Hearts Beat

by mushroompone

Kiss

She had kissed me.

Vinyl Scratch… had kissed me.

Me.

Oh, gosh… she had been so warm… and the bookstore was so cold. So drafty. Had it always been this drafty? Practically like standing outside.

I tried to move my hooves, but word didn't seem to make it that far. All I could do was stand there. Like an idiot.

Her chest had puffed and brushed against mine. The warmth of her heart beat had radiated through myfur, up my throat--

What does this mean? Does it mean that she broke up with Octavia? Or… that they were on the rocks, at least?

Why else would she be sorry?

My hoof shot to my lips. I could touch my lips, but not walk forward? That seemed… not right. What was the word? Inopportune? No, not quite…

She had just kissed these lips. My lips. And it was far too quick. Far, far too quick. She should have lingered, should have breathed a gentle, warming breath against my face, should have given me the chance to embrace her, or weaken in her own grip. It should have gone on much, much--

No. She shouldn't have done it.

Unless they've broken up.

They must have.

But, if they had, why hadn't she told me?

Perfect parts soft and hard, the kiss had been. There was a passionate force, and yet… also a gentleness. A relinquishing of control. She had given me the chance to kiss her back, and I had taken it.

I think.

I couldn't remember. I didn't know. How could I not know? What could be stopping me from kissing her back, other than my own stupid panic? Nothing, that's what!

Nothing but Octavia…

My stomach lurched. My hoof fell to the floor to steady me. I felt as if my legs were swaying slowly back and forth, as if the book stacks were waving gently in a breeze, as if the world was pitching and tossing, pitching and tossing…

I closed my eyes. Make it stop, make it stop!

It grew stronger, more direct and aggressive. I opened my eyes again.

My back end plopped down onto the floor of the bookstore. That steadied me a bit.

I focused on the line of the sidewalk across the street. That steadied me more.

Okay, Twilight. Deep breaths. Think it through, don't get all panicky-weird. In, hold out, let in our slow. Remember Cadance. The way she's always talk you through it.

Start at the beginning.

Meeting in the club.

She saw a celebrity. A celebrity whose finnickiness and aversion to crowds was practically a national joke. And she happened to have the magic solution right there in her hoof.

Why?

As a pick-up line?

As back-up, in case her own failed?

Or… just to be nice?

That sounded the most like her, to be honest. She listened to you. She wanted to know you, wanted to know the little, important things about you. Wanted to memorize them and use them later.

She would often get a look in her eyes, after all… like she was physically filing information away in a special, invisible filing cabinet.

We had talked about so many things, and she must have filed away a lot. I wondered what information she was using to shop for me. Perhaps some surrealist literature, our own little in-joke?

So… I guess there was nothing weird about the night we met.

Then the speakeasy.

Okay. This had technically been asking me out on a date. I'll admit to that.

But it wasn't at night. It wasn't… romantic, per se? It had been more of a fun, 'let me show you around' sort of event.

Friendly.

I had done the same sort of thing with my friends many times over, after all. Nothing wrong with going out, just you and your closest friend, enjoying some one-on-one time…

Like wrestling. Wrestling that turns into--

Focus!

Game night.

I had acted… crazy. Maybe. Maybe she had acted crazy, too. Maybe she should realize that she acted crazy, and just admit it! Maybe not wanting to kiss your friend was normal!

But… she'd kissed me now. With no one here pounding on the door telling us to. Without another conscious soul nearby to witness it, in fact. Without being asked. Without even being tempted. She had wanted to.

No, no. Focus, Twilight. No jumping to conclusions.

Game night. You acted as if you not only didn't want to kiss her (a lie in general, a fact in the moment, all-in-all some very grey area indeed), but that you really never wanted to see her again (another lie). At least… didn't want to see her again until you told her it was okay. Or otherwise let her know.

Stupid, stupid! It should have been you from the beginning, Twilight! You should have gone back, should have sent her a letter, should have apologized! Something! Anything!

But you didn't. Because of Octavia.

Weeks go by. Vinyl doesn't speak to you. Not because she doesn't want to, but because you haven't said anything. To keep you-- me-- argh!

She gave me control. And I said, essentially, that I was done with her.

Like I had just now… by saying nothing. By not kissing back. By freezing up and doing nothing, as usual. Why couldn't I, just once, do something right while I was panicking? The law of averages seemed to indicate that I'd get it right one of these days! Why not today? Why not now?

...Was that really what the law of averages said?

Come on, Twilight. You're nearly caught up. Just stick through a few more terrible, awful, cringe-inducing events.

Okay. Vinyl and Octavia leave Ponyville for Hearth's Warming.

I couldn't believe I had let the idea slip my mind earlier. All that panic, all that stress… all the heart-pounding, sweating, near-vomiting late nights fueled by the image of Vinyl sitting at home, ignoring the package sitting on the welcome mat, cuddling with Octavia, nuzzling her cheek--

Twilight. Seriously?

So the pair leaves for separate destinations to visit family. Obviously for at least a week or two. Eventually, Vinyl returns, and finds my gift.

And, oh, gosh… the panic she must have felt. The desperate, compressed uncertainty. How long had this been sitting here? How long had I thought that Vinyl hated me and never wanted to see me again? How long had it been since we had last talked? Weeks? Months? What happened? Where did we go wrong?

And, even in that fear, she had trudged out into the world--without getting bundled up! Much like myself--to purchase me something.

And not something quick and easy. Not a nice scarf, or a good-smelling candle. She had come to their run-down, rinky-dinky, terrifyingly overstocked bookstore right near my castle. She wanted something one-of-a-kind, something with special highlighted portions and notes in the margins, or a weirdly stained page, or a name scribbled in the front cover, or a bookmark still in it, sunk too low to see. Something special. Something unique in its imperfections.

I smiled. The smile reminded me of my lips. My lips reminded me of the kiss.

But… to be fair. To play both sides, as it were. I had given her something totally unique. Perhaps she felt like she had to match it.

And she had.

Unknowingly.

With a kiss!

My first kiss.

My hoof shot back up to my mouth.

Holy crap.

My first kiss!

No… not my first. I had kissed Flash, after all. I had kissed him many times.

Then… why did this feel so much like a first?

It was my first kiss with a mare. Which felt different. But also… not.

That wasn't it.

It was… my first kiss in a long time? At least three or four years. Which is enough time for pretty much anything to seem new again.

But, no. That wasn't it either.

It felt exciting. Just as exciting as any first kiss. As any first anything. It made my heart pound and my stomach flutter and my brain turn to mush. It made my thoughts dissolve into a soupy, formless mass of vague feelings and wants and desires. It made my knees weak.

It was my first kiss with her.

My only kiss with her.

Because she was with Octavia. They lived together. They were staying together. Right? You don't move in with somepony until you're sure… right?

Unless you think you know what sure is, and then you actually do feel sure about something for the first time in your life, and it make your heart leap and your stomach flutter and your knees knock and your brain turn to soup? And you suddenly realize that you made a mistake; that you were never, ever sure the first time, but this time you would be sure always and forever…

That could happen, right?

That was reasonable, right?

Feather Quill snored. The sound was so loud it sent a chill down my back, and made my wings fluff up a little.

No, I decided. That wasn't possible.

I mean, the feelings were possible. Maybe. But… to expect a pony to just give up something so stable and certain for something so crazy and new and--

But. Vinyl and Octavia weren't… they weren't good.

No. Didn't think things like that.

But they're not! They hardly seem to look at each other when other ponies are around. They seem to regularly sneak around one another to get space and time apart. They have nothing in common… except liking music. And they can't even seem to agree on that.

It was like the difference between a scholar and a voracious, young reader.

One studied. One thought, considered, liked, disliked. One had rules and definitions. Perhaps they contributed to a wider dialogue, and perhaps those contributions were good. But they rarely did new things. Never truly changed the game.

The other… just loved it. Would read anything they could get their hooves on. Just read ,and read, and read… and then they would stop reading long enough to break open a composition notebook and scribe down their own ideas, in tentative words, in precocious sentences, and with bizarre ideas that could never be fully understood by another.

Both did import things. But the two would never agree on what was good and what was bad. What was worth the read, what should never be printed again. Their attitudes were so fundamentally different that they could never get along.

Both read words. But neither would choose the same book as their favorite.

Vinyl and Octavia both liked notes. They both liked instruments, and composition, and performing. But their definition of music was nothing alike.

It felt like a large and magical breakthrough.

I took a breath. It may have been the first breath I took since we had kissed.

That couldn't be right, though, could it?

I shook my head. The room heaved, and I stopped as quickly as I could.

Things were coming back.

Vinyl was just as confused as I was, wasn't she? Only her stakes were twice as high.

I didn't envy her position, that's for sure.

Even if… even if she liked me, and she would rather be with me (a thought that made me want to pass out on the spot), how could she? How could she leave Octavia like that? How could she just abandon that relationship and move on to the next one?

I had always hated it when ponies did that. Unceremoniously ended one relationship and started another mere days later. I couldn't be a part of something like that. Wouldn't.

My chest ached.

I wanted to just get my hooves in this problem and fix it already. How come every other issue could be solved in a day, and mine problems take weeks to resolve?

Totally unfair.

I stood up.

This was the long game, I suppose. The waiting game.

The ball was in Vinyl's court. Always had been. She was the one with a reason not to do this. And I don't mean for that to sound like it's her fault or something… it's just true.

So.

I'll wait.

I'll wait as long as it takes.

I'm in no rush.

She's worth waiting for.

Comments

[mushroompone]

10190941
Oh, most definitely. It's kind like when a little kid draws a picture for you and you're like 'wow that's a bad picture' but the cuteness of being given a drawing fully overrides the fact that your legs are shorter than your torso.
I'm sure if Vinyl were to attempt something magic-related to impress Twilight, it would go much the same way

[Thought Prism]

Op, never mind, the anxiety is back, lol.

[Sunny_and_Auri_23]

I just- *sobs* I just want them to be to- *sobs* to-together al-already. Anyway, great chapter, as always! As the drama continues, I must cry under my bed and die of anticipation. Looking forward to the next chapter! :D

[Venerable Ro]

Anxiety for days!

Alright, now let's see where Vinyl takes this.

[errant]

10191231
And Twilight and Vinyl both seem like the kinds of ponies who would genuinely and sincerely appreciate the effort and receive it as such, while this iteration of Octavia would throw anything that doesn't meet her standards in the trash.

[Lore Horse]

Okay, Twilight. Deep breaths. Think it through, don't get all panicky-weird. In, hold out, let in our slow. Remember Cadance. The way she's always talk you through it.

This has a few grammar mistakes and with the way you have it written that has too many of the same word too close together. Writing it this way would make it a little clearer.

In, hold for a moment, let it out slow. Remember how Candace talked you through it, just breathe.

[Lore Horse]

10191716
I don't know about this Octavia throwing stuff in the trash but she would be the type who would store stuff away and only bring it out when the one who made it wonders if she still has it.

[BlueMoonHarlot]

In a way it's neat that the show finally characterized Octavia back in episode 100, it makes characterizations like this work out. I've loved in in previous stories like Allegrezza and University Days and yet what makes her work with Vinyl in those is a fun energy that Twilight instead has in this, just in her anxious fun way, instead of the sassy but goofy instead of control freaky cellist here. Mmm, yeah. Neat story, heh