Great happy to see a new chapter. This is so interesting in trying to figure out Rarity fully. I mean she is so mixed in a way. It is a bit hard to tell at times if her affection comes more from her loneliness or from a true desire to want to be with Spike. I think we got a better idea of that from this chapter that there are some genuine feelings for him in her so I can't wait to see when those are stimulated. I think romance is something that Rarity seem to not consider alot. Lust sure, but romance is the thing she is scared of but she seem to willing to enjoy it from Spike. I like to think that is a sign that Spike is already behind her guard even if she doesn't fully realize it yet. I can't wait to see her studying that book even more. Finding out more and more about dragons and their matting habits. I think she will invite him over the next day after the date not wanting to wait. I think the biggest thing is I think the date might even go well but they wont make a relationship official. I think honestly that Spike even with him having a attraction to Sweetie can't get rid of his feelings for Rarity and him being the good guy he is can't commit to her when he can't put his heart into it fully. He went on the date to see if his feelings for Sweetie are stronger than his ones for Rarity but after the moment they shared I think those old feelings are stirring stronger than ever. It will be funny when he drink that tea, eat her meal, and whatever other little tricks she might set up. On top we KNOW she will be teasing him the whole time, lifting her tail, wearing something sexy, physical contact, she will have him ready to pounce by the time they get to desert lol. Man I hope Spike goes nuts, I want to see him do some wild shit when they finally reach their breaking point, I will save those ideas to keep the review more tasteful but there are a number of passionate and intensely intimate moments I can see the two of them sharing. And I think the best thing is even when they get together I can still see so much more to this story beyond that lol.
Anyway great chapter I really can't wait to see the next chapter as we get closer and closer to a full/ almost full chapter of Rarity and Spike
9128681 I believe there are defiantly more feelings than just lust she has towards Spike, though just imagining the intimate side of things in a way helps protect her emotionally. If you fantasize about how someone is head over heels for you, only to find out they aren't, it can destroy a person. Which I feel Rarity has experience with in the past. Never wanting to be hurt that way, she only lets herself envision something that doesn't necessarily have many emotions attached, just something more primal than anything.
And that one is coming soon! I won't say which one so it's a surprise, but your agonizing will pay off!
(Light Spoilers)
Somethings you are right about, though some may go in a way you might not expect. Rarity still needs to find the other half of the book, which has some pretty kinky stuff in there. Spoilers for next chapter- which will be out tonight- We will actually see her convert her bed into a kind of nest that makes her more desirable for mating, though that's all I'll spoil.
And thank you again for your feedback! I personally don't mind the kinky feeback at all, just warn anyone who reads the comments first and then have at it!
9128725 Oh I didn't see the next thing coming at all. I think she would more likely convert her guest room into that since I am pretty sure she wouldn't want to lose her bed. Hmmm unless the 'nest', is more like a oval bed that is soft and gold sheets or trimming around around it making it feel more like a hoard of gems/gold something that makes dragons very comfortable. That way it can still act as a normal bed lol. I wonder where she will find the other half of the book? I mean if she got it from the dragonlands it could be anywhere.... BUT the best chance I would think it would be with Trixie or someone else who travels alot and has the highest chance of coming across the book on the road. I was just thinking I can SO see Rarity losing it if Spike gave her a rimjob or something, I just feel that even with the other times she has been intimate they have never been truely wild, kinky, and intense, so a mid 20s or so dragon with ALOT of built up sexual desire and love on top of hopped up on aphrodisiac will go at it with the full primal intent of marking her as his and with the intent to breed her even if that might not be possible without magical assistance. I just get the feeling that Rarity also is the type to secretly be SUPER into anal, since it is so taboo and unladylike the idea of it would shoot a shiver down her spine and with her having the second biggest flank after Pinkie I know it is something Spike has thought about tapping more than once lol. I wonder will this Spike be a duel wielder or a single broad sword kind of dragon lol. That is going to be a wild day since I get the feeling these two are going to end up mating in every room of her home, even Sweetie and her showroom lol. It will just be super interesting to see how Rarity will change when she has someone who she know care about her and will show her affection not to mention she will finally have that itched scratched. She of course will change her worries to more about losing him and trying to keep him and also fixing the mistakes she has made as well.
That is NOT how you write stories. This is not beautiful, it's just purple prose. I recommend you to check out The Eye of Argon(if you haven't done it yet) and read the reviews on it to see reader's opinion on purple prose and how you can avoid it in your stories.
As to be more specific and not just look like a prick that's how I would change your first paragraph
"Spike!" Rarity cried through her burning blush, "Harder!"
The dragon moaned in reply, thrusting his manhood deeper into the mare's tight, warm, lavender colored vagina. Glistening scales powerfully slapped against her buttocks, causing her to form to rock back and forth violently atop theher creation table. Coiffing her tail high in the airShe raised her tail in the air to allow his velvety steel manhood to slide deeper inside her. His musky scent peppered the air, wings stretched outward and claws deeply digging into her diamond studded hips.
9129788 Simmer down now, I do actually see what you mean. I will admit my writing does have a purple prose problem, though I would like to ask that you better construct any future messages? Or not read my content at all if it bothers you, as that doesn't benefit anyone and takes time away from you enjoying stories you enjoy!
On constructing messages:
While I do appreciate your feedback, I will ask that you calm down a little. Most people won't be receptive at all if you insult their work right off the bat, which could lead your comments not even being read by others when you dohave valuable things to say.
And writing is something entirely subjective. Some things you dreaded in this are something someone else could have adored. There isn't anything people will universally love. As you could infer, I like purple prose, you hate it with a fiery passion. Doesn't make either of us worse off, so just be mindful that not everything can or even should conform to what you like. That will only make you deeply sad and angry, emotions that don't propel us forward in life at all.
And please, for yourself and others, don't call them a prick when trying to show them what they did wrong. Would you have read this if I started out the message if I started throwing out names? Maybe, though we won't have a functional conversation, which would be dreadful. Please don't belittle others or yourself for that matter, because really, what good does that ever bring?
Pros from your messages: I did really like that you used an example to show me some things I did wrong. Such as where some words just weren't needed to make the story feel less clunky and flow so much better. And even directing me to another source that shows an audience's reception of similar works!
A revision of your message that would generally optimize someone reading it and taking you seriously while keeping the same core values:
"I really did not like this! I don't find it beautiful and its all purple prose. I recommend you to check out The Eye of Argon (if you haven't done it yet) and read the reviews on it to see reader's opinion on purple prose and how you can avoid it in your stories.
And to be more specific, here's how I would revise your story-"
You may disagree with that, but as someone who also writes as a profession this is all around something that would have a better chance of making an impact. Something I know you hoped to make, otherwise you wouldn't have said anything. You may respond if you'd like, though unless it is politely pointing out errors and more ideas on improvement I may not look over it.
In conclusion, I am still grateful you commented as this feedback was eye opening. Even though I may have not gained your readership, I do hope you find other stories out there that really capture what you're looking for and that you enjoy them! And as always, take care of yourself and have an amazing day!
I didn't. I literally meant that 'now I'm going to stop bitching around and write an example so that I don't look like a prick.' I should have been more specific. So I'm sorry I guess.
As for
writing is something entirely subjective.
I really don't know how this corresponds to
someone who also writes as a profession
One would think that a writer should know that writing is not subjective. And it's not just that I don't like purple prose, it's considered bad style. There's a big difference between 'You can't please everyone' and 'I don't care about what my readers will think about my writing because I like it another way better'.
Again, sorry if I might look pretentious. I just find that a critique is more valuable for this site and its users than circle jerking.
9130560 Whoops, haha, sorry about thinking you called me a prick. Reading back over it I can see what you originally meant.
And I whole heartedly agree that any writing site needs more critiquing and for circling jerking to be stomped out. That's how ones potential talents stagnate, as if you think you're already good you'll never change.
And what I meant by that is people prefer different styles of writing. You'd be surprised how praised purple prose can be in the industry. (Believe me, I've seen people try to describe paint chips as political statement ) And what is purple prose to one person can be fine to another, therefore being subjective, you see? It comes down to someones perspective and preferences, no matter how wrong you think they are.
Some people like myself like things that are a little more flowery and descriptive. Though I understand you'd rather read something that gets to the point and isn't trying to shove down your throat that it's eloquent, I really do get that. Simple as if someone likes traditional hand tossed pizza or a pan, (Yeah I know, there's a lot more to it than that, but like of the adjectives like dough I suppose) neither are wrong for their preference and not everyone will like the same thing, though you can work hard on both to have them turn out well.
And I defiantly care what my readers think- even non readers now like you! Because I would like to improve my craft. I am new to writing erotica/romance, normally I am writing some gorey fantasy adventure/horror so I still have a bit to learn.
Thank you again for your feedback and honesty, I do hope this made more sense and clarified anything. I hope you will rest a little easier knowing I will use this when looking over my own workers before publishing!
Great happy to see a new chapter. This is so interesting in trying to figure out Rarity fully. I mean she is so mixed in a way. It is a bit hard to tell at times if her affection comes more from her loneliness or from a true desire to want to be with Spike. I think we got a better idea of that from this chapter that there are some genuine feelings for him in her so I can't wait to see when those are stimulated. I think romance is something that Rarity seem to not consider alot. Lust sure, but romance is the thing she is scared of but she seem to willing to enjoy it from Spike. I like to think that is a sign that Spike is already behind her guard even if she doesn't fully realize it yet. I can't wait to see her studying that book even more. Finding out more and more about dragons and their matting habits. I think she will invite him over the next day after the date not wanting to wait. I think the biggest thing is I think the date might even go well but they wont make a relationship official. I think honestly that Spike even with him having a attraction to Sweetie can't get rid of his feelings for Rarity and him being the good guy he is can't commit to her when he can't put his heart into it fully. He went on the date to see if his feelings for Sweetie are stronger than his ones for Rarity but after the moment they shared I think those old feelings are stirring stronger than ever. It will be funny when he drink that tea, eat her meal, and whatever other little tricks she might set up. On top we KNOW she will be teasing him the whole time, lifting her tail, wearing something sexy, physical contact, she will have him ready to pounce by the time they get to desert lol. Man I hope Spike goes nuts, I want to see him do some wild shit when they finally reach their breaking point, I will save those ideas to keep the review more tasteful but there are a number of passionate and intensely intimate moments I can see the two of them sharing. And I think the best thing is even when they get together I can still see so much more to this story beyond that lol.
Anyway great chapter I really can't wait to see the next chapter as we get closer and closer to a full/ almost full chapter of Rarity and Spike
9128681
I believe there are defiantly more feelings than just lust she has towards Spike, though just imagining the intimate side of things in a way helps protect her emotionally. If you fantasize about how someone is head over heels for you, only to find out they aren't, it can destroy a person. Which I feel Rarity has experience with in the past. Never wanting to be hurt that way, she only lets herself envision something that doesn't necessarily have many emotions attached, just something more primal than anything.
And that one is coming soon! I won't say which one so it's a surprise, but your agonizing will pay off!
(Light Spoilers)
Somethings you are right about, though some may go in a way you might not expect. Rarity still needs to find the other half of the book, which has some pretty kinky stuff in there.
Spoilers for next chapter- which will be out tonight-
We will actually see her convert her bed into a kind of nest that makes her more desirable for mating, though that's all I'll spoil.
And thank you again for your feedback! I personally don't mind the kinky feeback at all, just warn anyone who reads the comments first and then have at it!
9128725
Oh I didn't see the next thing coming at all. I think she would more likely convert her guest room into that since I am pretty sure she wouldn't want to lose her bed. Hmmm unless the 'nest', is more like a oval bed that is soft and gold sheets or trimming around around it making it feel more like a hoard of gems/gold something that makes dragons very comfortable. That way it can still act as a normal bed lol. I wonder where she will find the other half of the book? I mean if she got it from the dragonlands it could be anywhere.... BUT the best chance I would think it would be with Trixie or someone else who travels alot and has the highest chance of coming across the book on the road. I was just thinking I can SO see Rarity losing it if Spike gave her a rimjob or something, I just feel that even with the other times she has been intimate they have never been truely wild, kinky, and intense, so a mid 20s or so dragon with ALOT of built up sexual desire and love on top of hopped up on aphrodisiac will go at it with the full primal intent of marking her as his and with the intent to breed her even if that might not be possible without magical assistance. I just get the feeling that Rarity also is the type to secretly be SUPER into anal, since it is so taboo and unladylike the idea of it would shoot a shiver down her spine and with her having the second biggest flank after Pinkie I know it is something Spike has thought about tapping more than once lol. I wonder will this Spike be a duel wielder or a single broad sword kind of dragon lol. That is going to be a wild day since I get the feeling these two are going to end up mating in every room of her home, even Sweetie and her showroom lol. It will just be super interesting to see how Rarity will change when she has someone who she know care about her and will show her affection not to mention she will finally have that itched scratched. She of course will change her worries to more about losing him and trying to keep him and also fixing the mistakes she has made as well.
D*** these comments sure are text walls
Ember says I can have all of you
wut!
that's my boy!
But you never do anything!
Don't I?
That is NOT how you write stories. This is not beautiful, it's just purple prose. I recommend you to check out The Eye of Argon(if you haven't done it yet) and read the reviews on it to see reader's opinion on purple prose and how you can avoid it in your stories.
As to be more specific and not just look like a prick that's how I would change your first paragraph
9129788
Simmer down now, I do actually see what you mean. I will admit my writing does have a purple prose problem, though I would like to ask that you better construct any future messages? Or not read my content at all if it bothers you, as that doesn't benefit anyone and takes time away from you enjoying stories you enjoy!
On constructing messages:
While I do appreciate your feedback, I will ask that you calm down a little. Most people won't be receptive at all if you insult their work right off the bat, which could lead your comments not even being read by others when you dohave valuable things to say.
And writing is something entirely subjective. Some things you dreaded in this are something someone else could have adored. There isn't anything people will universally love. As you could infer, I like purple prose, you hate it with a fiery passion. Doesn't make either of us worse off, so just be mindful that not everything can or even should conform to what you like. That will only make you deeply sad and angry, emotions that don't propel us forward in life at all.
And please, for yourself and others, don't call them a prick when trying to show them what they did wrong. Would you have read this if I started out the message if I started throwing out names? Maybe, though we won't have a functional conversation, which would be dreadful. Please don't belittle others or yourself for that matter, because really, what good does that ever bring?
Pros from your messages:
I did really like that you used an example to show me some things I did wrong. Such as where some words just weren't needed to make the story feel less clunky and flow so much better. And even directing me to another source that shows an audience's reception of similar works!
A revision of your message that would generally optimize someone reading it and taking you seriously while keeping the same core values:
"I really did not like this! I don't find it beautiful and its all purple prose. I recommend you to check out The Eye of Argon (if you haven't done it yet) and read the reviews on it to see reader's opinion on purple prose and how you can avoid it in your stories.
And to be more specific, here's how I would revise your story-"
You may disagree with that, but as someone who also writes as a profession this is all around something that would have a better chance of making an impact. Something I know you hoped to make, otherwise you wouldn't have said anything. You may respond if you'd like, though unless it is politely pointing out errors and more ideas on improvement I may not look over it.
In conclusion, I am still grateful you commented as this feedback was eye opening. Even though I may have not gained your readership, I do hope you find other stories out there that really capture what you're looking for and that you enjoy them! And as always, take care of yourself and have an amazing day!
9130370
I didn't. I literally meant that 'now I'm going to stop bitching around and write an example so that I don't look like a prick.'
I should have been more specific. So I'm sorry I guess.
As for
I really don't know how this corresponds to
One would think that a writer should know that writing is not subjective. And it's not just that I don't like purple prose, it's considered bad style. There's a big difference between 'You can't please everyone' and 'I don't care about what my readers will think about my writing because I like it another way better'.
Again, sorry if I might look pretentious. I just find that a critique is more valuable for this site and its users than circle jerking.
9130560
Whoops, haha, sorry about thinking you called me a prick. Reading back over it I can see what you originally meant.
And I whole heartedly agree that any writing site needs more critiquing and for circling jerking to be stomped out. That's how ones potential talents stagnate, as if you think you're already good you'll never change.
And what I meant by that is people prefer different styles of writing. You'd be surprised how praised purple prose can be in the industry. (Believe me, I've seen people try to describe paint chips as political statement ) And what is purple prose to one person can be fine to another, therefore being subjective, you see? It comes down to someones perspective and preferences, no matter how wrong you think they are.
Some people like myself like things that are a little more flowery and descriptive. Though I understand you'd rather read something that gets to the point and isn't trying to shove down your throat that it's eloquent, I really do get that. Simple as if someone likes traditional hand tossed pizza or a pan, (Yeah I know, there's a lot more to it than that, but like of the adjectives like dough I suppose) neither are wrong for their preference and not everyone will like the same thing, though you can work hard on both to have them turn out well.
And I defiantly care what my readers think- even non readers now like you! Because I would like to improve my craft. I am new to writing erotica/romance, normally I am writing some gorey fantasy adventure/horror so I still have a bit to learn.
Thank you again for your feedback and honesty, I do hope this made more sense and clarified anything. I hope you will rest a little easier knowing I will use this when looking over my own workers before publishing!