• Published 18th Oct 2019
  • 2,034 Views, 167 Comments

A Slice of Cheese - MrNumbers



If everyone could see themselves as L'il Cheese saw them, the world would be a much brighter place. A story about love in the shape of laughter.

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The Hospital

Pinkie Pie fiddled with the hospital bed settings and giggled. Up, down, up, down... She’d never get bored of this.

“Ms Pie?” The nurse was watching her with some concern.

“Oh! Right. Sorry, I got distracted by the buttons.” Pinkie put them down on the table next to her. “So, I was saying, Princess Twilight told me that some parents play classical music to their baby bellies. So I thought-”

“You know the Princess?” The nurse raised an eyebrow.

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Of course I know Princess Twilight. We saved Equestria together more times than I can count!”

The nurse stared. “Wait, you’re- I’m so sorry, you’re that Pinkie Pie! Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry I didn’t recognize you-”

Pinkie waved it off, and pointed at her stomach. “Yeah, they don’t make a stained glass window of you looking like this, huh? Hall of Mirrors Pinkie is so young and skinny. Such a cutie pie! That’s what I’m naming it, if it’s a girl, by the way. Daddy gets to pick the name if it’s a boy.”

The nurse was staring, and Pinkie realized she got distracted again.

“Right! So, anyway, Twilight said that they play classical music, and I thought, yeah. If we want our kid to grow up boring, right? So my big Cheese went out and he got all his favourite polka albums ever made, and I got all my best kid-friendly stand up comedy routines, and we’ve been playing that instead.” Pinkie rubbed her stomach, her smile a bit forced. “We want them to have the best head start in life we can manage.”

The nurse was still staring, and Pinkie laughed, because it was nice to know she could still have that effect on ponies.

Cheese Sandwich kicked in the door, a bouquet of flowers and chocolates under one arm, a small studio’s worth of film equipment under the other. “Am I late? Did I miss anything?” He slammed the already-rolling camera down like an explorer planting a flag.

“Just who I was waiting for!” Pinkie beamed, spreading her arms wide for a hug. Her husband dropped everything to give it to her. “Okay, I think I’m ready now.”

The nurse’s voice raised in alarm. “That’s not how this works.”

“Of course it’s not,” Pinkie grimaced, “I’ve just been holding it in for the last few minutes so my sweetie didn’t miss anything.”

“You can’t-” The nurse’s eyes went wide as Pinkie started huffing. “I’m sorry, apparently you can. I’ll go get a doctor,” she started off.

“Fast as you can?” Pinkie shouted after her, “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble?”

Cheese Sandwich offered a hoof to hold, and Pinkie grabbed it tight. She heard a bone crack, and she looked up in fright, but his expression hadn’t changed even a little.

“It’s fine,” he cooed, “we’re in a hospital. I’ll just get it looked at after.”

“You’re sure?”

“Bet that hurts way worse.”

Pinkie Pie laughed. “Ha ha ha. Yeah.”

The doctor ran in. “Good gracious. This room’s starting to get a bit crowded, isn’t it?”

“I couldn’t decide which flowers were best, so I just bought all of them,” Cheese rubbed the back of his neck. “I figured, the right ones have to be in there somewhere?”

“Aww,” Pinkie squeezed him, “that’s so sweet. Maybe go put them outside for the nice doctor?”

Cheese nodded, and started grabbing up the small greenhouse he’d hauled in with him.

The doctor moved to her side to check her pulse, frowning thoughtfully. “Are you expecting any other visitors?”

“Well, I didn’t tell anybody,” Pinkie said carefully, “so, I’m expecting like... six more.”

“You’re expecting six more, if you didn’t tell anyone?”

“Well,” Pinkie laughed nervously, “they’re the six hardest friends in Equestria to keep anything from. How long have I been here, now?”

“A little under an hour, why?”

“Gosh,” Pinkie glanced at the clock, “might be safer to step away from the door then. Oh, and the windows. Maybe just stand in that corner there for a few seconds.”

The doctor did so immediately and without question, because unlike the nurse, he’d read the patient files.

Rarity kicked in the door.

“Pinkie!”

“Rarity!”

“You didn’t tell me!” Rarity rushed to Pinkie’s side, right through where the doctor had been standing a second ago. He gulped, and let out an uneasy sigh. Pinkie locked eyes with him and gave a slight shake of the head, and he kept still.

“Sorry, I was going to tell you all as soon as I was, you know... done?”

“I have my assistant bringing up ice and hot towels, and anything else you should desire, just ask.” Rarity ran her hoof across Pinkie’s linens. “What is the threadcount on these? Two?”

“They’re fine, Rarity. Everyone here’s been really nice.”

“Good.” Rarity sighed in relief, “Good, because if they weren’t-”

Rainbow Dash stopped just short of the window, hard enough to rattle it, and tried to open it from the outside. There wasn’t a handle though. Her muffled swearing was enough to make Pinkie try to cover he foals ears through her belly, making her best guess where their ears were. Then she flew downstairs.

Applejack kicked the door in.

“Ha!” she doubled over, sucking in air, “Told Rainbow I’d beat her.”

Rarity squinted at her, her lips pulled tight between laughing and scowling. “Did you really make this into a race?”

“Weren’t going to, but then Rainbow said somethin’ stupid about them leaving the windows unlocked, and well...”

“Hey, Applejack!” Pinkie waved from her bed.

“There’s my cutie patootie mum-to-be. How you holding up?”

“Fine, thanks for asking-”

Rainbow Dash kicked the door in. The top hinge snapped.

“Dang it!”

“Ha! Told you-”

“Hi Fluttershy!”

Only Pinkie had even noticed her come in behind Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy turned to the bed and waved, before going back to fixing the door. “Goodness. Pinkie, do you-” Pinkie reached into her mane for a screwdriver and tossed it over. Fluttershy caught it with a smile. “Thank you. Want to make sure they let you back in.”

“What,” Pinkie laughed, “in case I want to have another one?”

“Yes,” Fluttershy said very seriously. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I’ve already got a doctor.” Pinkie pointed to the doctor hiding in the corner. She said to him, “Just two left. Then you can move.”

Fluttershy paused fixing the door. “Two left? So I might be a little early-”

“Twilight and Spike.”

“Right. Of course,” and she went back to fixing the door.

Pinkie looked over at the doctor. “I’m sorry about this. You didn’t even get a chance to tell me your name. So, think about introducing yourself because you’re going to get a chance to in, like, about thirty seconds.”

The doctor nodded, and started rehearsing to himself in the corner as Pinkie’s bed was mobbed by her well-meaning, lovely, wonderful, too-many friends.

As they all tried to talk over each other, and competed to be the most helpful, Pinkie closed her eyes and counted down with a soft smile. “Three... two...”

Twilight popped into the middle of the room, surrounded by a stack of magazines and books.

“I came as fast as I could! Pinkie Pie!” Twilight and her too-long legs swept the crowd aside in the small room as she leaned in for a nuzzle, “how are you holding up?”

“Just swell, thanks. No Spike?”

“He’s asleep right now, so he can take over when everyone else gets tired.”

“He’s so considerate, isn’t he? Ah, Fluttershy, you might want to scootch back a bit?”

Fluttershy nodded, backing away just in time for Cheese Sandwich to kick in the door. Fluttershy sighed, and picked the screwdriver back up.

“Oh! Your friends are all here!” Cheese beamed, his hoof wrapped in bandages. “I thought you weren’t inviting them?”

“I didn’t!” Pinkie smiled at all her friends, and the smile was heavy with meaning. “Even though I love them all very dearly. Because Doctor...?”

“Doctor Stillwell, at your service.” The doctor finally pushed his way out of the corner, trying his best not to get distracted by Princess Twilight Sparkle still hugging his patient. “Your friend is in the best hooves possible.”

“Thank you. Girls, you know I love all of you from the itty-bitty bottom of my heart, but if you don’t go wait outside right now, I’m going to bite somebody’s head off.”

Rarity coughed into a hoof, “Now, you’re being figurative, aren’t you?”

Pinkie Pie, still smiling, shook her head.

“Well, I did see a vending machine that had a cookie with my name all over it. Girls?”

They left the room like air from a bellows, Pinkie looking lovingly at her concerned husband. “Gosh, I love them so much.”

Then, the contractions started.