Finally what? Finally what? What what what?

9095673
(Cliffhanger) (dramatic music)

Before you should read any further I am a Brony. So if you have any problems you can leave now because I'm pretty sure you know what the stories about.

Implying that the people who peruse this site aren’t?

My god, reading past “Hi, my name is” was a mistake.

Uhh~ I am already interested in how this story will go. Btw, you sir, know how to build up interest !

9095682
Thx

9095688
Why

9095681
No I’m thinking of posting this to more than one site

9095702
Here and there

But this is a different story than your average displaced story

Let me guess, some dull, flatbread jackass is going to have any semblance of personality replaced with the powers of some other character(s) from some other source material, he’s going to impress the ponies with his super unoriginal powers hard enough that he makes fuck with a bunch of them, and by the time an actual plot comes along and you realize that this “character” you “created” is too dull to carry any real kind of story forward, it gets abandoned after a few chapters.

Because if that’s what this is, I’ve seen it done better.

9095708
Just please be patient

9095718 Hardly a phrase ever attached to any decent story.

9095711
I think that’s his job

9095748 That’s Lieutenant Salt to you!

9095708
To save you a read, if you haven’t read it already, the MC knows about the merchant and willingly goes to Equestria. Because of the MC’s “generosity” for not turning the merchant into the police for sending people to an alternate dimension (which the MC couldn’t prove anything if he had) the merchant gives the MC “gifts” along with the items he chooses to take with him.

The gifts are characters in his head similar to Deadpool except these things give the MC “powers.”

Powers such as (straight from the chapter):

“ The three of us will give you boost. For example you will be gaining memories from each of us. I will be giving you the memories of how to raise the dead and control them, while light will be giving you memories of strategy and fighting. Darkness will be giving memories of business running and sabotaging”

“Also everything has been tripled since you have three lords. Your speed has been tripled in, durability, strength, power, and you have quadruple jump. boss. ”

“That and the added power of Skyrim you are almost unbeatable. You have all the blessings, Stones, Shotes, and the magic there is. With a shout it takes about a few seconds before you can use another one. You also be getting memories of survival skills since you also got the spear from far cry primal. Sir.”

You are going to be able to possessed as many as you can as long as they’re in range. Boss.”

Basically he’s god. There is absolutely no situation he couldn’t get out of with a wiggle of his pinky toe unless the author pulls a bullshit excuse as to why he’s suddenly unable to access this un-paralleled power.

Trouble with the almighty princesses? Possessed.
How about Tirek? Possessed
Fighting an army of millions? Possessed.

Hell, just being able to possess an unlimited number of beings “in range” itself destroys any conflict he would come across.

I could go into the buffet line of writing errors here, but one thing really stuck me: Just what did the English language do to you to warrant such blatant disregard?

9095774
If it isn’t my old friend... how long has it been since you tried to piss me off but, failed miserably... at first I thought I was too rushed to think you were the bad guy... but now I see a sad little piece of shit to afraid to make a story in case he gets marked... as soon as you make a story they get millions of views... I will allow you to tell me what to do.

9095785
Poorly written response aside, who are you again?

9095790
The guy you ran away from

Why the cliff hanger you potato

9095793
Considering your poor English, passive-aggression, and success at reinforcing Sturgeon's Law...kinda doubt that. You also don't sound like Old Mark, so that one's out.

9095799
That’s pretty pathetic considering you can only judge me on my spelling. Like come on there’s got to be 1000 other insults Hit me with one instead of doing the same thing over and over again.

9095797
So that you want to continue reading

Step 1: Get an editor.
Step 2: Please reconsider your content choices. Cringey as it is, it's been overused to death at this point.

9095801
Considering this is a site that's geared torwards writing and is known for being more quality/editing focused than other amateur writing domains, it's understandable that some remarks may have flown over your head. Keep trying kiddo, you can really only improve at this point.

9095775
I'm general Soviet union upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a9/Flag_of_the_Soviet_Union.svg/1200px-Flag_of_the_Soviet_Union.svg.png

9095803
Si yes yup affirmative correct ja naí

9095818
Shit

9095812
Again like I asked for another insult but apparently your gonna use the same thing over and over again so I guess it doesn’t really matter what you say now

9095831
No

9095831
No

9095832

And you'll never get any better with your attitude!

9095855
And what attitude is that. I’m certainly not mad. Tell you the truth I was disappointed. For years I’ve been waiting for a bully to make fun of me so I can beat the shit out of him either that would be with words or violence.... but now... I just feel cheated

9095858
To be honest. It doesn't matter to me if you get better or worse. You can practice grammar on your own and get an editor to help with typos. Try to make a realistic character too.

Having a godlike character will make the story go on repeat forever as your character will never face a challenge. (Pretty sure someone below me has said that before.)

Don't fall into a pit. Pick yourself up out of it before you become known for shit like this.

9095877
I thought you were with Mr. hamster master dickhead

9095700
Like DeviantArt or Archive of Our Own...or whatever it's called?

9095880
He's an aquaintance. He might be blunt, but he's not wrong. Good grammar is something you need when you're on this site. So, just keep practicing and crafting newer better ideas.

9095886
I’m trying... but do you know who he is

9095785

how long has it been since you tried to piss me off but, failed miserably

but now I see a sad little piece of shit

The irony.

9095892
I don't really know him in real life.

9095899
Then why is he a dick to everyone

9095897
Do you mind explaining

9095858

For years I’ve been waiting for a bully to make fun of me so I can beat the shit out of him either that would be with words or violence

static1.fjcdn.com/comments/Blank+_1f140036e9fc61fedb917f5294829ded.jpg

9095900
Because people are who they want to be and nobody can change that unless they want to on their own.

9095904
All right then

9095903
You have no fucking clue I have been through.

9095910
Well you don't know what I have been through either, and I don't recommend that you should be using past traumatic events as leverage over people, and try to make it a competition of who has it worse.

9095915
I was never trying to compare I was just saying you don’t know what I’ve been through to say stuff like that. And neither do I know you all I’m saying is I’ve been itching for a fight for a long time.

9095917

I’ve been itching for a fight for a long time.

Go to a martial arts class then.

9095920
Did... junior black

9095924
Then go back.