Have you ever asked yourself, "What would it be like if your life was in some ways like a video game?" I didn't, and it's a lot more complicated than to press a button to win
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The way this story is written give us the emotion described, I empathize because of the emotions and the way is written. You, good sir, are a good author and writer.
(I clicked the right button and pressed on ‘cut’ by accident and I thought
This seems to be using SPECIAL, but Agility is missing and Perception has been renamed to Dexterity.
Very minor, but this lacks a space
That was very much so helpful, though technically not a mistake, can probably agree it does not read well
Sa(fe?)ve(d?) either way, seems to be a typo
Oh the irony of misspelling intelligence and wisdom...
I, in fact, did not understood his explanation with colors.
They had me in the first half, but once it got to the shaded bit I got all confuzzled.
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Yeah, I probably have to either simplify it more or cut it a bit, because even I can't really understand what I exactly wanted to explain anymore.
This would be the perfect chance to have something traumatic happen and him using observe in a mirror to see.
So... Essentially TL;DR of the aether and mind is that Aether is the power to create and mind is the ability to work?
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Basically, yes. Aether is energy, and thus in a sense, also matter. Mind the blueprint.
Mate, the first chapters are riddled with excessive info dumps, a continuous stream of dramatic events, and multiple sob stories. This completely contradicts your previous intention of creating a more relaxed story. The issue with providing your main character with such a melodramatic backstory right from the start is that it fails to have the desired effect. We have no knowledge of this guy, no reason to emphasize or connect with him beyond surface-level pity. In simpler terms, we don't care about him yet, so this entire emotional background only serves to make him appear increasingly pathetic. However, if you had introduced the backstory later on, we, as the audience, would have had the opportunity to bond with him, allowing his emotions to have a greater impact on us