Just wanted to highlight a few errors before my opinion:
she wore a bare of simple white panties.
As your tongue reached her now flared out clit your needled it with the tip of your tongue
while she gripp the bed
she was a natural as taking this kind of punishment
Nothing changed this time except for your excitement at playing with her breasts without impunity.
This should be with.
Has you not cast your Contraception spell you would have knocked Pear up
You grabbed her pigtails
... This isn't really an error. I just couldnt help spouting that at this point in the show Granny Smith no longer had pigtails. Her hair was short.
The camera floated up from one atop one of the chairs
restored to its original state tight.
This next part isn't legit critique, just venting:
It was refreshing to read one of your chapters again. Hot and spicy as ever. But this one really left a bad taste in my mouth. I know there has been infidelity in this serious before. Twilight Velvet, I believe, was cheating on her random boyfriend, but at least in the end when she met Night Light she totally abstained from seeing The Attendant (what I call the main character) again. I would say this is worse because Pear is cheating on her husband, though it's not even just because of that, but the reason she's cheating and how it really spits on the face of their pre-established relationship. It's one thing if one of the other mane 6 moms cheat on their husband, but Pear and Bright Mac were giving an entire episode dedicated to their love and how they persevered to be with each other no matter the cost. And then after all of that Pear decides to have a tryst behind the back of this stallion she gave up her own family for just because... she wants to be a real Apple.
I understand that from the moment you decided to write a chapter about Pear Butter it was almost guaranteed that she'd be screwing behind Bright Mac's back, because they've basically been a couple since they were toddlers, but this pretty much treated all they went through as a joke. They weren't having any relationship problems, and Pear's father was out of the picture at this point so even if she did have an unbearable heat she has a husband now. All I can think of when she's going through with this is Angelica Pickles' voices saying "But I wanna be an Aaaaapppplllleee", and she doesn't even once seem to feel bad about how this is a betrayal to her husband. She even drives the shameless nail into the coffin when she kisses the Attendant after the deed is done.
And then there's Granny Smith on top of all this. The Attendant mentions that Pear was the only non-Apple to ever go through with this, so that means that out of all the Apples in history Granny Smith was the only one to encourage the daughter-in-law to get fucked behind her own son's back. There's no precedent for Pear, being an Apple only by marriage, to go through with this and she still encourages cheating on her own son, without even a second thought.
Overall I enjoyed this, after all it's a clopfic series and it does that really well, but I couldn't help feeling put off by the characters themselves in this chapter. Sorry for the ramble.
9512212 I’ll go through the typos when I get back to my computer. Also She wore pigtails that particular day.
Now to address the main part of your comment.
Let’s be honest about it. I agree with you and that’s why it took as long as it did to actually write this chapter. I looked at it and put it away because no matter what I thought to do it would still seem wrong. Eventually I forgot about writing all together and kind of ignored it so you could say this chapter killed my writers mood.
So for nearly six months I wrote nothing until I either got over my reluctance of writing this chapter, or I deemed it a cut chapter. There was no way to really turn this out where you wouldn’t feel a bit dirty or disgusted by the contents... provided you have morals and weren’t here just to fap. Nothing wrong with that mind you. So I eventually decided to bite the bullet and write out whatever I could.
I had some other options but the more I looked over them the less likely they would be. So I decided to make it a tradition that the Apples had. One they continue to the day because traditions. Honestly I didn’t really have many options and this is a clopfic. No matter how well it may be written it was and always will be a clopfic for readers to get their rocks off. So this chapter came out.
As for how they act... well I could say heat of the moment. Also could say that the MC perpetuates his own work by being able to deal with heats so quickly and consistently. I could say that they could have had a fight that day between him and her so it would make it more palpable but I didn’t.
This isn’t going to be a dark series but it will eventually deal with levels of infidelity. The MC won’t be causing any breakups or heartbreaks on purpose nor will he be the reason for a failing marriage. He just does his job so long as someone comes into his shop.
9512212 Part 2 And for as much as he knows some things are wrong he’s kind of apathetic to these kinds of things. The chapter of Chiffon Swirl shows his mornings where he really doesn’t have much to live for. So he’s going through the motions. He just lives. There are friends but those are to the level of acquaintances. Night Light is the closest stallion he knows but even then he keeps his distance.
For the most part his life is something of his own creation. He did something to piss Discord off which may or may not be his fault and now is immortal. He lives a long time and does things to get by or sate his own boredom. He has no direction and this is just another in a long line of ways to keep close to others without actually letting them in. Mind you certain clans have figured things out about him. Apples *cough cough* and use that to kind of force him into positions that have him be close to others. He’s a weird character to write for me since I can’t make him too straightforward like my other protagonists... except for Arcana Hotel story. He’s more complex too.
So yeah. It was a bit disturbing and out of character but there wasn’t a decent way to write that chapter where the MC was still the main focus.
YES!!! IT'S FINALLY BACK!!!
This really made my night. Glad this was updated tonight. Plus, that is all the Milf/Mom 6.
Great work.
9455004
Returned. Now I'll work on my other stories till I figure out who's next
9455089
No problem. Glad you enjoyed it.
You still have to do Chiffon Swirl (Mrs. Cake)
9458461
I know lol
9495692
There's a mare for that.
Just wanted to highlight a few errors before my opinion:
This should be with.
... This isn't really an error. I just couldnt help spouting that at this point in the show Granny Smith no longer had pigtails. Her hair was short.![:trollestia:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/trollestia.png)
This next part isn't legit critique, just venting:
It was refreshing to read one of your chapters again. Hot and spicy as ever. But this one really left a bad taste in my mouth. I know there has been infidelity in this serious before. Twilight Velvet, I believe, was cheating on her random boyfriend, but at least in the end when she met Night Light she totally abstained from seeing The Attendant (what I call the main character) again. I would say this is worse because Pear is cheating on her husband, though it's not even just because of that, but the reason she's cheating and how it really spits on the face of their pre-established relationship. It's one thing if one of the other mane 6 moms cheat on their husband, but Pear and Bright Mac were giving an entire episode dedicated to their love and how they persevered to be with each other no matter the cost. And then after all of that Pear decides to have a tryst behind the back of this stallion she gave up her own family for just because... she wants to be a real Apple.
I understand that from the moment you decided to write a chapter about Pear Butter it was almost guaranteed that she'd be screwing behind Bright Mac's back, because they've basically been a couple since they were toddlers, but this pretty much treated all they went through as a joke. They weren't having any relationship problems, and Pear's father was out of the picture at this point so even if she did have an unbearable heat she has a husband now. All I can think of when she's going through with this is Angelica Pickles' voices saying "But I wanna be an Aaaaapppplllleee", and she doesn't even once seem to feel bad about how this is a betrayal to her husband. She even drives the shameless nail into the coffin when she kisses the Attendant after the deed is done.
And then there's Granny Smith on top of all this. The Attendant mentions that Pear was the only non-Apple to ever go through with this, so that means that out of all the Apples in history Granny Smith was the only one to encourage the daughter-in-law to get fucked behind her own son's back. There's no precedent for Pear, being an Apple only by marriage, to go through with this and she still encourages cheating on her own son, without even a second thought.
Overall I enjoyed this, after all it's a clopfic series and it does that really well, but I couldn't help feeling put off by the characters themselves in this chapter. Sorry for the ramble.
9512212
I’ll go through the typos when I get back to my computer. Also She wore pigtails that particular day.
Now to address the main part of your comment.
Let’s be honest about it. I agree with you and that’s why it took as long as it did to actually write this chapter. I looked at it and put it away because no matter what I thought to do it would still seem wrong. Eventually I forgot about writing all together and kind of ignored it so you could say this chapter killed my writers mood.
So for nearly six months I wrote nothing until I either got over my reluctance of writing this chapter, or I deemed it a cut chapter. There was no way to really turn this out where you wouldn’t feel a bit dirty or disgusted by the contents... provided you have morals and weren’t here just to fap. Nothing wrong with that mind you. So I eventually decided to bite the bullet and write out whatever I could.
I had some other options but the more I looked over them the less likely they would be. So I decided to make it a tradition that the Apples had. One they continue to the day because traditions. Honestly I didn’t really have many options and this is a clopfic. No matter how well it may be written it was and always will be a clopfic for readers to get their rocks off. So this chapter came out.
As for how they act... well I could say heat of the moment. Also could say that the MC perpetuates his own work by being able to deal with heats so quickly and consistently. I could say that they could have had a fight that day between him and her so it would make it more palpable but I didn’t.
This isn’t going to be a dark series but it will eventually deal with levels of infidelity. The MC won’t be causing any breakups or heartbreaks on purpose nor will he be the reason for a failing marriage. He just does his job so long as someone comes into his shop.
9512212
Part 2
And for as much as he knows some things are wrong he’s kind of apathetic to these kinds of things. The chapter of Chiffon Swirl shows his mornings where he really doesn’t have much to live for. So he’s going through the motions. He just lives. There are friends but those are to the level of acquaintances. Night Light is the closest stallion he knows but even then he keeps his distance.
For the most part his life is something of his own creation. He did something to piss Discord off which may or may not be his fault and now is immortal. He lives a long time and does things to get by or sate his own boredom. He has no direction and this is just another in a long line of ways to keep close to others without actually letting them in. Mind you certain clans have figured things out about him. Apples *cough cough* and use that to kind of force him into positions that have him be close to others. He’s a weird character to write for me since I can’t make him too straightforward like my other protagonists... except for Arcana Hotel story. He’s more complex too.
So yeah. It was a bit disturbing and out of character but there wasn’t a decent way to write that chapter where the MC was still the main focus.