Page generated in 0.025 seconds
Total duration
1,087 users online
1,750,068 hits today, 2,167,270 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
9405406
The comment about the father was more a joke than anything else. I do almost always start my chapter comments with a joke of some kind.
Honestly do I think that the best fix would be to put at least a scene or two before the action in the first scene to show some "normality" before shit hits the fan. We start the chapter, and the story, by being shown a corpse doll, and follow up with rape threats and someone getting air condition installed in their head. Shock is only shock if there are a buildup, and death does only have an effect if we have a connection with the character. We do not care in Harry Potter when a random background character dies, but when someone kill off a owl will people cry their eyes out.
Now if you are going for the macabre and a character there are the odd fish out and a bit weird in the head would I not put any normality in before the retelling of the story, but would instead put some more focus on how damn odd he is. Let us see him drag mommy dearest to an inn, him coming with comments to her as if she was still alive, order her food and something to drink, and when the subject of rooms come up, then ask for a room with a single bed to really creep the reader out with wrong images in their head.
It is all about pacing and what kind of impact certain information have, and how it is given.
9405438
Lmao. I might actually take that advice. I've been wanting to show that while Fear is improving he's still of in the head and that'd be the perfect way to do it. I'm little hesitant to if only because it's hard for a colt like him to find caps in the wasteland, so giving her private food and shelter would be a waste. I'm actually going to edit chapter 7 a little to include that scene though.
Edit: I realize it wouldn't make sense in context for Fear to feed his mother in chapter 7 because he doesn't do it in chapter 4. So I'm gonna have to go without that little bit of creepiness unfortunately. I'll keep that in mind for if I ever write an unhinged character like this again.
"For those wondering, I get it's a mistake to not show Storm and Fear being happy mother and son for a few chapters, but that's kind of the point. We're supposed to hear about it all in past tense, because that's what it is. It's completely cut off from who Fear is now, and Fear is trying to find that self once more."
This was PART of the author's note in chapter 2. I'll probably move that section to chapter 1.
Edit: Moved it.
9408732
About going into detail do you not really go into detail to explain new people what this is about. With your level of detail about past events could this just as well be any other kind of post apocalypse world instead of a fallout one. If you wanted to give people an fallout introduction would I suggest doing a "War, war never changes" speech about how the wasteland is and who fucked it up from Fears viewpoint. Lets dip down in that emo moody craziness and see the world of FoE with a pair of different glasses.
9408828
Lol that'd be super good! I might be able to do that if I can fit it in. If do it it'll probably be after chapter 8. I could probably add a speech into how it all came about in chapter 9.
Your choice of references and music is quite good...I love it, really adds to the atmosphere..."slenderman, slenderman, you most certainly will die!"
9711997
Wow! Thank you. :D I really appreciate it. <3 I'm glad you like 'em.
I like this chapter quite a bit! It shows Fear 's being a kid, which makes it a whole lot lighter and easier to process! I like Amelie so far as well, as well as Sim whose pretty damn neat! Looking forward to reading the next one again! I wonder if Fear is going to actualy bury his mom or not if and when they make it to the Stable.
10035391
You'll just have to read and find out! :P Glad you like the new characters so far. :) Amelio's one of my favorites.