I was wondering since he pulled the Apple out of the screen it made it not age does that mean since he went in and did machine make him on unable to age as well
The pacing in this chapter were better a bit dialouge heavy still though. I don’t mean as in turn down the talking but the only thing telling what is going on right now is the talking. For example what about body languages or other observasions? Or are they all standing there compleatly motionless as they talk? They obviously don’t which you can tell from the general mood of the conversation but here is where the expression show don’t tell fits in. Still think it’s a good story overall going to keep reading have a nice day .
I was wondering since he pulled the Apple out of the screen it made it not age does that mean since he went in and did machine make him on unable to age as well
The pacing in this chapter were better a bit dialouge heavy still though. I don’t mean as in turn down the talking but the only thing telling what is going on right now is the talking. For example what about body languages or other observasions? Or are they all standing there compleatly motionless as they talk? They obviously don’t which you can tell from the general mood of the conversation but here is where the expression show don’t tell fits in. Still think it’s a good story overall going to keep reading have a nice day .