Atychiphobia

by Ice Star

The Orphan's Failure, the Monarch's Niece

dear Princess Celestia

i wish that You loved me like You loved her
or that You kept promises like You locked rooms
docked points off my grades
made me live
only for You
and the love You hide
by unlearning everything
about a world beyond these castle walls

when i see the filly so new and pink
who captures Your sight
in all the ways i never did
Your gleaming new niece
made in Your image
who You have forced upon my life
all i know is that
i am a candle held to the Sun
and i am melting

Comments

[Pony4Koma]

It trully feels like the diary of someone strugling emotionally.

Maybe you should try and sell some not too expencive print of it at cons (when they start happeing again that is...)

[Ice Star]

10438675
Cons usually don’t work for me financially but any stories I do print will be available on Lulu.com.

[PixelatedPerson]

Great god damn job, this was a lovely story and I really wanted to slap Celestia for being the most blatantly ignorant character in this story. It just hits in the feels seeing Sunsets devolution into 'evil'.

[Ice Star]

10558071
Thank you, gamer. I'm always glad when this gem gets some love.

[PixelatedPerson]

Out of curiosity, did Celestia ever read this?

[Ice Star]

10567749
The sequel has her finding the diary.

[PixelatedPerson]

10568130
Bruh momentum

[Ice Star]

10693345
The bacon got burned.

[TamiyaGuy]

I’m generally not one for poetry, particularly its more abstract forms. But Atychiphobia is verbose and coherent enough to do something that I enjoy a whole lot: Tell a good story in an interesting way.

I love how you write Sunset’s younger and older selves in Sunnybun. From the first couple of chapters, I was expecting a present-day intro followed by a flashback to show how she wound up here. So to see Sunset’s older self peppered throughout her more naïve childhood notes strikes a melancholy tone that doesn’t let up. Honestly, I found it enjoyably dissonant to be switching between childlike wonder and the tunnel-visioned, jaded character that Sunset has become.

Still, though, right from the start you sow the seeds of Sunset’s fascination with Celestia, the references to the Sun slowly turning into idolisation, before Entrance Exam and Blank Flank start to, ironically, cast Celestia even further away. But when Sunset’s taken under her wing, oh how dark you turn some of the later entries. (Her Faithful Student) reminiscing on her “title” with bitterness, Princess’ Own Shadow making that bridge between Sun and inferno. Your freeform formatting makes the most powerful lines really linger on these entries – credit to you for using your style of poetry to great effect.

Damn, the way you progress the story through excitement, smouldering envy, to hateful reminiscence is just beautiful. I wanted to point out some of the major plot points that had me reeling in how you presented them, but quickly realised that I’d just be recounting the whole story verbatim. Though speaking of, Sunset’s middle name was a stroke of genius.

Seeing “young Sunset” and “reminiscing Sunset” begin to converge towards the end of the story is just heart-wrenching. Gripping, angst-ridden, and a shining example of using non-standard prose to tell a story in and of itself. Bravo.

[Ice Star]

10721890
This is what it was intended to evoke.
10719416

Gripping, angst-ridden, and a shining example of using non-standard prose to tell a story in and of itself. Bravo.

Thanks bunches, friend. Your comment is so lovely to read that I will even excuse the Br*tish spellings.

[Ice Star]

10723879
Probably Sombra tbh. Just going by my work.
10723889
My stuff is full of it C,:

[PixelatedPerson]

10724033
Kinda wacky how you never made a story with the two anger monarchs trying to out grump the other

[Ice Star]

10929717
Maybe one day. I admittedly hit a slump lately, but I’m trying to break it.

[PixelatedPerson]

10929804
ah, I feel ya, good luck on that chief.

[Ice Star]

10930005
Thank you friendo.