> Atychiphobia > by Ice Star > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > (Special) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- once upon a time You told me i was special and You weren't the only one but i think out of everypony You said it best and i would have done anything from scooping up the stars eating green beans for breakfast and make anypony shine a little less bright if i could once again be Your favorite light i had been good for You and kept myself below the wings You held above me because i loved You like You should have loved me and i do not think that it's possible to hate anypony at least not unless you loved them first but i do think that there is none i hate more than the Mare who is the most distant of stars i'm finally more than You will be at something than the very Mare who made me feel like nothing even when i knew i was special > Ponies > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- he has a coat as purple as plum she has a mane as pink as gum their cutie mark is for playing the drum one pony has the voice of a star another wants to travel very far grandmother said this diary would be fun i'm absolutely sick and not even done with page one writing things outside is boring not half as fun as exploring there was a spider in our garden and i squashed it my grandmother says if i write five pages and leave her alone she'll give me a bit my name is sunset shimmer i can't think of anything else to say i've just been bored inside all day watching ponies is pretty great but i want to go outside the garden gate grandmother finally gave me that bit for sweets for helping her fold sheets my name is sunset shimmer i like watching ponies outside when it's raining because at the end of the day i'm the only one remaining and i get to watch everypony without them knowing i like them, still i like knowing i'm me, makes me feel like i'm glowing i don't think anypony else knows that same good feeling the one that grandmother's yelling about me stealing cannot take away her cookies are second best after that okay? my name is sunset shimmer i wanna go outside and make mud puddles glowy bye > Family > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- i am a lucky filly nopony fights over me in my house i am the Sun there are no brothers and sisters it is just me i am the only one my grandmother loves me i really truly couldn't want more except for that one day we don't have to go where the woods end to the stone forest and talk about how big i've grown and how they're missed and be quiet sunnybun say hello to mom and dad because i am sunset shimmer and i am smart ponies don't come from stones but i think that place is filled with ghosts the kind the gods have yet to gather because there are no bugs in the grass it's always short to show grandmother's flowers and i sit in the ocean of them talking to two stones like they're the ponies i never knew i can't imagine what it's like to have two ponies wanting me bringing me here and there telling me that they love me and not knowing which one is the winner that loves me more sometimes i do like to imagine if grandmother was a little different not as wrinkly still here forever always watching over me never telling me to go play or playing cards for ever and ever my junior dictionary calls that a mother and grandmother tells me my daydream is bad and nopony gets new mothers did she forget how birthday wishes work? maybe grandmothers weren't able to wish upon stars or hearth's warming smooth pebbles or new spells i tell her this, and she says i'll find a new wish soon... ...does the tooth breezie deliver a bit and new roller skates? > Legends > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- knights vanquishing dragons royalty brave and shiny or riddles troubling and strange none of them compare to a mage and their magic quests known for all time whistle wishes or sunrise song sunbeam the stunning high witch glory pages of names jump out me shining like the magic on my mind blooming there like the Sun more than i could've ever wanted before i don't care that because i'm a unicorn i'm one step to being a mage already all my favorite things are about mages, wizards, and more sorcereress sunset shimmer sounds better than all wishes from before i want to go to magic school play in magical tournaments and have everypony look at me saying they love sunset shimmer the best winner champion favorite legend i would have the best spells and get trophies (all my fans would get autographs!) i'll light more than candles and make firefly sparks (everypony would study me!) my robes will have a cape that shines in the Sun (pictures of me will be in every book of stories!) everywhere i go everypony i'll see will know about me that i'm anything but a normal filly nopony can see the light i have when i cannot share it and this house is the lantern holding me back from the sky > Sunnybun > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- sunnybun is {sunnybun was} grandmother's mantle picture of the filly that used to be me before any cutie mark or the Sun blinded me ocean eyes pale with the world white roses in her mane the taste of her fourth birthday cake on her tongue one dazzling fire-hued stones of carnelian and ruby upon her pearl circlet crowning her brow like it knew the fire {her} my horn held boasting {her} my mind and magic that was any mage's pride while the other rested right over my young heart, unbroken the fluttery motion of her hoof held up, up to her smiling mouth to catch her young laughter is absolutely uncanny to me even today i know portraits take more time or patience than i ever had while on that day which i can no longer recall i was still enough to be radiance instead of razing all clad in pale cream petticoats every ruffle trimmed with the orange of my namesake with her mane in waves of brilliant warmth and ruffled sleeves as my wings > Love > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- love is what happens before you know somepony better before you know why you shouldn't ever feel that way about anypony and the Sun grandmother's skirt is a purple streak my mane is fire spilled on the floor above me shadows and dust are the stars of the house i reach out grasping anywhere horn dull without magic talking about canterlot where the Sun lives and Her school is a jewel to the crown of Equestria i want to be a ruby there in Her golden school grandmother is making lunch while i pretend to be a rug wanting the stove's warmth and her signature there, bits for the used spellbook store, train fare too, please? i am told to go read the books i already have (for the forty seventh time) study those until the familiar words bleed from the worn pages (all over again) scurry somewhere else before grandmother bothers to say: "i love you, sunnybun." love is what happens before somepony forgets you > (Magic Mirror) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- everything about You from Your crown to your castle and everything between is filled with secrets of every kind from the parlors where You stashed my presents for birthdays and hearth's warming to the closed doors and dim hallways filled with the artifacts belonging to legends' legends and i found them my foolish Sun, teacher of all and none i found them You hoard like a dragon just more daintily with everything like trimmings to Your castle den i spent years studying in quiet spaces You only went after i had left and i only went when shadows had replaced You and dust swirled where You had stepped to stare at a herd of portraits from Celestias long past mares in oils and marbles with faces hawkish patriotic plump motherly demure and all other things from this past galaxy of Celestias to make fragments of You into the whole of the Goddess i thought i could know i dared to touch Your old telescopes and the relics that were Your discarded tea sets and found the knickknacks of a mare of centuries and power that i had tried dying to be a candle to You had archives full of tomes and treasures guarded from me telling me that i didn't have clearances to touch the scrolls of centuries barely younger than You until i was older and calmer i was Your faithful student You always said so and i spent the times not studying with all my plans alone but for the things You seemed to discard not knowing i would join them imperfect things thrown away once their perfect Goddess used them ages ago i found Your mirror the one unlike any other the kind tall and crystalline yet no crystal i knew this wasn't the mirror You tried on gala dresses in clucking at me to keep my chin up my curtsy deep and my best smile on this mirror never fogged when i breathed on it on the rim, the gems always gleamed even when i stubbed my hoof, the pedestal never cracked the surface of Your mirror was colder than neighagra falls in winter once i threw a bottle of hoof polish (the pink one, from Your birthday kit to me) right at the glass in the smoldering aftermath of one of our fights (later i told You i lost it) and saw it hit the surface with a ripple hanging there, on the edge of collapse that my thoughts were in my breath hinged and then fell my bottle did, too some time after i stood in that mirror like it could reflect desire and at first i imagined a world where You really loved me like the daughter i should have been the second time i stepped through and lived for years letting that part of me burn this third time the air tastes different colder i need to find a library i am no longer the filly of thirteen lucky years yearning to be closer to the Sun that only ever spurned me i look in this mirror that has Your coolness and wonder what kind of Goddess needs to see Herself through another world's eye and still lock it away unless She who is most perfect is afraid of something i never knew or feels the hate She can never admit to like i feel the old fires tear right back up at me knowing You could have given me wings > Merry Hearth > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bright Star's dear Sunnybun has no future with me. I love her as dearly as any mare my age can, but Celestia knows I should have moved into a place better for an old gray mare like me years ago. The firework already has the stubborness of a star-beast, and I'm losing my ability to keep up with her. Sunnybun's interest in this school is a blessing from Celestia herself. How else am I to ensure she'll have a proper home in case something happens to me? At the School for Gifted Unicorns, they will know to keep her mind busy until marehood. Goodness knows I can't. Celestial Charity and Disability Services bits are more than enough for an old soul like me, but little Sunnybun is different. She's a child, for Celestia's sake, and a bright one at that. I wouldn't let her waste away in lesser schools when she aims for the best. But those bits only go so far to every book she wants and the latest trinkets of a young filly. She's never been to the cinema and the greatest gifts she's known are trips to those old wizard travelling shows that come by ever now and then or the odd bit of stage magic that comes rolling through. I don't know how much more I can do this. Pulling her to where she needs to be is truly pulling the sun. And to think that the blessed Princess Herself manages a whole school of foals. Why, they're probably all like Sunnybun too. I swear to the Sun Mare herself, whatever must be signed to let that little one have the home and things she ought to will be so that she can live on their campus. If it's as big as I remember, she'll have more than enough space for years to come. She rarely gets to play outside. Sunnybun will talk off the ear of anypony who will listen and keep burning long past her bedtime, but I can't chase after her. I can't know the streets of how this city keeps growing. She'll get lost if I let her out there. I know she will. Yards are good enough for fillies who haven't even entered school, and the cul-de-sac is enough of a world for her until I can get her to that jewel of a city, her Canterlot. I don't think she even likes little one her age. She'll chat with them like anypony else and join in for all the old games - hide and seek, tag, and the like - and insist on playing Princess Celestia in all their make believe games. Sunnybun laughs with them and remembers all their names, the sweet filly. She just doesn't bring anypony home. She'll bring cookies and punch outside and romp around as any child should, but no friendship of hers has ever been brought past the front door. She certainly is good about being polite and eager, and tells me all about the little ones I see from the porches and windows. Sunnybun just never has more than playmates, I suppose. I'm not sure if she'll miss the other rugrats in Canterlot. If she gets in... I have faith in that filly, but faith alone won't get a spot in that school. It's as much of a crown jewel as the city and goddess herself are. Why, one of the neighbors had a shrinking violet of a little gal. Perfectly above average in magic, but she still wasn't able to stay in that exclusive place. Princess Celestia cherry picks the very cherry picked prodigies she tosses in that ancient place, who knew! Sunny's a gifted gal, and that's no doubt why she can't connect with others well. Firecracker attitudes and a sprinkling of tantrums here and there aren't enough to deter a force as fickle as children from playing with her. She needs to be around foals who can handle her better. Sunnybun's just too high-strung and special; I have to tell the little one that nearly every day. She is special and is going to go places, but by the gods, getting her to the top is difficult. She needs somepony who can be a proper family for her, and love her like I can't. Somepony who will never be weary of her or with her and just love her enough. > Tall Tale > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- dear diary my city farewell my home goodbye {i will never see you again} soon i am off to canterlot Her city that touches the sky! dear diary all my toys are put away my books lined up all nice my Celestia dolly {OF YOU! I HAD A DOLL OF YOU!} all tucked in with my fishy pillows that have the sequin scales and my board games all stacked up like the towers downtown {AND I NEVER SAW ANY OF IT AGAIN!} even the map of equestria from the cereal box contest with all the little pins in it {OF PLACES I NEVER GOT TO SEE!} spread across the walls can't stop the big empty feeling only new houses have before i close the door and grandmother calls me to the kitchen our train will be leaving soon i've never been so far from home before dear diary do you think the foals in canterlot will like me? (i hope my roommate will be nice) will they want to play games? (if they snore maybe i can get a new one) what if i don't get into the school? (maybe no other magic schools will accept me if i can't get into Hers) what if my grades are so bad i have to go to public school instead? (one neighbor said her daughter wasn't able to do good at magic work there) if my exam is too hard can i request a backup? (there might be other fillies there who don't have cutie marks going through the same thing) will grandmother have to visit every day or will i get to pick my own bed time? (i'll have to ask somepony if only the ponies in the grown-up grades of Her school competing for paper thermometer awards are the only ones that get to do that) der dary ican't writ aneemoer traen to fas yoor frend sunset shimr Dear Diary, Our train stopped Los Pegasus. I can see the cloud city floating above us but not the Applewood sign. It looks so scary in the dark. I can write a little by my hornlight. I have to be careful. If my feather pen jingles grandmother might wake up. I know that Princess Celestia is one of the nicest gods ever but failure is FAILURE! I don't think She would be happy with a unicorn who failed her school tests. I think She would be very sad. When a goddess is sad how bad are things? If I fail, will I end up like Sunrise Song and Bright Star in grandmother's pictures? Will ponies have to visit a rock with my name on it like I have to visit theirs every year? How will my dreams ever come true if I fail? What if an Ursa eats me?! I want to be the best mage ever. I want Princess Celestia to make me the super-mage. I can't fail. Please I can't. Please please I can't. Please please please please please! I would rather go to horseapples and tartar sauce than ever fail. I have to stop writing now, diary. Grandmother might wake up. I'm still so scared. Your sleepy friend, Sunset Shimmer P.S. Do you think if I ask grandmother super nicely for a pretty new coat when the sun comes up again she will say yes? If I look extra good will Princess Celestia like me more than other unicorns there? Does she even watch the exam? > Entrance Exam > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- for once in my life, i had been a star just like You and it did not matter if i got my cutie mark or anything short of that because i was once the center of the world all without You all just to maybe one day meet You an entire herd of unicorns some with frowns all the way back to tall tale stared down at me and i know i was like a big gold star to them way before i was here i had been pulled through castle halls bigger than any dream and given to ponies who listened to me talk and talk and talk about everything that made sunset shimmer feel like she was being picked at with pleased smiles and bored frowns the way i scrapped around mashed potatoes and green beans only now i think i was dinner then became now with me, future mage sunset shimmer standing away from grandmother and under the scribbling unicorns who cannot see me shaking in the noonday sun for my test i did not have to slay a dragon but my heart told my head that was so even though every light was soft and bright grandmother sat nearby encouraging banners were hung (really, only two ponies were frowning at me) and this whole room was rainbow-bright like somepony read my dreams i should not feel my heart shaking in my knees when everything had been done to make me smile in a bowl upon a cart fancier than grandmother's whole house a single goldfish swims invitingly, happily unaware of my fear the card next to mister fishie says: Cast the spell needed to give this creature a mustache. Do not bring harm to the goldfish all my thoughts were cold and scattered like bugs crawling up and down my body icky and grosser making me stone-still while my magic floated with the part of me that knew just what to do i breathed in like a big mare ready to inhale a mountain and thought about all my books with every spell i ever knew their patterns and instructions and how much i wanted to be big mage sunny, shining and true the pride i could bring to me by being the mare i wanted to see i opened my eyes to a fish with a mustache and because grandmother was hugging me far too hard there was no Sun Goddess to see me into Her school just a scroll tied with ribbon and much to plan > Blank Flank > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- dear diary my roommate is never around and that's okay her name is garden wishes and she stays inside all day her cutie mark is a magic flower and as a blank flank we have nothing to say to each other even if we are in the same grade and the same age i have never said more than thirty words to her in the three months she has been my roommate your friend sunset shimmer dear diary i am on the princess roll that means i have some of the bestest most amazing grades everypony is so jealous and they look at me like i am their queen and that's almost enough i write to grandmother once a week your friend sunset shimmer dear diary we never actually see Princess Celestia the Sun only stays in Her house and Her city is paved with whispers of Her and Her image because i have never actually seen Her except on posters at school and podiums far away from where i stand everything i learn comes from halls rooms textbooks where grown unicorns tell me and everypony else everything i wanted to know about magic and more my life is lines and dots planned by the Sun i never see i need to know if She is just as tall as everypony says and if even She thinks the picture on my school pass is just as bad as i do i just want to see Her like every other foal even if i always work to be sure i am not like them i write to grandmother twice a month your friend sunset shimmer dear diary i need advice on if i should join the board games club or study for my next quiz in conjuring next tuesday there is also a colt in there[...] i write to grandmother once a month your friend sunset shimmer [The following excerpts are from one Tuesday's morning issue of The Celestial Equestrian in 9XX of the Solar Millennium. The Canterlot-based newspaper is distributed nationwide across Equestria and has a wide reputation for being a ponies' interest magazine. This was made available from the Hall of Records in the post-secondary campus of Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, and was from the local section regarding Canterlotian issues and events. The described most prominently is from an old missing youth cold case involving a former Faithful Student that remains unsolved...] LAB FIRE BLAZES IN PRINCESS' SCHOOL! HERO FILLY SAVES CLASSMATES! by Inside Scoop At least four young foals and one teacher have been hospitalized due to injuries sustained in a fire at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. All are in stable condition and no deaths transpired. Royal Guards and local fireponies say the fire broke out in one of the late morning classes. This information was corroborated from accounts by other staff on the floor at the time. An assistant teacher of the morning's 10:30 who will remain anonymous was giving a conjuration lesson and accidentally called forth an Arabian jinn instead of the low-level light beings meant to be conjured by students[...] While the jinn was tamed by Princess Celestia and other nearby sorcerers on-campus, the faculty remains shaken. The assistant teacher suffered a singed beard, while the main faculty member instructing the class where the fire originated suffered second-degree burns holding up the rubble in order to aid her students in escaping the building safely. Thus, Miss Sparkler was not available to provide any comment and it is unknown which staff member initially caught the attention of the guard. The fire was extinguished shortly before two o'clock, but not before multiple classrooms were destroyed. The second-floor location of the fire and presence of multiple active magical burners in other classrooms made it particularly difficult for the first-responding weather ponies to battle the smoke without the aid of properly equipped fireponies. Concern was raised due to the age of the particular hall students were studying in being a difficult one to practice fire safety in, especially in the face of emergencies like this. The Junior Conjuration Hall of Glorious Mage Gusty was formerly known as Our Sun's Hall of Conjuring after the princess herself. The recent renaming was marked with a ceremony to honor the Mage, professor, and former Faithful Student of Princess Celestia after the former's recent passing. However, the lack of safety updates with the redecorating efforts has now become a great concern among many parents of students[...] Of the five classrooms impacted by the fire, there were seven foals that did not immediately exit the building. Three youths were quickly pulled out by Royal Guards and fireponies. Due to their status as minors, lack of reported injuries, and their guardians' wishes, they will not be named and no interviews were done with them. All were locals whose guardians did submit letters about concerns of the future safety for their children, since they were assured of the Princess' school being the safest in the nation. The foals in the building were in an accelerated elementary school program and their ages were of great concern[...] The remaining foals trapped in the building are all among those hospitalized. None of them are local, and their guardians could not be reached at the time. All foals were stated to suffer from second-degree burns on multiple parts of their body, and all but one were quite shaken by the day's events[...] The remarkable filly who aided in three of her classmates escaping from much more severe burns is Sunset Shimmer of Tall Tale. She was willing to give a few comments about her behavior and acts of bravery to the Equestrian. On whether the eight-year-old considers herself a hero: "Yes!" she said eagerly despite her cast and numerous bandages. "I got my cutie mark! Everypony is safe and I got my cutie mark!" Many of the nurses at Colts and Fillies Hospital of Canterlot commented that young Miss Shimmer's robust attitude will be key in her recovery. For a filly that fell into a tree from the second floor of the Gusty Hall, she is undeniably optimistic, no doubt from the flood of cards, well-wishes, and candies gifted to her by Canterlot citizens grateful for her bravery and eager for the little heroine's speedy recovery. Miss Shimmer is a member of the board game club and one of the top students in her year. She says her favorite thing about Canterlot are the variety of arcades and fun places to study and shop. "It's so much more fun than back home!" she was quick to add before asking for another signature on her leg's cast. Of all the fillies burned, Sunset Shimmer's were the most severe. Though she has been evaluated and given much attention from healers and other staff, the little filly's condition does not meet newspaper guidelines. Consent to photograph her must come second to refraining from showing any graphic content, and no photo of Canterlot's charming young student and her big smile will be accompanying this article. Teachers speak highly of Miss Shimmer as being an outgoing, extroverted participant in her all of her classes. Her peers have added that she is fun to work with in class and very sensitive when it comes to leading group projects, and are always adamant that they hope her recovery goes well and she will be back in classes soon. Princess Celestia has yet to reached by the Equestrian for comment, but word from authorities confirmed she is currently working with them to improve safety and reconstruction and will soon be reaching out to the press and relatives of those hospitalized before paying a visit to each pony. When informed of this, Sunset Shimmer was squealing with excitement and eager to tell The Celestial Equestrian just how eager she is to meet the princess in the biggest jumble of words possible. With the help of one of her nurses, she was able to show off her new cutie mark and proudly proclaim how she was "doubly lucky" to be expecting a visit from the princess and having a cutie mark "just like Princess Celestia's". [An artist's rendition of Miss Sunset Shimmer's cutie mark. The following identifier was published her permission.] The sun-shaped inferno is indeed peculiar. Despite the difficulties and alarm brought by these events, there is assurance in knowing that swift action is already being taken to prevent future disasters. Perhaps no actions were swifter than those of young Sunset Shimmer, a promising young pyromancer who risked her life and limbs playing with fire to make sure her peers would be safe. > Sun Goddess > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- the first time i met You was because i almost died all to do something You could not did You ever think i could forget that? how could a child forget when the Sun sat on her bed and looked at her really looked... ...at me like i was a key to something that was already Yours like You needed me how could i have forgotten that the one moment where You did not hide Yourself from me, a child? wrapped up in all the well wishes kind smiles and a bouquet of get well sunflowers You had picked just for me even before You knew how much i loved them was a single question for my ears only: "Would you be willing to offer ponies like the ones you saved all the light you have? Even if you were scared or threatened again, no matter the cost?" of course i said yes ...i was nine years old... > (Her Faithful Student) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- three words to describe unicorns across generations a faded quilt of faces that You sewed me into Her faithful student we were all Your faithful students that title became the bookends of all of our lives it was paraded before our names were spoken and those three words were the preamble to all our epitaphs because no light ever shone brighter than You Her faithful student we would live in a castle suite and have a stairway of tomes like a stream of dog-eared, yellow-paged bribes that You sent us when we behaved and i never did like You wanted us to realize we would never have an all-expenses-paid dream of an all-you-can-indulge in life if we were ever without You Her faithful student all the swirls and whirls on that title sure looked fine made to follow everything i hornwrote like a shadow and a curse of ivy over my identity Her faithful student we were collected from Your school like the porcelain goat figures with rosy cheeks You lined on every mantelpiece until we grew old and had to come out from Your shadow and lived our lives following tutelage from its middle years to our ends as footnotes in a narrative all about You Her faithful student i did not know that when i first became clay in Your hooves and even if i had i would have been too stubborn to refuse You insisting that all i learned of growing in Your shade was wrong even if i said it to myself because i wanted to be different for You from all the others You know what i told You and that i would use wings to get it if only so i could be closer to what You refused to let me have we all started as a line of candles a scent by one name and i wanted to be different from all the others for You to You so that i and they would never become we so that i would never join them when i learned how they faded and now i'll prove it because even if i cannot fly on wings here on earth i'll find a crown > Taken From School > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- dear diary garden wishes will be getting a new roommate she was at classes so i couldn't say good-bye even though i think she was more of a pretend friend because we talked without ever knowing one another more i get to live in the castle with the Sun and Her staff She does not have a family and i write to grandmother once a month maybe in that Her and i are not so different my half of the room is so much hollower then when the emptiness was new at the start of fall your friend sunset shimmer dear diary the Sun did not come to get me instead i had only guards to help me with my suitcases they read off my name and more from a scroll like i might be somepony else i forgot to look back and wave at everypony your friend sunset shimmer > The Sun's Nephew > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- i love the eyes of everypony in canterlot how they shine with secrets and knowledge i might one day hold in my hooves like hundreds of shiny stars all as sweet as candy everypony important has eyes brighter with mystery then all their bits Your nephew is one of them and You showed him to me with a smile that vanished behind closed doors when i asked why he was Your nephew You looked at me like nopony had asked that before and showed only confusion when You said it was ceremonial because i thought there was more when You told me twice there was nothing and i was being rude with Your nicest smile he is a shadow of You with Your sunshine distilled into golden looks and blue eyes paler than sky that looked at me tiredly like i was only another meal at a feast and You had presented him with enough faces before he acts like he has no idea every mare and filly in all of equestria wouldn't eat her heart to have his i knew he was supposed to say hello first i can't help myself and smiled even though we said hello like we were shooting marbles with every intention of missing while talking over tea like we were in a six-legged race but i wanted his secret most of all to feel its weight like the box of magic stones under my dorm bed You still smiled down at us warm and distant and confusing all the same like when i was a filly trying to tell firefly lanterns from open flame > Princess' Own Shadow > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- You had introduced me to her like a housewife acknowledges a pet on home tours smiling, polite, and radiating friendliness a perfect magazine cutout that i thought dazzled me all those years ago because i think You knew You had to did You ever stop and think that for a fly like me You being ambrosia would make things so much worse then showing a starving bug honey? she was a pretty porcelain thing even when i was a candle with her oversized glasses and impeccable bun my eyes ate her up because i thought she was close to You from years of being sewn to Your shadow and she always looked at You with chocolate eyes that thought You were so much sweeter i learned that was Your prim secretary's secret that she was sicker with love than any poison could make her when i first realized that i hoarded one other hushed prize because i cradled secrets i know bits can buy nothing better than knowing to give someone the knife to cut their darkness free or realizing that i can twist it when no one else will ever see and offer a show of shattering someone to the world but i was a child with no knowledge of the art of distance and dancing so close on feelings You mastered and i thought that You never loving her meant all the more time for me to be adored in excess by none other than the crown jewel Herself in those years i kept it as hush as Your little bird in love with the Light she could never have that i thought she was right to want You if only because You were {supposed to be} the brightest, most brilliant warmest fire years ago when i was Your candle {to be swallowed} and i met the bird i would only ever treat like a prop in Your house i know that her and i could have at least agreed You were the fire of our lives and kindest light in our world but that was before i learned every kind of warmth from afar {like what your little bird surely lives for still} is just the result of the destruction burning proximity brings and it was not Your bird pining mimicking Your every word and order living in Your shadow with the life of an ink drop that ended up trying to touch fire as blindly as i had > New Castle Life > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- dear diary the world i now knew has been replaced with a castle full of secrets that have all been built around You i sleep in the rooms many floors below yours and You promised me one day that i would have a wonderful library tower in the shadow of towers that are Yours when i am old enough in that one is a telescope to count all the stars as if anypony has the time your friend sunset shimmer dear diary i wish on those stars sometimes just so that the Princess knows i will be more than Her faithful student i want to be somepony She never forgets i hope She can't hear me from all Her windows above mine and not just because it would ruin my wish to have it spoiled by the wind or because She told me not to open my window when i am so high above this sleeping city my sleeping city She doesn't know that i want my own secrets if only just sometimes and i will keep them like lanterns to light the dark i sometimes feel instead of the lighthouse beacon they would be if She ever knew how scary it was to feel like a candle in Her light and only Her huge shadow over me as another reminder She is a Goddess an Other to a pony like me i would hate for every lesson i could ever learn to end before they even began because a great Goddess brighter than stars (and probably way older too) thinks i might fall out a window (again) your friend sunset shimmer p.s. i do not think i will feel this way around Her too much longer > Academic Illusion Begins > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- dear diary the heaps of books i am given hold the accelerated courses that rule my nights and days more than dreams and dinner and almost as much as You i let them into my head in hopes that they never fly out yours eagerly sunset shimmer dear diary my quills are cut more than they need to be when i am shaking over anticipating all the answers on quizzes so much that i taste them long after completing You say to me how i need to do more better different diligent focused yours in schoolwork sunset shimmer dear diary i know i need to move mountains for You i promise i will magic is worth losing sleep over all my time is spent on everything You put before me yours tirelessly sunset shimmer dear diary i will skip snacks now that i am a big filly and i will be bigger still yours in maturity sunset shimmer p.s. i will have to write to grandmother another time p.p.s too much homework to sleep again! dear Princess Celestia please let me have extra credit work and more still Your most faithful student sunset shimmer dear diary as the days turn to weeks and into moons i am lost in paper castles You have assigned me wondering why i can do everything and You still say all the same things smiling an unbreakable porcelain smile that grows no wider it only ever pales when i finally plead for something harder meant for all the faithful students who were bigger than i so i will no longer be the smallest who only gets the smallest smiles from You yours in worry sunset shimmer long after You infected the diary You never gave me i had only one question that beats in my heart still did i fail You or did You fail me? > (Checkmate, My Foolish Goddess) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- this crystal city would dazzle me in another time and still it is unlike anything everything i have seen before at least i know this was something You could never show me i have finally found a place that feels beyond Your light the guards are quiet as the night with shadows over their eyes i am among them suddenly used to being forgotten all over again in the ways You never remembered me libraries are easy to find even in alien lands that fogs my breath where the night is alive like it never was when i was last on this side of the world where the sky has always been Yours every moment i linger i almost forget {my reign of} three crowns i wish we lived in a world where i could look down on You and see that for once it would be You who envied me > Ambition and the Phoenix > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- dear diary She tells me that i am like Her pet a bird as bright as fire i am the phoenix of the Princess (Her faithful student until the end) because She tells me i have the light of promises yours in review sheets and study guides sunset shimmer lights i never expected would burn out She made me promises that were only ash in the end like She knew i was no bird who could rise again perhaps that was only made so because You spoke them to me only the brightest Star would burn everything in my life dear diary the Princess has the most amazing pet ever i always wished for one when i still lived with grandmother (forever and ever ago) a little critter as bright as me! only philomena never wants to play every time i approach her she squawks and flies away and all the Princess has to say is that maybe one day the phoenix might come to me and stay or she might stop looking at me like i'm not happy here how do i could i tell the Princess something like that? do you think even She knows Her bird looks up at me when i have birdseed grasped in my magic like i look up up up up up up at Her Highness? yours in tests sunset shimmer > Spoiled Rotten, Pampered Pupil > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- just like blueblood i was given everything and it was almost enough not once was i spared Your indulgences of all things i could get my hooves on nor was i free from the restrictions and curfews You imposed for nothing You spoiled me with was ever free every birthday reward holiday outing and occasion was repaid by making myself more of a slave to the studies only You had any say in that university students were freer than i when i was in middle school every one of Your faithful students cast the second-largest shadow on the school we left behind the very cradle You pulled us from even if i wanted to select anypony as my friend to keep a hooful of companions at my side You knew as well as i there would have been no time i was spoiled beyond all imagination with everything except that which is real and i could leave at any time if i wanted to fall down into failure and become the smallest tragedy of tall tale like the wax-winged colt in the legend You never stopped telling me and grandmother had not signed my life into Your hooves when she moved where all old ponies go where i never got to see before they plant themselves in stone gardens i could have been more than Your faithful student and the pampered pupil except You were spoiled rotten with the treat of my life leaving me with the cavity > Aspiring Archmage, Sunset Shimmer > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- dear diary i told the Princess how when i am grown i should like to be Her mage of all mages like how She is the Mare of all mares ruler of every last creature in the land that i call home a Goddess above us all when i told Her She looked more confused then when i talk about all the things that i love and the Goddess above the little filly like me whom i owe my new life and Everything in it said... "Oh, little Sunnybun! What great stories you tell! Archmages are the stuff of silly old fantasy books of make-believe places. I have never had any such positions created for unicorns in my school, nor has any other. My, my, where did you get the idea?" "Oh? Is that so? Well, none of the teachers you have ever had were more than mere mages. I've had no other unicorn magical ranks beyond that in Equestria. Everypony who has ever instructed you has been a teacher with a teacher's schooling, dear. What made you think otherwise?" "My goodness, no. I find little worth in mageocracies and other silly ideas like meritocracies and the like that you are rambling about, my dear. You're better off putting such vocabulary to use in the studies you are actually assigned, never less and certainly never more. You really need to keep your hooves on the ground, my Faithful Student." "Hm, ordinary? Yes, I suppose Equestria is no land of dreams, but something much more ordinary. Why do you sound so displeased? What's wrong with being ordinary, Sunset Shimmer?" "Sunset, you're overreacting." "You need to calm down, young lady. Right now. I want this talk about archmages to end. It's no more real than alchemy emporiums and whatever crazy hoo-doo and dreams they are selling to foals. Gracious me, there are too many dreams in the world, and too little of ordinary life. How is it that so many foals your age want to look a thousand lengths up in the clouds instead of three steps in front of you?" "If you asked me, Sunset, I wouldn't even know what to do with an archmage if I had ever had one in the first place. So when you ask if an archmage would be closer to me than my dear Faithful Students, I don't have the slightest idea. This is all silly talk, like flying castles and witch-mares on broomsticks with chattering bushwoolies. I don't think I need to warn you again, do I?" "When I said that you were overreacting, I was being very kind. Now, I have been very generous with my patience, young miss. This is no way for a filly your age to act. Crocodile tears are unbecoming and cruel. How do you think this would make other ponies feel if they were here? How do you think this makes me feel? Or if your peers got to see how you were acting?" "Most foals your age have moved on from things like this. I would be much more willing to listen if you took some deep breaths, cooled down, and apologized to me for all the nasty lies you have been screaming at me right now. Then, I'm sure both of us would be in a better mood for tea and grown-up talk. Do you really think that grown-ups cry, my Faithful Student?" "Listen, my dear Faithful Student. This is more than enough. If you aren't willing to act like a young lady even after all these chances I have given you, it's to your room. No more back-talk. No more excuses, and no more interruptions above all else. Not another word, you understand me? To your chambers, and do not dare suggest that I would ever lay a hoof against you, or that these words are anything close to such an unbecoming action. I am your guardian, Sunset Shimmer. Please do not make me feel like I am your keeper." "Oh, horseapples! I am not your jailer! Don't use such nasty words! Room! Now!" "Do not make me raise my voice! I am not a mare for shouting matches, Sunset Shimmer. It is beyond somepony my age and unbecoming of anypony who strives for a harmonious life. What have I said about all these emotions of yours before?" "Look at me when I speak to you." "I'm not asking. Sunset, when I say look at me and stop shouting..." "Sunset! Sunset Shimmer! Sunset Helia Shimmer, come back here this instant! I wasn't done speaking with you!" yours still somehow sunset shimmer dear diary aren't the ponies who Love us supposed to set us free? can i free me? your damsel in distress sunset shimmer dear diary when i look the Princess in the eye i cannot decide whether She is my Teacher whom i want to be farther away from then anything in the world or a Goddess i Love more than i know how to say Completely and utterly whom i want to be closer to than anything though it hurts either way is this what a Mother does? yours in icky stomach pit feelings sunset shimmer > Alienation of the Sun > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- why do You talk to me like i want to (or could) fail You? Your every command has padded my life freeing all my time only so You might chain it as You please to all the paths paved with promises only You can speak and ignite in me i think that if i could even i would breathe for You (and You alone) to show You that i am sunset shimmer Your faithful student brightest pupil favorite talented prodigy promising pupil star so that You should love me the way i do You let me be Your little princess like nopony else could because i want to light the world for You yet i feel You have let me slip just a few steps away from Your side leaving me closer to the edge of Your shadow then i can remember i who have only ever wanted lived studied for what You might give me for i gave You me and the first and only Mother's day gift i ever got to make only for You to look confused > In the Sun's Shadow > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- by the time i learned what pride was mine was in pieces under Your hooves and i would do anything to get it back in its place You left me with feelings i had never wanted to name even if i loved sliding into them they made me think about what my world would be if only You loved me more than grandmother or the guards i saw every morning and everypony else who i had ever known the Sun was a Goddess seared into my mind and i let Her scoop out where all thoughts of bright star and sunrise song might have been (and grandmother too) until those two strangers were lost in Her light of the Goddess who was my world who gave each test ordered my every move dictated every meal decided all bedtimes assigned everything i ever got to read counted every minute of my day before i ever knew them and poured the color of my life within all the lines She drew for me is it any wonder that i made the Center of the Universe into the Mother i never had? > (Envy in the Crystal Empire) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- my magic dances across the pages of recent magazines and newspapers pulling back the pages like i can wind back time itself and all the years i have been away it certainly feels no different in the quiet of the crystal library my mind sizzles to a stop falling in its own inferno wrought by me and You alike festering to its peak in an instant after i see coronation across every headline from yesterday and before listed as a hot topic historical occasion and {boiling} {as} {soon} {as} {i} {see} her > Matters Between two Quarreling Suns > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- dear Princess Celestia i wish we were tempted to hurt one another less i may sometimes start our fights because i need You to see me and show anything at all i wish that when i go above and beyond all the lessons You give me that there would be praise and awe instead of pulling me back down with stories of wax wings coloring outside of the lines and every way You insist on force-feeding me humble pie i might {swallow just one more feeling to keep us from yet another fight but when i see You feel anything the fractures in the mare You are i want to burn all over again one day soon or never i will write to the diary that had been my friend instead it has become another piece of You} have the birthday wish that i wish tonight that tomorrow does not bring another fight {and my eyes will not be puffy and seeing red tomorrow} so that tomorrow will be right Yours forever and ever after sunset shimmer > Regarding the Distance of Stars > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- once upon a time You had a little filly who wanted a hearth's warming and with it a gift like no other to spend her day with the Light of her life who she flew to like a moth orbiting You even when it hurt her she wanted this so badly her feelings burned after her in the halls leaving all the smoke You should have seen because she loved You hated You wanted You to sit with her for a day say everything was canceled but the time You would spend with her like a Mother would together we could have had such memories that went beyond a few hours when You would hoof me my gifts with a smile and tell me how we had two and a half hours before You had somewhere and everywhere else in equestria to be instead of getting to play with me every time the little filly told You to stay just a little longer and every reason why You should have You found another way to tell her no leaving her in a pile of everything she hadn't wanted because of how duty calls first or so You always said she only ever tried to find ways to keep busy when You were gone but the Sun's nephew had a family and Her shadow would take holidays off only because You told her to so i was alone for most of every hearth's warming with nothing but gifts from You grandmother Your shadow the cards You made Your nephew send me {don't think that i couldn't tell} {or hadn't heard the way You pleaded-demanded him} {for the 'sake of the holiday' and how 'she's just a filly'} with only a big empty castle full of places to hide to spend her time is it any wonder she would find herself getting lost in all the spaces You never let her see what better than a room bearing a golden lock shining under dust above the gray heart of a rarely traveled hall to enchant a filly feeling so discarded one look through the keyhole gave her preview to a world of dust dancing over and around everything inside she could not see except for shades of a rainbow pale and faded that beckoned her as nothing else had with no wards on the door (something so odd for You) the lock melded to her magic's fire until she could push it open and step inside somewhere that hadn't been secret enough to a single, curious filly was the skeleton key to when Your words and silence wielded in equal measure had been enough for everypony else i had stepped into somewhere filled with hundreds of presents all wrapped up by Your meticulous hooves in papers that You would choose their bows weighed down by dust and under it all not a single name listed on each when i checked the receipts folded under each by a hoof i knew too well i marveled at how for over three hundred years You bought gifts for nopony now they had fallen into her hooves this treasure trove of gifts numbering over nine hundred their mystery far too tempting for her to ignore knowing these belonged to nopony other than she who claimed them pulling back layers of paper that had once been like petals plastered with preservation spells making their delicate sheets glitter resistant to time if not to dust but new in the little filly's heart from within clouds of tissue paper she pulled some most curious things untouched books of poetry crystal inkwells carved like shooting stars gowns in all covered in night scenes made bright by all the gaudy colors You loved quilts sewen with the tiniest jewels cut just so to shape constellations and telescope lenses worth more than grandmother's house from one particular box the lonely little filly found an ursa minor bearing a soft coat of twinkling stars two shining black button eyes and a tiny velvet nose despite all its festive trimmings Your little filly knew how to recognize a toy that was as abandoned as she was so she let hours slip by cradling the star-beast idly and clad in a dress too long for any mare she could imagine with an unused silver tiara on her head pretending she was a princess too by the time You found me i had my hours of fun lost and alone in the very halls i lived where i was always reminded they were Yours and the guards were to check in on me as gold-clad, official foalsitters i never needed or wanted You had me drop everything betrayal stuck under Your perfect plaster face leaking out through Your haunted eyes as You told me to put everything back remove everything i had put on only after You had spent enough time sobbing asking me if i knew what i had done while never telling me what that was i left that room You had me never speak of it again the next time i found the door it had been warded of lonely fillies with magic to keep everypony out and cold new locks to defy my fire like i was Your no-good grave-robber she had never seen You cry before nor did she ever see it again in silence You finally taught me something how to fester without drawing attention my most important lesson right there took me years to master from there i pretended hearth's warming day could still be happy > Made in Your Celestial Image > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- for all i feel there is still one thing i mean to do when i look You in the eye at last i must thank You not for Your so-called classes the love You never had all the books i just barely refined my magic with while hungering for more and all the secrets You never shared in the end when i was still Yours at twelve years old all i knew was what mattered because You made it so that when i looked in the mirror i saw all that was You burned into me more than anything else and i still do all i know is that Worship trumps love Lies are always kinder Power is best unshared to be Queen in everything but name to surround Yourself with underlings so that the top will never be lonely to cement my life with Secrets that wall off where feelings would be these are all the things You really taught me no matter every way You deny it i am made in Your image with nothing else left > Love, and Other Wrong Impressions > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hello, who is it?" "Oh? Sunset, that's you? Gracious me, it seems like you find a new way to knock every day." "Yes, you have my permission to enter. What is it that you needed? This isn't about any of your recent assignments, is it?" "I... You just wanted to talk? Why is that? Is there something wrong?" "Nothing is wrong? Then Sunset, what is..." "Oh, you silly goose. 'My door is always open' is just a figure of speech, dear. I thought you would have known that by now." "Ah... well, I'm afraid my office is no more special than anypony else's." "Ah, no, my Faithful Student. I'm not the type of teacher that would need office hours. You have been my only pupil since the last." "Yes, you may take a seat. But, please, dear, do try and be brief. I have a meeting in an hour and a half with the Mayor-Mare of Whinnyapolis and that is not a duty I can reschedule." "Good. Now, what is it that you wanted to talk about? Is there something going on that I need to be concerned with?" "Hm, what about us, my Faithful Student?" "No, I sent that Mother's Day card to your grandmother. She is much more deserving of it than I, and I'm sure she'll be sending her thanks for it shortly. We really should find the time for you to have a visit home. I can't imagine your poor grandmother likes being separated from her Sunnybun for years like this." "Oh, Sunset, what is the matter? Did you want to send it yourself? Oh good heavens, why did you give it to me if you didn't want it sent home?" "I beg your pardon?" "Sunset, please enunciate, or are my ears deceiving me?" "Why would you want me to have your Mother's Day gift? That is highly inappropriate, dear. Unless..." "Oh, Sunny, you don't have to cry. I get it, I really do." "Yes, I'm so sorry I didn't see it beforehand. Fillies your age just adore pranks. Calling the teacher 'mom' is very 'in' with the foals still, I suppose? Are you upset I didn't laugh? How about this, on the next All Foal's Day, we can have a do-over and a prank-war. There are never any summits or court on that day, and I'm sure that you would enjoy a break from your studies for a full day if you continue to earn it. Doesn't that sound nice?" "...There is no need to scream at me, Sunset Shimmer. It was only a card, that's nothing to get mad about." "What was that?" "A-adopt you? Sunset, I do not think you understand what you're asking of me." "...Please, lower your voice. Goodness, great heavens... adopt you? Why, Sunset? You are my ward and your grandmother is very much alive, what you ask is something more appropriate for a—" "...You think of me as your m-mother? Sunset, I-I..." "I have never adopted anypony before, Sunny. I am not a mother." Nor have I ever wanted to be. "How long have you felt this way? Why didn't you give me any sign? Oh Sunny, why didn't you just tell me?" "...I see." "Please, don't cry, Sunset. You don't need to shout. I... I'm not going to adopt you. To do so would break the bond between teacher and student. I would no longer be able to teach you—" "Sunset, you need to listen. Please, try some deep breaths. You have no reason to be angry with me. I want to continue to be your teacher, and if you continue to act like I am your mother or want that from me, then we would both be breaching the ethics of the distance we are required to maintain for our respective positions. Do you understand that, Sunny?" "Sunny, please. Do not speak so cruelly to me. I hear you very well; shouting will not make me reconsider. You're a big filly, aren't you? When was the last time you got something by stamping your hoof and screaming? Why is it that every time you find a limit, you must try and push it?" "Cold? How am I cold? Do you really think that you can get what you want by screaming such things at me like I am across a gorge? For shame, Sunset Shimmer. I have boundaries too. You fail to have empathy for me or realize that adoption is a mutual process requiring my consent and vulnerability in doing what you wish. Instead, you have stomped all over the respect my choice deserves. Not only that, but you have also failed to recognize that you have a very narrow view of the love I have for you. How is it that you could come to me with a sensitive request, and as soon as I so generously offer you my time and your answer, you turn around and act so viciously?" "Watch that horn! I do not want you to have another surge! Your magic and emotions are a fire that you must learn to bottle and swallow, my dear, lest the scorch everypony around you." "No, Sunset! No magic! Dim your horn this instant, or I will!" "Sunset Shimmer, I think I have been far too lenient with allowing your behavior. You break my rules, disregard my curfews, intrude upon the home I have extended to you, and spit upon the muzzle of my curriculum. I am deeply sorry for the way you feel, but you have chosen to react poorly. Do I need another sign that I have coddled you too much, as a mother might?" "I don't have to stand for these accusations, young lady. Stop with your cruel words and calling me an Ice Queen when I'm not. It is I who have had your best interests at heart and have been trying to push you where it is you are needed most. I am your teacher, and I will always be. I see now that I need to start acting more like one. Most of my Faithful Students required at least thirty years of tutelage before I could even consider graduating them from their studies. Somehow, you are proving yourself to be more of a hellion than any of my Faithful Students when they are close to fifteen years under my wings!" "Language, Sunset! I am pleading with you to listen, and to listen kindly! Your grandmother reviewed my teaching contract and saw fit to sign it after I approached you about Studenthood. She saw no problem with the lengthy studies my Faithful Students undergo, and neither should you. I think you should look at the positive side: since you are the youngest Faithful Student I have ever had, you will graduate young too. My average Faithful Student is thirteen years old and graduates at forty-three. Consider the bright scholar you will be and the record-setting future that awaits you, my dear Sunnybun! "You need to listen to me right now. I have lent you my time and my ears, only for you to slander me. Do you not realize how many times I have let you insult me? How prone to fights you are? I said it once, and I will say it again: swallow your heart. You are giving your emotions too freely, and it is blinding you. From this day forward, there will be no more outbursts. One more screaming match like this, and I am going to have to reconsider your studies." > Hate Sown From Misplaced Affections > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- dear Princess Celestia i have listened i have learned from my fight to keep my voice away from You my thoughts simmering and the poison i feel in me sizzling away from Your knowing i am the cold You wanted me to be hiding the fire i only ever see standing in front of Your crystal mirror when i look at the staff Your caged bird the nephew who skirts Your shadow and everypony else in this castle stumbling in Your shadow i wonder what trouble might i stir below Your wings? Your faithful student in name only sunset shimmer > (Be Without Your Own Prodigal Sun) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- love is what happens before the Sun overshadows You and finds a new candle to lift sky high and call Her favorite talented promising prodigy pupil star if all it takes is her fabled crown a spark away from elements then I have time to plan how to make it go from hers to Mine and across both OUR worlds You'll at last watch Me {Shine} > The Orphan's Failure, the Monarch's Niece > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- dear Princess Celestia i wish that You loved me like You loved her or that You kept promises like You locked rooms docked points off my grades made me live only for You and the love You hide by unlearning everything about a world beyond these castle walls when i see the filly so new and pink who captures Your sight in all the ways i never did Your gleaming new niece made in Your image who You have forced upon my life all i know is that i am a candle held to the Sun and i am melting