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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Other than a few miss-spelling, it's a good start.
9374212
Thank you for the comment! As was already written it is my first. Could you point out where some were to make it shine better?
At first I thought of everyone's favorite hero turned bad guy handsome jack was going to be the main character but even though it isn't its still good
Kid. No.
Get rid of the "It's my first story ever plz be nice" in the description, rookie mistake. Also, basic grammar mistakes in the description. Question mark in the end, capitalize every sentence. There's more I could touch on but I'd just be mean.
Really applejack do you have to punch him after he saved dinky stubborn mare
Um, I still trying to figure out what he's displaced as. Is he from something or is he an pure OC?
There is a random U so I have one thing to say.
No U
I like it so far but why does the prospective keep changing from first person to third person?
9393000
Ah, sorry about that mate this was my first chapter ever and it shows thank you for pointing it out ill fix it right away👌
9393021
Okay, what the heck happened in between Twilight and Spike leaving their castle and Dinky running away? You said there was a monster attack, but we don't even get to see it happen. Have you not heard of the rule 'show don't tell?' Also, I agree with some of the comments here, this story's grammar is mixed, sometimes good and sometimes bad, and I'm having a really confusing time following this story; and it's not because I can't piece things together, but the change of perspectives can cause problems, and it doesn't help that this chapter in particular really needed more scenes to explain what's happening. I do think the multiple perspectives from different people can work, but it was poorly executed here for the reasons I've given. Overall, this chapter is a huge disappointment, and it makes me hesitant to read further in this.
9406820
Hi there thank you for the feed back. Yes I do understand the scene between Twilight to Dinky. It was more just a way to have a reason for Jack to appear. Later in the story I do dial back on the switching of characters. If you have trouble reading through the other chapters do tell me so I can see about a more detailed overhaul.
" Ah your awake." It said clasping it hands together above a book.
maroonersrock.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Drifters-1620x800.jpg
Truck-kun strikes