Just Another Day
In her time as the Empress, there had been stressful days, of course. Days of disputes that needed her resolving, days where a hard day’s work was met with little sleep. Days where the overwhelming pressure of just being her would have taken down a younger, more naïve Cadence.
And ever since Flurry Heart had been born, as happy as motherhood had made her, it still added layers of responsibility and extra work on top of everything. As much as she appreciated the help of servants in the castle and even Sunburst, she would not let Flurry become one of those foals who barely recognized her at the end of the day and cried for a nanny to be the one to kiss her booboos.
Despite everything, she always managed to come out on top.
But this day in particular had her feeling…overwhelmed.
She had arrived in Manehattan at the behest of her aunts as well as the local police. She took her leave from the Royal Court and kissed Flurry and Shining goodbye, not knowing how long things would take to resolve. And as much as a good flight would calm even the worst of nerves for her, she found herself taking the train that day. Something told her she had best reserve her strength for this particular case.
As a duo of Equestrian guards led her from the train station to the police station, she reviewed what she had learned once more.
Two days ago, a young filly had physically assaulted a grown stallion. This was surprising enough on it’s own, but then she had used her seemingly out of the blue new magic abilities to…do something to the assaulted stallion, leaving him a crying, blithering mess. The photos in the case file were a sight to see.
According to reports, the young unicorn filly was a bit magically inept. She had trouble with even the most basic levitation spells. She was on the verge of receiving a private tutor before all of this had happened. And to make things even more bizarre, the moment she had performed this unknown magic on the stallion was the same moment that the filly’s cutie mark had appeared.
Upon entering the station, she asked to speak to the Chief of Police, but was immediately beset upon by two ponies. They were blocked by the guards at first, but Cadence could see no outward malice from the two. Only desperation and fear. She stepped to them, dismissing her entourage.
“Please, tell me how I can help you.” She said, trying her best to soothe the very frazzled couple. She could sense the love and commitment between them almost instantly. They were close, and their love was shared with another. A child.
“Please Princess!” the mother sobbed, and her husband comforted her, looking just as broken. “They took our little girl away in hoofcuffs! Nopony will tell us what’s going on!”
“She’s only nine.” Her husband added, his voice breaking in a way that tore at Cadence’s heart. “All they told us is that…she hurt somepony. They won’t let us see her “for our own safety”. It’s been two days.”
“Please!” his wife sobbed again, trembling so violently Cadence thought she might faint. “She would never do something like this! Please help our baby!”
“I’m here to do everything I can.” She assured them, trying to project an air of confidence one would expect from an Alicorn Princess. “As soon as I know what this is all about, I’ll come and see you two and we’ll talk.”
They weren’t satisfied, but they reached a kind of calm that she could work with. She smiled gently, taking the mother’s hoof in her own.
“Now…” she looked to the Chief of Police, standing by to take her where she was needed. “What is your daughter’s name?”
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“Harvest Moon?”
The filly was shackled to a bench, looking so small. Her parents had said she was small for her age. She was a light grey unicorn filly with a white mane and tail, and the most adorable spot of white in-between her eyes, like a moon. She had a matching white chest and underbelly too. She looked up to the princess, terror in those eyes.
It had taken more persuasion than she would’ve liked, but she managed to convince the police chief to give her the keys to her restraints. She took it in her magic and undid the shackles that bound the filly, who rubbed at her forelegs as soon as she was free.
She smiled, taking a seat across from her. She could tell that she might not respond to positive attention, despite how much she looked like she needed a hug. Cadence kept a lid on her feelings, for now. She needed to stay impartial. Well, as impartial as one could be when a nine-year-old was the one in question. “Your mother told me that she and your father named you that because of the night you were born. There was a beautiful harvest moon out. And I can see…” she smiled, looking into the filly’s averted eyes. Bright honied orange, just as they’d said. “They thought it was something special when you opened your eyes for the first time. Like magic.”
The filly didn’t respond. Harvest just tucked into herself, avoiding Cadence’s gaze.
Okay, no small talk. Got it.
“I’m sorry if you’ve been scared here, all alone.” She told her with a heavy heart. Two days without any sign of her parents, it couldn’t be easy on a small child. “The ponies out there just wanted to make sure your magic was under control. But, I’m still sorry.”
Harvest was still tucked into herself, her body language defensive and stiff.
“Your parents told me that you just moved to the city. That can be scary. A new school, a new house, new friends…”
At the mention of “friends”, Harvest’s ears went down.
“Your mother told me she was so proud of you.” She took a gentler posture, her ears down too and her own body language open and inviting. “You went on a playdate with a new friend the other day. Her name is…Peach Pit?”
Harvest was shaking now. Time to seal the deal.
“Tell me Moony.” Harvest sat up, looking Cadence straight in the eye at her parent’s nickname. “Why did you hurt Peach Pit’s daddy?”
At her words, Harvest’s face contorted with pain, her body wracked with sobs. Cadence threw her impartiality out the window and leapt over the table to the little filly and wrapped her up in her wings, shushing and soothing her. Normally she wasn’t a fan of “ripping off the bandage” as it were, but she had seen that look on several pony’s faces before.
Cadence, as well as being the Empress, used a lot of her time and magic healing ponies who were hurt in body and soul. She had many patients who she saw more than once, to help heal broken hearts and broken minds, and this filly was dead ringer for several of her trauma patients.
“It’s okay…shhhh…” she nuzzled the filly, tucking her head over Harvest’s and encasing her in her wings. “You’ll feel better if you talk about it, I promise.”
Harvest latched onto her, desperate for something to ground her as her emotions took over. She took a shuddering breath, her voice as small as she was.
“I didn’t…mean to.”
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Harvest Moon was the new filly in school, moved to town mid-school year and all the fillies in her class had already made their friends. It was a terrifying thing, trying to jump into some other pony’s friendships. Even the colts in her class seemed more than happy to just do their own thing. No need for runty little Harvest Moon.
Then, she had met Peach Pit.
Peach Pit was shy, like her, and for once Harvest found herself in the role of the more confident half in the friendship. The rest of the fillies in their class teased Peach for being so skittish, jumping out of her skin whenever anypony snuck up on her. It had become a regular game for the colts in class to see which one of them could scare her the worst. There were bonus points if they got a scream out of her, and on a really bad day, it could be heard from across the school.
But when it was just the two of them, they would find a calm peace with each other hard to find anywhere else.
When Peach’s momma Cherry Pit suggested a playdate, she never ran home so fast to ask her own mother permission.
She had had a great time at Peach’s house. She had been so happy to make a new friend after so long, alone in her new class. Cherry Pit was nice and sweet, like her own momma, and she’d baked them a batch of chocolate chip cookies for their playdate. They’d played games and drew together, Peach was a great artist. There had even been talk of a sleepover.
Everything had been going just fine.
Until Peach’s daddy had come home from work.
He seemed nice. Cherry had gone to greet him at the door with a kiss on the cheek. And he smiled, sighing about his long day. He spotted her and smiled again.
“Why, hello there!” he smiled, walking over. “You must be Moony. My little Peachy’s told us so much about you!”
And the closer he got, the closer Peach scooted to her. Moon glanced at her, confused. Was she hiding? Was this a game they played? Peach’s face was happy to see him but her eyes weren’t.
And the moment her flank had brushed Harvest’s, everything went wrong.
Horrible things filled Harvest’s mind, numbing all her other senses. Things she didn’t understand. The feeling of a crushing weight on her back, a warm breath on her neck, a white hot, shooting pain in her stomach and hips. Tears in her eyes as she stuffed her face in a pillow, waiting for it to end. But it never did. She felt this pain over and over; every sound, every smell, every hushed word flooded her senses and a wave of nausea rolled up from her belly.
“My little Peachy...”
Harvest’s levitation had always been her weak point. In class, she could never lift more than a feather, and barely that.
But that day, something had just…
Snapped.
It had been the leg from the kitchen table, broken off in her magic and in an instant, smashed across the stallion’s face.
Cherry had screamed. Peach cried out for her daddy, but it only made things worse. Tears were streaming down Harvest’s cheeks as she didn’t wait for the stallion to recover, smashing the leg into his face again, making him stumble back towards the still open door. He was hurt, and confused, not knowing how to react to a small child attacking him so viciously. But by the time a third hit came, twisting his body and sending him out the door and into their front yard, he was in too much pain to protect himself well enough.
“Why Daddy!?” came Harvest’s voice, but her mind was twisted, another set of thoughts clouding her own. “Why!! Why did you hurt me!? I wanted! You! To stop!!”
Every word brought another swift hit with the table leg, which had started to go red. But she couldn’t stop now. If Daddy got up, who knows what he’d do to her now?
She could faintly hear Peach’s momma screaming still, and some ponies in the neighborhood were coming her way. She wanted him to cry. Cry like she had all those nights. And something was bubbling up inside her. This feeling was new, and awful, burning her up.
She had to make him hurt. Hurt like she…no, like sweet, kind Peach had.
Magic crawled up her horn, and before anypony could stop her, she released it into him.
The white, glowing magic shot into the stallion’s head, and his eyes had the same glow that hers did. They looked a each other, a furious, weeping filly and a beaten, broken stallion, and suddenly, it was gone.
All the pain, all the visions, they lingered in the corners of her mind but they weren’t overwhelming her anymore. She fell to the ground and felt somepony grabbing her. The last thing she remembered was hearing Peach’s daddy sobbing in the grass, crying out as his family rushed to his side.
“I’m sorry!” he sobbed, holding his bloodied head and weeping openly. Harvest had never seen a grown stallion cry like that. “I’m s-so sorry! I’m sorry!”
She’d been told later that she’d gotten her cutie mark along with the new magic. It should’ve been a special day.
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Cadence held the filly close, the tale chilling her down to the deepest parts of herself. Harvest was describing something that Cadence had some experience with herself, deep empathetic magic. But Harvest not only had the power to feel the feelings of others, but from the sound of it, transfer those feelings into another pony.
She looked at Harvest’s cutie mark, and it was something to see. An hourglass with heart-shaped chambers, and deep red sand trickling from one heart to the other. If she hadn’t just heard her recounting how she’d gotten it, it might have seemed rather abstract.
But she had felt…no, experienced her friend’s horrible trauma firsthoof. She had held onto that pain and…supposedly, done what Peach Pit had wanted to do but couldn’t. Not to mention it could be counted as a type of…self-defense, in a way. She genuinely thought that she was in danger from the stallion.
It was a complicated case, to say the least. But she had a feeling that if this magic had a lasting effect, she might find that stallion in the hospital, ready and willing to confess to his heinous crimes.
It wouldn’t be enough to clear the filly completely. She had bludgeoned a pony because of a magic it seems she had no control over. What would happen the next time she came in contact with a traumatized pony?
“You might not think of it like this…” Cadence finally spoke, and the filly looked up at her. “But the magic you have is…a gift. Some ponies go their whole lives trying to understand how others feel.” She stroked the filly’s mane, squeezing her tighter. “I try to understand ponies every day, to help them.”
“Do they…” the filly sniffed, drying her eyes on Cadence’s fur. “Do they ever…go away?”
Oh…pony feathers…Cadence thought, her heart clenching. She still remembers.
“It’s…something we can work on.” She stroked her mane again. “I’m…I’m so sorry you saw those things. Nopony your age…nopony at all should suffer like that.”
Harvest put her face in Cadence’s fur again. She tried to think of what to say, anything that might make this awful time any better.
“You know…” she started, brushing Harvest’s mane out of her face. Her bright orange eyes stared up at her. “I don’t know for sure…but there’s a chance that the pain you felt, Peach Pit’s pain…she might be a bit better now, even a tiny bit better, because of you.”
Sure, she’d probably go through extensive therapy at the sight of her father being beaten so brutally right in front of her, but she could be better than she had been. Abusive or not, little foals had trouble separating what was healthy parental love from the rest of that mess at her age. He was still her daddy, and little fillies were supposed to love their daddies. And she’d need help for all of it anyway, who knows how long all that had been going on?
But it could be true. She’d taken those emotions from her. She could’ve lightened the mental load for Peach Pit, even just the tiniest bit.
Only time would tell.
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She stayed with Harvest for a while longer, simply comforting her and trying to help her through her emotions as she would any other patient. She needed to find the best way to explain what she had seen without further traumatizing her. It was hard to know where she stood with these things, what she understood and what she didn’t. After a while, she had to excuse herself, with the promise to get things moving on the other side of that door. With a heavy heart and a sincere goodbye, she exited, hoping that Harvest wouldn’t be in the room for much longer.
The first to approach her was the Police Chief.
“Princess?” he asked through his big, bushy moustache. “Did you get her talking?”
“I did.” She thought about what she heard in that room, the things that would haunt her as well as two fillies. “It is my opinion that legal action needs to be taken.”
He looked surprised at that, but not for long. He furrowed his brow, sighing.
“It’s coming from ponies younger and younger, it seems…” he mumbled, standing up straight. “How do you rule the severity of the crime? You thinkin’ she should be tried as a minor?”
“You misunderstand me, Chief Caper.” She said, holding up a hoof. “The stallion Harvest Moon assaulted is very likely a perpetrator of several counts of incest against his own daughter. The filly in that room will need to be dealt with, but…this is a very…tricky case to say the least. But in the meantime, I need you to secure Olive Pit and if I’m right…he should readily confess to his crimes.”
Chief Caper seemed a bit stunned at all the information Cadence had gotten out of the filly in the hour or so that they couldn’t in two days, but he didn’t waste time. He and another officer were already on their way out when Cadence approached Harvest Moon’s parents.
“How is she?” her mother pleaded. “Is she alright? Is our baby alright?”
“She’s…doing better.” She hoped that was accurate. “But please…sit down.”
They were reluctant at first, but sit they did, eventually. She told them everything, from what had happened, to what their daughter had experienced, to her new magic. All the while they looked shocked and disgusted, and by the end they were out of their seats.
“We need to see her.” Her father insisted, his wife nodding and trying not to cry.
“Of course.” She stopped them from taking off down the hall with a gentle look. “Please, when you’re done…there are things we’ll have to discuss.”
They took off without another word. Cadence stood alone in the lobby of the station, emotionally exhausted.
“What am I going to do?”
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After a long while alone with her thoughts, she knocked politely on Harvest’s holding room door. Her father answered, his eyes looking puffy, but he let her in with a weak smile.
“Hello Harvest.” She smiled to the small filly wrapped in her mother’s forelegs. Her mother didn’t look much better off than her father but they were both trying to be strong for their daughter.
“Hi Princess.” She said back weakly, trying her best to smile back.
“Harvest…” she didn’t know where to start. “Even though you can’t be entirely blamed for all of this…” she hated having to think like a lawpony sometimes. “There might be those who will be concerned about you…losing control again.”
The entire family looked fearful at her words, but she didn’t give them the chance to fester in them.
“But…” she sat in front of the three of them, keeping a calm atmosphere. “I think I may have a solution to all of this.”
She extended a comforting hoof to Harvest Moon, and the filly touched it with her own, her nerves calmed considerably.
“Princesses sometimes take on personal students.” She told her, gauging her parent’s reactions too. “If you were to become my apprentice, you could learn to control your new magic, and as my apprentice, you’d be under my care.”
“An apprenticeship?” her father looked conflicted, as expected. “What…would she be learning to do?”
“In the Crystal Empire, I serve the ponies as a therapist who specializes in patients with trauma. I think Harvest has the potential to be a fantastic counselor pony. And she’ll learn to control her powers along the way.”
“I’m…I don’t know…” her mother held her daughter tighter.
“As it stands, while it was to fight against a pony who had committed a most atrocious crime, Harvest used her gift to assault and traumatize a pony, even if he wasn’t innocent. In my care, she could use her gift to change lives all over Equestria. She’ll receive the finest education and she would stay in the castle with my family. We will do everything in our power to protect her.”
They still seemed unsure, and Cadence couldn’t really blame them. She was asking for a lot of change from a family that had already been through so much of it. But she held firm.
“I give you my word that I would never expose young Harvest to anything damaging. I will teach her the best therapeutic treatments for herself as well as others, and she will never go through something like this ever again.”
Her parents looked to each other, a silent conversation going on between them.
“If it doesn’t interfere with her studies…Could we come and visit sometimes?” Her father asked.
“And she has to come home for holidays.” Her mother was firm on this. “We’ll come up for her birthday. And…if things don’t go well…she gets to come home if she wants.”
Cadence thought about the implications of that last part. Part of the implied deal here was that nopony would saddle her apprentice with a violent crime, so long as she swore to keep her magic under control. But if she were to come back to Manehattan before her training was complete, who knows what they’d want to do to her?
All the more reason to make sure everything went well.
“Of course.” She agreed, shaking on it with the both of them. “And the crown will be supplying those train tickets for holidays, and anytime you two want to visit as well. It’s a long, costly trip here and back. I’ll even hook up our private car for those occasions.”
“Oh!” her mother blinked, holding up a hoof. “Oh, that’s much too much!”
“It’s nothing at all.” Cadence smiled. “It’s a small price to pay for such a talented apprentice. Speaking of…”
She lowered her head to Harvest’s level, who had been listening in while the adults hashed out terms. She looked nervous and scared, and she held onto her mother tight.
“Harvest Moon.” Cadence looked her in the eye, smiling gently. “You have a say in this too. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to.”
The filly had been exceptionally quiet throughout this talk of what was to be done about her future, and it was troubling Cadence slightly. She knew nothing of the filly’s hopes and dreams. She would make a fantastic therapist with the proper training, but it was cruel to assign her a fate she had no interest in, even if it was the best thing for her.
“I…” she tucked farther into her mother’s grasp, hiding behind her mane. “I don’t…”
She looked up to Cadence with the most pitiful eyes, trembling. It hit her hard, but the princess stood firm.
“How…how many ponies?” she said, almost too quiet to be heard. “How many ponies hurt like Peach does?”
It was a hard question for this hard day. It gave Cadence pause. Honesty in this instance would show the filly how dire a need Equestria had for a talent like hers. But it would also take away something she was already losing.
The innocence of a foal was not something Cadence aspired to sully every day.
Which part of her sense of morality would win out?
“Ponies…ponies like Peach…it’s hard to say.” And there was a shred of honesty to that. “So many ponies keep their hurt tucked down deep inside, and unless they meet a pony like you or I, they might hold onto it forever. Nopony around them would ever know they would ever need help at all, until it was too late.”
And Harvest’s ears laid sideways in deep concentration, looking with a deep intent at a particular floor tile. With her small size it was easy to forget that she was almost a decade old and had more complex feelings than a foal might have. This wasn’t a filly that Cadence could bribe with treats and games, though those would still be saved for the occasional fun. She was going to be a tough nut to crack.
“I can do it.” She said finally, relaxing her tense frame in her mother’s hold. “I can.”
Her parents seemed both relieved to know that there was a glimmer of hope for her, but faced the reality of being so far away from their only child. They held onto her, smushing her between them with teary eyes. Harvest seemed to want to do what fillies and colts do at her age and protest to the smothering, insisting she wasn’t a little foal anymore. But she kept quiet and hugged them back, glad for the positive affection after her trying ordeal.
Cadence excused herself with the promise to return and closed the door gently behind her. All the tension drained from her body as she took a deep breath through her nostrils and leaned against the wall on the exhale. The world seemed a little bit simpler now that she could do what she did best and help the filly.
She took her guards with her to the nearby post office to send a telegram to Shining. A room would have to be made up.
Next Time: Harvest Moon meets her fellow apprentices.
well. here's the new story c: probs will be about 3-4 chapters, and i will keep the darker stuff to a minimum, description-wise. that shit makes my skin crawl. bit of a stiff first chapter, but things will pick up once we get to the Crystal Empire
also, you better believe i named this oc after an old, fav video game series that i love. i couldn't help myself. but it did inspire her design, otherwise i really didn't have a clue what she was going to look like.
and have a Harvest Moon art where her head's a bit too big because art is hard and i am tired:
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This just confirmed that following you was a good choice
9659078
awwwww thats so nice of you c: glad you like it so far
9659085
Thank you for writing jt
Nice work so far. Compelling and meaningful. Usually, I'm not a fan of darker stories, but this one intrigues me. I'll keep track of this one!
9659137
thanks! im gonna do my best with this one
9659194
Already off to a good start!
Hmm, an interesting start this, I'll certainly be interested to see where this leads. You know, I had expected a mirror to feature in this young one's Mark, since her Talent seems to partially revolve around granting, perspective.
9659219
first, thanks for reading, glad to see you liking my stories so often c:
second, the cutie mark was really just a flash of "oh, yeah that works perfectly", plus it's a really simple design, like a pony wouldn't know what it meant at first glance. but i do like your suggestion. if i had to wax poetic about what im thinking about now, it'd be something like:
the ponies that Harvest is going to "work with" at some point are going to be difficult. you choose to look in a mirror, but an hourglass? once that thing gets flipped there's no stopping what has to happen. and the sand, representing the horrible stuff she's going to experience through ponies, is going to sit within her for a long time.
Harvest is the hourglass. the individual chambers represent the two ponies the memories transfer to/from, but the whole thing is her. she's gonna carry that weight.
9659269
That's very well thought out, for all that it's a spur-of-the-moment kind of idea. I do love those moments, when an entire concept just drops into your head, very satisfying.
As far as mirrors go, I was contemplating something that came up in a very old fantasy book I once read. Don't remember the title, but the mirror in question was very much a tool of judgment. It worked something like the mirror of Erised from Harry Potter, only this mirror showed the absolute truth of a man, and compelled him to face it without any kind of delusion or evasion.
A fearsome creation really, self-knowledge is a terrible burden to bear. But then, condemnation isn't the purpose of this filly's Talent, so that mirror isn't entirely relevant.
Definitely an interesting kind of apprentice to Cadance. And I wonder what the affect will be of taking her into a city full of traumatised ponies - recently re-traumatised, if this is set at the current point in canon - whose abuser is not available to hurt?
I had thought going in that the main filly would be the one who suffered the trauma, but having her experience it through her magic when it happened to another filly... it's both horrifying, and satisfying (in that she possesses an ability many people probably wish they had, the ability to reveal hidden evils and fight back). I was close to tearing up a few times; it's horrific that things like this should happen to anyone, least of all children, LEAST least of all by the ones who are supposed to protect them. Even though I had to skim the description of what Harvest experienced when touching Peach Pit, the emotional power of this chapter was very strong. I am very interested to see how it continues (and grateful to hear we won't be touching on anything else QUITE so traumatic).
9660149
thank you for reading first off c:
there's something particularly satisfying about having someone who will fight for you when you can't. Harvest is going to try her best to help the helpless. this crap should never happen to children, like you said.
i absolutely know the feeling. several times after i wrote it i tried to think of how to make it easier to handle for some readers, but it's one of those things, yeah? didn't think the reader's imagination was up to the task on this one.
i absolutely promise that i will try to be as non-graphic as i can. anything i write for this story is never for the sake of being shocking or edgy, just getting across how the ponies in the story feel about their traumas.
9659991
i do think that Harvest will focus the professional part of her new job on ponies who can actually be helped in a tangible way, but there's nothing saying she won't take on a few side quests to help ponies feel better for the sake of feeling better. plus she's training to be a real therapist, crystal ponies can make an appointment anytime. c:
9660375
You're welcome! It is very well-written. ^^ And I appreciate that, writing something because it's necessary to the point of the story rather than just for shock value; and I could tell you did at least try to keep it as non-descript as possible without losing the truth of the situation's terrible nature. There was powerful bit of catharsis when she was screaming Peach's pain while beating up Olive; while I of course don't support a child beating someone's face bloody, the AGONY and absolute sense of betrayal in her words were palpable, and one can only hope that Olive's pleas were genuine and he will actually change. (He will no doubt go to jail, of course, but people CAN change, even sex offenders.) It's a painful topic and not one I normally read on, but I have to commend you for writing it well.
I've never seen this subject handled with such care on fimfic before. Add the unique but fitting take on Cadance, and this story is pushed into new territory. Color me invested.
9660781
i aim for handled with care c: i'm glad you're enjoying yourself so far. i like imagining Cadence as very emotionally smart, motherly but not obnoxiously so, pragmatic. she is allowed and expected to express herself, etc.
Very well done, I'll be following this with interest.
Btw
filly was a dead ringer
9661264
glad to have you reading
and fixed, thank you c:
I normally like to have some constructive criticism to go with praise. Even it out, ya know? There really isn’t much to criticize here without really picking at little things. The characterization firmly set Cadence up without retreading what the general expectations of the fandom already know. The signature moment was visceral without being too graphic. That’s a hard line to tread. To take a tangent, it reminds me of the advertising for ‘The Happening’. If you remember back to those days, I found the advertising was more impactful than the movie itself because they cut away right before the grizzly deaths happened. In the movie itself those moments were underwhelming because it felt like they stayed on the scene too long just to get the gruesome factor up.
All in all, a very nice start to a story I will be excited to read. If I had to nitpick a thing, I’d say that the parents dilemma of sending their child far away could have been expanded on. It’s a very minor nitpick because it’s entirely a subjective opinion. They aren’t the focus of the story and I respect an author that stays focused on what the plot is and doesn’t get caught up in a hundred distracting side stories.
Heh... even my contrived nitpick turned into praise... I guess I’ll just have to end by saying kudos.
Kudos.
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i took care with the description of the event, that won't change in any point in this story, though it's unlikely things will get that heavy description-wise again.
the parents will have more to say/do next chapter, before Harvest leaves, but yeah, for some reason it didn't feel right to put them in the spotlight during the first chapter, and im still debating whether or not to give them names. i think they speak to more as "Harvest's parents" than who they could be on their own.
i appreciate the compliments and the criticism, glad you're excited to read more c:
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Knew I forgot something! >click<
Very well done. I thought this was a great one-shot until I read the author's note saying there would be more. More?!
My goodness, I can't wait to see where this goes! (It's still a great one-shot though!)
This form of magic would probably be considered mind control or inipulation. Anything the stallion says would probably not hold up in court. And that self-defense angle won't fly because perceive danger is not the same as being in danger. If I was a lawyer I would go with magic induce trauma. And if the magic is permanent see what probably have to be put on the list or talk never to use it. Unless he gets some kind of degree or permission.