no firsts for you, I don't need my fans getting bans. This is kind of odd at the moment, the only dialogue is when she talks to herself so the rest of it is kinda wall of text... I'm hoping to fix that, or at least get used to it... Tell me what you guys think, oh and by the way, any of the story elements you feel are rushed tell me. Most likely I'll be coming back to it later to explain it but I could miss a few things so help me help you!

KEEP IT UP!!! THIS IS PHENOMENAL!!!! *tracked 50 times over*

>Starts reading
Ech this is just steampunkbrony rip-off...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_hmph.png

>Steampunk prosthetics
FUCKING TRACKINGdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png

please continue this

Enjoying Among the Ruins eh?

*edit* Now that I've actually read the thing, might as well give feedback.

First, I'll say that your technical quality has improved since previous stories. Way less spelling and grammar errors.
But it's still rough beyond that. This suffers from Walls of Text, information overload, is indecisive about what perspective it is, and has too much tell instead of show.

Walls of Text - easy enough to fix, just break the paragraphs up more

information overload - You give way too much information in way too short of a time. After reading this, my first though basically boiled down to "um... what just happened?" Since you obviously took a lot of inspiration from Ruins, let's look at that; What Ruins did right is that it didn't really tell you all that much backstory in the first chapter, you know that Canterlot is dead, Twilight is alone, and that she has acid blood and tears. That's about it for the big picture. In addition to all of those things, you also brought in cybernetic limbs, and some kind of conspiracy (I think), and I'm pretty sure there was something else that I'm forgetting.

tl;dr Too much content in too little text. space things out more, or make the chapter longer. It feels like I'm reading a research paper rather than a fictional story

perspective - You can't seem to decide if you want this to be in 3rd person omniscient (perspective of God, knows everything) or 3rd person limited (perspective of Twilight, only what she knows). Pick one and stick with that.

show vs tell - For example: "Suddenly, there was a noise nearby. The sound of movement she had grown to recognize and be wary of."
vs
"Her musings were interrupted by the sound of footsteps sounding through the air, and she instantly tensed up."

The difference between the two is that the first tells us that she is wary of hearing movement, and the second merely implies that she is. The more you leave for the audience to figure out for itself, the better.

1084921 we talked for like two hours before i started this lol, and technically I don't need to. The only thing that's the same is that it's canterlot and that it's twilight lol.
1084934 To be completely honest I'm not completely sure where this one is going, I just read the two chapters ruins had and absolutely had to write my own. I know it feels rushed and a bit too informative but with the lack of dialogue my brain kinda goes dull with it. I'm doing what I can and soon I'll get used to it. The biomechanical aspect of this story as well as her being wary of movement will be explained hopefully in chapter 2, if not there than chapter 3.
as for the perspective, eh I'm still learning a bit. None of my schooling ever really covered anything besides what I needed to write an essay or a review so I've had to start almost from scratch. And for that specific scene of 'show vs tell' that felt odd to me but it was kinda like 2 in the morning so I couldn't put words to the sounds like that. shoulda been something like 'She heard the sound of rubble and debris being knocked aside, as if something was moving it' or something like that.

Awesome! I've been reading the Leviathan series by Scott Westerfeld of late, so I'm now heavily into steampunk, so the fact you pumped this out blew my mind. Everything feels very functional. One thing you disn't mention is he need to adapt to the weight of a metal limb. Maybe have her wake up with it feeling hefty then casting a spell to lighten it. Also, in the process of this, set out her morning routine. It'll add to the strangeness, what with the whole get dressed, brush teeth, tune up advanced prosthetic limb, murder evil mutants, etc. that way you can take advantage of the surreality of the thing.

So was she mutated into a human, somehow or is this a human-Equestria type story?

1264683
The latter... If memory serves it states as such RIGHT IN THE DESCRIPTION FOR THE STORY.