The Inane Adventures of Hazelnut Latte

by Porcelain Mug

Chapter 17: Author Intervention

Chapter 17: Author Intervention

Six figures, all concealed by cloaks, walked into the apartment building. All that could be seen was their hooves. The lavender-hooved mare looked at a blue stallion with a blonde mane and a cutie mark that featured a green aluminum can. She then said, "I'm looking for somepony called Porcelain Mug."

The yellow-hooved mare then softly asked, "Could you tell us where they are? If it's not too much trouble."

The stallion asked, "Are you their friend?"

The white-hooved mare nodded and said, "Something like that."

The blue-hooved mare asked, "Are you going to tell us where they are or not?"

The stallion swallowed nervously before saying, "Room 101."

The orange-hooved mare nodded and said, "Thank you."

The pink-hooved mare bounced where she was and asked, "Are we going to have coffee with them?"

The blue-hooved mare groaned and said, "The last thing you need is coffee."

"Awww!" the pink one huffed.

"Come on, you two." the lavender one sighed. "Let's go to Room 101."

The group then headed down the halls, to Room 101. The lavender one knocked. "Porcelain Mug?" she called out.

There was no answer. She tried again. No response. The orange one said, "Stand back, everypony!"

The group stepped back and the orange one kicked the door down. Sitting at the desk was what looked like a dappled grey unicorn mare with white stockings. Their cutie mark was a white mug. The pony whirled around in their computer chair and exclaimed, "FUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"Are you Porcelain Mug?" the lavender one asked.

"Depends on who's asking." Porcelain Mug replied. "Who the fuck are you?"

The white one seemed to cringe and said, "Please stop using profanity. It's uncouth. Would you please just watch your language?"

"I can't watch my language." Porcelain Mug snarked. "I don't come with subtitles."

The white one let out a frustrated groan and the pink one giggled. The others looked at her. "What?" the pink one said. "It's funny!"

"Anyway," the lavender one said, "you are Porcelain mug, aren't you?"

"Yeah." Porcelain Mug replied. "I'm Porcelain Mug. Now tell me, why the fuck did you kick down my fucking door?! It wasn't even locked!"

Five of the mares looked straight at the orange one. She let out an awkward laugh and said, "Hehe. Mah bad."

"Look, just tell me who you are and I might consider not calling the police." Porcelain Mug said.

The mares all lowered their hoods. The grey pony sighed and said, "Oh. You six. Why did you break into my apartment?"

"It's been too long since you updated!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "The readers need to have more chapters about how awesome I am!"

"We also need to know what happens between Discord and Fluttershy." Rarity added.

Fluttershy blushed vividly and looked away before mumbling, "You should write more about Rarity and Hazelnut Latte. Please."

Rarity looked at Fluttershy and asked, "Do they really need to know more about my personal life?"

"Yes." Twilight replied. "And Sugar Shock is cute and we need to hang out more." She quickly added, "But I'm not gay."

Applejack rolled her eyes and said, "Suuuure..."

"I want more songs!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed. "Maybe a Foreigner parody?"

"It also wouldn't kill you to get the other Crusaders their Cutie Marks." Rarity pointed out.

"Maybe a redemption chapter for Reverend Bookbinder?" Applejack suggested.

"Ooh!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed. "What about a love scene between Sugar Shock and Twilight?"

"I'm not gay!" Twilight shouted.

Porcelain Mug put their hooves up to their ears and shouted, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, ALL OF YOU!"

Pinkie Pie cocked her head and asked, "Does this mean 'no' to the love scene?"

"First of all," Porcelain Mug said, "this fic is T-rated. I'm not going to include a graphic sex scene. Secondly, I just got a new keyboard."

"If you have a new keyboard, you should be updating!" Rainbow Dash insisted.

"Rainbow Dash is right." Rarity agreed. "The readers need to know what happens next."

"Okay, maybe no love scene." Pinkie Pie said. "How about some extremely heavy petting?"

"Pinkie, I'm not gay!" Twilight groaned.

"ALL RIGHT!" Porcelain Mug barked. "All right, all right, I'll get to updating. Just give me a few days!"

"That's all we needed." Twilight said with a nod.

"Okay, I'll do it." Porcelain Mug said. "Now please, get the fuck out of my apartment."

"Do you really need to swear so much?" Rarity asked.

"I tone it down in my writing." Porcelain Mug replied. "Now, out!"

The six mares turned around and left. Once they were gone, Porcelain Mug spun their computer chair so they were facing their computer. They rolled their shoulders and cracked their neck before putting their hooves down onto their keyboard. "All right." they said. "Let's get to writing." They then began to type. "It was another morning in Ponyville and, just as she did every morning, Twilight Sparkle stepped into Cuppa Joe's..."

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

Rated T for language, discussions of the adult nature, implied sex, drug use, and gratuitous innuendo.

There should be a sex tag, then. Yes, there can be one even if it's rated T, I've seen it before.