LunaSqueak: adventures of a Lunar Guard

by Kaliann25

This is the official uniform of the Lunar Guard. Wear it with pride

This is the official uniform of the Lunar Guard. Wear it with pride

It was a beautiful Saturday morning. Morning light went through the windows of the shared dormitory of Pip, Reality Slash and Cold Fusion.

Pip groaned, covering his head with a pillow. His head was killing him. “Damn Celestia and her damn sun! Right now I could use some eternal night…”

Cold Fusion glanced at him from behind his book, and shrugged. “You finally wake up. Somepony came to remind you that you and she have plans for having lunch at the Tasty Treat today and she’ll not forgive you if you don’t show up. That she doesn’t care if you have the mother of hangovers, you better go.”

Pip groaned. “I know, I know. Dang it, since when a bad joke is a ‘proof of bravery?’ But I couldn’t refuse the officers. And it was fun.”

“We noticed.” Said Cold, cold and uninterested as usual, but with a small smile on his face.

“Dude, why didn’t you mention you were a close friend with Princess Luna?” suddenly asked Reality Slash. “That’s so cool Pip!”

“Yeah, why keep it as a secret?” asked Cold.

Pip sighed. “First of all, I didn’t want you to think that I entered the Royal Guard because of her. And second, would you have believed me?”

Cold Fusion thought about it for a moment, and nodded. “I guess you’re right. But also she doesn’t seem happy that you joined.”

“And she also got upset when we told her that the officers spent the night inviting you drinks because of that joke.” giggled Reality Slash. “She acts like your mom or something.”

“To Tartarus with her then!” complained Pip. “My head…”

Cold threw him an aspirin. “Here, the best from Zecora’s pharmaceutics, courtesy of your second mom. So you see that she was serious about you not missing your lunch together.”

Pip groaned, half because of the hangover, half because of the annoyance. “Whatever.”

And then, right on time, Pip arrived to the Tasty Treat to have lunch with Princess Luna. But he was not in the mood.

“Hi Pipsy! How was your first week?” asked Luna, sitting with him.

Pip shrugged. “It was good, I think. I was the first of the unit who made a Celestia joke in her face. A dumb joke, but everypony was impressed.”

Luna shook her head. “Yes, I was there, remember? Anyway, most of the rookies take the whole training before they lose all respect for my sister.

Pip noticed she was annoyed, but didn’t say anything about it. After all, Celestia jokes were a tradition of the Lunar Guard.

Pip laughed. “What can I say? After all that VIP meetings I’ve joined you, I knew I could get away with it. I’ve seen Black and Lightning mocking Celestia more times that I could count, and she haven’t done anything about it. Hey, I even remember that time when Trixie called Princess Twilight a c#nt and a b1tch in front of Celestia, and nothing happened.”

“Something did happened.” Reminded him Luna. “Princess Twilight started to cry much to Trixie’s amusement. She complained with Celestia but…”

“But she said that she didn’t have the authority to punish her because all of your soldiers are protected by some decree of yours.” finished Pip. “See? I knew I could get away with it!”

“Okay, you had your reasons to make that joke like nothing.” admitted Luna.

“Not exactly like nothing,” explained Pip, “I’ve been practicing in front of a mirror for the entire week.”

Luna face-hoofed. “Pipsqueak, please, be careful. I don’t want you to become somepony you are not just because you want impress me. Alright?”

Pip shook his head. “Luna, you are my best friend. I have no reason for trying to impress you.”

“I know, that’s what I am trying to say Pipsqueak! I like you just the way you are.”

Pip sighed in exasperation.

“Luna, listen! This is not for you. I am not the kid who had a crush on the Princess of the night anymore! I am the kid who have admired the Black Swordsman and the Lightning Flash since I’ve heard about them for the very first time.”

Luna couldn’t help but smile. “Alright, alright. I admit it was narcissistic from me to think you were doing this for me. But at least promise me something.”

Pip shrugged. “Sure.”

“That you won’t change who you are only to fit in the Guard. A few jokes, and going to drink with your friends it’s okay, just don’t change the Pipsy I love so much. Alright?”

Pipsqueak nodded. “Of course Luna.”

With that, they had their lunch and said goodbye until the next week.
At least everything was fine between them now.

The rest of that Saturday Pip spent it at his room. Luckily Cold Fusion was a silent partner, and spent his weekend reading.
Reality Slash was a joker, and a bit noisy, but he also had a little too much to drink last night so he was quietly snoozing on his bed.

“Hey Cold!” called Pip.

Cold Fusion glanced at Pip from the edge of his book and made a small shrug. “I joined because I wanted to. Or you wanted to ask me something else?”

“No. That.” said Pip sheepishly. “How…”

“You are the only one of our partners that haven’t asked me yet. And, you have asked everypony except for me.”

“Ok, cool…” said Pip. Truth be told, Cold made him nervous from the very first time he met him.

“By the way, are you going to tell the girls you are Princess Luna’s friend?” groaned Reality Slash, just waking up.

Pipsqueak sighed. “I guess I’ll have to. But I would like to keep it as a secret.”

Cold Fusion raised an eyebrow. “Why? Confidence is vital for teamwork. Remember that story Black Swordsman uses to tell, of how he lost his companions for keeping a secret from them.”

“Come on pal, hiding that the boss and I have been close friends since I was little have nothing to do with hiding my true strength or something.”

Cold shook his head. “Still, confidence is vital for the teamwork.”

Reality giggled as he covered his head with a pillow. “Who would say that the scary guy actually have a soft side.”

Sunday the team returned to their training, and it had become more intense.

“From now on you’ll have to be extra careful when you get inside the dungeons.” warned Lightning Flash. “Because once you’re out, you’ll have to fight your fellow Lunar Guards in combat.”

“Seriously?” asked Quick Storm.

“This is the Lunar Guard.” said Black Swordsman. “We did not became the strongest guard by being soft with the rookies. Now take care.”

“Because a couple of you will have to face us when you get out of that dungeon. You have been warned.” said Lightning Flash.

With that the recruits crossed the door that would take them to Aincrad.

Pip looked at his weapon of the day, a rapier, like Lightning Flash’s. He gulped, and prayed for that weapon helped him to come intact from that dungeon.

Cold looked at him and made a small nod. “Is not the weapon, Squeak. Is the soldier.”

They all turned to see him.

“Seriously, have any idea of how creepy you are when you read our minds like that” asked Pip.

Cold Fusion sighed. “Is not my fault that you are so easy to read. Now, shall we choose our opponents?”

Acid Javelin scratched her head. “But aren’t they who are going to attack us?”

“The best defense is a good offense.” Said Cold. “We should take them as soon as we exit this dungeon, taking them by surprise.”

“They are going to beat us in two seconds or something.”

Cold nodded. “I know, but the goal is to take at least one of them.”

Pip smiled. “Let’s do this!”

Quick Storm sighed. “Okay, whatever. But we better make it to the end of the day in once piece!”

“Yeah, if they kill us, we’ll kill you both!” warned Acid Javelin.

And since there wasn’t more to say about it, the group went deeper into the dungeon.

It wasn’t extremely complicate.
A few monsters, traps, etc. At this point, the newest members of the Lunar Guard were pretty much used to this things.

“Hey, look!” said Reality Slash looking to an open room. “An abandoned treasure chest!”

“Or it’s a monster in disguise, or a trap, moron.” said Acid Javelin.

“It’s common sense.” sighed Cold Fusion.

“I know, I know, but if we beat the trap, we may get something good!” insisted Reality Slash. “I really need a new pair of boots.”

“Then go get them. With Cold’s plan we have enough suicidal missions for the day.” complained Acid.

“Oh, come on! Wanna trade suicidal missions?”

“Any other day I would gladly join you pal!” smiled Pip, reminding of his adventures with Feather Weight, the CMC or Rumble (before they turned into agents of Chaos). “Buuut, our Captains said they are going to attack us personally so not today.”

“Aw, what a shame!” complained Reality Slash.

“Last week was your chance to activate traps on purpose.” scolded Quick Storm.

The others nodded, knowing she was right. This time their officers won’t give them any healing potion when they exited the dungeon. Instead they would attack them.

Suddenly, Pipsqueak stopped. “Hey, this is just a feeling, but any of you can lift me to the roof’s beams as soon as we get out?”

“Dude, do you have any idea how much do you weight?” complained Reality Slash.

“Yeah, but it’s all muscle!” replied Pipsqueak, kissing his forehooves.

Acid chuckled. “I know. And don’t misunderstand me, but you look pretty great big boy. But, why do you want us to lift you?”

“Because as soon as we start the fight, Sinon will greet us with her Hecate. We have to take her down before she even charge the ballista.”

Cold agreed. “You are right. Do you think you can take her on time?”

“Of course. I won’t beat her but at least I’ll make sure she doesn’t attack you.” said Pip.

Cold grinned. “If I was a pegasus I would lift you myself.”

“Okay, I’ll give you the lift.” sighed Quick Storm. “But you owe me a favor.”

“And I’ll help you too!” said Acid. “You are too heavy for a single one of us to lift you on time.”

“Okay, sure.” shrugged Pip.

“You owe us a drink, and I’m serious!” insisted Acid.

The rest of the dungeon was easy for the new recruits.
And as it was expected from their training last week, they got to the other side with almost no damage.

And as promised, they were greeted by their captains and a few more officers when they appeared back in the training field.

“I’m glad to see you in one piece, rookies!” smiled Black Swordsman. “Are you ready for the next step on your training?”

Without a warning, Quick and Acid lift Pip to the beams as Cold and Reality charged at Black Swordsman and Lightning Flash. When the two pegasus mares landed, they went to get the nearest soldiers they could get, Heart of Darkness and Blackest Night.

They started a short battle that the most experienced soldiers easily won.

However they heard a bunch of punches coming from above them and much to everypony’s surprise, the Cold-Hearted Snipper was thrown from the beams unconscious with a very visible bruise on her forehead.

Black Swordsman caught her on the air as she slowly opened her eyes.

“Are you alright?”

Sinon nodded. “The Boss’ friend is fast. He managed to immobilize me before I could charge the Hecate or my support weapon.”

“That’s what happens when you only focus in one combat area only.” reminded her Black Swordsman.

“Shut up, most of the time my enemies don’t realize of my presence!”

Black grinned “I know, and as a result, you grew overconfident and rookie Squeak won his first fight.” He looked up, where Pip was looking at them and then he turned to the defeated rookies. “Okay, who came up with the idea of attacking us as soon as you exited the dungeon?”

Reality Slash saluted him. “It was Cold Fusion, my captain.”

Black made an approval nod and turned to Cold. “And tell me, you told rookie Squeak to attack Sinon?”

“No. that was all his idea.” said Cold.

Black made another nod and turned to his wife. “What do you think, Lightning?”

“I think we have found this unit’s new leader, and his second in command.”

Cold bowed with a light blush on his cheeks. “I am honored, my Captains, Black Swordsman and Lightning Flash.” Then he looked up when Pip was still looking down at his group. “Hey, Squeak, did you heard?”

“No, what?” asked Pipsqueak.

Black Swordsman looked up, and smiled. “Cold Fusion is the new leader of your unit, and you his second in command.”

“Is that so? Cool!”

Lightning Flash aimed her horn to Pip, and levitated him down. “First let’s make this clear, recruit Cold Fusion, and recruit Piper Squeak. If you prove you’re not up for this position, it’ll be given to your comrades, is that clear?”

The two earth ponies saluted and said in unison. “Yes, my captain!”

“Also, this position is good only during your training. When it comes to an end, you’ll be considered just another soldier until you get promoted. Understood?”

Pip smiled. “Of course!”

Cold Fusion also smiled. “Crystal clear.”

And since they have completed the task, the rookies were sent to their rooms.

Reality sighed in satisfaction as he laid on his bed. “Well, we ended up beaten and humiliated but at least they gave us an early release!”

Cold Fusion glanced at him from behind a book, and smiled briefly. “See how attaking first was worth it? And you wanted to waste everypony’s time by going after a stupid chest-trap.”

Reality rolled his eyes. “Go to hell. Wait, I mean, sir! Go to hell, sir!” Then he sighed. “The problem is that I know I won’t be able to sleep thinking in what was inside.”

Cold nodded. “Do as you please but you better be quiet.”

Somepony knocked at the door.

“Yes?” asked Pipsqueak as he answered the door.

Quick Storm winked an eye at him with a playful smile. “I think certain co-captain owes us a drink to Acid and me.”

Pip sighed. “I know, I know. Let’s pay my debt. Are you guys coming?”

Reality Slash was already on his four hooves, ready to join Pip.
But Cold simply shook his head.

“You go if you want. Tonight I feel more like reading.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to celebrate your new position?” asked Acid Javelin joining the group.

“Drink something for me.” said Cold, uninterested.

The group exchanged a look, but left without insisting more.

From that point, the training continued with the same routine. After the rookies escaped the dungeon, a group of veterans were waiting to challenge them to a fight.
Sadly, the trick of attacking first didn’t work again. After all, the Lunar Guard was formed by first-class soldiers.

But finally, after four months of hard work, Black Swordsman and Lightning Flash agreed that the rookies were ready.
They were a solid group that knew how to work together. And neither Cold Fusion neither Piper Squeak had to give up their ranks.

One day they were called to Princess Luna’s office. She seemed abnormally serious, but also really proud of her new group of soldiers.

“Young recruits, you have proved that you are worthy of my Royal Guard. According to your captains, you passed your training with honors. Am I right?”

“Yes Princess Luna!” answered the rookies in the unison.

Luna looked at them and called.

“Cold Fusion, Piper Squeak, one step ahead!”

Pip and Cold did as she told.

“You two have proved to have initiative, bravery and the right amount of recklessness. Thanks to that you have earned the title of leader and sub-leader of your unit. I am proud of both of you. My Guard’s true strength comes from teamwork, despite one of the leaders claims to be a solo-player at heart.”

Black Swordsman chuckled at this, but didn’t say anything.

Luna winked an eye to him and continued. “Then it will be my honor to concede you my emblem. The proof that you two are, from now on, official Lunar Guards.”

The blue alicorn’s glowed, and materialized the Moon Emblem on Pip’s and Cold’s chest-plates and flanks.

The two new soldiers bowed in gratefulness.

Then the Black Swordsman approached with a box on his back that he opened before blanthe two soldiers. It contained a rapier for Pip, and a war axe for Cold.

“Have you decided the names for your weapons?” asked the pegasus.

Pip nodded as he brandished his new sword. “Ice Pick.”

“Can I ask why?” asked Luna.

“Yes, because it was a rapier that I used to defeat the Cold-Hearted Snipper.”

Luna raised an eyebrow to this but didn’t ask more.
She turned to Cold Fusion. “What about you, soldier Fusion? What’s your weapon’s new name?”

“Silent Death.”

Reality looked at her friends and whispered. “It suits him.”

They giggled.

But then it was their turn to receive Luna’s mark and customized weapons.

Acid Javelin received not a javelin but a ballista that she called ‘Shooting Star’.

Then Quick Storm received a katana that she called ‘Ninjato’.

“You’re aware that’s a katana, right?” asked Reality.

“Yes, but she’s a rebel!”

After a generalized face-hoof, Reality Slash was happily trying his brand-new war hammer.

“We are ready for the big leagues, isn’t that right, Big Gun?”

Princess Luna looked at her new Guards.

“Soldiers, now you wear the official uniform of the Lunar Guard. Wear it with pride.”

Author's Note:

Okay sorry for the delay but this month had been crazy.
Anyway, I hope you liked it, and be patient.
Soon we’ll get to the Luna X Pipsqueak part. In the meantime,

Read ya’ later!