It felt a little bit rushed, but this seems very promising. Just remember to take it slow. There isn't any rush, and plot threads don't need to be resolved ASAP.
And if your concerned about moving too quickly, have you considered writing out a a chapter outline of sorts before really writing the chapter? Write down what you wanted to happen in the chapter, any plot threads you want to keep in mind, and organize that information as you please. If you feel something is wrong with the chapter when it's just the outline then you can fix it before you've written out the whole chapter and put in a lot more work. Something along those lines anyway - Eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
I also discovered something that in my opinion made my awesome body even more awesome. I was a hermaphrodite.
... lemons with glorious knotted fox dick or fox vagina when? I recall that kitsune were known to shapeshift into attractive women and seduce men on occasion and he thought Derpy was pretty so... just wondering.
A bit rushed, but damn fun. I absolutely adore the fact that he drew a civil war of dicks on Twilight's face. Makes sense for a human male turned trickster god, at that.
So far the story seems pretty solid. I was a little skeptical on the concept, but it's growing on me the farther you get into it. The one thing I'd suggest is spending a bit more time making sure that the characters have fully fleshed out thoughts and reasons for particular actions, rather than just being objects to drive the plot. It'll go a long way towards slowing things down a hair and making the world feel more real.
Otherwise, nice work, though I may or may not keep up with it depending on how the hermaphrodite thing works. Futa is just not my fetish.
Great chapter and i like that they are a hermaphrodite, more options later. Chapter could use a bit more description like when they're experimenting with magic.
I wasn’t stupid however, I knew that I had an hour tops before I was swarmed. I decided to take the smartest option given to me, one tactical retreat later and I was back in the forest which thanks to the books I nabbed I now knew as the everfree.
Swarmed?OMG The ponies are secretly changelings confirmed!! I'm NOT running away. This is just a tactical retreat!
As quickly as I could I made a pair of lock-picks from magic, now most people would probably be wondering how the hell a bookstore owner knows how to use lock-picks. The answer to that question is this, never underestimate the power of a bored autistic person in a store with dozens of do it your self books.
That makes a scary amount of sense.
I decided to test a game theory. Picking up a small rock I chucked it off to the side of the library. I ended up having to stifle my laughter as the dumbass actually fell for it.
*Sighs* They deserve to have that library burned down.
Hah!!!!!
pinkie still doing her thing.
this is getting progresively more interesting as it goes.
Magnificent art, you good sir/madam, have great taste.
This is good
Heh, nice one with the marker. Such a mischievous fox
Keep it up.
love it
yes
It felt a little bit rushed, but this seems very promising. Just remember to take it slow. There isn't any rush, and plot threads don't need to be resolved ASAP.
And if your concerned about moving too quickly, have you considered writing out a a chapter outline of sorts before really writing the chapter? Write down what you wanted to happen in the chapter, any plot threads you want to keep in mind, and organize that information as you please. If you feel something is wrong with the chapter when it's just the outline then you can fix it before you've written out the whole chapter and put in a lot more work. Something along those lines anyway - Eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
... lemons with glorious knotted fox dick or fox vagina when? I recall that kitsune were known to shapeshift into attractive women and seduce men on occasion and he thought Derpy was pretty so... just wondering.
A bit rushed, but damn fun. I absolutely adore the fact that he drew a civil war of dicks on Twilight's face. Makes sense for a human male turned trickster god, at that.
So far the story seems pretty solid. I was a little skeptical on the concept, but it's growing on me the farther you get into it. The one thing I'd suggest is spending a bit more time making sure that the characters have fully fleshed out thoughts and reasons for particular actions, rather than just being objects to drive the plot. It'll go a long way towards slowing things down a hair and making the world feel more real.
Otherwise, nice work, though I may or may not keep up with it depending on how the hermaphrodite thing works. Futa is just not my fetish.
Autism: love it, hate it, but live with it anyway.
This story is ‘coughs lightly’ simply divine ~
Great chapter and i like that they are a hermaphrodite, more options later.
Chapter could use a bit more description like when they're experimenting with magic.
A civil war of dicks is the best description ever for drawing dicks on someone.
The hermaphrodite bit is really nice. First time Ive seen someone use that term on this site ever.
Swarmed?OMG The ponies are secretly changelings confirmed!!
I'm NOT running away. This is just a tactical retreat!
That makes a scary amount of sense.
*Sighs* They deserve to have that library burned down.
9723878
Charge for the shlong emperor
i hope we see the main 6s,the gaurds and the towns people to the dick war maybe even the other princesses 2
you ended the chapter without showing the note