Over a year had passed since Shining first became a cuckold alongside Sombra and Cadance. But even with how extreme the three have been taking their relationship, Sombra was curious about testing how far Shining was willing to go as his "Private"...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Very fun chapter I greatly enjoyed Night Light's company and I did enjoy that he actually had(emphasis on HAD) was willing to accept everything that had happened Shining and even go as far as to totally get on board with all of this. The idea of actually being married with him was fun, but I hope there will be some ceremony predestining on who is who in the pecking order with Sombra on top of everything and Shining on the bottom of it all; I wonder where he is situated with Dadence and Twilight in the dynamic. I can't wait to see shining seeing his father willingly gelded and recovering, and I can't wait to see the scene at the formal, and I very much hope we will see some after care and maybe a few years later to see how things are going for Shining and Night Light.
Main this was quite the ride. Having the whole family finale join in was quite quite the site to read, twi and cadance in the background being an unexpected treat was great. But Night Light’s involvement in this chapter is the thing I think we were all anticipating, and I can tell you it did not disappoint.
Welp, here we go to what I imagine might be the finale of it all (not sure if you’ve gotten any chapters planed for after the formal). Can’t wait to see how people try too this one with their suggestions, but also just to see how this big old fic concludes.
SOMBA: Relax I like the cloths so much i had to make love to them but they couldn't handle the girth so i turned them into jiz rags just like i did to their previous owner
Cute! The sex has been kinky and top notch. Loving the prose, too. You've treated this with an appropriate amount of weight so that it's not porny. It's a real story, and I'm here for it! Curious about what you have in store. It almost feels like you're foreshadowing a few things. My guess is that this all comes unraveled, even after the formal goes perfectly smoothly. And all of those document play is going to come to a sweeter climax than a sexier one, when the three of them have to sign new documents that include the THREE of them, and not just Cadance and Shining.
There are a few things I'd comment on:
Following up on what I said last time, I will say that the romantic undertones between Shining and Sombra are a still underdeveloped. A good example is the kiss. You described the kiss in a way that is not exactly clear what Shining's feelings are. You have him blushing and almost giggling, but you also have him thinking about how it should have felt weird, but he should be able to appreciate the stallion's body like Cadance does. Which is quite a thing for someone to think, if they're falling/in love with someone. Think it's meant to come off as Shining in denial, having a romantic moment with Sombra, but even so, it could have come across clearer. Especially with Sombra--sometimes you write him as acting crueler, but being incredibly fond of Shining, but here, you have him acting like it was only after Shining saved his life that he stopped looking down on him. Like I said, it's vague. Are they just starting to fall for each other? Is it this complicated mess of negative and positive feelings that is kept at arm's length by the trappings of their relationship? Where exactly are they at? I don't know if YOU know, even.
More focus on Shining's feelings and having them actually reflect some sort of romantic attraction would be the quick and dirty way to handle that. Nothin' more than a few lines. With so many other character finding out/getting involved, it is really simple for the dynamic between the two males to get lost in the mix, but that should help give more of an anchor to where they all are.
You have this habit of writing character relationships where it's never *exactly* clear where everyone stands when it comes to each other. Or rather, the relationships are in flux or unstable. I like that, but I think the payoff to that sort of writing is stability, the resolution of that unsureness.
Part of what seems to be holding things back is that you only shine a spotlight onto the way things actually are when something goes wrong. Cadance gets upset, Luna gets wind of things, etc., and that just doesn't allow for much of a romantic tone between basically anyone. Maybe interrupting the sexiness for a little romance would be a nice way to mix things up, in light of that. Arousal being overwhelmed by feelings of romance--that's a pretty good beat to hit.
Then again, it's not like I know exactly what you're planning. Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
The scene with Luna and the trio ratcheted up the tension, but it does make me wonder a few things. Luna acts like she has authority over them in a way that extends into their personal lives, and I'm not sure why she would have any. Don't get me wrong; I have ideas, but I don't know how exactly you'd describe the relationship between the two kingdoms, since they seem to be fairly separate in-canon.
I could be the only one rooting for Shining and Sombra to get their big romantic scene and get hitched, but hey. That just makes me more fun to put my ideas out there.