Bits, Pieces and other Scrapped Ideas

by FoolAmongTheStars

In Which Sunburst Lies

Author's Note:

Summary: This is what it must feel like to say the right things to the wrong mare—a drabble that has nothing and everything to do with Starlight Glimmer.

Warnings: Romantic drama and angst

Notes: Just a sad little drabble, enjoy!

“Sunburst?”

The wooden door slowly creaks open, and he feels her lightly step into his carpeted room. At first, he tries to even out his breathing—pretend he is asleep, hoping she’ll go away—but she only comes closer.

“Sunburst? You’re awake, are you?”

The quietest of steps moves toward him, and he mumbles something incomprehensible, wishing that she would just leave, but suddenly, he stiffens as he feels a cold hoof on his shoulder.

“Hey, dummy.” She lets out an angry huff—or maybe she is only annoyed this time—as she shakes him a little, pleading for him to look at her, acknowledge her existence. “I know you’re awake, so turn around. I don’t need to use my magic to tell, Mr. Wise Guy. Hey, are you d—?”

Twisting rapidly around to face her, kicking away his blankets—he doesn’t need distractions at this time of night, when he already has to face enough of them during the day—and looks up to see her gasp, pull away from him, eyes wide. Satisfaction floods his veins at his success of pushing her away, but he also feels regret, instant remorse at causing her fright, so he decides no more scares for tonight.

“Hey,” he softly calls out, so that she knows that he’s not angry. But she just stands there, stiff, until little by little her expression melts into something painful, something worried.

“Sorry,” tumbles from her mouth as she sits down by his bedside.

He lets out a little laugh—maybe because he is relieved?—before patting her head and, still chuckling, replies, “But you didn’t do anything. It was me.”

Yet her head shakes back and forth in a silent no.

“Did I frighten you?” he asks, as her hooves quickly search around for his, desperately—a bit too desperately, he can’t help but think—clasping them once they are found. She’s practically freezing, is his next thought, and he wants to pull away, but refrains from doing so.

She shakes her head, then gives another…before she nods reluctantly. “Sorry,” she repeats again, softly, her head bent down so that jagged bangs hide dull wide-awake eyes. “I thought that you were…” she pauses and searches for an appropriate word, continuing when it’s found; “…angry, I didn’t mean to upset you, it’s just…” He raises an eyebrow as she struggles once again. “I wanted to talk to you;” it sounds like she is forcing the words out.

“Well—” he sighs, “—then I should be apologizing.” He can’t help but reach out, raise her chin so that she sees his face, and give her one of his gentle, tender smiles. Nor can she stop the small one—barely visible, but to him, the only thing in his sights—from spreading across her face as soon as she sees him looking so…unlike his usual shy, reserved self.

“Um…” her smile disappears at this point, “…Sunburst, do you…I mean, would you mind if…” he begins to frown and must strain his ears to hear her next words, tiny and timid “…can I sleep here tonight?”

This is so predictable, he knows in his mind, along with what will happen next; but he is still taken aback. Pretending to be ignorant, slipping a careless expression on his face, he sits up—forelegs stretched towards the ceiling and the canopy—and yawns. “Yeah, sure,” his voice sounds blearily in the gloom. “I guess I’ll take the couch then.”

He sits on the edge of the mattress, as if he was going to slip off and out the door, but catches her downcast expression. Then, his body stops unwillingly, his head leans forward towards her without his mind’s command, and his ear catches the whispered words which he knows will say something similar to; “Oh, but…I want to sleep with you…”

Now he knows that there is no escape; he absolutely cannot refuse once those words are said. A sigh leaves him, and with it so does his previous, idiotic goal. Moving back to his pillow with resignation, he pats the place next to him and invites her; she innocently smiles at him, scrambling next to his warm body, and lies down. The choice made, decision set, covers are pulled over them and she snuggles into him, almost automatically.

Then, a foreleg wraps around her small body reluctantly; he wants to pull away, just to pull away and get out of here as soon as possible, but a small voice within (his?) whispers no, you promised, promised to stay; so, he doesn’t move and his foreleg pulls her closer, even though it’s shivering and cold and her body’s freezing and sucking all the heat—

“Sunburst, am I bothering you?”

“Hmm?” Becoming even sharper, on alert, his mind still forces his body to pretend—to continue moving around, adjust himself around her comfortably—yet it is futile, he knows.

“I am, aren’t I?” Playing on her face is a smile, and he has no idea how he can see that taunting almost-smirk through the tense darkness.

A “No,” finally comes out, but he knows it is too late. She knows, the smile transforms into a confused expression, and she buries her head into his chest.

He feels her take a deep breath—maybe to calm herself down, or just to inhale him and his scent—and when her head looks upward to him again, her voice is quiet but clear. “You don’t have to lie.”

It hits him hard, like a pound of bricks—like that time they were trying out a new spell, and he had been thrown across the room and smack-dap into a wall—he was speechless and is. Before anything else, though, he hears a soft sigh and feels her push away from him.

“It’s fine,” she grumbles under her breath, “I’ll sleep on my own tonight,” she prepares to sit up and leave, but then squeals as he catches her around the waist once again, tickling her slightly.

“Wait,” he whispers, almost desperately, “don’t go. Yet. Tell me how you know. I’m not lying.”

A thoughtful pause—or at least, he thinks that she is thinking. Then she turns around, beams at him, and, before crawling back into bed next to him, murmurs, “That was the same tone you used when you said that you loved me.”

Eyes widen in shock—he wants to jump up, push her away—because that actually hurt. She must sense this because she turns around to face him, the smile wiped off her face. But she isn’t angry; she knows what she’s doing.

“It’s fine if you don’t, Sunburst,” she murmurs quietly. “I…I understand. But since this is your last night here—possibly the last night we’ll ever spend together…could you just say it one last time? Pretend that you mean it? Please?”

Still dazed with the fact that she knows, how she came to realize something that he is just beginning to see, he nods numbly. I never realized…how good it feels to lie.

She sighs and turns around. “I love you, Sunburst,” he hears, feeling her close her eyes and drift to sleep.

Lies are necessary for survival.

“I love you too,” he responds, mustering every bit of feeling he has left and putting it into that one loaded sentence.

Lies cover up the truth we can’t handle.

He lays awake for what seems like forever, staring at the ceiling, long after his friend has dozed off. Thinking of the future…after tomorrow…what will happen when he leaves? Will everything turn back to normal?

What is normal anyway?

He shifts so that he is facing her, finally. “I love you…” he breaths out to the back of her head, when—in reality, in fantasy—he is saying it to the face of somepony else, to the past he thought he’d let go, to the mistake he thought he’d made when, truly, it was the only thing that had ever gone right in his life.

“I love you,” he clearly whispers to the pony who was always there but isn’t now.

“Starlight.”

Comments

[Xp45]

HNNNG, the fluff! The finesse! My heart strings!

[FoolAmongTheStars]

11057935
Thanks!!

[Lee Goldson]

I'm sad now.

[FoolAmongTheStars]

11086544
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