Act I, Scene 1 - In Which the Autumn Arrives
Autumn in Equestria was, probably, the prettiest of all seasons. Unlike spring and summer which were brightening up alive in some many trails of light, colour, life and artistry, autumn was simply what it was meant to be; a season drawing everything to a close. It was like a large set of doors closing slowly to the days of warmth, sunlight and life, and opening a new pair of doors to a new world of plant-life, animals, colour and weather. There would be a cool breeze that swept past through the air as if travelling to a new destination. It carried the dead, brown, crusty leaves from the ground and sweep them off to their new home somewhere, mostly landing on the paths that winded through the many civilisations that were in their way.
The evenings were becoming longer and the days were drawing shorter more than ever. The sunset now had character. It portrayed its light and orange colours all over the sky as if it was performing a show to all the ponies and residents below. There would be more clouds covering the sky, changing shape and colour all the time; orange and large, black and thick, grey and thin, red and small. Standing out of the clouds, regularly disappearing into the next clouds, were flocks of birds heading to warmer climates, as winter would soon be approaching. The call of the leader echoed over the mountains, travelling down into the villages below as if calling to them; winter is coming. Soon, they would only be little specks in the sky, just visible as black dots against its orange canvas.
The road winded through the mountains towards the town of Ponyville like a serpent slithering along in a zig-zag pattern. Weaving past boulders, trees and rivers that were embedded in the spectacular landscape, the road was a drab brown colour, dirty, but it wasn't muddy, sticky or wet. Covering the road were the leaves; all brown, dead and lying all over the land. A scarecrow propped up on top of a hill was up to its waist in leaves and was leaning on its side by the weight of the leaves and the strength of the wind that blew past it.
A pony was busy raking up all the loose, dead leaves from their field and placing them into large bags. Other ponies, all in one long queue, would take the bags of leaves and take them to storage, to stay dry. They were preparing for the next season, winter, and they needed the leaves to be dry for fires and to sell well as a backup product, as there would be no apples to grow anymore or sell. One by one, each bag was filled, collected and dumped in the barn. Afterwards, the ponies would go and grab the remainder of the bags from their fellow workers, while having a chance to wipe the sweat from their brows before continuing their heavy work.
Applejack, an orange earth pony wearing a brown country hat and having a trio of red apples for a cutie mark on her flank, trotted down the queue of workers, watching each and every action that was happening. Being the second-oldest and middle pony in the family, Applejack felt that she had the skill and determination to be able to control and direct her team of farmers while working on her family's farm. Patroling down the long queue of ponies, Applejack would occasionally order about like they were her own soldiers.
"Move faster, you lot! We need to get those leave to Ponyville as soon as possible!"
Applejack then squinted into the distance and saw her younger sister, Apple Bloom, raking up more leaves and placing them into the large sacks and bags provided. She then handed them over to some older ponies, who carried most of the bags on their backs towards the long queue of ponies.
At the front leading the army of farmers, was Big Macintosh, Applejack's older brother. He was carrying the heaviest of the sacks of leaves on his back, occasionally grunting at the strain of the weight, even though he was a very strong stallion. Leaves may be light at first when there was only a few of them, but once the weight-load extended, it started to become a struggle, even for Sweet Apple Aches strongest family member.
"You 'kay there, Big Mac?"
Applejack caught up and checked on her older brother. Beads of sweat started to trickle down Big Mac's neck and sink into his fur. Applejack, being the loving younger sibling she was, pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her older brother's brow and removed the thickness of sweat that was pouring off.
"Eeup!" Big Mac replied.
Squeezing the handkerchief tightly to remove the sweat, Applejack then wiped her own brow, slightly tipping her hat back to absorb each and every droplet that was still around her face.
She exhaled loudly. "This sure has to be the warmest autumn in Equestrian history! I've barely seen a drop of rain in the last two weeks or so. We need to hurry up and harvest as much as we can get our hooves on, before it all rots."
Feeling slightly chuffed and confident in himself, Big Mac completely dismissed the idea of his family ever failing to collect all the harvest. Knowing his sister, Big Mac simply smiled and gave a light laugh. Applejack would, sometimes, overreact to things that he knew would be very unlikely to happen, including missing out on their family harvest.
"Come on, Applejack, you know that'll never happen. Our family has been harvesting apples for generations and our parents, bless their souls, and Granny Smith having taught us, including Apple Bloom, how to keep the farm running for when we take over it."
Applejack grinned back but was still unsure. "Yeah, well, I don't wanna be the blame for leaving the farm as a mess or not picking the apples when they're ready. Granny Smith will, for sure, go crazy if we left anything to rot across the apple tree patch. Besides, I don't wanna wake up to the smell of rotting apples, now do I?"
Big Mac shook his head. "Nnnnope."
Applejack felt the moist soil beneath her hooves, realising how wet the ground had become recently. It was raining mostly during the night time, sometimes it even rained throughout the whole evening, turning into a fierce thunderstorm and flooding some of Sweet Apple Acres' fields. Even then, Applejack would occasionally step into a puddle while trotting alongside her older brother, leaving a brown patch of water sinking into her fur.
"With autumn arriving and the festivities taking place, 'ah don't wanna let Princess Celestia down, now do I?" Applejack replied, "My friends and I have done so much for her, so I can't ignore something that she's just offered."
This time, Big Mac didn't reply but simply rolled his eyes as if irritated from either carrying his heavy load or listening to his Applejack being acting in her usual annoying little-sister behaviour. Treading through muddy puddles, sticky clay and flies hovering around his face increased his irritation. His face was a brighter crimson and was increasingly hot, as it was directly in the heat of the sun.
"You know, Applejack, you've known Princess Celestia for a long while now, and you haven't completely let her down or failed whatever mission you gals go on. Really if you forget one small thing for just once in 'ya time with the princess, I'm sure it won't be a big issue to start off with. That friend of yours, Princess Twilight, she seems to know the princess more than anypony in Ponyville."
Squinting into the distance, Applejack spotted the centre of Ponyville and its inhabitants walking around, making the most of what was going to be the last warmest days of the year. She was still too far away, though, to recognise anypony, as they appeared to be tiny black dots along the horizon. Walking on, Applejack then came across more mud, which managed to ground Big Mac, sinking him deeper into the murky ooze. Sighing deeply, Big Mac simply stood still and continued to be sucked up by the mud.
"Hold on, big brother..." said Applejack, going over to help Big Mac, "...I'll get those off of 'ya."
Applejack grabbed the heavy sacks off Big Mac's back and chucked them into one of their carts. She then grabbed hold of Big Mac and pulled him as hard as she could, before she eventually pulled him out of the mud. Big Mac landed on his flank, while Applejack rolled onto her side, her front hooves completely covered with mud.
"Thanks, sis," Big Mac said, shaking the mud off his hooves, "those were some real heavy sacks there."
"Yeah, well, even 'ya little sis can help her big brother out. Even f I'm on one of these friendship adventures that I have to go on every so often. I do tend to miss a lot nowadays with 'ma family. Come on; I'll give you a helping hoof!"
Applejack got up and then managed, just about, to lift Big Mac off the floor. After coupling himself to the cart, Big Mac continued trotting along the road to Ponyville, with Applejack by his side. Looking back at the mess that she and her brother had left behind, Applejack became concerned for any other ponies who would be trotting along the same path and coming across the sticky mud left all over the path. Leaves which were being blown off the nearby deceased trees landed in the mud and stuck, turning the path from a dirty brown to a colourful golden orange.
The two siblings finally made it to Ponyville, in which everything looked ready for the season of autumn. Large piles of leaves were being raked together and collected in bags, in which Pegasi flew down and collected them, taking the leaves to the weather factory in Cloudsdale for fuel. More carts driven by earth ponies came rushing through the streets and unicorns were busy near the centre of Ponyville taking down loose branches and anything that could be considered as dangerous during the most fearest of weathers.
"Alright, girls, keep up the good work! We should be finished in no time!"
Twilight was busy directing the unicorns cutting down the branches, leaves and dead trees that were still growing in Ponyville. Next to her was Rarity, who was occupied by turning thick, cuboid-shaped hedges into majestic works of art. One of which had been sculptured into the head of a pony, while another was a large sphere. In the sky, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were collecting clouds and placing them in a circular pattern in the sky. And on the ground, Pinkie Pie was with Twilight's assistant, Spike, who was checking things off his list. Slowly noticing Applejack approaching, they waved, in which Applejack waved back.
"Hey, Applejack! Where've you been?" Pinkie asked, excitedly.
Applejack waited for Big Mac to catch up and dump his cart before she responded.
"Well, we've been held up, y'all. There's so much to do now that Harvest is happening and the farm is just turned into a mass producer, so we have little time to do the things that we wanna do now."
"Eeup!"
Big Mac parked his cart and allowed Twilight to go over an inspect their cargo. She ticked off things from her incredibly long list of things to do, with Spike holding the end while hovering in the air. Checking, re-checking and checking the bottom of the list three times over, Twilight started to feel the unnecessary pressure building on top of her.
"Okay, so Applejack and her family have collected leaves, Pinkie Pie's has made all the food for the celebrations, Rarity's made the costumes, Fluttershy's gathered all her animals and Rainbow Dash has helped the Pegasi cover most of the sky with clouds. I think we're all good to go, don't you think, Spike?"
Spike, Twilight's number one assistant, nodded. "I think so too, Twilight."
Applejack went over to Twilight, coughing to get her attention. Twilight looked up from her list, her eyes just popping up from behind the top of the long scroll that she was holding, before lowering it down so that her whole face was visible.
"You okay, Applejack? Is there anything wrong?"
Applejack pointed to the long queue of carts waiting for to be told where to be placed. "Where do we put these carts that you asked for, Twi?"
Twilight blushed with embarrassment. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Applejack. Just park them over there to the side, so they're out of the way. I don't think Princess Celestia wants the high street to be blocked by wagons of dead leaves."
"Good point, Twi. I'll get to it at once."
Applejack went over to Big Mac, who was waiting along with the rest of his family to park the carts. Looking for somewhere that would be a suitable parking spot, Applejack trotted into the next street, which had a large space to place the wagons. She waved back to her family, who followed her instructions and parked their wagons into the empty spaces, before making their way back to the farm.
"Good job, you lot!" Applejack said, "Head back to the farm. I'll be back at the end of the day."
The large group of earth ponies made their way back to Sweet Apple Acres, while Applejack stayed with her friends. "So... anything good happening?"
Twilight took out from her belongings a second long list of notes, all written in chronological order of when they would be happening during the day. Most of the things written near the top of her list were ticked off in red ink, while the rest remained to be a priority. Scrolling down, Twilight eventually found the most important, and perhaps most interesting, event that was happening Ponyville on that day.
"Well, Princess Celestia says that there's going to be a special guest arriving in Ponyville today. Nopony really important; in fact, they aren't even a pony. They're just coming in honour, for their dedication to Equestria, to meet Celestia and us in my castle. Like, a friends' tea party."
Applejack's ears perked up. "A friends' tea party? Well... who's invited? Who's the guest of honour?"
Twilight craned her neck to the side of her list and smiled mischievously. "You'll have to wait and see..."
"Ooo! Ooo! I know! Is it Luna? Is it Fluttershy? Is it Cranky Doodle?" Pinkie suddenly gasped. "Have you invited the king of all chocolate?!"
Twilight shook her head, laughing at some of Pinkie's strange predictions. She booped Pinkie on her muzzle and gently pushed her away, giving space between the two of them.
"No, no, certainly not and no, Pinkie. I've invited somepony else to be our special guest. Well, when I say somepony, I actually mean some creature. You may know them, Applejack, from one of your friendship adventures."
Everypony suddenly looked at Applejack who didn't respond at first. Looking blank and confused, she didn't know who Twilight was referring to, as she knew lots of different friends.
"And Fluttershy knows this guest as well!"
Fluttershy, who was just flying over Twilight's head when she mentioned her name, slowly hovered down and landed onto the ground, where Rainbow Dash quickly swooped in and landed just next to her.
"I... I do?" Fluttershy said, placing a hoof to her chest. "Who... who is it?"
Twilight, still grinning, rolled up her long list of things to do and handed it over to Spike. She waved her hoof to the others and they came in closer to hear the secretive news that Twilight knew.
"Princess Celestia wants this to be special, so we've been trusted to make sure that our special guest is welcomed well to Ponyville. It'll be at the castle, so that's where we'll put the most work into making it look nice. I honestly don't know what they'll like, but perhaps we could grab some flowers and plantation, and then we can put them in the castle."
"Hmm..." Applejack said, "I wonder if Rarity has some ideas for our guest's visit? Speaking' of which, do you know where she is?"
Twilight suddenly looked shocked and had the sudden realisation that only six out of seven of her friends, including Spike, were only with her. She looked around, wondering if Rarity had wondered off to compliment a pony wearing one of her designer dresses or a popular celebrity wandering down the high street that she particularly fancied in some way or another. Nothing, at first, seemed to be obvious on where she was.
"Yeah... where is Rarity?"
Rainbow Dash swooped up into the air and looked around. She noticed Twilight's castle and wondered if she would have gone there instead. There was no sign of her there in the castle, but that didn't say that she wasn't in the castle. Remaining in the air, Rainbow hovered down but didn't give anything too positive.
"I don't see anypony there, girls, but I guess Rarity could be at the castle already."
Pinkie rubbed her chin
Twilight nodded and signalled to her friends to follow her. "Okay, everypony, let's go!"
Everypony, including Applejack, followed Twilight towards her castle, in which the setting sun was now behind the building, turning into a spectacular silhouette.
Rarity was, indeed, in the castle. She was busy minding her own business, admiring herself in one of the mirrors inside the castle, while trying on her new dresses for the autumn fashion season. Rarity failed to notice that the time had sped past as if it never occurred, as she unexpectantly spent the past three hours designing, redesigning and trying on all her creative products and fashion wear. Many of her dresses did include the autumn theme; one of which was a spectacular diamond crusted orange dress, with patterns of leaves decorated over it and some three-dimensional material-made leaves poking out near her neck. Rarity felt that she was in her element, mesmerised at how she could release herself into her own creative world.
"Oh, this is perfect! I must make these for each of my friends! They'll love it, no, they'll ADORE it!"
Standing behind her, was none other than Princess Celestia, who was lying occasionally down on Twilight's sofa, watching each of Rarity's rather desiring presentations of her dresses, whilst sipping some tea that she found in Twilight's kitchen. Celestia had taken off her crown and placed it accordingly on a coffee table, letting her mane collapse into a rare glimpse into a different look.
"I hope they do, Rarity. Although I must say that your dresses won't be the only surprise that will be happening today."
Rarity turned around and looked at Celestia, trying to remember what she had been told previously in the past.
"Are we talking about our special guest, princess?"
Celestia nodded, before sipping more of her tea. "Our guest will be arriving here soon, so I want it to be the best it can be. Everything needs to be ready before they arrive. Will we be meeting them downstairs?"
Rarity nodded. "Oh yes, we will. I have laid out a carpet for them to walk across over to the stairs, where we will be waiting for them. It's a shame that Princess Luna couldn't join us for this occasion."
"Yes, well, each princess has their own responsibilities, and Luna is just one of those ponies who is included. She sleeps more and more during the day after a long night of work, so the likeliness of her coming to welcome our guest today is slim."
"I understand," Rarity replied, "still, there's so much that is needed to be done! Our guest must have the best, no, better than the best! They must be-!"
Celestia chuckled, which interrupted Rarity's speech. "Don't worry, Rarity. Just try your best; I'm not expecting the finest of all dresses. Just... do what you normally do."
Feeling slightly foolish, Rarity blushed and stopped stamping her hooves excitedly like a young foal in an ice cream shop. She rushed back to work and focused on her main mission.
"Right. I won't let you down, princess!"
Celestia chuckled again, before sipping her tea quietly, peering out of the window.
"Rarity, listen. You never let me down, nor has any of your friends. I'm sure that you can handle one simple guest. After all, I know that Applejack is friends with our guest. It's friendship that has brought our guest from far beyond all the way here to Ponyville. I assure you, once more, that you'll never let me down."
Rarity didn't say anything. She had become distracted by the oncoming storm that was building up into a mass collection of clouds, hovering above their heads, becoming bigger by the second. The sound of thunder suddenly emerged and Celestia couldn't help notice that the smell of rain was soon approaching.
Outside of Ponyville, the rain was heavier. It came down as hard as it could possibly come, hitting the ground at a strong force, filling up rivers and turning what was once the long road to Ponyville was now nothing but slippery mud. Some travellers were still outside, getting drenched in the rain, their manes dripping and their cloaks completely drenched. Some were ponies and others were different species of creatures making their way past all of the pony inhabited villages and towns.
Among one of the travellers was a kirin; a strange, beautiful and rare beast that lived in Equestria. Little was known about them, apart from the myths that explain their existence, history and knowledge. The kirin was wearing a black cloak, completely hiding its identity. Its tail hung out from the back of the cloak, water dripping from its end, and its feet were also exposed, showing their claw-like features which dug into the ground, leaving prints behind. Under the hood, a pair of yellow eyes appeared among the empty blackness of what else laid underneath. They looked from left to right, up and down. After spotting Ponyville, their desired destination, the kirin lifted its hood up and flopped it back behind them, only to be seen by the flash of lightning.
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This is a sequel, btu not in the same continuity as Canterlot Bridge, is that correct?
Hmm... Interesting. Tracking dis.
9202836
Correct.
It's part of Equestria's Dark Universe.
9202846
I hope it's an improvement to Canterlot Bridge.
Thanks, hun.
Hmm... sorry, I'm left feeling pretty lukewarm by the end of this. Apart from some hiccups in the prose, it just feels like this is more of a prologue than a first chapter. The description put a lot of emphasis on a conflict between Autumn Blaze and the ponies, but little to none of that seems to have made it into the actual story yet. By the end, I'm not left wondering what'll happen next, because the description already tells me--instead, I'm left wondering when the story's going to do what it promised to do from the beginning.
I think there's probably a decent premise in here somewhere, but, to be honest, there's not a lot here that really makes me excited to see more.
9202968
Umm... I don't understand. You don't like the first chapter, or you're assuming the story won't go anywhere?
Sorry if the question offends you, but it's the first thing I thought when I read your comment.
9202856
Equestria’s Dark Universe sounds like an appropriate verse for my epic. XD.
9202996
Not offended at all
So, my problem is that the combination of the description and cover art promises a very particular event: Autumn Blaze arrives at Ponyville, where she is welcomed by Princess Celestia, but something goes wrong and she turns into a Nirik. That sounds like it could be interesting. That is the thing that I wanted to see that made me want to read this story.
By the end of the first chapter... Autumn Blaze hasn't arrived at Ponyville yet.
One chapter in, it feels like I'm not any closer to the potentially interesting part of the story than I had been before I even started reading.
Stories should start with hooks to get the readers' attention. This story feels like it hasn't offered anything interesting in the first chapter--almost 4,000 words--that it hadn't already offered in the description, which is less than 50 words.
It's not that I feel like it's not going to go anywhere, it's that it feels like, close to 4000 words in, it hasn't gone anywhere, and that doesn't make for a good first impression to a story.
9203078
Good to know it doesn't offend you.
And thank you for explaining. Now I understand.
9202968
Well, this is my second horror story to my "mixed to negative" pilot Canterlot Bridge. Think of this as a prologue in some way. Anyways, it's your choice to read on or not; I'm not going to force you. Thanks for at least taking interest in this, though, I appreciate the feedback. Autumn Blaze will arrive in Ponyville in the next chapter.
Regardless, thanks for stopping by. It's always great to see new users reading my stories. If you have any tips to improve this, then please write a comment or PM anytime.
9203259
Thanks for stopping by, old friend! Good to see you again.
9203033
I'm glad you approve!
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter
9204249
Why thank you! I'm feeling happy today!
9204258
Glad to hear that and hope it happens more often.
9204217
Good to see you too!
Thanks everyone for helping this story reach over 200 views already! I'm honoured to see so many of you reading this story!
I can't WAIIITTTT
9209831
Thanks. Will release next chapter ASAP.
9203078
Achievement unlocked!
I am always trying to improve my writing and you have given me great guidance.
Autumn Blaze, I promise you, will appear in the next chapter. Actually, she did appear in this chapter; spoilers - read the end!
I promise you that you'll get more Autumn Blaze by the next chapter, in which there'll be more involvement and interaction with her and the other characters. She is one of the two main characters, including Applejack.
As much as you have a point for grasping readers in the first chapter/sentence of a story, I prefer as a writer to bring the action in later, while building the tension!
Still, thanks for the advice. That has opened more doors for me to write.
9209930
In principle, I completely agree with you. If that was your methodology for how you wrote this first chapter, I think you're on the right track, you just took it too far. You don't need all the action in a story in the first chapter--quite the opposite, I think we can agree on that--but my own view is that you need at least some kind of action early on, because a story that's completely devoid of action isn't very interesting.
And I'm not saying that this first chapter is devoid of action. Far from it. But what action there is feels like it's mostly setting up a stage. Which is fine, that's what the first chapter is supposed to do. The problem for me was that you'd already set up most of that stage in the description before the story had even started.
Now, I don't know what you have planned for this story going forwards. But, my presumption is that Autumn's arrival isn't going to go out of control right away--it's going to start off rather well, and then eventually things'll go wrong. If that's the case and if I were the one writing this, I think my inclination would have been to start the story where this first chapter ended.
Happy to try and be of assistance
9213577
Autumn Blaze's anger gets worse throughout the story. Things will go wrong.
Just as I thought there was nothing more to see of the happiest kirin in the world... THIS happens
Thanks good sir, you made my day
Can't wait to see how the story unfolds!
9219727
Why, thank you very much! I want to make this turn out well. Next chapter will be out soon!
I love that cover
9261332
Why thank you! Next chapter coming very soon!
9261444
Can't wait to see more.
You're welcome.
I apologise to everyone about taking so long with this story. Next chapter comes out today.