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69 THIS AND 69 THAT1,089 words
BLICKY GOT THE STIFFY UH622 words

69 THIS AND 69 THAT

It was a dark summer night in the streets of New York. Traffic wasn’t as heavy as it was in the day. And there weren't any pedestrians in sight. It was rather peaceful, that was until Tekashi sped down the street in his red bandana textured SUV. he was Going 70 mph in a 20mph zone. If he wasn’t high he probably would’ve followed at least some traffic laws. Actually scratch that he probably wouldn’t care.

He was listening to one of his songs. “GET THE FUCK UP OUT MY FACE BEFORE I MURDER YOU” blasting throughout the car at full volume. People always tell him not to drink lean and especially not drink lean while driving. He never listened. After about 3 minutes of reckless driving, he noticed one of his many chains glowing. The chain in particular was a unicorn. And as if on cue the car started glowing in a black aura he started mumbling “oh shit nig-”.

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Tekashi woke up in his car. He stared out his front windshield. “The fuck is this shit” Tekashi stated. One thing was for sure he wasn’t in new york anymore. It looked like it was morning. His car was apparently in the middle of a field. Around him was a massive mountain range. Directly in front of him was a city. And right in the middle of the city was a giant castle that looked like it was made out of crystal. He thought to himself ‘damn this definitely ain't new york’. He then turned the key to the ignition.

The car then sputtered and coughed as He hit the dashboard. “Work you bitch!” Tekashi shouted at the top of his lungs. At this the car sputtered again and died. ‘Well shit i guess the cars outta battery’ Tekashi thought to himself. He then thought ‘well i hope someone in that city got a jump starter’. He then grabbed his keys, his phone, a couple blunts, and his Tec-9 pistol along with a few magazines. He then stepped out of his car and started making his way to the city.

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Princess Cadence woke up from her sleep she then felt something, a disturbance within the Crystal Empire. Not just any disturbance, but a dark magic disturbance. She jumped out of her bed and ran out to her balcony and looked towards the direction of the magical disturbance. She couldn’t see anything in the city until she noticed a small colorful dot towards the north. She casted a magnification spell and saw a strange creature. She thought to herself ‘how in the world did that get through the shield”.

Cadence at first thought it was a more mutated version of Rainbow Dash. But then cleared that thought when she saw its rainbow colored teeth. She then noticed a necklace around the creatures neck and felt it emit a large amount of dark magic. She turned around and ran for the door. Running through the hallway like a mad mare.

Cadence found her most trusted guard and rightfully wedded husband Shining Armor. “Shining grab as many guards as you can and set them up in the north of the empire” Cadence stated calmly.

Shining then asked “what's going on. Are we getting invaded!”.

Cadence looked at him with a sense of worry and said. “ i sense a dark presence within the empire".

Shining looked back at her and said. “I’ll grab the guards and move them out”.

He then galloped towards the stairs and disappeared. She looked at the guard next to her. “Send a letter to princesses Celestia, Luna, and Twilight. And tell Twilight to alert the rest of the Elements of Harmony. We have a major situation on our hands.”

The guard then said “yes your majesty”. He then nodded and ran towards the mail room. Cadence only hoped that it wasn’t to late.

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As soon as Tekashi walked into the city he definitely knew he wasn’t in America anymore. Or Earth for that matter. Their were many different factors as to why. it could’ve been the fact that there were no cars, or that the houses were made out of crystal, or the fact that tiny colorful horses were everywhere staring at him with mouths agape. “Am I high or something” Tekashi stated quietly. The horses then started screaming and galloping away. “Hey any of y’all got a jump starter!” Tekashi shouted at the terrified horses. The street then cleared leaving a confused Tekashi. He then said “What the fuck is this shit”.

“SURRENDER NOW FIEND!” shouted a female voice from behind him. Tekashi then turned around to see around 20 horses wearing silver armor and holding spears. He then saw a pink horse in the middle with a horn and a pair of wings wearing a crown. ‘This day keeps getting better and better’ Tekashi thought. He then looked behind him to see more horses wearing silver armor. Tekashi then looked at the pink horse in the middle. Moving her hoof in the air motioning the two guards to move forward.

The two guards aimed their speers at him and started moving towards him. He then thought of his options. ‘If i turn around and run i’ll run into the ones behind me. If i surrender then they'll probably anal probe me or some shit. I guess there's only one thing left to do’. Tekashi then pulled out his Tec-9 and pointed it at one of the approaching horses. He shouted at the top of his lungs “Back the fuck up!”. That only made them go faster. Tekashi then pulled the trigger and shot two times in the ground in front of the first horse. He then aimed it at the ground in front of the other one and shot again “I told y'all to back the fuck up!”

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Three loud thunders rang out throughout everypony's ear. “I told y'all to back the fuck up!” the being shouted loudly. The two guards stayed put cowering under the being.

Cadence needed to respond quickly. She than shouted “who are you evil being!”.

The being then shouted. “I'm yo worst fucking nightmare!”. She clearly saw that this being wasn't willing to turn himself in peacefully. so she came up with a solution. Cadence casted a sleep spell and shot it a t the being knocking it out almost instantly.

Cadence turned towards the guard next to her and said "take this thing down to the dungeon".

To witch the guard responded "yes your majesty".

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