Hearts Beat

by mushroompone

If

Hearth’s Warming had come and gone.

It felt like just yesterday that I had snuck over to her home and slipped the tiny package into the mail slot; just big enough for a single tape cassette, made from thick, cream-colored paper. I had written her name on it, all-caps, in a thick, dark marker. I had toyed with the idea of adding something else… but I knew she would know. She would hear my voice and know.

And still I sat. Hearing nothing. My apology disregarded, my heart breaking.

She had not given me a gift.

It was so final… our last exchange had been a terse goodbye, and now my magic had been dropped through a mailslot and forgotten.

I couldn't even remember the words to the song.

"Twilight, come on," Spike said, rubbing my shoulder gingerly. "You can't just sit here all day! Why don't you go outside for a bit?"

My chin was resting on the window sill, and I stared out at the world with the longing of a military wife waiting on the homefront. Everything was grey. The sky was grey. The snow was grey. Even the light of the sun looked grey.

"Cold…" I moaned.

"It might make you feel better," Spike said.

I sighed deeply. "What if I run into her, Spike?"

Spike shrugged. "Then… well, I dunno. You could say hi?"

I put my hooves over my eyes and moaned loudly. I think I heard a flock of birds take off in the distance.

Spike sighed. "Nevermind…"

He removed his claw from my shoulder. I thought that he was going to leave, but I was pleasantly surprised by the feeling of his scaly side snuggling against mine. I opened one eye and saw that he was nestled in beside me, looking just as forlorn, his chin beside mine.

I wrapped my wing around him and gave him a light squeeze.

"I'm sorry, Spike."

"It's okay. I could always go out and play with Applebloom and everyone if I really wanted to." He reached up to hang onto the windowsill with both claws, one on either side of his chin.

"Aw, you're not staying inside for me, are you?" I nuzzled his cheek.

"Hey, quit it!" He shooed me away, hiding a smile. "And… of course, Twilight. What else is a little brother for, huh?"

I giggled, pulling him in closer with my wing. He didn't protest.

We stayed like this for a while, just looking out at the post-holiday world. It was always quietest these few days after Hearth's Warming, I thought; everypony was inside with their family, reading a new book, listening to a new record… there was no real reason to venture out. Even the weather had shut down, as the weather factory pegasi were home enjoying their days off.

But… there were still fillies running through the snow banks, new sleds in tow. There were still siblings and friends out having snowball fights.

So many huge smiles.

"You know what?" I said, sitting up a little straighter. "I think you're right. We should go outside."

"Yeah?" Spike's eyes lit up.

I smiled and nodded. "Let's go to Sweet Apple Acres together, okay? You can meet up with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and I'll spend some time with Applejack. She always gets so stressed around the holidays."

"Hey, great idea!" Spike pushed off from the windowsill and jumped down to the floor, beaming all the way. "I'll bet Applejack will have some good advice for you, too. Things have been going really well with her and Rainbow Dash, after all."

"Good point…" I murmured. "Wait-- what?!"

-----

"Yeah, a few months," Applejack said, dipping her hooves back into the water in the sink. "Sorry, Twi, I thought everypony knew."

"Not me!"

Applejack chuckled. "No offense, sugarcube, but I think you may only have yourself to blame for this one. We haven't been keeping it a secret, after all."

I sighed. "But you girls, of all ponies, should know that I can't pick up on little cues like that! I need to be told. Explicitly."

Applejack was all-out laughing now. "Alright, alright, I s'pose that's more than fair. I'll be sure to tell you the next time something big happens."

"Well, good." I folded my forelegs over my chest. "You'd better."

Applejack only chuckled, still scrubbing dishes as if nothing had changed. It had been so easy for her! So easy I hadn't even noticed!

I sighed. "Applejack?"

Applejack returned the sigh. "Yes, Twilight?"

"If…" I started. My courage died out with the word, and so I tried again. "Okay. Hypothetically: if I wanted… if I wanted what you and Rainbow Dash have…"

Applejack did not look at me, did not speak. Just kept washing dishes. Giving me the space to organize my thoughts.

"How… how did you two get together?" I asked tentatively. A different question, but one that would hopefully get me the answer I was looking for.

"Oh, you don't wanna hear about that," Applejack said. "You really don't."

"What are you talking about? Of course I do!" I insisted.

"No, no." Applejack looked over her shoulder at me. "You don't."

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, Applejack. Of course I wanna hear about it. You guys are my friends."

Applejack took a deep breath. She turned to face me, her eyes narrowed, her brows knitted. "Well, Twilight, Rainbow Dash and I were wrestlin' one day, and she kinda--" Applejack motioned with her hoof to show the grip Rainbow had used "--grabbed me like this, and I made a certain kinda sound, and then she grabbed me a little harder, and then--"

"Okay!" I waved away Applejack with one hoof. "I-- I see the-- yep!"

Applejack smirked and returned to her casual standing position. She didn't say 'I told you so' in so many words, but the smug look on her face and the lazy way she leaned back against the sink said it for her.

"So, you…" I paused, cleared my throat. Applejack's eyebrows jumped. "You just… and then, you were together?"

Applejack shrugged. "We've been tight for a while now. All said and done, it was easy to go from friends to something more. We're compatible and we like each other."

"And… that's it?" I asked.

"Yeah," Applejack said. "What else does there have to be?"

I slammed my head down on her kitchen table.

"Oh. I think I see what this is about."

I moaned into the kitchen table.

"This can't seriously be the first time you've had a crush on somepony, right?"

"It's not a crush!" I insisted. "It's… I'm just trying to figure out where I stand with her. I mean, there was that whole thing at game night, then I sent her a Hearth's Warming gift that she never reciprocated… I haven't talked to her in almost two months."

"Mm-hm."

"And, by the way, if this was a crush… it wouldn't be my first crush," I mumbled.

"Oh, wouldn't it?" Applejack teased.

I sighed. "When I was in Celestia's school, I… dated a colt for a while, no big deal."

"Twilight!" Applejack exclaimed. "How come this is the first I'm hearin' of this?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. It wasn't long or serious or anything."

Applejack chuckled. It was the closest to giddy I'd ever heard her. "What was his name?"

"F-Flash…"

"Flash?!"

"Flash Sentry…"

Applejack was laughing heartily now. "That was his actual name?"

"He was in the royal guard! My brother knew him. He was very cool," I said, perhaps a notch too defensive. "Shining set me up with him after I mentioned I might… like him."

Applejack was still laughing.

"Applejack…" I whined. "It was a long time ago!"

"I'm sorry, sugarcube, I really am," Applejack said, wiping a tear from her eye. Her laughter was fading now. "It's just-- well, imagining you with some meathead jock and, boy, does that picture make not a lick of sense."

I rested my head back on Applejack's kitchen table, allowing the my cheek to melt onto the tabletop. "I know…" I mumbled, my voice melting along with my cheek. "He was weird, too. His whole personality was being a feminist, and he couldn't even do that right."

"Sounds like a real dick," Applejack commented.

I nodded, slowly, encumbered by the flesh of my cheek sliding across the table.

"But you're saying that this… this isn't that?" Applejack asked.

"It's different," I said. "It feels different. So it can't be a crush, right?"

Applejack shrugged. "Not to get too personal, but do you think the difference could have somethin' to do with the fact that Flash was a colt, and Vinyl's a mare?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Look at my mane, Applejack, and ask me that question again."

Applejack laughed. "I know, I know. You've always been loud and proud with us. I just… I dunno. I know I've crushed on stallions in the past, and it's absolutely nothing like what I have with Rainbow. That's probably because I'm a stone cold lesbian, though."

"Mm."

"My point is that not all crushes are equal, I guess," Applejack said. "And I think you have to be honest with yourself about what you feel for Vinyl before you can make any sorta choice here."

"It doesn't matter what I feel," I said darkly. "What matters is that--"

"It does so, Twilight!" Applejack stomped her hoof. "You keep tryna untangle what Vinyl is feeling as if your feelings aren't all twisted up in there, too. You aren't near as subtle as you think. However you feel, whether you know it or not, it's colorin' your actions with her."

I scoffed. "Not as subtle as I think."

"Your feelings may as well be broadcast on a neon sign strapped to your forehead," Applejack said. "Bein' completely honest, it's one of the things I like about you. You're not hard to decipher, and I don't have to play any games with you."

"Hey…" I sat up slowly, my cheek peeling away from the tabletop.

Applejack clucked her tongue. "For Celestia's sake, Twilight, I'm givin' you a compliment!"

"Doesn't sound like a compliment," I retorted.

Applejack made a sound that was half-sigh, half-growl. "Until you figure out what's goin' on in your own head, you won't have a prayer of firgurin' out what's goin' on in hers. Clear?"

"Crystal," I muttered.

"Good." Applejack flashed a superior smile. "Now, tell me: how do you feel about Vinyl?"

I moaned loudly. "Applejack!"

Applejack rolled her eyes. She trotted over from the sink, pulled out the chair across from me, and plopped down into it. "Come on, now. Pretend I'm Shining Armor and she's one of the royal guard, if it helps."

"No, it's just--" I sighed. "She has a marefriend. Y'know, a serious one."

"Congratulations to her. That doesn't affect how you feel." Applejack said, reaching over to poke my sternum.

"It does, though! It makes me feel… guilty," I said.

"Guilty for what?" Applejack pressed.

I shrugged. "I dunno. For spending time with her and stuff."

"Uh-huh."

"I mean, Octavia doesn't think much of it," I explained. "She's either very trusting or she just doesn't care."

"About Vinyl?" Applejack asked.

I nodded. "Vinyl told me that Octavia used to be really strict on her about where she went, and with whom, and--"

"That doesn't sound healthy."

"Well, now she doesn't seem to care. Or she thinks I'm some sort of… business connection, or something," I said. "That's what she seemed to think."

Applejack's eyes narrowed, asking for more without saying it.

"Vinyl just let her think that because it was easier than trying to prove I was trustworthy," I explained. "She's kind of a control freak."

Applejack snorted. "If you're sayin' it, it must be true."

"But that's not my business."

"So, all you know is that you like her and she's in an unhappy relationship," Applejack said.

"Yeah…"

"Gotcha!" Applejack pounded her hoof on the table.

"As a friend!" I corrected. "I like her as a friend and she's in a crappy relationship."

"For the love of--" It was Applejack's turn to put her face down on the table. "I take it back. Twilight, you may be the most impossible pony in Equestria."

"I don't think I'm--"

"How do you really feel about her?" Applejack asked, her eyes piercing mine.

"Applejack, she's dating--"

"Shut up about Octavia!" Applejack exclaimed. "I'm asking about you."

"I--" I stared down at the table.

When I thought about her, and the bees started to hum in my stomach, and my cheeks got warm and pink, and I couldn't stop giggling… that was friendship, right? Just a new friendship, something I couldn't remember doing for the last few years. Just details I'd forgotten about.

And when I thought about her kissing me, like I had that night in my room… and perhaps many nights, since… when I felt the lump in my throat and the tingling in my hooves, that was because of the game, right? Because kissing a friend is silly and fun and a little bit stupid.

And when I thought about the way she touched me, as much and as often as possible… with little side-hugs and back rubs and dancing… when I felt the energy spinning up inside me, and the need to touch her back, but perhaps a little harder, a little more, a little different… that was… that was…

"Twilight?" Applejack murmured. "You alright, sugarcube?"

"If…" I sighed. "If she was single…"

"Mm-hm?"

"I might… like her."

Comments

[Venerable Ro]

"If…" I sighed. "If she was single…"

"Mm-hm?"

"I might… like her."

Anything you gotta qualify or justify is a bad idea. Just saying.

[Thought Prism]

Great chapter! Applejack was a big help here. Still, the bit about Flash is weird. If EQG happened, then that colors things in a more uncomfortable light. And feminism in Equestria seems to have no point, assuming Celestia stamped out sexism centuries ago.

[mushroompone]

10187891
I agree, it doesn't totally totally fit with the eqg storyline. Although I am trying to plant the idea that this a relationship that Twilight had long in the past, and is somewhat ashamed of... Following that, her interactions with pony Flash in eqg fit with someone who is trying to disguise previous involvement. The storyline will be picked up around chapter "U"

[hawthornbunny]

Even the weather had shut down, as the weather factory pegasi were home enjoying their days off.

This is just such a brilliant worldbuilding detail. Stealing that for my headcanon.

[Admiral Q Ponyform]

Why even bring Tavi in a relationship if you are shipping Twil8ght and Binyl. Seems unnecessary for the story

[AyanamiRei]

10244185
Actually it makes perfect sense a lot. After all they do tend to be VERY opposite in things, most ESPECIALLY in the Fan Canon. Yet they're always in or become this perfect couple.

This is trying to do something different. To show that maybe those two should NOT end up as lovers and such.

Personally I think it adds some interesting drama. Which if you'll notice, is one of the tags.

[Amos Anon]

10247225
Personally, because we never hear Vinyl talk in the show, my first thought was that she and Octavia were sisters, or maybe even twins. You know, the whole 'sisters who are complete opposites' trope. Would also explain why their house is completely split down the center (a VERY sibling thing to do), rather than melding their two styles together.