy Quartz Pie” ...oh god. `

Igneous Rock moves to stand between the other two. "These two be our daughters."

He rises his foreleg in front of the shy one who looks away. "Marble Pie, and" The mean one picks up from there. "Limestone pie." She says with a glare. Igneous gives her a stern look, making her roll her eyes and look away with disgruntled look on her face. Pestilence takes in a moment to process the names he just heard, Marble, Limestone, Cloudy Quartz, and Igneous Rock. They're all named after minerals.

' Holy shit. That's... something new.'

Pestilence hides his internal struggle to not comment on their names with a simple nod of acknowledgement.

"What is thy name, new one?" Igneous Rock asks. Pestilence blinks at him before realizing the dilemma he just been thrusted into.

' Ah shit! What do I tell them? Do I tell them to call me Pestilence? Hell no. God no. That would be the biggest red flagger riser in history! But, going by their names it would fit in... No! Way too many red flags that would rise from that. It doesn’t help that he’s one of those that can look into people's eyes to see if they’re telling the truth. Damnit... am... am I actually going to have to go with my real name? '

"You may call me Z-zarzas, Mr. Pie." Pestilence answers with a scratch to his hair. He never thought he would tell anybody his real name again or meet a family of not-horses named after various types of rocks, but here he was.

` Life really is unpredictable. `

"I'm sorry for kind of... you know… coming out of nowhere and disturbing thou. I am grateful for allowing me to take shelter under thy roof despite me being an entirely different creature from thy own. In return for allowing me to take shelter I will use my prowess to assist thy family in any way I can." Pestilence gives a small nervous smile, unsure if his old English skills were still good after centuries of it being left behind by humans.

"Tis no trial Zarzas, we had been fortunate to let thou take shelter 'I, our home.” Cloudy Quartz says with a warm smile. Pestilence eyes widen before looking away, feeling a bit nervous under such a heartwarming smile.

"Thou may also help us out towards the farm." Igneous says with a slight smile on his face.

"Limestone can help school thou, yet that shall be tomorrow. The night shall overtake the sky soon. Marble Pie take Zarzas towards our guest room for now." Marble silently nods and walks past Pestilence. He gives a bow of thanks before turning around to follow Marble. Following her they head up a ramp and into the guest room which he could tell was the houses attic. The room had two windows with nice purple curtains, a small end table and two bunk beds.

"Comfy looking." He mumbles as he walks over to pat the bed. It was pretty soft, but it was time for the true test. He lays down on the bed and much to his disappointment, the bed was too small for him. His legs dangling over the bed frame at the edge, but if he just curls up when he needs to sleep then it was decent. He sighs and looks at the underside of the upper bed in mild disappointment, he moves his gaze when he hears the smallest of giggles, his eyes glancing over to see a closed eyed Marble giggling to herself at his predicament.

When she notices him looking at her, she hushes and looks away, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks.


“...............” Pestilence looks away, feeling a bit awkward with his need to call out her cuteness but also feel self-conscious about a tall creature calling the daughter who let her father stay in his home “cute”.

` That sounds like drama waiting to happen… `

"I like it, thanks Marble you can head back downstairs now." He ends the awkward silence and gives her a smile to assure good vibes.

"Mm-hmm." She answers with a nods and heads down. Pestilence slides out of bed to take top bunk and curl up. Much better than the tree, but it was time to collect his thoughts.

` Okay so, this was without a doubt NOT earth. Earth sure as hell doesn't have multicolored not-horses but actually kinda of are humans but if they maybe fucked humans… wait no, that’s centaurs. Shit what are they? Ah, I'll find out later. If this isn't neither Earth or Hell, or Heaven for that matter What is this place? `

He puts his arms behind his head and closes his eyes. He wonders if the other three also came here and if they did well… he shouldn't have to worry about it. Death will come get him and drag him back to hell, maybe, most likely. For now, it's better to treat this like a long-awaited vacation. He smiles to himself at the thought of a vacation.

` Let's get a long-awaited uninterrupted rest. `

A light smack to his head interrupts his long-awaited rest. His eyes snapping open as he hears a gruff feminine speak to him. "Wake up!" The angry look of little miss Ragestone enters into his view as he rubs the spot she smacked.

` So she was the one who hit me the first time! `

"Limestone what do you…" Pestilence eyes look over her and realizes she wasn’t standing up on the side of the bed. She was standing over him, her forehooves planted down by his sides and hind legs planted beside his own legs. A classic pinning technique... that he’s seen in shitty romance movies. In fact, she was... awfully close to this face as well.

` W-wha… What is this! Why is she on top of me and this close! What the fuck is this! Why am I being pinned down like a shy girl getting asked out by some cheesy delinquent who’s actually nice type of trope guy! Why am I the shy girl! `

"Uhhhhh… n-need something Limestone?" He feels his face heat up slightly and can’t help but look away from her gaze. If his heart could beat it’d mostly would be pounding and the realization of this makes him silently curse to himself.

` Fuck I am the shy girl! Nooo! `

"Dinner time…" She huffs and jumps off the bed, not even bothering to give an explanation on why she decided to get on top of him. Pestilence sits up to watch her go down stairs. His eyes notice something on her thigh, a tattoo. He narrows his eyes at it as she disappears down the stairs. He raises a brow but decides he’ll ask about it later, for now he slides of the bed and lands with trained grace. As he heads down the stairs a scent enters his nose.

' This smell... mmn... smells like… soup? '

He smiles and goes to the source of this enticing smell. He finds the living room has been converted into a dining room, a long table filled with awaiting not-horses. His smile vanishes when he notices he sees the source. A large pot in the center of the table with a good smell soup-broth and a stone-cold rock just sitting there in the soup. The table held five wooden bowls and within those bowls the soup laid within, with rocks attached to it.

It did not ease his unsettled mind when he notices Cloudy Quartz had a small wooden tea cup on the side, with some green tea and a pebble within it.

` Nevermind, this is hell. `

Pestilence silently takes a seat across the daughters and slowly looks down at his bowl with some-worry on his face. Green, murky, and steaming. It smelled good so hopefully it was drinkable and they were kind enough to not to put any rocks in it.

"Ah! I am sorry Zarzas, i had forgotten about thine size.” Cloudy Quartz says with her down in shame. “That is not enough for thou allow me to giveth more."

"What? No, it's fin" It was too late. Cloudy Quartz had gotten up already walked over to his side with a wooden ladle in her mouth and dips it in the pot and brings out more soup and… a decent sized rock that she casually dumps into his bowl. She gives heartwarming smile before heading back beside Igneous. He stares at the rock in his soup silently, for the first time in his life Pestilence was intimidated by a soup.

` You know... I should’ve figured this was all too good to happen to me. `

"What... type of soup is this, Mrs. Pie?" Pestilence with a hint of fear in his tone as he keeps staring at the rock.

"Rock soup." She says happily as she takes a sip of her tea.

"Oh..." He closes his eyes grimaces. When he opens them again, he looks around the table to check the others. Ragestone and Marble were drinking the soup part first. Cloudy Quartz, and Igneous on the other end however...

`Crunch! `

He flinches as he witnesses Igneous Rock just casually take a bite out of a rock as if it was a potato, and show some enjoyment in eating it. It was only made worst when the rest pretty much took that as a signal to pick up their rocks and bite out of it. Pestilence was shaken to his core. He thought he was supposed to be the abnormal one, but compared to this family... he was definitely normal. He looks down at the soup and shivers.

` I can’t disrespect them by not eating the meal... but... God in heaven I really don’t want to put this in my body! It may be dead but I rather not store a rock in my gut! `

"Is there something wrong with thine meal, Zarzas?" Pestilence nearly jumps at the sudden question. He looks over and sees the worried expression on Cloudy Quartz's face and finds the family looking at with worried looks, except Ragestone who grins. He looks at Ragestone who keeps her grin, only narrowing her eyes as if saying “What's wrong, can’t handle a little rock in your guy?”.

"………………" He closes his eyes, and grits his teeth.

'It’s just a rock. Just a rock and I’m a horseman, a horseman of damn Pestilence! I can take it! I will take it! Fuck you Ragestone! '

He opens his slowly. He reaches down and grabs the rock, bring it up closer and getting a better look. It was a pure rock of finest nature quality. With a sharp inhale of courage, he takes a bite out of the rock with a nice ' CRUNCH!'. He instantly feels regret as the rock taste like rock. In need of something to drown out the taste of rock he reaches down with his other hand to brings the soup to his lips and take a sip.

His eyes widen as the broth runs over his taste buds. He pauses for a moment before taking another bite then sip until his bowl was empty and rock vanished from his hand. The family stares at him with surprise. Pestilence puts the bowl down and looks down with wide eyes, body shivering. He slowly moves his gaze to the family, an unreadable expression on his face as he wipes his lips using his sleeve.

"That was delicious."

Author's Note:

Revised 5/2/2022