Not the longest of chapters, especially compared to FoE standards, but a fitting chapter none the less. I must admit that I had not expected to meet such a strong accent in our main character, accents are hard to keep up even for native speakers, so with you being a non native one is it quite some feat that you are pulling off. Sure they ain't talking much by now, but I appriciate the extra touch.
Not so much to say on this chapter since it is a short one and there dosn't happen so much in it, but I would still take the time to say that I like where this is going.
PS: If you are going to hurt that little foal for sadness factor am I going to bitch and moan and complain and complain and moan and bitch some more!
Nitpick: " Something had been dabbing them." While this is not wrong would "cleaned" properly be a better wordchoice "Cold, wet, yet oddly soft item, that had swiped across my eyelids " I would delete all of this, the description does not really ad anything "that had about as startled a look as I felt myself" I would say "looked as startled as I felt" "This was a foal." This feels so impersonal, I would properly reveal the gender here. Pony faces are pretty different from gender to gender in the show after all " That and it had kept me warmer during my sleep" Delete since you have already said that "making heart-breakingly sad but understanding face" missing an a
Not the longest of chapters, especially compared to FoE standards, but a fitting chapter none the less. I must admit that I had not expected to meet such a strong accent in our main character, accents are hard to keep up even for native speakers, so with you being a non native one is it quite some feat that you are pulling off. Sure they ain't talking much by now, but I appriciate the extra touch.
Not so much to say on this chapter since it is a short one and there dosn't happen so much in it, but I would still take the time to say that I like where this is going.
PS: If you are going to hurt that little foal for sadness factor am I going to bitch and moan and complain and complain and moan and bitch some more!
Nitpick:
" Something had been dabbing them." While this is not wrong would "cleaned" properly be a better wordchoice
"Cold, wet, yet oddly soft item, that had swiped across my eyelids " I would delete all of this, the description does not really ad anything
"that had about as startled a look as I felt myself" I would say "looked as startled as I felt"
"This was a foal." This feels so impersonal, I would properly reveal the gender here. Pony faces are pretty different from gender to gender in the show after all
" That and it had kept me warmer during my sleep" Delete since you have already said that
"making heart-breakingly sad but understanding face" missing an a