Of All the Nerf!!!

by RebelNarrator45

This is War!

"Listen up, troops!" Dash began pacing along the line of battle weary ponies standing at attention. "I know this is hard! I know you're tired! I know you're sore! I know some of you are injured!! But we will not just lay down and die!! We will go out fighting! We will defend our town til our very last..."

"Cupcake!!!"

This cheery yell made Dash spin and glare at the miscreant. She pushed her blue nose against the pink one and scowled.

"Did I hear myself ask for any input, Soldier?!" She demanded.

"I dunno...did ya? Huh? Ooh! Can you talk to yourself while you talk to us?? At the same time?? Ooh!! I wanna do that!"

"Pinkie Pie!!! Focus!!!" Dash said in exasperation.

Pinkie blinked her bright blue eyes, smiled her classic silly smile, and waited wordlessly. Dash shook her head.

"Now listen up, Commander Pinkie!" She said. "I have a very special mission for you. I need you to infiltrate Sugarcube Corner and..."

"And force all rogue cupcakes to surrender? Yes, ma'am, General Dashie, Ma'am!" Pinkie saluted.

"No!" Dash said, groaning. "I need you to capture the enemies that are hiding there!! And free their hostages!"

"And then force the cupcakes to surrender?" Pinkie offered. "Yes, ma'am!!" Another salute.

Dash facehoofed. Why, oh why, was fate so cruel as to place Pinkie Pie...Pinkie Pie!...of all ponies on her side?! Why not the enemy's side?!

"Pinkie Pie," she said wearily. "You take down the targets and free the hostages like I told you, and you can force the surrender of any baked goods you want to. Ok?"

"You got it!" Pinkie said happily. "I'll even bring a bunch back as prisoners of war! And we can execute them...right into our belly wellies!!" She licked her lips. "Delicioussss frossssting..."

Dash groaned. A snicker sounded from close at hoof and she spun to find the culprit. Her alert eyes instantly singled out Starlight, who was red and trying, desperately trying, to swallow her giggles. She only succeeded in making them turn into giggle-snorts.

"Captain Glimmer!" She snapped. "You may be our magic and weapons expert, but you could be replaced if you don't stop laughing at your commanding officers!!!" Starlight swallowed a laugh.

"Apologies, General Dash, Ma'am!" She said, saluting.

"Hmph!!" Dash said. "Just for that, you're on the infiltration team Pinkie's in charge of!!"

Starlight sighed, but trotted to Pinkie's side. Before any further talk could ensue, something whistled by and smacked into Dash's battle helmet. She jumped and looked down at the foam dart, eyes narrowing.

"Oh, that does it!" She said. "Hit us in our own safety zone, will they?! Pinkie, the bakery! The rest of you...CHAAAARGE!"

She led her remaining troops back into battle on the front lines, while Commander Pinkie grinned at her small group, consisting of Rarity, Starlight, and three other ponies.

"To the bakery!" She said, and her troops followed at full speed.

Starlight, on request, teleported Pinkie inside. So unexpected was her arrival that nopony could react in time to properlg defend themselves.

"GAH!" yelled Bon Bon, as a well aimed Nerf bullet struck her lightly in the chest. She put on a very spectacular imitation of death throes.

"Oh, I'm hit!" She wailed, throwing one hoof in the air and clasping the other to her 'injury'. "I'm going down! Ohhhh!"

Thud! She dropped to the floor, where she thrashed and writhed in hilarious agony, making gurgling noises as best she could. She finally stilled.

"Bon Bon!" Lyra, recovering her wits, rushed to her 'dying' friend and hugged her. "Don't die on me, Bon Bon! Hang in there!"

"Nopony move!" Commander Pinkie looked at the other two enemies in the room: Cherilee and Bright Star. "What did you do with the Cakes?"

"I'll never tell!" Bright Star said.

Pinkie giggled. "Yeah, you will. Prepare...to be...TICKLE TORTURED!!"

Bright Star shrieked as she was suddenly pounced on. Pinkie held up a hoof, then dug it playfully into Bright Star's ribs, gently rubbing.

"Gah! No, not...heehee!...no...hahaha...Pinkie Pie...gah! Haha!...not....not...no...HAHAH! OK, UNCLE! hahahah...uncle....haha...i'll talk...haha!...they're in the baahaahaack!"

Pinkie stopped tickling her prisoner and stood, grinning.

"Captain Glimmer," she said. "Will you go let the Cakes go?" Starlight went back and returned in minutes with the Cakes, who were smiling.

"Thank goodness you came!" Mrs. Cake said. "They had us locked in the pantry!" Quite honestly, she wasn't at all upset.

"Oh they did, huh?" Pinkie cast a look at the prisoners. "Well. Rarity, will you see that they can't escape?"

Rarity happily tied up the prisoners(with a spool of thick yarn)and levitated them up off the floor. Pinkie Pie produced a walkie talkie.

"This is Commander Pinkie to General Dashie, over."

"R..roger...that...Commander...what is it?" Dash sounded breathless.

"Sugarcube Corner is secure, General Dashie, Ma'am!" Pinkie reported gleefully. "Prisoners are subdued and the hostages are unharmed. Requesting permission to overpower the baked goods."

There was a long silence, then the walkie talkie crackled to life and Dash spoke, voice flat and deadpan.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever. Permission granted. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a more important enemy besides cupcakes and pastries to deal with! General Dash, OUT!" Silence.

"Okie Dokie Lokie!" Pinkie turned to glare at the display case. Locking eyes on some particularly tasty cupcakes and cookies, she aimed her nerf gun at them. "I've got you covered!! Surrender and come peacefully, or be executed right here!"

Rarity and Starlight exchanged amused looks. The others rolled their eyes. Pinkie concentrated.

"I said, surrender!!" She insisted, peering at the completely silent sweets. Nothing.

"Commander Pinkie," Rarity said smoothly. "Wouldn't it be more prudent to just grab them?"

"Oh yeah!" Pinkie grabbed the treats, boxed them up, and held them out to Starlight. Groaning, the unicorn levitated it and the group began to move out, Pinkie bringing up the rear with her gun in hoof.

"I've got my eye on you!" She told the box. "No funny stuff, or I'll wipe that icing right off you in a single lick!!!"

Her troop barely managed to avoid bursting into laughter as they made their way towards headquarters.

Author's Note:

I know this story is really goofy.

I do not apologise.

Also, more to come!!!

Comments

[Regis-Th3-Lesser]

I thought this was a comedy about lessening Starlight’s powers