Captain Goodking looked at the mutant unicorn standing before him. Where has he heard the name "Sacanas" before? Then he noticed that Sacanas was holding a very familiar staff in his hooves.
"I'm sure you're familiar with my staff, Mr. Storm King." Sacanas said "Though I do have to wonder, how did you mess up in spite of having the power of all four princesses?! I didn't even live long enough to see the third one!"
"Okay, first of all, it's Captain Goodking now. And the reason why I failed is the same reason your apprentice failed: He stabbed the wrong back!"
"Well to be fair, Sanies did take after his father more than he cared to admit."
"And second of all, how did you know who I was?"
"Just a simple bit of psychometry. By the way, did you know Discord has a cousin?"
Sacanas then looked at the Nightmare Knights he tied up before Goodking's arrival. You see, before the good captain showed up, the Nightmare Knights thought they could take on Sacanas and, while they did put up a really good fight, Sacanas managed to depower most of them and let Luna and Tempest go so they can find some new party members, counting on the fact that they would go to the recently reformed Storm King. While Sacanas has no specific use for Goodking at the moment, he assumed that Captain Goodking would be the only option left since that everyone else was busy taking down the aliens that were in cahoots with him. While they could get Daring Do to help, chances are she is busy with her own adventures. Perhaps if he has the time, Sacanas could find out about Daring Do's whereabouts and force her to find one of the seven Seals Of The Planets for him (and maybe a few other magical artifacts of unlimited power while she's at it). The Pillars could have been of good help but there's a good chance they are probably helping Celestia and her forces take down the alien invaders. Oh well, at least Sacanas knows that the diversion is going off without a hitch. Since that Sacanas was randomly entertaining the many ways his plan could go, he failed to notice how everyone was staring at him. And at that moment, he remembered something in order to ensure any temporary co-operation with his enemies.
"Oh of course, where are my manners? I promised Luna that I wouldn't kill these guys if she and Fizzlepop over here invited one more player to our little game."
"How did you know my real name?" Tempest asked inquisitively, which resulted in Sacanas giving her a look of shock.
"THAT'S YOUR REAL NAME?! I WAS MAKING A JOKE ABOUT HOW YOUR MAGIC IS ALL OVER THE PLACE BECAUSE OF YOUR HORN! Or what's left of it."
Naturally, such a comment resulted in Tempest trying to zap Sacanas, but Sacanas managed to block it with his staff.
"Well, it's been fun getting up to speed with everything and catching up with everyone but I really must go. I have a game night to prepare. Oh, and in the meantime, why don't we all acquaint ourselves with the new guys" Sacanas said before teleporting away. Goodking then noticed one of the group members, an Abyssinian, giving him a glare. While Capper is in no position to judge, given how he once tried to sell the Mane 6 and especially considering he betrayed the Nightmare Knights after Princess Eris offered him a life of luxury (although that last one turned out to be a trick to lower Eris' guard), he was still pretty mad about the Storm King's invasion and conquest of Abyssinia.
"Hey." Goodking said in an awkward manner "Soooooo.....No hard feelings about the whole 'conquering your home' thing?"
"And the whole 'attempting to destroy the world and allow your buddy to possess me' thing?!" a light blue pony said in a tone that was meant to be deadpan but was seething with mild contempt. The pony was also giving Goodking a glare.
"Hey, I had nothing to do with Sans or whatever his name was possessing you! Especially since he used you to kick my butt!"
"I still have nightmares about that dragon, you know!"
"And I have nightmares about being turned into stone and smashed to pieces, how do you think I feel?!"
That managed to shut the blue pony up. Since that he realized he probably has a lot of apologizing to do (if he didn't do enough atonement already) Goodking let out a deep sigh and then breathed in.
"I may have conquered your homes, destroyed your homes, turned some of you into stone, teamed up with a maniac that tried to destroy the world, and all that jazz and let me just say that whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry and I am trying like Tartarus to atone for it and get good PR. Now that that's over, let's start from the beginning. Hi, my name is Captain Goodking, what's yours?"
If the Seals Of The Planets are not actual seals, I will demand my money back.
Okay, so there are a few things in this story that kind of bug me. Understand that this is not an attack against you or your work, just some things that I think you could improve upon to make the story better and more well-received.
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The first thing that bugs me is the length of your chapters. Maybe this is just a me thing, but I think having chapters less than 1,000 words long makes you look kind of unprofessional. No offense. One way you can up your word count is to describe your settings in more elaborate detail to make the readers able to more easily visualize them in their heads. As they stand now, your scenes take place in vaguely defined nowhere-locations floating through the void. At least, that's how I see them.
The second is when characters are talking and they SUDDENLY START YELLING IN ALL-CAPS! It's just jarring to see that, especially in a context like this:
This makes the Storm King sound like he's yelling at the top of his lungs, when in reality he'd probably only have a slightly raised voice, more appropriate for italics, or even just plain text. Also, you have Discord yelling. Discord's never struck me as the type of character to yell. Grumble loudly, maybe, but never yell.
Thirdly, you have a character (Discord) speak with parentheses in their dialogue. Just...what? Parentheses, I feel, only work in narration as aside comments or clarification. It's just weird to see them in dialogue.
Fourth and finally, you have internal thoughts represented with quotation marks (") just like dialogue. You don't want the readers confusing thoughts for spoken words, so it's best to have thoughts and dialogue be distinct, maybe by having thoughts be in italics.
Like I said, these are just some ways I feel this story can be improved. I'd like to see this story succeed and be good, especially since it has some of my ideas in it. Take care.
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By amazing coincidence, the thought of the Seals Of The Planets actually being seals (maybe talking ones if I'm feeling adventurous) has actually crossed my mind long before I started writing this story.
Actually, that was Sacanas saying that, as evidenced by Tempest trying to zap Sacanas after that comment.
Anyways, thanks for the constructive criticism and I'll see if I can try and be descriptive with the scenes (even though some of the scenes take place in places we've actually seen in the show so describing them felt redundant. ). I'll also try and limit the amount of times parentheses are used. After all, the only way for a sequel to succeed is to prove itself better than the original, otherwise, Star Wars and The Dark Knight Trilogy wouldn't be as memorable as they are now without The Empire Strikes Back and The Dark Knight. Also, I'm glad you like the story and, since I've got an editor on hand, to say this story will be a great improvement over the first one would be an understatement (even though I and a fair share of viewers who liked it didn't think the first story was that bad, but that just might be Critical Dissonance).