Of All the Nerf!!!

by RebelNarrator45

Assassination of Rulers

"This 'matter of great urgency' had better be just that, sister. Otherwise you awoke me from my noon nap without good reason and I will not be happy."

Celestia strolled into the throne room, looking aggravated and half sleepy.

"Apologies, Sister." Luna said, a giggle escaping. Celestia's narrowed.

"Luna, are you...giggling??"

"Why I called you from sleep, Sister," Luna said, recovering,"is because I have just been informed that a war has broken out in Ponyville." She fought back a laugh.

"A war??!" Celestia gasped. "Luna! There is no time to waste! If there is a war, we must go at once and stop it! Are Twilight and her friends alright?"

"From what I heard," Luna said, trying to sound solemn and barely succeeding,"they are in the very heart of the fighting."

"Then let's go at once! Why did you not get me up yourself so we could go from my room! To the sky, Sister!"

Celestia ran out on the balcony and lifted off, flying for Ponyville. Luna, desperately trying to contain her rising mirth, followed behind.

'Oh, Tia. If only you knew what kind of battle, you would be so angry! Which you will be when you find out. But I really do not care. This is going to be priceless!'

And the Princess of the Night allowed herself one very quiet giggle.

**********************************

In the meantime, in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle was busy organizing battle strategies at Sweet Apple Acres. Seated at the kitchen table with her was Bic Mac, who was watching her intently. And silently.

"Do you think we should infiltrate here?" Twilight asked, pointing at a map of town, specifically the rear of town.

"Nope."

"Here?" She pointed at a small, so far unblocked section on the side of town.

"Nope."

"Well, then, here?" Twilight deadpanned, pointing to the heavily guarded front of town.

"Eeyup."

"Oh come on!"

Applejack stalked over to the table after slamming the door shut.

"Big Mac, ya can't be serious! I know ya ain't afraid a' nothin' but... this?! Stormin' right into their largest formation of guards?! That ain't sensible!"

Bic Mac huffed and pointed at Twilight.

"She asked."

"Ugh!" Twilight groaned. Applejack facehoofed.

"Look, here's my plan." Twilight detailed every bit of it for them.

"Ah approve. Lets do it!" Applejack said.

Twilight grinned and the two mares headed off to rally the discouraged troops in the barn.

Big Mac sighed at the rejection of his idea. He pondered what he had just heard. Would it actually work? He shook his head.

"Nope!"

*********************************

"Look out!"

Thud!!

"Ow! RAINBOW DASH!!"

Starlight spun to see Rarity and Dash on the ground, Dash on top of the white unicorn.

"How dare you jump on me!" Rarity was livid as she shoved her leader off and struggled up.

"Hey! You were about to get hit with a dart and a pillow! Did you want me to let you die?!" Dash scowled. "And don't yell at your CO, Sergeant!"

Rarity sniffed, brushing her dusty fur. She glared at Dash disdainfully.

"I would have at least fallen like a lady, Rainbow Dash!" She huffed. "And not like some ruffian!"

"Uh, girls?" Starlight said, eyes wide. "We've got problems."

"Huh?" Both looked at her.

"INCOMING!!" Starlight yelled, throwing up a shield just in time to protect herself and her companions from a spray of foam bullets. Another, stronger spell held back the dozen or so ponies armed with guns and swords who were trying to take them out.

"Nice save, Captain. Thanks." Dash said. "Now...CHAAAARGE!!!"

Starlight dropped the spells as the small group of Ponyville defenders clashed with the rebel group in mortal combat.

"Here I coooome!!" sang out a familiar voice, and Pinkie leaped into view, firing her gun with one hoof while slashing her sword with her other. And at the same time, she used her tail as a slingshot to fire cupcakes at the enemy.

Starlight fired off a spell that took out three ponies, who dropped to the ground unconcious. Rarity, armed with a foam sword decorated in gems, rushed another pony.

"Take that, ruffian!" She shouted.

Dash was locked in combat with Blue Swirl, their plastic swords clacking.

"Reinforcements!!"

This yell was accompanied by a mad rush of new ponies, led by Applejack. Twilight was at the rear. Seeing her, Starlight smirked and quickly teleported in front her.

"So...finally we see you out on the battlefield." She said. Twilight grinned at her.

"We will claim Ponyville." She said, brightly.

"Oh not on my watch you won't!" Starlight said, as they circled each other.

Twilight fired a blast of harmless magic at her friend and student, who dodged and returned fire. Then they both drew plastic swords, as the noise of battle intensified.

"I really don't want to kill you, Starlight."

"Funny, I really don't want to die."

The swords clicked and clacked as they battled it out. Close by, Dash now found herself facing Applejack. The farm pony grinned as she drew her sword.

"Hope ya set your affairs in order!" She said.

"Oh, I don't plan on dying." Dash replied, and lunged.

At that moment, her walkie talkie crackled and Spike's panicked voice sounded.

"General Dash! General Dash! This is Captain Spike! Over!"

Pinkie Pie leaped over, siezed it, and took a breath.

"General Dashie is fighting AJ right now, this is Pinkie. Over."

"Somepony hurry over here to the schoolhouse! The CMC found Fluttershy! She's been hit! Bad! Over!"

Dash knocked Applejack over with a swift poke in the ribs and grabbed her walkie talkie back.

"Roger that, Captain Spike. We're on our way!"

Starlight finally sent a blast of magic that knocked out Twilight and her companions, then she and the others followed Dash as they ran for the schoolhouse. Nopony noticed the shadows overhead as they went.

*******************************

Up in the air above the battle, Celestia was hovering with Luna, watching. Her expression was one of concern, then shock, then annoyance.

"Luna."

"Yes?"

"Is this the war you mentioned?"

"Yes."

"A war with toy swords and nerf guns."

"Mmhmm."

"You awakened me and dragged me out to stop a war being fought with mere toys?"

Giggle. "Yes. I did indeed. Got you."

There was a long moment of silence. Then...

"Lulu." The voice was soft yet terrible.

"Yes, Sister?"

A vengeful eye locked on her.

"You had better run. Starting right now."

"Why, Sister? We are in no danger up here."

"We aren't. But you are."

Luna gulped as her sister slowly approached.

"S..Sister? What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to unleash pain, my dear little sister. Vast amounts of pain."

With a shriek, Luna proceeded to fly for her life into the heart of Ponyville, with her enraged sister hot on her tail.
**********************************

Everypony gathered around Fluttershy in the school.

"We found her near here." Apple Bloom said.

"It took alot of doing, but we got her here." Scootaloo offered.

Dash, Rarity, Pinkie and Starlight sat around their friend, with Dash cradling her in her legs and wings.

"Rainbow Dash...cough...I think...gasp...I'm not going to...cough...last long." Fluttershy was doing a great job acting out her death.

"No, Flutters, hang on, ok?" Dash said. "Don't you die on me!"

"Ahem...cough cough...I think my heart is stopping...gasp..." Fluttershy was really getting into this thing. "Dashie, don't forget me...cough...gasp..."

"Fluttershy, darling, please hold on." Rarity pleaded.

"Yeah, we need you!" Pinkie said. "Pretty please? With a chocolate cupcake covered in white frosting and pink and yellow sprinkles?"

"Oh, my..." Fluttershy said, perking up. "Do you have one?" Pinkie obligingly handed one over, from somewhere.

"Uh, Flutters?" Dash said, arching an eyebrow.

"Oh. Right." Fluttershy forgot about the cupcake for the moment and concentrated on 'dying'. "Cough...cough...gasp...goodbye, girls..." She started to flail her legs, but Pinkie yelled out, "Wait!"

All eyes went to her, and she took the cupcake.

"Let me hold that til you die."

Fluttershy gave a nod, then flailed her legs, twitched, moaned, and took a short, dramatic breath. Her eyes widened, then closed. Letting out a quiet gasp, she dropped her head lightly against Dash and lay still.

"No! Fluttershyyyy!" Dash wailed, while the other patted at their eyes. Dash finally stood and looked down at her friend.

"I will avenge you, Flutters." She promised. "Troops! Lets move! Crusaders, you come with us!"

The group had made it to the door when a soft voice suddenly spoke.

"Um...girls? Um...cupcake?"

"Oopsie!" Pinkie trotted over and placed it next to Fluttershy. "See ya!"

Fluttershy waited til they left, then picked it up and happily munched it.
*******************************

At the Defenders' headquarters, Dash paced and growled.

"Fluttershy will not die in vain!" She vowed. "We will take down these rebels!"

"Wait, do you hear yelling?" Starlight asked.

A moment later, a yelling Luna barreled down from the sky, landing hard.

"Might I seek asylum here?" She asked. Celestia shot down next to her.

"Princesses!" Dash exclaimed. "You can't be here! You could get hurt!"

"My sister informed me there was a war." Celestia said. "She just failed to tell me it was a mock war."

"I awakened her from her nap." Luna giggled. Dash snorted at that and gave a nod.

"Nice." She said. "But you should go."

"Perhaps we will go get a cupcake first." Celestia said.

"Alright, but you'll need guarding." Dash said. "Rarity, Starlight, Pinkie Pie! We'll be a protection detail!" The group made their way towards the bakery.

"So how does this work?" Luna asked.

"You get shot with a nerf bullet, you're wounded or dead." Dash said. "Swords, you're dead cause everypony aims for the heart or ribs. You're out if you're killed, but still in if you're wounded."

"Sounds easy." Celestia said, smiling. "It sounds fun, as well. I wish that we could-"

Whatever she was going to say was cut short when a nerf bullet smacked into the side of her neck. Everypony stared, wondering what to expect.

After a moment of silence, Celestia suddenly winked at them.

"Oh! I'm hit! Oh curses!" She flopped into the dirt and twitched. "Farewell...Luna....everyponyyyy...." She closed her eyes, flailed one leg, and lay still.

Recovering, Luna instantly joined in the game.

"Sister, no!" She cried.

"Take cover!!" Dash yelled.

Too late. Another nerf bullet whacked Luna in the chest. She gasped.

"Alas, I am hit!" She cried, and down she went. "Oh Tartarus! Do not...let them...take....Equestriaaaaa....." She kicked her legs and lay still, smiling.

For one long minute, there was silence. Then Dash spoke up.

"Alright!" She barked."This really is war! The princesses have been assassinated!"

"Just the oldest ones." Pinkie said helpfully. "Twilight is still alive. I think. And Cadance in the Chrystal Empire."

"Yes, but these two are clearly gone." Dash said. "Twilight can't fight and rule at the same time. So now what?"

Starlight eyed the 'deceased' rulers.

"When word gets out," she said,"it won't end well."

"Well, now we have to avenge them too!" Dash said. "First, we find the snipers! Commander Pinkie! You have your....er...methods. Can you find out?"

"Yeppers!" Pinkie said. "And nothing will save them from my wrath when I do." She frowned, then turned to Dash. "General Dashie, I request permission to shoot those meanie mean sniper wipers with my party canon."

"Permission denied. I'm gonna have them court martialed."

"Please??"

"No, Commander."

"Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease???"

"No!!"

"Pretty please with rainbow cupcakes covered in rainbow frosting and rainbow sprinkles and icing versions of you on top?"

It was a lost cause. Dash knew it. But one more try.

"No..."

"They'll be super sized and way awesome!" Big blue eyes blinked.

Dash broke.

"Fine. Permission granted. But they better be totally awesome cupcakes, or I'll have you court martialed!"

Pinkie's only response was to motion to her small troop and trot away giggling.

Dash sighed wearily, and led her own troop back to the battlefield.

'Sweet Celestia. I'm never having her in my army again!'

Author's Note:

Assasinate the Princesses??!

Yes. Yes I did.

And I do not regret it.

Not one bit.

Comments

[Dune-Fan]

Oh man, this is a great story. I can't wait to read the next chapter.

[MDCommissioner]

Booooo....I wanted to know Flutters stayed out of it only to conquer all.