"A person grows up when he's able to overcome hardships. Protection is important, but there are some things that a person must learn on his own." ~ Jiraiya
(P.O.V Jenny)
After Naruto and Hinata left, I thought on what my next power should be and I think going soul power and magic could be cool. I imagine an alicorn with a yellow upside-down heart with an upside up red heart inside the yellow one.
unlocked mana and soul power
1. Mana is a magic that has more than one use.
2. Soul power is the power of your soul and they come in all kinds of colors and powers.
Soul color: yellow and rad.
Mana color: is light red almost pink
Soul powers: yellow energy guns and control over time (able to save and load)
"Welp, it is time angina to chose some Mentors." “Mentorship”
I said
Tenkaichi Mentor System Menu:
Please state a universe.
Undertale
State a ark
after true pacifist ending
State a Character(s)
Sans
Contacting Character…
Voice Chat Initiated:
"Why did time stop? And why did I feel like someone is there but not at the same time?" Sans asked
"Oh that is me, it is just some kind of goddess thing that allows me to talk to people and see if they would like to come to help me train" I said to him
"What? Umm, who are you?" sans asked
"What I side before and jenny is my name." I told him
”Sans the skeleton and what do you mean by goddess thing? ” sans says then asked
”Oh a goddess sent me to a world that is not my own and told me to become an overpowered troll and give me this net power called Tenkaichi Mentor System that allows me to call over beings into my universe and help train me in new powers that she allows me to get to do my new job as an overpowered troll and I am talking to you thought this Tenkaichi Mentor System right meow. ” I said to him
”Not the weirdest thing that happens to me so far, so if time is stopped here, is it safe to assume that well I am over there that nothing will happen here? ” sans said then asked
” Yup, and you keep your memories when you go back and it be like you never left.” I told him
”Ok, so how do I get there? ” sans said then asked
”I really don’t know the Tenkaichi Mentor System just somehow brings the person I want to me after a long or short chat. ” I said to him
”Wlep I don’t have a skele-ton to do right now so yeah I will train you. “ sans said.
“Great! I'll Transport you now. just a second. ”I said 'hey weird voice thing can transport naruto and Hinata here.' i thought
Transporting selected character(s) Sans from the “Underatlet” universe… the weird voice thing said
Then a bright flash of blue light happened and after about 20 seconds the light went away and revealed sans in all of his perrrfectness, then he starts to look around the endless white void of infinite time and space.
”Wlep this is not what I was expecting when you told me you wanted to train you. “ sans said
”Maybe we should start training beside don’t we have a skele-ton to do for training. “ I told him.
”Yeah we should start, butt after a ice nap. “ sans said
”Are you kidding me? “ I asked him
”Yeah but after a bit, we will need a ice nap. “ said sans
”Snow problem just want to get training started as soon as I can. “ I told him
”M’k so what kind of soul do you have anyway because if I don’t know what can pf soul you have I can’t train in using it. sans said
”An upside-down yellow soul with a red outline. “ I said to him
”Interesting soul you get but yeah I can help train you. “ sans said.
”Yosh lets start right meow then! “ I said/pruned very exerted
”Ok then we can start right meow! sans said/ pruned right back
Time skip one year
-notes/highlighs of the year.
The first half of the year was just me and sans testing and seeing what my limits were and the other half of the year was spent just messing around with my powers and overall just puning/playing around with sans and basing around pun ideas.
Wlep that was a fun year, and those some nice puns you did and those powers of your was a sight to be seen. “
”Thanks we should do this again at some point in the future because I had a fun time training with you. “
Aaand you lost me at the start of the previous chapter. I've checked this one out just on the off chance you finally got to the story, but nope. More of the same. No, seriously, it's almos completely dry reports of your character amassing powers and nothing else. No story, no events, no nothing. You spent months to write these few chapters and that's all you got. Instead of a story about a troll having fun in anthropomorphic Equestria we have a slightly seasoned DB dump. That's not fun, that's antithesis of fun.
Well, this is a trainwreck and not a good one. The only thing I can recommend here is to drop this into abyss and start from scratch. And before that I recommend to actually care to read/watch a few stories with actually OP characters. Not necessarily on this site either. Just to understand what makes these stories tick. And no, they never focusing on the power itself since that's a given thus not interesting.
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Wait into next chapter I am writing what happens with celestia so just wait, beside I am doing the best I can do with what little resources I have.
Beside wait into August 13th because I something special plan for that day.
When I saw the Justice and Determination SOUL, I thought you were going to go the Glitchtale route, that seems to be what most people tend to do. Also, you did get Sans mostly right, the only thing you actually got wrong was him actually being willing to train. The only Sans I know that would be up for training, would be Blueberry (Underswap Sans, in case you're unaware, he's basically like the original Papyrus, just not into cooking), though that's only a minor thing, so it's not really something to complain about. Overall, it has Undertale aspects to it, so I'm fine with this chapter.