• Published 22nd Jun 2019
  • 711 Views, 46 Comments

Pinkie Pie's Problematically Private Passion's Parental Personages Presented Perpostorously Prior Publishing Previously Paraphrased Preoccupation - Masterweaver

The return of magic has changed a lot of things about the world, but some things were weird before that.

  • ...

Opening doors. And closing them. And opening them again. And closing them...

Pinkie Pie was well aware entering another's bedroom had implications. Being invited in was a gesture of trust--being allowed in without question, even more so. But it must be said that while Pinkie Pie understood the importance of trust, she didn't comprehend the concept of reticence; her default state was trusting everyone she spoke with, and it simply didn't occur to her that bursting dramatically into the bedroom of the friend she was crushing on while carrying said friend's sister's detached robotic arm might be considered as anything beyond supreme concern for her friend's emotional state.

Not up till Sunny L. Dragon caught up with her and said "Eager, huh?" in a low teasing tone.

The door to the Primary Planning Palace of Pinkie's mind was kicked open by a thigh-high leather boot. "ALRIGHT, I'VE BEEN SUMMONED! Where are we, what do we have, and who are we doin'?"

The figure sitting in the command chair rubbed her brow with a small sigh. "False alarm, Perversion. We just got a saucy comment is all."

"Really?" Perversion put her hands on her scantily clad hips. "But Ponderance, that's Ruby Rose, isn't it--and this is her bedroom! At least I think it is from the fancy blueprints and Shimmerist symbology--"

"Hey!" barked another figure, stalking up to her and waving a finger in Perversion's face. "This is me and Positivity's deal! Read the situation!"

"Ugh, fine Perturbance." Perversion sashayed over to a spare seat and sunk into it seductively. "I'm sticking around, though, just in case."

Ponderance shook her head. "Today has been kind of stressful... where were we?"

"She's been freezing up a lot recently," Ruby mused, leaning into Pinkie's face. "You think something's wrong with her?"

"Oh definitely," Sunny agreed as she reattached her arm. "Don't think there's anything I can do to help, though."

"Sorry, I spaced out there for a moment," Pinkie said.

"Pinkie, you froze up," Ruby pointed out. "I know you can get distracted and go on tangents, but you've been acting really weird today."

"I always act weird!" Pinkie insisted.

"You always act offbeat," Ruby corrected. "Is... is something wrong? I mean, if you need to talk to somebody I... actually have a lot of experience talking about personal issues--"

Sunny covered her snicker with a single hand.

"Sis, this is serious! I'm really worried about her!"

"Did you hear that, Pinkie?" Sunny put a hand on her shoulder. "She is really worried about you. You should do something to reassure her."

Pinkie gave Ruby a polite smile. "One second please."

She shut the door to Ruby's bedroom and spun on the blonde, a rare scowl on her face. "I get that you find this funny but no matter how I feel about Ruby I think it should be my responsibility to decide when and how I confess my love for her and your teasing is really not helping so if you would kindly not try to pressure me into something that I am already panicking about I would be extremely grateful thank you very much."

The smile reappeared on her face as she opened the door. "Sorry about that, just had to clarify a thing."

Ruby looked from her to Sunny's shocked expression, confusion pouring over her face. "What did you--?"

"Anywhozits, enough about me! What about you? You seemed kinda bummed when I opened the door."

"I--" Ruby shook her head. "It's nothing. Really."


"Really, it's--....." Ruby sighed. "It's... oh, I don't know. I'm just being kind of..."

She glanced at her sister, biting her lip.

"...Sunny? Um... do... do you mind if I talk to Pinkie alone?"

Sunny inhaled. "...One sec."

She shut the door and turned to Pinkie. "Am I alright to leave you with my little sister?"

"I--think so?" Pinkie asked, bewildered.

"I mean if she wants to confess to you, you're not going to jump straight to hanky-panky. Kissing is fine, but go beyond that right off the bat and we're going to have a very unfunny talk."

"Of course, I would never--" Pinkie's ears caught up with her and her smile widened. "Wait you think she wants to--?!"

"She's trying to kick out her cool big sister and have a private chat with her friend," Sunny pointed out. "It's a definite maybe. Don't get your hopes up though, this is way out of character for her and I don't know what this is, I'm just guessing."

"Right. Right, don't worry, that's not going to happen."

Sunny searched her eyes for a moment or two, before shaking her head. "Really hope I won't regret this..." She opened the door, smiling at the now visibly annoyed Ruby. "Sorry, just had to clarify something."

"This is my door," Ruby deadpanned. "I should be the one who controls it."

"Sorry!" Sunny and Pinkie chimed together.

Ruby rolled her eyes. "It's fine, it's whatever." She grabbed Pinkie's arm, tugged her fully into the bedroom, shot her sister a pointed look, and shut the door. "So... right."

"Right." Pinkie Pie swallowed. "So... that's a nice drafting table?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Mam got it for me... says she stole it from some mob boss somewhere." Ruby rolled her eyes. "Personally I think she just paid for it with stolen money, but you know, some people just want their tall tales believed."'

"You seem pretty chill with your Mam being... you know..."

"An international thief?" Ruby smiled wryly. "Yeah, well... she never plyed her trade around here. Plus Mère is basically her morality... uh..." She chuckled awkwardly. "Either pet or chain? Probably morality chain, if I'm honest. I don't think she'd be as good as she is if Mère ever fell out of her life."

Pinkie nodded. "Yeah... Raven does seem a little rough. A little too rough to be called 'Miss Magpie,' really. But I guess she must have some shreds of decency..."

"Mam was always the one who pushed us, growing up. Whenever she dropped by, she'd ask what new things we'd done--we'd show her color drawings at first, then when we got older we'd tell her we got good grades or this or that trophy for some local competition, and she'd say 'getting better every day,' or something like that. And theeeeeen she'd drill us on whatever we'd shown off until she left--color theory for the early sketches, math for the grades, she would have us running laps if we won some race."

Ruby shook her head with a rueful grin. "I always hated her visits when I was a kid... right up until the last day, when she would just give us something wicked sweet, tell us how proud she was of what we did, and then she'd ride off on her motorcycle like a boss. Then I forgot why I hated her visit and would want her to come back... right up till she did and repeated the same old routine. It wasn't till I was twelve that I realized what she was doing."

"Huh. That seems..." Pinkie pondered for a moment. "...kinda like she was more of a coach than a mom?"

"Oh, yeah, I mean don't get me wrong she did do the occasional 'mom' thing but it was pretty clear she never knew what she was doing. Mère, on the other hand, she's basically supermom. All hugs and cookies and nurturing advice... when she was around, anyway." Ruby sat down on her bed with a small sigh. "I mean, I get it. Working for Interpol, she's always chasing down some criminal or other. Didn't mean I didn't miss her when she was gone. A lot of the time I would brag about my awesome cop mom and the other kids on the playground would say 'Oh she's making that up, she doesn't have a mom.'"


"Yeah. But Mère always came home for parent's days, you know? Whenever there was an official 'show off what your parents do for a job,' she was there, and I got to rub it in everyone's noses. Course I grew out of that," she assured Pinkie quickly, "I think the last time I went Smuglord was when I was... eiiiiight? Maybe ten?"

"You're entitled to the occasional smuglord," Pinkie assured her. "I know my friends and I pull it off around each other a lot."

Ruby looked at her for a moment... before snickering. "I'm sorry, I'm just... picturing you going smuglord and--"

Pinkie put on an insufferably smug expression. "Aaaaaaand?"

"Pffffff okay, okay! I get it!" Ruby waved her off. "Geeze, that's even more ridiculous than I thought it would be!"

"Glad to oblige."

"Heh... I remember one time Dad tried go smuglord. He just can't pull it off at all. The guy's a goofball, really--like the walking manifestation of the absolute 'perfect' dad jokes, just cringe enough to make me groan without throwing me into full embarrassment. You know, though, he's... I don't want to say he's a better baker than Mère, but he's definitely got a wider base of skills. Mère can make cookies, but Dad can make a casserole, if that makes any sense.

"Oh, yeah, cookies aren't too hard to learn. Slightly more difficult than pancakes."

"Oh, Dad makes the BEST pancakes. I mean yours are great, but... they're just a little too, you know, perfect? I don't know. Dad always... got us. Knew what we wanted and why, even before we figured it out. When he wanted to discipline us, he wouldn't 'punish' us, but make us work harder for whatever reward we thought we'd get. This one time, Sunny broke a window, and Dad wouldn't get her this video game she wanted until she'd done twice her usual chores in the week. Stuff like that. A carrot carved into a stick... but he also always got us what we really wanted, in the end."

Ruby fell back onto her mattress. "And I mean... they're not perfect people, but I know they love me. It's just... I don't know. I... I'm not sure how to tell them..."

"...not sure how to tell them what?"

"That... that I'm asexual."