Atychiphobia

by Ice Star

Princess' Own Shadow

You had introduced me to her
like a housewife acknowledges a pet on home tours
smiling, polite, and radiating friendliness
a perfect magazine cutout
that i thought dazzled me all those years ago
because i think You knew You had to

did You ever

stop

and

think

that for a fly like me
You being ambrosia
would make things so much worse
then
showing a starving bug honey?

she was a pretty porcelain thing
even when i was a candle

with her oversized glasses
and impeccable bun
my eyes ate her up
because i thought she was close to You
from years of being sewn to Your shadow

and she always looked at You
with chocolate eyes
that thought You were so much sweeter
i learned that was Your prim secretary's secret
that she was sicker with love
than any poison could make her

when i first realized that
i hoarded one other hushed prize
because i cradled secrets
i know bits can buy nothing better
than knowing to give someone the knife to cut their darkness free
or realizing that i can twist it when no one else will ever see
and offer a show of shattering someone to the world
but i was a child
with no knowledge of
the art of distance and dancing so close on feelings
You mastered
and i thought that You never loving her
meant all the more time
for me to be adored in excess
by none other
than the crown jewel Herself

in those years
i kept it as hush
as Your little bird in love
with the Light she could never have
that i thought she was right to want You
if only because You were
{supposed to be}
the brightest, most brilliant
warmest fire

years ago
when i was Your candle
{to be swallowed}
and i met the bird i would only ever treat
like a prop in Your house
i know that her and i
could have at least agreed
You
were the fire of our lives
and kindest light in our world

but that was before i learned
every kind of warmth from afar
{like what your little bird surely lives for still}
is just the result of
the destruction burning proximity brings

and it was not Your bird pining
mimicking Your every word and order
living in Your shadow
with the life of an ink drop
that ended up trying to touch fire
as blindly as i had