human of the everfree

by Aljazig

Chapter 4: The bridge and the tunnel

I laid into the water with my belly facing down. I made sure I didn't disturb the water too much and then I could only hope, the sea serpent didn't see me underwater. I held my breath and counted.

5 seconds passed. I couldn't be sure the serpent didn't see me, so I didn't dare raise my head above water. I had also just realized, how bad this position is. Everything depended on luck. If I was lucky enough, I would raise up from the water, after the serpent went back to combing it's hair. If I was unlucky the serpent would notice me and then who knows, what would happen to me.

another 10 seconds passed. I wasn't used to holding my breath, since I always used a snorkel whenever I went to the sea, so I knew I would have to take a breath in the next 10 seconds, otherwise I would panic and made quite a bit of noise when I went above water for air.

After 5 more seconds I slowly lifted my head above water, and looked towards the serpent while taking a deep breath, just in case I needed to go underwater again. Thankfully the serpent was busy improving it's mustache, so I managed to quietly sneak to the shore opposite the one I started on, where I then hid behind a tree.

While I took a breather I thought about everything, that has happened to me, and immediately regretted thinking about it. I gently pushed myself off of the trunk of the tree on which I was leaning and continued on the path, that was cut into the forest ages ago, by the looks of it.

I followed the path to a ravine, beyond which I could see a big castle, that obviously had help falling apart, judging by the different sized holes in the few standing walls.

'I shouldn't be surprised, seeing what Twilight did, but it's still amazing to see what magic can do.' as I thought that I continued looking for a way to cross the ravine and that is when I saw it. It was a simple suspension bridge, and possibly the worst made bridge ever, or maybe it was just the fact, that the stakes that were holding the ropes were rotten and the boards you were supposed to step on were mostly broken and paper thin. I would be surprised if it could hold more than a kilo (2.2 pounds), before falling apart. There was no way, I was willingly crossing that bridge, so I had to think of something else.

I wanted to get to the castle, since it was highly likely, that, since the ponies have magic, at least the castle library was enchanted to not rot, so I could get some information. The castle itself might be able to also serve as a home, since it stands on an easily defensible location, with only one visible entrance. Although I didn't know the state of the interior, on the outside the castle didn't look that bad.

But I had no idea what to do about the bridge. I couldn't build one, since I had no materials to do so, there also was no convenient dead tree, that I could just push to make a bridge, and there was a higher chance of hell freezing over, than me jumping the gap. And then I had a great idea.

'The inhabitants of the castle surely made another way out, after all, it would be hard for any vehicles or bigger groups to make it into the castle otherwise.' or so I thought, but after I went around the castle once, I realized my mistake. The inhabitants were probably ponies, and who would have to use anything more than a suspension bridge, if they could just make their cargo float next to them. And if they used pegasi, they could probably transport anything over the air with no need for a bridge at all.

'Still, every castle on earth had at least one secret exit, so the people in the castle could escape from the invaders. There must be one, it may be hidden, but god dammit, if I don't find it. I will search every last inch of the surrounding area, if I have to, so the only way, it will be able stay hidden will be if it's magic or something... Wait, wait, wait, that thought, why didn't I think of this before? They are magic ponies, of course they would hide the secret exit using magic. If I remember correctly Twilight said something about me being able to see magic, if I could just figure out, how to do that, I could then look for the magic hiding the secret entrance to the castle.' I practically started jumping at my brilliant thought process, but I still didn't realize, there was one small flaw in my plan.

2 hours later
How do I see magic?! I had been trying to activate my "magic sight", as I decided to call it, for the better part of the last two hours and I have been failing miserably. I tried straining my eyes to see something beyond, but that just served to give me a headache. Next I tried to concentrate and that went a little better, since I could feel something flowing behind my eyes, but the moment I opened them, the cold feeling retreated. And so, I tried again and again. But now I had enough. I turned towards the castle and started stomping towards it with the power of Hercules behind my every step but when I was another few steps away from the ravine, the ground underneath me gave and I fell about 5 feet, thankfully being able to roll out the fall, as to not damage the young body I now resided in. I looked around and intelligently decided against screaming into the darkness of the tunnel, as to not attract any predators, that might have made their home in it.

As I looked into the tunnel a stray thought found it's way into my head: 'What, if this is what I was looking for? Maybe, luck finally smiled upon me and I fell into the secret entrance to the castle.' I was all giddy at the thought of being the lucky one for once, so I courageously started walking into the darkness.

The tunnel started out wide enough for me to reach both of my hands out and just barely touch the sides, on the other hand the ceiling started out so low, that even me with my 35 inches tall frame, had to at least lower my head, to be able to go through. after the first few steps the tunnel started going down and both the ceiling started rising and the walls spaced out quite a bit.

After walking for another 30 minutes, the tunnel finally started going up, but just as it seamed, like I really was blessed by lady luck, my bad luck decided to come back. Just at the exit of the tunnel, where I could see the mossy walls of the castle, there were spiders. And no, I don't mean the small spiders, that you are afraid as a kid, no I mean spiders the size of a basketball. Some were bigger, some were smaller, but the biggest problem was, that there was at least a hundred of them and I didn't have a weapon.

As if god decided to screw with me some more, all of the spiders at once turned towards me and we stared into each other's eyes. After what felt like an eternity, I accidentally blinked and the spiders took that as the signal for attack.

Comments

[Jubjub3000]

How is she gonna survive this then? What a predicament

And now a couple question about the close of this fic itself...
Can humans with a sufficient amount of magic get a cutie mark? (I'm thinking shoulder blades/lower back if the answer is a yes)
Will the MC be talented in enchanting objects? Because if so then with enough time and resources can she build an invisible flying house with inbuilt farms and water collectors?

EDIT

My argument for the MC being talented and enchanting is that humans are great at building things that do things for us and from what I know of magic, this is the closest we've got. Also, being able to see the magic making up the enchantment will help alot

[Aljazig]

10022968
You, my friend, are a genius. Personally I find the idea of cutie marks against the human nature, since we can be really good at more than one thing and being forced at being the best at only one thing seems like a limiter. But on the other hand it would go with the lore of the world... Now you put me in quite the conundrum.

For the enchanting. hmm, HMM...

[Jubjub3000]

10023077

The cutie mark could appear without her being aware of it (as she thinks the light show just apart of the enchanting process) if it appears on some part of the body you can't see, ie the shoulder blades.

And enchanting could have the limitation of needing a crystal (the kind dragons eat) and programming the magic inside (you can also inject some more in if need be). This will also mean her ability to see magic is a giant advantage because she could just write what she sees!

[Aljazig]

10023129
I guess if you wouldn't know it exists, you wouldn't think you were good at only that one thing, thus not limiting yourself. also, she doesn't know what cutie marks are right now so she would probably think of it as a magical tattoo if she happened to find it.

Quite an interesting idea with the whole enchantment thing, but I personally think, it would be too powerful, even with the restriction of needing a gem, although I'm not sure if that even is a restriction, since gemstones are abundant in Equestria.

If I do add enchanting, she will probably have to learn a whole new language and use the magic proportional to the enchantment without the need to use gems (but gems would make it easier).

I just wrote that without thinking but am too lazy to comb through it and remove anything that may or may not spoil the story. So have a spoiler warning, just in case.

[Viper Pit]

I lost interest because I don't think this will play out to differently from your human and you im sorry I'm I am calling it early but it just feels like It's taking that path to me

[Jubjub3000]

10023138

yeah, magic isn't gonna be written in English and it isn't gonna be symbolism, it could be the language of order itself (and thus needs to be perfect or else it won't work) and having it be a taxing and time consuming process even with some specialist tools would nerf it enough? (I'm talking 2-3hr non stop on a simple levitation charm for a floating carriage with a fixed height up to a certain weight)

[Jubjub3000]

10023158
Ok then goodbye, maybe come back when a couple more chapters are written just in case it's more to your liking?

[Viper Pit]

10023175
Maybe

[Shanashie]

Those first few chapters show a lot of promise, but you are starting to rush things, Aljazig. Not just in time between entries though. It feels like you have some specific events you want write and are charging towards them without laying the groundwork to support story.

Writing is often like sculpting clay; strech the plot too thin and it'll fall over. It can take some molding but there's plenty of time to get it right.

My advice is to take a step back after you first finish a chapter. Give it a night to rest in the back of your mind and read what you crafted in the light of day as though you were reading someone else's work. Often simply staggering the re-examination can highlight missing plot beats or parts that don't flow quite as well as the surrounding paragraphs.

There is a lot of potential here, I like what you're doing so far and you clearly have a destination in mind. Just slow down and take a bit more time to enjoy the journey into which your Heroine has been thrust :)

[Aljazig]

10023158
Well, since I haven't read Your human and you, I don't know how it plays out, but if I just look at the description, it does look quite similar. I guess I will read through it, just so I don't accidentally make it too similar.

10023602
I have a hard time understanding, how my story is rushed. I understand I haven't touched on a few important topics, but that should be resolved in a few chapters, hopefully.
Also, I try to make my chapters at least a day before, just so I can check them with a clear mind before posting them.

[Aljazig]

Should I write a dream sequence in the present tense or do it the same as I have done everything up to now, so in the past tense?