Fred Justice was just another junior student at Canterlot High helping out Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity until things started to go crazy. Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, and questions about his very origin come up.
Page generated in 0.022 seconds
Total duration
782 users online
1,085,145 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Great story there were some errors but all in all great story
10111548
Thanks for your complements. If you want to point out some errors, I'd be happy to fix them.
This is a good story so far and decently written however I feel some of these relationships are rushed also the fact that you don’t put a warning on the sex scenes anymore thus not allowing people who want to skip it skip it also I feel like Fred is too forgiving I mean rarity almost killed him yet at the end of the chapters it’s all rainbows and chocolate you can’t just forgive someone who almost killed ya in the snap of a finger like that. No matter your personality or anything almost being killed due to something someone did stupidly is not something you can forgive in such a short time it is just not how the mind or emotions work now it’s be more believable if there was a cautions tension between the two (caution on Fred’s side) then it be more believable and bearable but with how ya had him forgive her just like that it just dose not fit or feel correct makes him seem like he is not truly sentient and the fact he is just a door mat to them is also kinda bad. But other then those it’s a great story overall and I do hope to see more soon!
10118517
First off, I would like to thank you for saying, "This is a good story so far." Thank you. However, might I suggest cutting the sentences down to where it's more easily readable. I had to read it through a few times just to get the points you were trying to make. For example, here's my reply in a more easily understandable fashion.
1. Yes, I do agree that some of the relationships are a little bit rushed. My answer to that is I'm not a professional writer. I'm an inspiring one, so there are going to be things that I need to work on so, I do appreciate constructive criticism.
2. It is true that I don't put warnings on those scenes anymore because the story is now a mature story and thereby I didn't think it was necessary anymore. It used to be rated Teen but I changed it.
3. You're not the first one to criticize Fred for being too lenient on Rarity. My answer to that one is that perhaps there's a reason behind it. The story isn't finished yet, so there could be a reason behind what he's doing.
4. Again, I appreciate your criticism in stating that "it's a great story overall." And while I do appreciate constructive criticism please have your future posts not seem like one long run-on sentence with no structure to it.
Thank You
10118751 Sorry I’m not good when it comes to writing and grammar punctuation and all.
awww.... I just read all of the chapters!!!
Please continue more!!!!!
More pls
Well Fred you may have just impregnated Pinkie Pie now too. I really hope your ready to raise 3 foal and a clutch of chicks when the time comes, my prince. You might want to practed keeping it in your pants. Otherwise the element bearers are all going to be impregnated by you. Not that I'm opposed to you impregnating all the bearers but do you think you can raise 6 foals and a clutch of Phoenix chicks. If you can you have my undying respect.
We have confirmation that Fluttershy is pregnant. I'm expecting to find out that Philomena, Twilight, and now Pinkie Pie will be or in the case of the first 2 are already pregnant.
Good story so far. I hope the author proves to me that the Mares and Pheonix are confirmed pregnant like Fluttershy soon!