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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The plot is progressing a little bit to fast but not snail pace neither, that crystal that bond Chrysalis life is a good choice since crystal is a symbol of love in equestria. The only critic on this is that the two humans are a bit Deus Machina with their magic ability, casting more than one magic at a time will be too taxing and difficult to maintain, especially a human in their first time having magic.
10074317
Originally, the magic was going to be to have them pass through walls, but we felt that was too much. So we went with what a soldier would have gone with if they had the tech. As for being able to use magic as well as they are, think of the isekai manga where the protagonist has a large mana pool due to some aspect of their life and is able to fire one magic after the other. It's sort of the same thing here. One is former military, the other is trained in martial arts since childhood. Both require discipline, willpower, and concentration. Just like magic, at least, that's how we see it. Plus, as shown in the first chapter, the military one is a weeb, having seen so many fictions involving magic, one of their methods had to work.
Now, we're not gonna have them firing Supernovas or 'Explooooooosion!' left and right, that would be too insane. But for things like stealth, that will fall in nicely since they are used to it. Also, the sound cancelling bubble was only a short duration, meant only for quick movements through normally loud areas, and then he changed it to a sound proof bubble, which was a bit easier to maintain. Still, thank you for review and advice. We'll try to make things a bit more clear from here on out, but forgive us if we miss something.
10074647
Well, that put one of my concern to rest and for the other concerns, we will see how it go first. Cory background seems to be pointing that he was once a member of spec ops or he got a very brutal drill Sergeant. The moment the two got invited to dinner I expected one of the changelings to break out and sing, then again Chrysalis is there and she may feel embarrassed if that happens then again Kris may jump in and sing-along if his personality tells.
So now that the piece is getting set one is still missing: who is the antagonist? If we are taking a piece of the bueaty and the beast, there gotta be someone that will try to kill chryssi and make the two human fail in their quest, since she has a lot of enemies after all. And thank for answering my previous comment.
10074656
Oh, don't worry, I personally have a plan for that. And no, it won't be who you might think it will be. And you're welcome.
10074663
It's the butler did it isn't!? Knew it you shouldn't trust them. In seriousness I await the outcome of it on who it maybe, I am sure it isn't the princess. Now I shall wait and see.
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Good come back. Liked the criticism. Always welcome as it helps writers grow. Appreciate the feed back and thanks for liking the story. This idea is something I've had in my head for a while and am glad I am getting it out there.
But beauty and the beast trope the flower dying did not kill the beast just trap him in that form for life. So that seems a stretch and boy is that unicorn evil