Atychiphobia

by Ice Star

(Magic Mirror)

everything about You
from Your crown to your castle
and everything between
is filled with secrets of every kind

from the parlors where You stashed my presents
for birthdays and hearth's warming
to the closed doors and dim hallways
filled with the artifacts
belonging to legends' legends

and i found them
my foolish Sun, teacher of all and none
i found them

You hoard like a dragon
just more daintily
with everything like trimmings to Your castle den

i spent years studying in quiet spaces
You only went after i had left
and i only went when shadows had replaced You
and dust swirled where You had stepped
to stare at

a herd of portraits from Celestias long past
mares in oils and marbles with faces
hawkish
patriotic
plump
motherly
demure
and all other things
from this past galaxy of Celestias
to make fragments of You
into the whole
of the Goddess i thought i could know

i dared to touch Your old telescopes
and the relics that were Your discarded tea sets
and found the knickknacks of a mare of centuries and power
that i had tried dying to be a candle to

You had archives full of tomes and treasures guarded from me
telling me that i didn't have clearances
to touch the scrolls of centuries
barely younger than You
until i was older
and calmer

i was Your faithful student
You always said so
and i spent the times not studying
with all my plans
alone but for the things You seemed to discard
not knowing i would join them

imperfect things
thrown away
once their perfect Goddess used them

ages ago i found Your mirror
the one unlike any other
the kind tall and crystalline
yet no crystal i knew
this wasn't the mirror You tried on gala dresses in
clucking at me to
keep my chin up
my curtsy deep
and my best smile on

this mirror
never fogged when i breathed on it
on the rim, the gems always gleamed
even when i stubbed my hoof, the pedestal never cracked
the surface of Your mirror
was colder than neighagra falls in winter

once
i threw a bottle of hoof polish
(the pink one, from Your birthday kit to me)
right at the glass
in the smoldering aftermath of one of our fights
(later i told You i lost it)
and saw it hit the surface
with a ripple
hanging there, on the edge of collapse
that my thoughts were in

my breath

hinged

and then

fell

my bottle did, too

some time after
i stood in that mirror
like it could reflect desire
and at first
i imagined a world where You really loved me
like the daughter i should have been

the second time
i stepped through
and lived for years
letting that part of me burn

this third time
the air tastes different

colder

• i need to find a library

i am no longer the filly
of thirteen lucky years
yearning
to be closer to the Sun
that only ever spurned me

i look in this mirror
that has Your coolness
and wonder
what kind of Goddess
needs to see Herself
through another world's eye
and still lock it away

unless

She who is most perfect is afraid
of something i never knew
or feels the hate
She can never admit to
like i feel the old fires
tear right back up at me
knowing

You could have given me wings

Comments

[the dobermans]

This is the best so far. I'd always wondered how Sunset could prefer to live in the human world, but this might explain why. It adds another dimension to her character.

[Ice Star]

10029744
Thank you! I honestly hadn't thought of this poem as the best so much as one of the more important ones. My favorite poem in Sunny's story (so far) is easily Sunnybun. I had a couple favorite bits from this one, but Sunnybun just happens to be my personal favorite.