Slice of Velvet and Pear

by David Silver

71 - The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 Part One

Ponyville's library was closed that day. The ponies that would have tended it had been called away on something that needed their attention more. Besides, the ponies wouldn't be thinking of reading, not that day.

It was a day for cider.

Both Twilight and Moon Dancer had easily volunteered to assist their honorary family of the Apples with the various steps required with getting the cider done correctly.

It hadn't been out of any competition, it just felt like the right thing to do for family. Moon's horn glowed sympathetically with a crystal attached to a conveyor belt that turned and turned, helping the process along. "This should speed production by 40%"

Pear Butter patted the helpful unicorn that would be her future daughter gently. "You are a treat. "

Granny Apple seemed less pleased. "That ain't the traditional way an' you know it."

"No." Pear Butter examined the whirling conveyor line. "But it ain't hurtin' any apples, and it will let us get more cider ta more thirsty ponies, so what's the harm there?"

Granny grumbled, but Pear Butter was the acting matron of the farm, and the matter was allowed to drop for the moment.

With the two honorary Apples working with the rest of them, they had just enough cider to keep up with demand, with a one barrel left at the end of the day. Big Mac tapped at that barrel. "Whattawe do with this?"

Pear Butter snorted with a smile. "Silly thin'. What else do ya do with cider?" She lashed out a hoof, kicking back against the barrel and knocking the lid up and off. "The Apple Family gets to have a sip itself, guilt free, tonight."

With a rough communal cry, all of them, tired and sweaty from a day's work, grabbed a mug and got themself some of that cider they'd worked so hard to bring to the town. "And here's to tomorrow! The season's barely begun!"

The Apple family cheered and clinked their mugs together, the sweet cider sloshing over the rims. Even Granny Smith couldn't help cracking a grin as they toasted another successful cider season launch.

As Moon Dancer sipped her drink, she suddenly stiffened, ears perking up. Across the yard, Twilight did the same, a look of unease flickering over her face. They exchanged a glance laden with meaning.

"What is it, you two?" Applejack asked, brows lowering. Something had clearly caught the unicorns' attention. "Trouble brewin'?"

"Let's have none of that talk tonight!" Pear Butter gently chided before either could respond. She tucked a hoof around Moon Dancer and gave her an affectionate little shake. "Not when we're celebratin' with family. Now I'm sure it's nothin' to get all in a fuss over..."

She trailed off as a distant rumble echoed over the hills. The others froze, ears swiveling. Again came the low thunder, closer now. No storm cloud marred the dusky evening sky, yet phantom thunder rolled ever nearer. They would arrive until the next day. At that time, it was one of celebration and family. With hugs and slaked thirsts, they cleaned up to prepare for the next day.

The next day came, finding the Apples, by blood and otherwise, standing ready with smiles. Twilight stood aside Apple Bloom, letting the little filly accept the bits and offer up mugs as she helped make sure it all kept flowing and keeping an eye on things.

It was later in the afternoon that the soft vibration returned, and the others could hear it, even the customers. A strange machine was trundling towards them, bearing two cockily smiling unicorns.

Pear Butter stepped forward, rearing up onto two legs just to be able to cross her arms as she did it. "What in tarnation's that and why ya rollin' it up onto the farm like that?" She might have been more progressive than Granny, but even she had limits!

The two unicorns exchanged a sly, conspiratorial look as their strange contraption puttered to a stop just outside the cider stand. Emblazoned across the front in flashy curlicue script read "The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000."

"Why it's only the future of cider makin'!" proclaimed the taller unicorn dramatically. "Me n' my brother here are salesponies extraordinaire, spreadin' revolutionary cider production tech clear across Equestria."

He placed a hoof over his heart. "I'm Flim..."

"...and I'm Flam!" chimed in the shorter unicorn with a flourishing bow. Together they launched into a rehearsed song and dance touting the supposed virtues of their cider machine, promising greater efficiency and profit.

The Apples watched stony-faced, clearly unimpressed. As the musical number concluded with a ta-da pose, Applejack stepped forward, hat shadowing her eyes.

"Yeah, that's real cute n' all," she began, voice deceptively casual. "But the Apples have been makin' cider round here for generations. We got a system, we got tradition..." Her eyes flashed as her gaze skewered the two. "And we sure as tartarus don't need no fancy machinery muckin' things up!"

The family voiced their agreement, gathering behind Applejack with crossing glares leveled at the intruding unicorns. This was their land, their livelihood. These fly-by-night hucksters had another think coming if they thought the Apples would step aside!

Moon guiltily stepped in front of the glowing crystal she had been powering, saying nothing.

Flim slid over, throwing an arm over Applejack's shoulders. "Now now, let's not be so quick to dismiss modern conveniences!"

Flam nodded sagely. "Indeed, if we did that, we'd still be huddling in caves."

"Hardly the life we want." Flim twirled to wave over the apples. "We can turn your magnificent apples into sweet, delicious, cider. At least try a sip, hm?"

Apple curled a hoof to her chin. "Well... Alright, ya got 'least half a point there... Ah still think yer barkin' up the wron' tree! But yer here, go ahead. Show us a cider."

Pear Butter shook her head slowly. "Now... how ya gonna do that? Ah don't see not a single apple! Ya just gonna magic up the apples?"

"What?"

"Never!" The two brothers approached that matron. "We were hoping you'd let us borrow some, just for demonstration purposes."

Pear Butter's brows fell as one, pointing to the nearest full apple tree. "We're watchin'. If ya can't take the apples without hurtin' the tree, then the deal's already off and we barely got to thinkin' 'bout makin' any!"

Flim and Flam exchanged a subtle glance before matching cocky grins spread across their faces. Clearly they had anticipated this line of inquiry.

"In fact," Flim held up a hoof matter-of-factly. "When in operation, the squeezy streamlines the natural properties of the apple itself to catalyze enhanced production. Why, with our technomagical enhancements, we achieve maximum yield with minimal input!"

Pear Butter's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Howzat work then?"

"I'd be happy to demonstrate." Flam strode over to the nearest apple tree. His horn glowed as he cast an unfamiliar spell. Before the Apple family's astonished gaze, apples began detaching from the branches and floating through the air in an orderly queue toward the cider machine. Not a single twig or leaf was disturbed; the fruit simply detached and glided smoothly into the open hatch. In seconds, the holding compartment was filled with fresh apples.

"Behold, the true power of progress, my friends!" Flim swung open the exit hatch with a flourish as perfectly pressed cider began pouring out into waiting mugs. The aroma of cinnamon and tart apples filled the air.

Tempted in spite of themselves, the Apples each took a hesitant sip of the proffered sample. Their eyes went round with surprise. Granny Smith's dentures nearly popped from her gaping mouth. This newfangled cider was incredible! Sweet, smooth, with a tangy aftertaste that lingered pleasantly on the tongue...

"I'll be darned," murmured Applejack in a hushed voice. She looked toward the brothers with new consideration as Big Mac stuffed his face with more cider.

Pear Butter furrowed her brow, torn. True, this modern concoction tasted mighty fine, but their family-made version ran deeper than sugar and spice. It was tradition, heritage, love...

"Well now." She cast the brothers a shrewd look. "Don't go thinkin' one sample means ya got us beat..." She gave a soft huff. "Because there's more to it than a sip. Ah'll give ya that though, that there ain't bad cider. Ain't bad... Ya should be prouda yerself." She fell back to all fours with clops. "But yer skippin' the important parts. AJ?"

AJ nodded as she was summoned. "Ayup! As the family royal chef, ah can tell ya, there are several thin's can get right in the way of what we might use, even if it works great." She nodded at the fancy machine. "How much ya lookin' to get fer it? Ya sellin' it, or leasin'? If yer lookin' fer extra fer a unicorn to power the thin', well, put that outter yer pointed heads, 'cause we got two lovely ponies already at our side."

Twilight waved with a warm smile, looking like a librarian that just got lost and ended up there somehow.

Moon Dancer was far more shy about her turn, laughing tensely. "Hi." She was so much more comfortable when the attention wasn't focused on her.

Flim and Flam huddled together to whisper over the response they should give. "We never got this far... I expected... more resistance, if we're being honest."

"They like it! That's a good thing, isn't it?"

Flim nodded uncertainly. "But I didn't consider what she's asking! Brother, we never made it this far!"

Flam waggled his brows. "Then it's time we start ahead into the unknown!" He whirled on the waiting Apples. "The price depends which of those you're more interested in. If we sell it, then we don't have the cider ourselves anymore."

Flim gasped at the idea. "What will we do? Yes, we'd need more bits for that, certainly."

The Apples traded thoughtful looks as the brothers hemmed and hawed. Clearly these unicorn hucksters were better salesponies than business-minded entrepreneurs - their invention was ingenious but they'd given little forethought to long term operation strategy. Perfect targets for some shrewd negotiating Apple-style!

Applejack smiled, slow and sly like molasses dripping off biscuits. "Well now, seems to me y'all got yourselves in a pickle." She ambled a casual circle around the unicorns, who watched her warily. "If'n you sell this contraption, you lose your golden goose...but leasin' means surrenderin' a share of them fat profits you're envisionin'."

Her gaze sharpened. "So here's my offer - ya lease the thingamajig to us, let my sis Twilight or Moon Dancer power it..." The two mares perked up at their names. "...and in return, we give y'all a 10% cut of the cider sales."

The brothers bristled in outrage. "10%?!" shrieked Flim. "Why, the production capacity increase alone is worth at least--"

Applejack silenced him with an upheld hoof. "Also," she steamrolled on. "Y'all get to stay on and help run the fancy new setup. Room n' board supplied. That way everypony wins." Her eyes crinkled slyly. "Unless y'all got better prospects out there?"

The Flim-Flam brothers deflated with disgruntled groans. Much as they hated to admit it, the Apples drive a harder bargain than expected. And their flashy salespony personas didn't translate well to real hooves-on business operation.

"Ohhh alright," Flam griped, scuffing the dirt. "I suppose those terms are...adequate."

"We graciously accept your offer!" added Flim. Their horns lit up and scrolls appeared to formalize the deal. "Welcome to the world of modernized cider-making, my friends!"

Moon waved at the brothers. "Excuse me."

Flim wandered over towards the unicorn curiously. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Since you have practice..." She backed up to wave at her crystal, the one she channeled magic into. "I've been using this device, of my own creation... I was wondering if you could give critical feedback?"

Flim looked over the conveyor belt, the crystal, and even tried powering it himself. "Hmmm... Assembled competently... Smooth turning..." He rolled his hooves over one another. "At least passable! Have you tried creating something a bit more ambitious?" He waved at his glorious cider squeezer. "That's fine and all, really, but it's hardly the start."

Author's Note:

This has taken a very different turn. Pear Butter and AJ are in different places, leading the farm to react to the brothers quite differently. Is this the start of something better, or worse, for the brothers?

Comments

[Jmunoz13]

What an alternate path indeed for the brothers, will they remain the same ponies or come out better than their original timeline counterparts? Only time will tell.

[YewUnicorn]

Maybe having a stable source of income with room and board could finally settle these shifty brothers, instead of trying every mad cash scheme for a quick buck before being run out of town.

I wish them all luck!

[Booster Spice]

Oh this is gonna be Fun. Flim and Flam as the Untouchables, getting paid for every scam they bust and they get to keep the money from the scammers once recompense occurs. So the faster they take them down, the more they make?

Las Pegasus is going to be a Real fun time in the town tonight.

[Tangent]

Bamboozled themselves into a fair deal that is still profitable for them is certainly farther than the brothers have ever gotten before, but the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 is the one product of theirs that I remember that was literally everything they claimed it to be, only failing to pass muster when they turned the quality control sensor off to speed up production.

Heck, that quality control sensor, if it can be applied to other things, should prove to be a marketable product by itself! I could see Apples and Pears from all over Equestria placing mail orders for that alone, which should prove to be quite lucrative for Flim and Flam as long as they don't stint on the quality of the device itself.

Applejack being aware of all of this even opens the door for a Royal Seal of Approval for various products, but she'd have to go through her boss for that, or at least let her boss know so that any interest in such a device could be properly directed.

Flim and Flam are excellent sales ponies, but at this point in time they might not be as set on being con ponies as they ended up in canon. This could be the event that changes their career trajectory towards their being their better selves.

[howard035]

I've never seen THIS alternate path for this episode before. Intriguing...