S5 E9: Slice of Life (What If?)
It was early in the morning on what seemed to be an ordinary day in Ponyville, the kind of day where nothing of truly great significance was going to happen. Of course looks can be deceiving, but for a particular pair of donkeys who had been reunited with each other only a few years ago they didn't think today was going to be anything to get excited about. That was to be the next day.
Matilda was currently at home in the cottage the old couple shared, gluing down photos in a scrapbook from a recent vacation she and Cranky Doodle Donkey had taken. They had spent time together visiting the many cities and towns of Equestria and the photos had turned out nicely. Matilda smiled as she placed them delicately into their designated spots. "The photo album's coming along nicely," She thought to herself. "Might have to ask Cranky where he thinks we should go for our honeymoon. I hear Neighagra Falls is quite lovely this time of year."
Just then, Cranky Doodle Donkey came trotting in as he slammed the cottage door shut behind him. "Ugh, I swear I'll never understand the ponies in this town!" He frowned. "I moved here for peace and quiet, not to have everypony constantly refusing to mind their own business!"
"Oh, what's the matter, dear?" Matilda sweetly asked Cranky.
Cranky sighed as he explained. "It was the strangest thing. Everywhere I went the ponies were all gussied up and lookin' at me funny! Kept asking me if I was 'nervous'."
Matilda laughed. "Did they forget the wedding's tomorrow?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe they're just as excited for us to be married as we are." Cranky suggested as he nuzzled Matilda and the two donkeys murmured and giggled.
Matilda then looked at her scrap book, more specifically at the glued wedding invitation. She already wanted to preserve the memory. "Well, they're going to feel awfully silly when they realize they've got the wrong date," But then she spotted something when she looked at the invitation again! "Wait a minute! The invitations, they're all wrong!" She gasped and held up one similar to the one she'd glued down! "This says the wedding is today! How did we not notice?!"
"I don't know! I got such a good deal on them too!" Cranky remarked! "Should've figured somethin' like this would happen!"
"But it's too late to correct them, everypony in town already got these!" Matilda insisted! "Even the princesses RSVP'd, all of them! We can't disappoint them!"
Cranky snorted. "See? I told you we should have just eloped!"
Matilda was in no state to argue, this sudden realization had brought with it a swarm of complications that would have to be addressed! "Oh my gosh, if the wedding's happening today then that means we've gotta move everything up a day! The caterer, the flowers, the musicians! We've gotta get it all taken care of soon, or there's not gonna be anything for the wedding!"
"What?" Cranky growled. "That's just great!"
Matilda rushed out the door at a frantic pace! "Oh, where's my wedding planner?! Where is Pinkie Pie?! I'm going to need her help to pull this off!"
Cranky, for his part, went down to the place where he'd gotten the wedding invitations printed off and angrily confronted the pony in charge. "What's the big idea, you nicompoop?!" He shouted at the pony, a familiar wall eyed pegasus mare! "You told me you could do it for half of what the others charged, and then you sent the invitations to everypony in town with the wrong date! Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"
The wall eyed mare's response was to bend down and retrieve a basket, a basket full of muffins. With a rather sheepish look she offered. "Muffins?"
Cranky groaned and trotted away. "Never mind!"
But the pegasus mare just sighed and hung her head. "Oh, I messed things up again, didn't I? Why does this always happen to me?"
The wall eyed pegasus known as Derpy was feeling very sorry for herself as she talked with a friend at the cafe. She didn't really know what to do, she just knew she had to talk to somepony. "Boy, of all the things to mess up I had to pick the one thing that's actually most important to everypony in town!" She unhappily sighed. "Figures I'd get the invitations wrong. The dates looked right to me," She sheepishly admitted. "But maybe I'm not the best pony to make that call."
"That would explain why I never got my invitation." The waiter stallion declared in a rather snooty tone.
"Although, in my defense it's not like I didn't warn Cranky something like this would happen," Derpy insisted. "I told him I could get 'em printed for cheaper than anywhere else, but that meant hiring somepony with no experience using a printing press. It didn't help that there was only one press I could use," She briefly recalled the basement printing press at in the schoolhouse basement, which had exploded upon use and squirted ink all over the place. "Doc, please, you gotta help me!"
Doctor Stable blinked, adjusting his glasses. "I'm sorry, miss, are you talking to me?"
Derpy blinked briefly before she giggled. "Oh no no, don't be silly. I meant the other doctor, over there!" She gestured to a brown coated earth pony stallion with an hour glass cutie mark, also known as Time Turner. She then looked at the stallion and told him. "You work with time, right, Doc? Because I really wish there was a way I could back in time and fix all of this."
Time Turner (or as he was better known, Doctor Whooves) pondered Derpy's predicament for a moment before he took her to his house and showed her his lab full of all kinds of strange objects and devices. "I am indeed a master of time, my good friend. But the way I see it, going back in time is old thinking. I was working off a cutting-edge theory of making time come forward to you," As he spoke he didn't seem to notice Derpy fiddling around with what could best be described as a spaceship. "My life's work, decades – no centuries, really – of research and experimentation, and I nearly had it cracked! Then it turns out there's already a magic spell for it. Who knew?" An unhappy sigh escaped his lips.
Derpy was too busy trying out a ball that produced static electricity, enough to make one's mane stand on end. So Doctor Whooves approached her and tried to explain over the crackling of electricity. "But that takes all the fun out of learning and experimenting! There are so many things in life that magic can't explain, where science and mathematics are the real magic!"
"Like these?" The wall eyed mare asked as she eyed some strange objects inside what looked like a lava lamp but without any lava in it. "They're so pretty, I've never seen anything like 'em before."
Doctor Whooves briefly smiled. "Ah, yes, my patent pending flameless fireworks. One of my many non time related experiments I worked on in my spare time," Then he frowned. "Unfortunately I could never quite get them to ignite. I tried everything under the sun."
"How did you learn to make all this stuff anyway?" Derpy questioned.
Doctor Whooves was happy to explain. "I've been studying science my whole life, my dear. Ever since a traumatic experience as a foal, I've been looking for ways to make sense of the world around me. Science provides explanations of things we never thought possible! That's much better than just waving some horn to solve a problem if you ask me! Now, what was it we were discussing earlier? You said you needed my help?"
Derpy blinked. "Huh? Oh yeah, because I accidentally sent out invitations for Cranky and Matilda's wedding with today's date instead of tomorrow's! And I said I wished I could go back in time and fix my mistake."
Upon realizing this detail, Doctor Whooves let out a gasp! "Wait, the wedding today's?! Great whickering stallions! I completely forgot! And I still need to get my suit tailored! Oh, I hope Rarity is available on such short notice!" He dashed out of his lab as fast as his legs would carry him!
He ran straight up to the front door of Carousel Boutique only to find it locked. He began to frantically knock on the door, hoping that Rarity would hear him! "Rarity?" He called. "Rarity! Please open up, it's an emergency!" But there was no reply.
Just then, who should come strolling by but Vinyl Scratch (known to most ponies by her stage name of DJ-PON-3, a DJ famous for never speaking a word)? She was emersed completely in her own little world as loud music was blaring from her headphones, and she bobbed her head in time to the beat.
Doctor Whooves rushed right over to the unicorn, not appearing to notice the headphones. "Sorry to bother you, my good mare, but you've got to help me! I lost track of time, unbelievably, and forgot that the wedding is this afternoon!" But DJ-PON-3 couldn't hear him, she could only see the motions he was making with his hooves that indicated something round.
Doctor Whooves himself didn't seem to know that he wasn't being heard at all as he continued to tell the DJ. "Have you seen Rarity? She's got to alter the sleeves on my suit, and she's got to do it now! She's only the seamstress in this town!"
DJ-PON-3 spoke not a word and just led the stallion away. But he assumed the unicorn was leading him to Rarity (or somepony who knew where to find her) so with a smile he followed after her. "Oh, thank goodness. Lead the way, friend."
DJ-PON-3 brought Doctor Whooves to the town bowling alley, much to the time traveling stallion's surprise. "Wait, there must be a mistake!" He realized. "Rarity would never set hoof in—" But the rest of his sentence was cut off when he saw three earth pony stallions with long beards and brightly colored shades. They were all wearing beautiful, finely tailored suits that sparkled even amidst all the alley lights. "Great wickering stallions!" He rushed right up to the trio as he inquired. "I must say, I greatly admire your style, gentlecolts. Which is good because I have a little proposition I must ask of you."
"What is it, man?" The stallion with gold locks asked. "We're kind of in the middle of something important if you couldn't tell. Bowling is serious business, my man."
Doctor Whooves cleared his throat and pleaded! "Gentlecolts! I'm facing certain calamity, and I couldn't help noticing your remarkable fashion sense. Could I have the name of your incredible tailor? I'd like to request his services."
"Oh is it that all, man?" The stallion chuckled. "His name's me."
The time traveling stallion blinked. "'Me'. What a most unfortunate name."
The gold locks stallion protested. "No, man, like, I manufacture all of my own garments. We all do, man. Name's Jeff Letroski by the way, but everypony calls me the Big Letroski. 'Cause when I hit the alley, nopony's a match for me."
"Well, Mr. Letroski, my request still stands," Doctor Whooves declared as he pulled out a worn green suit. "I need this suit tailored! It's an emergency! A really big one!"
Jeff Letroski shook his head. "No can do, my man. My buddies and I, we're just about to start the finals. Winner gets a huge stash of bits."
Doctor Whooves couldn't help but grumble. "What's this word you keep using – 'Man'?"
Jeff shrugged his hooves. "Dunno, man, but guess what? Our fourth didn't show, he's out sick. We gotta have a fourth player or we'll have to start with a handicap. So I'll tell you what: You roll with us, we'll alter your suit for you. How's that sound, man? We got a deal?"
Doctor Whooves eyed the alley, the lane, and the pins. He began to run some calculations in his head, but he quickly found it hard to come up with a satisfactory answer. There were too many things that had to be taken into account when one went bowling, at least that's what he thought. "I'm sorry, gentlecolts, but I will not bowl. The splits, the spares! There are simply too many variables! It doesn't add up!"
"Variables?" Jeff snorted as he rolled his eyes. "What are you talking about, man? Just throw the ball straight! That's what we do."
"Hold on. Straight?" The earth pony with an hour glass cutie mark suddenly considered. It was a simple suggestion, but one that in his head worked to perfection. It eliminated all uncertainty, it guaranteed only one outcome. "Very well, I'll try your 'straight' technique. It just might be crazy enough to work."
Jeff smiled. "Excellent, man! Come on, let's get you signed up! What size ball do you use?"
With the news having swept Ponyville by now that Cranky and Matilda's wedding was to take place later that day, no one noticed when a train pulled into the station and a pegasus stallion with a tan coat departed from one of the coaches. He had a mane and tail cut into short bangs that were two shades of moderate sapphire blue, vivid cornflower blue eyes, and a cutie mark depicting a lightning bolt inside a shield. Currently he was all decked out in royal guard attire. In fact, he was one of the newest members among them: Flash Sentry.
Flash Sentry took in the sights and sounds that greeted him as he stood on the station platform. There was no one around, much to his dismay. "So this is Ponyville," He said to himself. "How interesting. I can see why you'd live here, Princess Twilight." He blushed ever so faintly, for Twilight herself was the reason why Flash Sentry had chosen to come to Ponyville on such short notice. He was hoping to talk with her and had decided to make his visit a surprise. This was the only day he could take off of work without his captain getting suspicious.
But there soon came a problem for the pegasus stallion, namely the fact that he had no idea where Twilight was. He remembered hearing something about how she now had a castle to call her own, but having not been to Ponyville before he didn't know where it was. Still, Flash wasn't too concerned. "I'm sure if I ask around I'll either find Princess Twilight or somepony who knows where she is. I might even consider taking up the position as head of security for her castle. She could use a few guards to keep her company." So he set off to find the young princess.
As it turned out, Twilight was currently in the center of town talking with her friends. But they weren't concerned about the wedding, something else had come up that demanded their immediate attention.
"Do we even know what they're on about?" Octavia inquired. "Twilight gathers them all here like this, and on today of all days. Don't they know about the wedding?"
"They probably do, but judgin' from the way they're all huddled up like that, I'd say it's either a friendship problem or a monster attack. It's always one or the other with them," Apple Bloom commented. "I hope it's a monster attack, 'cause that sounds excitin'!"
Octavia blinked in shock, hoping beyond hope that wasn't the case! "A monster attack? Blast, I hope you're wrong!" She put a hoof to her forehead. "I'm performing at the reception this afternoon, and I still haven't sorted out what to play. How am I ever meant to practice with a monster invading Ponyville? Can't it go somewhere else?"
"I dunno, if it's a monster attack it must be urgent. But maybe it's actually just a friendship problem and it'll all clear up in about half an hour or so?" Sweetie Belle suggested.
Octavia groaned. "I hope so for my sake. It's bad enough I found out the wedding is today and not tomorrow, I don't need a monster attack disrupting my focus on top of it."
Just then, Matilda came rushing up while panting and shouting at the top of her lungs! "Where's Pinkie Pie?! I need my wedding planner!"
But at that moment there came a ferocious roar, a roar that would make even the bravest of hearts tremble with fear! From out of the skies came a half bear/half insect monster with sharp claws, sharp teeth, and a stinger that looked like it could contain a deadly poison (or not but no one knew for sure).
Twilight and her friends all charged at the creature, drawing its attention by whatever means at their disposal. It was quickly clear though that they wouldn't be subduing this horrible monstrosity anytime soon. And that meant not only was Pinkie Pie unavailable, but several other potential candidates had been taken out of consideration too!
Matilda was horrified, more so because of what this monster attack would mean rather than because she had anything to fear from such a beast! "Oh, no! On my wedding day?! Somepony has to help me!" She looked around, soon spotting a pale, light grayish-purple coated unicorn. The unicorn had a moderate violet mane and tail with light purple highlights, moderate purple eyes, and a cutie mark consisting of three diamonds. She appeared to be directing panic stricken ponies, which to Matilda seemed like wedding planner material on short notice. "You there!"
The unicorn spun around. "Who? Me?"
The donkey nodded and quickly explained! "What's your name, and can you help move an entire wedding from tomorrow to today?!"
The unicorn slowly nodded. "My name's Amethyst Star and I sure can, but nopony's ever asked me to organize anything since Twilight came to town. You get winter wrapped on time for once, and suddenly everypony thinks you're the best thing since Celestia herself."
"So you'll do it, then?" Matilda inquired of her new party planner.
Amethyst Star nodded again. "I used to be the best organizer in all of Ponyville, even if I never got winter wrapped up on time," She muttered the last part under her breath and then added. "You bet I'll—"
But at that moment the monster growled and grabbed Rainbow Dash, flinging the pegasus around like a rag doll! The ensuing scuffle resulted in a few buildings being damaged!
"Great, you're hired!" Matilda told Amethyst Star. "Come on! We better get to the salon before that monster flattens it!"
But the two hadn't been running for very long when Derpy happened to cross their path. "Matilda!" She gasped, apparently unaware of the monster attack that was going on. "Listen, I am so sorry about the invitations! That was my bad! Is there anything I can do—"
Matilda was in no state to really pay attention to Derpy, but she still ended up shouting out! "Flowers! I need flowers!"
A smile formed on the wall eyed pegasus mare's face. "Okay, I can do that."
Unfortunately, Lilly, Daisy, and Rose had bad news for Derpy when she asked them about the flowers for Matilda's wedding (figuring that Matilda had ordered them ahead of time). "Y-you want Matilda's arrangements... today?! Now?!" Lilly gasped and she and her sisters fell to the ground with a thud!
"Oh, this is awful! You just had to ask!" Daisy screamed.
Rose just weakly commented. "The horror, the horror. Blast that monster and its bumbling hide."
Derpy's happy mood faded. "So I'm guessing that's a no, then? There's no way you can do it?"
Stumbling to her hooves Lilly explained in a nervous tone of voice. "You're asking the impossible, that monster attack just made our jobs difficult. But even if it hadn't attacked our stand already we wouldn't have the flowers. We don't have Matilda's flowers in yet, much less arranged. They weren't supposed to get here until this afternoon at the earliest. And now that that monster's showed up, I don't know if we'll ever get them."
Derpy unhappily sighed. "Oh, okay. Well, thanks anyway. I'm sure I'll find some other flowers or something," Then she zoomed away, though not without saying. "See you at the wedding!"
Just seconds after Derpy had left, Flash Sentry came upon the scene. He was shocked to see such horrific carnage committed against innocent flowers, and even more shocked to see the flower ponies all lying on the ground! He was about to ask what had happened, when a loud roar shook the ground and made him look up! He could see the half bear/half insect creature that Twilight and the others were currently tangling with, and he realized what it was! "A bugbear?! But that's impossible!" He thought and was briefly stricken with fear, before it was replaced with bold determination! "Come on, Flash! You're a royal guard for Celestia's sake! If you want Princess Twilight to take you seriously you can't run in fear! I'll teach that bugbear a lesson it'll never forget, Princess Twilight will have to notice me then!" Thus, flapping his wings, Flash Sentry took to the skies in preparation to do battle with the mighty monster!
Meanwhile, across town town hall was being decorated in preparation for the upcoming wedding. A mint green coated unicorn and a cream colored earth pony were hanging ribbons and streamers with little diamonds in the center of them.
The earth pony couldn't help but comment to the unicorn. "I have to admit, Lyra, when Matilda told us that we needed to have this place ready by today, I was a little nervous."
Lyra just flashed a smile at the earth pony. "Come on, Bon Bon. With you by my side, I knew we'd get it done in time. You're my best friend for a reason, you know."
Bon Bon smiled back. "Yes, there really is nothing like a best friend, is there?"
Lyra agreed. "Anything's possible when you know somepony as well as we know each other! I can't imagine where I'd be if I didn't have you, Bon Bon."
Just then there came another roar from the bugbear, a roar that nearly made Bon Bon jump at how familiar it sounded. "What was that? Was that you, Lyra?" She hopefully inquired.
Lyra shook her head. "No, it's just some monster attacking Ponyville or something."
Bon Bon breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, is that all? It's always something, isn't it?" Then she asked. "So what is it this time, Lyra? A creature from the Everfree Forest?"
The unicorn mare shrugged her hooves. "Dunno, but I think I heard somepony say it's a bugbear or something," She let out a chuckle. "Sounds silly if you ask me. And whatever it is, I'm sure Twilight and her friends can handle it."
But Bon Bon flinched, dropping what she had been doing! "Did you say bugbear? Because if so, Princess Twilight and her friends most definitely can't handle it!" A look of sheer panic crossed her face as the earth pony's eyes darted all around town hall. "It's all my fault, it found me! I should've known this would happen!"
Lyra became concerned as she trotted towards her earth pony friend. "Bon Bon, what are you talking about? Is there something you're not telling me?"
The earth pony briefly looked around once more, making sure no one but herself and her best friend were present. Then she pulled the curtains around all of the windows closed as she confessed. "Lyra, it's time you knew the truth. My name isn't actually Bon Bon, that's just an undercover name I chose for myself. My real name," She paused, pulling out a pair of sunglasses. "Is Special Agent Sweetie Drops. I am or I should say was a member of the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria, or S.M.I.L.E for short. It was a top secret anti-monster agency in Canterlot, we operated strictly off the books, even Princess Celestia denied we ever existed. That's how it was until that bugbear escaped from Tartarus a few years back."
The unicorn blinked in surprise. "Is that why you kept using all those funny voices all the time? I thought they were just you doing impressions."
The now exposed secret agent protested. "They were part of my cover. When that bugbear escaped the cat was out of the bag, our agency was in shambles and our reputation took a hit it could never recover from. It wasn't a surprise when we were told we'd have to shutter the whole agency," She pulled out a small chest guarded by a horseshoe lock. "Every last shred of evidence of the organization's existence was destroyed. Celestia demanded complete deniability. And what the princess demands the princess gets."
"But why the bugbear come here? You saying it was in cahoots with that Tirek creep?" Lyra questioned, briefly remembering the rampaging centaur from a few months back.
"Sweetie Drops" ominously answered. "No, Lyra, it showing up is because of me. I'm the one who captured it, and now it wants revenge. When the agency was shut down I had to go deep under cover, and I figured Ponyville was the last place anypony would ever think to look for me. I had to assume the name of Bon Bon, I had to become Bon Bon. Nopony could know the truth. I never thought that monster would be able to track me down, but now it has."
The unicorn with a mint green coat became quite irritated when her "best friend" finished with her explanation. "So what you're saying is, our whole friendship was based on a lie?"
"Sweetie Drops" somberly responded. "I'm sorry, Lyra. I couldn't tell you for your own protection. I never imagined my past would catch up to me the way it has."
With tears starting to form in her eyes, Lyra began to stutter. "B-b-but the lunches! The-the long talks! The benches we sat on! None of that was real?!"
"Sweetie Drops" trotted up to Lyra and sweetly told her. "It was all real. You're my very best friend. That was no lie. I didn't plan on becoming friends with anypony in town, but you found a way past my defenses," Just then she heard the roar of the bugbear, and after obtaining a grappling hook she rushed to an open window. She rappeled down to the ground as she told the unicorn. "If you'll excuse me, I've got to go find a crowd to blend into before I put you in danger! If anything happened to you because of me I'd never forgive myself! But don't worry, I'll see you at the wedding! You can count on that."
"Fine!" Lyra sternly declared as she watched the secret agent rush off. "But... we're going to talk about this later! About this secret agent stuff."
But her best friend had already disappeared. All Lyra could hear now was Cranky Doodle Donkey trying to negotiate with a ring salespony. "I need my ring today, no matter the cost! ...As long as it doesn't cost any extra."
Back at the bowling alley, the finals were winding down. With Doctor Whooves on the team, Jeff Letroski and his teammates had been cruising to victory with the greatest of ease.
All was going well until Doctor Whooves' ball on the tenth frame had the unfortunate luck of not knocking down all the pins. Not only were there still two pins left standing, but it was the worst possible kind of second ball set up that any bowler could ask for. One that even professionals dreaded having to face: The infamous seven-ten split.
Jeff Letroski knew this as he commented. "Ooh, seven/ten split, man. Harshest of the harsh, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies," Then he encouraged. "But if you pick this up, we win the whole shebang! I know you can do it, man."
Doctor Whooves gulped. "This is the very thing that traumatized me as a foal! Trying to pick up this split, I never got it right no matter what I tried!" He thought to himself, remembering a particularly bad experience when he was a little colt and had been on a league with his friends. Just like now they had been counting on him to pick up the split and win. Confident of victory he'd bowled his ball down the lane, only to see it slide past the pins and straight into the gutter. It was that very event that had caused him to devote his life to science, convinced that greater knowledge of all the forces at work in the world would give him the control he had sorely lacked in that moment.
The stallion picked up his ball, eyeing the pins and calculating his approach in real time. Then he took a deep breath and nervously trotted forward. He was about to roll the ball when Derpy happened to come barging into the alley!
"Doc, I've got it!" The pegasus declared, startling the stallion and causing him to release his ball prematurely! "I know how I can help! Your flameless fireworks look just like flowers! I'll use them for the wedding! You won't mind, will you?"
Doctor Whooves forgot all about the bowling tournament as he rushed after Derpy! "Great whickering stallions! Wait! There's something you need to know!"
As for the ball, it managed to avoid the gutter and had enough momentum to keep going until it came to the pins. It touched the seven pin, but the pin didn't wobble and fall over. The ball stopped right then and there, the spare had not been picked up.
Jeff Letroski frowned. "Bummer, man! Well, the deal's off. He bailed us, so we'll bail on him."
One of Letroski's teammates suggested. "You know, I don't think anypony saw that. We can mark it a spare just this once, right?"
Jeff Letroski shook his head. "We can't do that, man. That's against the rules. And if you break the rules you enter a world of pain. You don't want enter a world of pain, man."
Meanwhile, Doctor Whooves was chasing after Derpy as he tried to warn her! "The flameless fireworks are extremely volatile! Without knowing what the trigger is, they could go off at any moment! You could set the whole wedding on fire! Please reconsider, you don't know what you're dealing with!" He stopped briefly when something else caught his attention. "My word, is that a bugbear? No wonder Princess Twilight and the others are having such a rough go at it."
A battered looking pegasus stallion panted. "Tell me about it. That bugbear's tougher than it looks. Is this what you ponies in Ponyville have to put up with all the time?"
Doctor Whooves looked down at the pegasus stallion. "Sometimes, usually it's just a monster from the Everfree Forest or some ancient evil coming back for revenge. Don't worry, after a while you learn to live with it."
The pegasus stallion groaned as he rose to his hooves, every inch of him covered with bruises and his mane and tail looking quite frazzled. "I don't see how you could. That bugbear alone is more than I can handle," He briefly coughed. "I think I'll just head back to the Crystal Empire where it's safer, doesn't seem like I'll be much help to Princess Twilight after all."
"Not until you're checked out, sir. You look terrible, that bugbear must've done a number on you!" Doctor Whooves exclaimed as he rushed over to his fellow stallion. "Come on, I'm taking you to the hospital!"
"But aren't you a doctor?" The pegasus asked.
Doctor Whooves shook his head. "Not that kind of doctor, I'm afraid."
Fortunately for Matilda the bugbear's rampage hadn't yet demolished the spa, so she had time to get a hastily ordered mane styling done. But the bride to be was unable to relax, the wedding was drawing ever closer and she knew it. "Oh, there are so many things I'm forgetting! I hope Cranky remembers to tell the musicians!" She said to herself and then whined! "Oh! Oh! I'll never get my mane done in time! I'm going to be a mess for my own wedding!"
Lotus was used to spa patients making a fuss, so she did her best to reassure Matilda while she worked to get the donkey's mane styled accordingly. "You must relax, my dear Matilda! Aloe and I can handle anything! We once did a pony's mane during the ceremony! We'll get your mane done in plenty of time."
An unfamiliar voice then called out. "Oh, it's true, it's true! They really are the best! Nothing phases these two, can you believe they're twin sisters?" The voice belonged to a creature Matilda had never seen before. It was tall, had purple scales, and wore an orange mustache. "Matilda, I've just got to say, I already feel like we're family. So nice to finally meet you."
"Oh," Matilda commented, unsure of what else to say. "It's... nice to see you too. And you really think we're that close?"
The creature laughed! "Oh of course I do! I'm Steven Magnet, Cranky's best beast! Surely he's told you about me by now."
"Wait? You're Steven Magnet? I thought you'd be..." Matilda paused, as if trying to think of how to put what she said next in a polite way. "Er... tall."
Steven Magnet wasn't offended, he just chortled in response. "Yeah, I get that a lot. But what did you expect, a bugbear? I've known Cranky forev-er! Surely he must have told you about the time he saved me from Flash Freeze Lake? Long story."
"I don't believe it!" Matilda gasped! "You're Steven Magnet. How did I not know you were a sea serpent?"
The sea serpent just laughed again. "Oh, I know, I know! Typical Cranky, to leave out minor details, like the fact that I'm, y'know, a sea monster... er sea serpent, right?"
Matilda apologized. "I'm sorry, Steven, it's not that. I guess I assumed you were a pony. And I had no idea the two of you had such adventures together. Cranky never really talked about what he did while he was searching for me."
Steven happily replied. "Yup, that's Cranky for ya. Doesn't like to talk about stuff like that. But let me tell you something. In all that we've been through together, the only thing he ever cared about was finding you. I'd never seen a donkey that determined about anything."
"Really?" Matilda asked, suddenly gaining a new sense of appreciation of Cranky's love for her.
"Well, that and a cure for baldness, obviously." Steven replied and then chortled, briefly splashing water out of the huge tub he was in.
Matilda laughed too and then sighed as she realized something. "That Cranky really is the sweetest thing, isn't he? All the stress I've put myself through today. All the stress I've probably put him through. The only thing that matters is that we're together," With a content smile she declared. "How silly of me to forget. The wedding isn't the important thing – the marriage is."
But Steven laughed anew as he pointed out. "That's really sweet and all, but if you believe the wedding isn't important all then have I got a bridge to sell you! Think about it, Matilda. All these ponies traveling to Ponyville, putting on uncomfortable clothes, sitting through a long ceremony, you think any of them actually more care about the marriage?" He ended by ominously declaring. "Honey, as far as those ponies are concerned: The wedding is everything. And after all they've had to endure today, I bet they're expecting a wedding that'll rival even Shining Armor and Princess Cadence's. You already got the dramatic event covered: A bugbear attack definitely tops a changeling invasion. But the rest, well I hope your wedding planner's got it all taken care of." He didn't seem to realize how much his comments had renewed Matilda's worries.
While Matilda was getting her mane styled at the spa, Derpy was gathering up the flameless fireworks, Doctor Whooves was taking Flash Sentry to the hospital, Lyra and Bon Bon were going about their separate tasks, and Twilight and her friends were still busy dealing with the bugbear, Octavia was back at the cottage that she just so happened to share with fellow musician Vinyl Scratch. In fact, she was the only one who knew the DJ by her real name and not her stage name. Having a DJ as a roommate was not the easiest thing in the world, but Vinyl was far from the worst roommate a pony could ask for. Her DJing career certainly helped when it came to paying the bills.
Octavia was currently practicing the song she was to perform at the wedding, pulling her bow across her cello that she never liked to be without. But for some reason she wasn't really feeling into it this time. "Ugh, all these wedding songs are so... standard. I want Matilda and Cranky's wedding to be special."
Taking off her headphones, Vinyl cast a spell and then spoke. Her voice was heavy with filters and distorted sound effects. "That's what got you so down, Tavi? Chin up, I'm sure you'll come up with something. You always do."
Octavia sighed. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Vinyl, but you always say stuff like that. Normally I appreciate the support, but this time I could really use some inspiration," She then frowned. "And I don't get why you insist on talking through that ridiculous spell. We both know that's not your real voice. Your actual voice is so much better, I don't know why you don't like to use it at all."
Vinyl continued to speak in the distorted voice. "Ponies know me as DJ-PON-3, not dorky Vinyl Scratch. The lack of a voice adds a sense of mystery. Surely you can relate, you know about the story ponies say: How you won your cello in a duel against King Sombra."
Octavia shook her head. "I don't know how many times I have to keep telling ponies that isn't true. King Sombra never came to Ponyville, and there's no such thing as ghosts."
Vinyl shrugged her hooves. "Whatever. My lack of a voice keeps the fans hooked and the gigs lined up. Speaking of which..." She trailed off as she trotted over to her turntable and began to experiment with electronic sounds in time to Octavia's cello bits.
Octavia shook her head. "Thanks, but I'm not sure that's quite appropriate for a wedding, now is it?"
Vinyl simply replied. "Hey, you wanted inspiration and I'm providing it to you. Come on, we can make sweet music together. But we've gotta work together if that's going to happen."
After a little bit more tinkering and experimenting, the two musicians were able to produce a sound that both found quite agreeable. It still had Octavia's cello but now the electronic sound was pronounced and better integrated. Octavia let out a gasp! "That's more like it, Vinyl!"
Vinyl grinned. "I think we've only scratched the surface on what we can create together! I'm ready if you are!" She and Octavia promptly got into an intense jam session.
A session that came to an abrupt end when Octavia realized what time it was! "Stop! Vinyl, we're going to be late for the wedding!"
"Then there's only one thing to do!" Vinyl declared as her eyes narrowed. A short time later, the two musicians came bursting out of the front door on what could best be described as a huge, mobile turntable complete with speakers! Octavia used the hook on her bow to grab street lights and swing around corners.
Along the way, the two musicians happened to bump into several other party goers who were tossed into the air and landed atop the turntable at various places.
When Cranky happened to see this, he ducked out of the way and huddled for safety against the wall of a building! The turntable passed him right by, but the rush of wind that followed blew the wig he'd wore ever since Pinkie Pie had gifted it to him right off his head! He was now bald again, and right before his wedding to boot!
Just as the turntable reached town hall, it came to abrupt stop when one of its wheels struck a scepter that a careless pony had left behind! Everyone onboard was flung was forward, and for a moment time seemed to stop.
From a window in the bedroom of his master, Gummy watched the whole thing in silent observation as he thought to himself. "What is life? What is the meaning of it? Is it really nothing more than the endless search for a cutie mark? And just what is a cutie mark but a constant reminder that we're all only one bugbear attack away from oblivion? And what of the poor gator who can never get a cutie mark? Flank forever blank, destined to an existential swim down the river of life to... an unknowable destiny? Surely there must be something more to life than that. But what?"
Time resumed as by some stroke of luck everyone onboard the turntable was flung into town hall and landed at their appropriate designations. And just in time, the guests were starting to arrive.
Octavia smiled as she looked at Vinyl and told the DJ. "Something like that might work. Cracking job, Vinyl." Vinyl just winked as she briefly lifted her goggles.
As the guests arrived for the wedding, all of them brought gifts and placed them on a table that had been set up. But one pair of guests ran into a problem. Namely, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had realized too late they had forgotten their present. They were now arguing about who was to blame for this slip up.
"What do you mean you left it on the counter?" Celestia said to her sister in a hushed tone of voice. "Do you realize how late it is? We can't just teleport back and look for it, the wedding will start at any minute."
Luna whispered back. "I thought you were bringing it, it was supposed to be your turn!"
Celestia groaned. "And you didn't think to remind me? Well, this is just wonderful." She and Luna paused their arguing briefly as Spike walked by and placed his gift with the others, they didn't want anyone to notice their little rift.
Once both alicorns were certain Spike had left they resumed their little blame game as Luna said in a hushed tone. "I handled the gift for Cadence and Shining Armor! You were supposed to do this one, remember? I didn't think I needed to remind you of what we both agreed to! So much for an all knowing big sister."
Celestia muttered. "A courtesy reminder would've been appreciated, I don't have all the answers you know. We can't just come to this wedding empty-hoofed! We'll have to tell Cranky and Matilda our gift is lost in the mail so they won't get suspicious. You know how much I hate having to invent cover stories like that."
Luna frowned. "Well I guess I should just keep track of such things so you don't forget," Then she added. "By the way, do Shining Armor and Cadence know there's a changeling in attendance here?"
Shining Armor was currently sobbing loudly to himself, attracting quite a bit of attention. And Cadence was trying her best to deflect said attention. "It's alright, really," She nervously insisted. "He always cries... er I mean sheds liquid pride at weddings," Then she added. "Though usually it's not until the wedding actually starts."
Celestia whispered. "I think they've got more important problems at the moment. So if you won't tell them, I won't tell them."
"At least we can agree on that." Luna whispered back as her and sister trotted to their respective assigned seats, and then spoke not a single word more to each other.
Derpy, meanwhile, was admiring the flameless fireworks that she'd managed to set up around the alter. "These flameless fireworks look even better than flowers!" She dreamly sighed.
Just then, who should come trotting in but Bon Bon? She took off her sunglasses and announced! "Attention, everypony! Our friends have done it! They've defeated the bugbear! The wedding has been saved!" Countless ponies rose to their hooves and burst into thunderous applause at the news!
But Bon Bon had more important issues to tend to at the moment, namely a certainly mint green coated unicorn who did not look too happy to see her "best friend". "Uh, hey, Lyra." The earth pony nervously greeted.
"Oh, hello, Bon Bon. If that is still your name." Lyra coldly replied while sitting in her seat in the way she was famous for.
Bon Bon swallowed hard, she'd been dreading having to have this conversation ever since she'd befriended Lyra. And much like the bugbear finding her she'd hoped this moment would've never come. Yet it had come all the same and now she would have to deal with it as best she could. "So, uh," She uncertainly began. "You didn't by any chance happen to mention our earlier conversation about my," She grit her teeth and whispered. "Secret identity to anypony, did you? 'Cause that would be bad for both of us."
Lyra just folded her hooves as she answered. "No, I didn't. Your secret's safe with me, and I doubt anypony would've believed me if I told them."
Bon Bon breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank goodness. You have no idea how much of a load off that is."
"Yeah, well you're not the only pony with a secret, y'know," The unicorn bitterly remarked as she confessed. "You know those super expensive, imported oats that you were saving for a special occasion?"
"Yeah, what about 'em?" Bon Bon questioned.
"I cooked them up and ate them! All of them!" Lyra confessed. Her cold and distant persona faded right then and there as she giggled. "It's sort of thrilling to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets!"
"Well, that's what best friends are for," Bon Bon replied even as she couldn't help but groan. "Although, I was saving those oats for our anniversary. The anniversary of when we first met and became friends."
Lyra asked. "I take it this means you're not going back to that agency? That you're going to tell me before you run off on another adventure?"
The earth pony mare nodded as she hugged the unicorn. "Of course, Lyra. From now on I promise, no more secrets!"
Mere seconds later, Doctor Whooves came trotting up to town hall. He was wearing a green scarf as Derpy was there to greet him. "Oh, there you are. Looks like my flameless fireworks are stable for now," Then he apologized. "Sorry about my state of appearance. My suit has vanished and this was the only thing left in my closet! How do I look?"
Derpy gave the time obsessed stallion a hug. "Like a million bits, doc!"
Doctor Whooves smiled, before glancing down at his watch. "Great whickering stallions, look at the time! Better get inside." And he trotted in without another word.
But there was still one development that had to take place before the wedding could even begin. Cranky was conversing with Steven Magnet, trying to hide his bald head. "I can't believe I lost my hair! I look ridiculous," And he unhappily remarked. "The love of my life deserves better than this! But where am I gonna find a new wig on such short notice?"
Steven Magnet just smiled. "Have no fear, Cranky, my dear. It's Steven Magnet's mustache to the rescue!" He plucked one of his thick scales and used it as a razor to cut off part of his mustache, which he promptly placed atop Cranky's head to serve as a make shift wig.
"Thanks, buddy. No way was I gonna face Matilda in my bald state." Cranky said to his best beast.
The sea serpent happily replied. "Oh, no problem," Then he pushed the groom toward the alter as he encouraged his friend! "Now you get in there and marry that donkey!"
The wedding began with Mayor Mare officiating. Cranky wore a finely tailored tuxedo while Matilda had a beautiful, flowing white dress. "Dearly beloved," She began, adjusting her glasses. "We are all gathered here today to join these two in mare-trimony. As I look around this room, I can only imagine how uncomfortable Cranky must be at being so... hairless."
A few ponies in the audience laughed as Cranky groaned.
Mayor Mare cleared her throat, having been trying hard not to laugh herself. "But I also see so many ponies from all walks of life, brought together by love. Cranky searched all across this great land of ours to find Matilda, and no matter what obstacles kept them apart, love would finally bring them together, just as it has brought all of us together now," Her eyes scanned the entire room, even up into the balconies where she could see Twilight Sparkle and her friends waving, exhausted but triumphant (though their manes and tails had clearly seen better days, and a few of them even had marks). "It's remarkable to me how a story like Cranky's search for Matilda could fill this room with such a unique collection of ponies, and even a sea serpent," She was going to say something about the changeling, but a look from the royal sisters (now holding hooves as they'd realized their earlier argument was silly) made her decide that wasn't a good idea. "It makes you realize that everypony is the star of their own story. And it's not just the main characters in our stories that make life so rich! It's everypony: Those who play big parts and those who play small. If it weren't for everypony in this room and many more who couldn't be here today for whatever reason, Cranky and Matilda's lives wouldn't be as full and vibrant as they are."
After pausing to catch her breath, Mayor Mare turned to the about to be married couple. She spoke first to Cranky. "So, in front of all gathered here, I now ask: Cranky, do you take this donkey to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for as long as you live?"
"Oh you bet I do!" Cranky declared.
Then Mayor Mare turned to Matilda and asked. "And do you, Matilda, take this donkey to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, for as long as you live?"
"I do!" Matilda said while tearing up.
"Then I'm proud to say, I now pronounce you jack and jenny!" Mayor Mare proudly declared as the newly weds kissed each other and the audience applauded as loudly as they had upon hearing of the bugbear's defeat!
Suddenly, the sound of fireworks exploding caught everyone's attention! Doctor Whooves practically embraced Rose as he excitedly exclaimed! "Of course! Now it all makes sense! They need love to ignite! How could I have missed it?!"
Meanwhile, up on the balcony, Twilight was tearing up as she turned to her friends and told them. "You know something, girls? We are so lucky to live in this town. I love you all!" She pulled them all close for a hug.
But Rainbow groaned and moaned. "Ow! Not so tight, Twilight! That's where the bugbear bit me!"
"Oops, sorry," Twilight blushed. "Guess it's a good thing that strange earth pony showed up when she did. You were almost that bugbear's next meal."
"Just who was she, anyway?" Rarity pondered. "I swear I've seen her before, but that ridiculous voice made her hard to identify."
Pinkie Pie commented. "It was the strangest thing. She was there one moment, helping us against the bugbear, and then as soon as it was defeated she left."
Twilight only replied. "Well, it doesn't matter. If we ever see her again we'll be sure to let her know how grateful we are. Without her help, we couldn't have defeated the bugbear and Cranky and Matilda's wedding would've been ruined."
Applejack chuckled. "Sounds like just another day in Ponyville, huh, sugarcube?"
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Splendid work on reworking an already great episode to make it even better. Again, you made some really good points concerning the author's notes and the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I particularly liked the cameos by Flash (pretty much confirming the crush on Twilight) as well as Bon Bon/Sweetie Drops helping out Twilight and her friends against the Bugbear. And, yeah, the flow of the story DOES work better here.
On to the next chapter.