Petrichor is the earthy scent produced when rain falls on dry soil. The word is constructed from Greek petra, meaning "stone", and ichōr, the fluid that flows in the veins of the gods in Greek mythology.
What a peculiar name for a story, "stone blood". I wonder if the science behind the scent will have any meaning, especially when one think about that the scent mostly comes from virus and bacteria being thrown up into ones nose, and in a radioactive wasteland would that not at all be a pleasant experience at all.
So seeing as you are an artist, you said yourself that you made your cover picture, would I like to comment on the picture in the chapter. When one use a picture like that should it draw the watcher to it, and it is simply too small to be eyecatchy. If you want any wow factor should the picture at least be twice the size, or four times if we are getting technical. It does not matter how detailed the pic are, and if some pixels gets blown up a bit, size matters and you do only get one change to make a first impression, so make it count with the most eye catchy thing that have ever caught ones eyes!
Short but sweet, and I must say that you have me intrigued. Its not often that we get a blind introduction to our main character like this, but enough details are shown with all that fumbling around that we get a good picture of what there are going on. And we do not get any "My tail is X color, and my fur is Y color, and my eyes is Z color and i am all pretty" as so many other intro chapters sadly does. What the frick does a characters looks have to do with anything when we don't even know the personality of the character yet? Sorry... while I like a lot of cliches do I have a serious gripe with that one and it makes me get flash backs to school with my teacher clicking her tongue at me for using such introductions.
As you will see in the nitpick section do you have some mistakes with the finer aspects of the devils tongue known as English, but then again have I seen more grammar mistakes with native writers, so don't sweat it. My best advice would be to get a pre-reader/editor. While it is good to be flawless does it often take too much work, and with how you clearly knows how to write, doing a lot of showing instead of telling and so on, should you really not worry too much about it. Just let the words flow free as you are doing right now, and find a person to help polish your writing afterwards.
Nitpicks: " a small comfort in the otherwise pool of things that made me a dead stallion walking." Seems to me that you are missing a descriptor here. "But was I willing to risk my health for that?" "To be" is a real bitch, and as a Dane is it one of the biggest problems that I have with English since we only have one single word for it all instead of the half dozen that English have... But back to the nitpick, when in past tense should it be "were" So one of the lovely cliches with FoE are their linebreaks, and a double line that you have made looks more than a typo than anything else. Most other people center a combination of signs, and have a love of the "*" sign. Being an artist would I highly suggest that you make some neat custom art to throw in there. LINKY to inspiration of what another writer/artist have done "even if I wanted to." Missing a "had" "happiest times" Just happy "Even while walking forwards" Remove the s, "No, don't think about what happened next. Don't think of the attack" Most other FoE writers uses italic to show inner monologue/thoughts " I couldn't hear or see anything alive in here," there "but then again my senses weren't their best right now." You are mixing your tenses here, so use "back then" instead of "right now" "I walked forward in the shelter" I would use "explored" here instead
9410747 Oh wow, thank you for this long comment, I read it over twice by now and I'm sure to return it few more times on upcoming chapters. Now on to the reply itself:
I chose title Petrichor because of what the scent itself symbolizes for me - which is not something I can put into just couple words. Rain cleans away filth, and the air, even if it's displeasure to witness. The scent after is basically symbol for me that the "filth" have been washed off, and only the scent lingers as something new and better is coming.
As for cover-arts, I agree. These were made as thumbnails for another site, and that was the largest I could make them. I'll most likely re-do all the pictures at my free time now that you've pointed it out though, just bit of elbow grease into it. My biggest worry is giving away too much with each header image if I go bigger and flashier... Guess it's a worry for when I get there.
And for the editor, I do have one. I forwarded your critique and pointers to her as well, and I'm going to do the real quick fixes right now (I'm waiting on her feedback on what she thinks, as she has been in writing much longer and is native talker). Oh, and: - Custom art was awesome idea, on it! - Happiest times was a mistake, it should've been happier (since life wasn't perfect even then), thanks for noticing it! - I don't know how I kept missing the past and present switches, thanks for pointing 'em out. That's usually something I'm very precise about.
What a peculiar name for a story, "stone blood". I wonder if the science behind the scent will have any meaning, especially when one think about that the scent mostly comes from virus and bacteria being thrown up into ones nose, and in a radioactive wasteland would that not at all be a pleasant experience at all.
So seeing as you are an artist, you said yourself that you made your cover picture, would I like to comment on the picture in the chapter. When one use a picture like that should it draw the watcher to it, and it is simply too small to be eyecatchy. If you want any wow factor should the picture at least be twice the size, or four times if we are getting technical. It does not matter how detailed the pic are, and if some pixels gets blown up a bit, size matters and you do only get one change to make a first impression, so make it count with the most eye catchy thing that have ever caught ones eyes!
Short but sweet, and I must say that you have me intrigued. Its not often that we get a blind introduction to our main character like this, but enough details are shown with all that fumbling around that we get a good picture of what there are going on. And we do not get any "My tail is X color, and my fur is Y color, and my eyes is Z color and i am all pretty" as so many other intro chapters sadly does. What the frick does a characters looks have to do with anything when we don't even know the personality of the character yet? Sorry... while I like a lot of cliches do I have a serious gripe with that one and it makes me get flash backs to school with my teacher clicking her tongue at me for using such introductions.
As you will see in the nitpick section do you have some mistakes with the finer aspects of the devils tongue known as English, but then again have I seen more grammar mistakes with native writers, so don't sweat it. My best advice would be to get a pre-reader/editor. While it is good to be flawless does it often take too much work, and with how you clearly knows how to write, doing a lot of showing instead of telling and so on, should you really not worry too much about it. Just let the words flow free as you are doing right now, and find a person to help polish your writing afterwards.
Nitpicks:
" a small comfort in the otherwise pool of things that made me a dead stallion walking." Seems to me that you are missing a descriptor here.
"But was I willing to risk my health for that?" "To be" is a real bitch, and as a Dane is it one of the biggest problems that I have with English since we only have one single word for it all instead of the half dozen that English have... But back to the nitpick, when in past tense should it be "were"
So one of the lovely cliches with FoE are their linebreaks, and a double line that you have made looks more than a typo than anything else. Most other people center a combination of signs, and have a love of the "*" sign. Being an artist would I highly suggest that you make some neat custom art to throw in there. LINKY to inspiration of what another writer/artist have done
"even if I wanted to." Missing a "had"
"happiest times" Just happy
"Even while walking forwards" Remove the s,
"No, don't think about what happened next. Don't think of the attack" Most other FoE writers uses italic to show inner monologue/thoughts
" I couldn't hear or see anything alive in here," there
"but then again my senses weren't their best right now." You are mixing your tenses here, so use "back then" instead of "right now"
"I walked forward in the shelter" I would use "explored" here instead
9410747
Oh wow, thank you for this long comment, I read it over twice by now and I'm sure to return it few more times on upcoming chapters. Now on to the reply itself:
I chose title Petrichor because of what the scent itself symbolizes for me - which is not something I can put into just couple words. Rain cleans away filth, and the air, even if it's displeasure to witness. The scent after is basically symbol for me that the "filth" have been washed off, and only the scent lingers as something new and better is coming.
As for cover-arts, I agree. These were made as thumbnails for another site, and that was the largest I could make them. I'll most likely re-do all the pictures at my free time now that you've pointed it out though, just bit of elbow grease into it. My biggest worry is giving away too much with each header image if I go bigger and flashier... Guess it's a worry for when I get there.
And for the editor, I do have one. I forwarded your critique and pointers to her as well, and I'm going to do the real quick fixes right now (I'm waiting on her feedback on what she thinks, as she has been in writing much longer and is native talker). Oh, and:
- Custom art was awesome idea, on it!
- Happiest times was a mistake, it should've been happier (since life wasn't perfect even then), thanks for noticing it!
- I don't know how I kept missing the past and present switches, thanks for pointing 'em out. That's usually something I'm very precise about.