Rarity Evens the Score
Everfree Forest - near Ponyville
“So, lemme get this straight, Rares—you invited me into your boutique for some tea,” Rainbow held up her hooves doing air quotes while rolling her eyes. “And then, when I finally come clean and bare my soul to you in order to get some advice, you tried to tie me down so you could interrogate me with a bunch of embarrassing questions!”
Rainbow’s eyes flicked over to Twilight before she resumed her glare at the fashionista. Given the subject matter, and the brightening flush on her cheeks, it was obvious that she didn’t want the details of this situation broadcast beyond the ears of those present.
“And then, when I made my daring escape out one of the upper windows of your showroom, you pulled some kind of weird Pinkie Pie uber tracking ability and harried me all over Ponyville!” Rainbow gesticulated over her head with her hooves. “All the while crowing about not hiding my feelings about true love… And this whole thing was some sort of elaborate prank?”
Rarity had removed her sunhat, and was languidly fanning herself with it in her magic while listening to Rainbow’s rant. Once the peeved pegasus finished her tirade, Rarity only raised an eyebrow while giving a coy one syllable reply. “Yes?”
Twilight shook her head as she followed behind Rarity and Rainbow Dash. Spike was wisely staying out of the situation for the moment. Despite Twilight’s alicorn strength, her shoulder was still tingling from the high speed impact she took from Rainbow when the pegasus came out of nowhere rounding a bend of the trail up ahead. She had been planning on making a beeline back to her castle so she could activate Zecora’s potion in the privacy of her own room. Instead, that beeline got flipped into a clothesline as the little blue missile failed to change directions quickly enough, using her as a purple pony princess padding.
Now that they had disentangled themselves and were walking back to town, Rarity was holding her head high in self-satisfaction, while Rainbow Dash was demanding arbitration. To Rainbow’s relief, nopony was recounting her last words before the fateful crash: Help me! She just won’t stah hah hah hahp!
Less than enthused by Rarity’s monosyllabic reply, Rainbow turned her plaintive gaze back to Twilight as she hovered, gesturing with both forelegs back at Rarity as if to say: Do you see what I have to put up with?! Twilight did note however, while she rubbed her shoulder absentmindedly, that her fashionista friend was watching her out of the corner of her eye.
“Wow, Rarity.” Twilight finally spoke up. “You seriously did all that just to prank Rainbow?” Twilight watched as Rarities smile widened just a tad. “I gotta say that I’m a little impressed. Also, a teensy bit frightened.”
“Frightened?” Rainbow snapped. “I wasn’t frightened! I was betrayed! I— “
“ —So, instead of crashing into the local alicorn’s castle and breaking another window, you crash into the alicorn’s body nearly breaking her humerus…”
“It's not funny, Twi! None of this is! How would you feel if you laid bare your deepest personal secrets, only to be lampooned in front of Ponyville!”
Rarity gasped in response. “I did no such thing, Rainbow dear! Sure, I razzed you a bit in the privacy of my boutique, but I would never be so uncouth as to broadcast your feelings all over town!”
“You were clamoring for me not to deny my feelings! Time Turner was standing right there!”
“Yes, but I never said anything as far as what your feelings were about,” Rarity affirmed. “Only that you shouldn’t hide them. Besides, Mr. Turner didn’t want you playing around inside his boiler.”
“I was trying to hide! Better bumming in a boiler than being betrayed by a buddy!”
“For the last time it was not a betrayal.” Rarity stopped walking and turned to face her accuser. Her eyes narrowed as she leaned into the shorter pegasus.
“With the number of pranks you’ve pulled on me over the years Rainbow Dash, be glad I didn’t push this one further!” She hissed. “I think I showed considerable restraint, all things considered!”
Rainbow bristled as she sprang to the air again. “Not when it comes to somepony’s feelings!” She turned to look at Twilight again, trying to emphasize her case. “C’mon, Twi don’t you see my point? Don’t you agree that Rarity went too far?”
Twilight looked back and forth between the agitated wonderbolt captain and her favorite fashionista friend. She hated being put on the spot like this, with Rainbow urging her to choose between the feelings of two of her closest friends. She didn’t want to side with one against the other, so she would need to handle this delicately. She looked back over to Spike, but her assistant’s subtly shook his head as if to say: What are you looking at me for? This is something between mares. I’m not touching this with a ten foot pole!
Taking a deep breath so she could clear her mind a little, Twilight sat back on her haunches. Rainbow stopped flapping and came to a rest as well, side by side with Rarity and gazing back at Twilight expectantly. Obviously, she was hoping the judge was going to rule in her favor. Twilight took her seat as well, facing them. “Okay, Rainbow. Before I give my answer to that question, why don’t you tell me in detail exactly what happened?
* * *
Ponyville, earlier that morning, front of the Carousel Boutique
Rainbow Dash sighed as she glared at the ominous door that stood proudly before her. The obnoxious color of the thing insulted her to her face… with periwinkle.
Seriously. Like, who paints their front door periwinkle?! It’s like the color couldn’t decide whether to be blue or lavender, so it just sort of said ‘buck this’ and took a nosedive in between, laming it out forever.
On further reflection, why the hay did she even know to call that color periwinkle in the first place? None of the other Wonderbolts would know what periwinkle was.
What a stupid name for a color! Of all the uncool color names out there, the only one more uncool than periwinkle is chartreuse. Or maybe smaragdine. Yep, smaragdine was definitely an awful name for a color. Wait, why was she even thinking about this, anyway? Pondering on the color of a door was more Rarity’s shtick, not hers.
Rainbow smirked. While Rarity and her didn’t see eye to eye on a number of topics and priorities, they were still… well, friends didn’t even begin to describe how strong their bond was. Sure, she didn’t get all of the fru fru fashion that Rares was obsessed by, but as a professional athlete, she did understand hard work and effort. Rarity displayed those qualities in spades. Oh, and of course, there was also the whole saving Equestria thing they had seemed to make a habit out of doing together. All in all, Rarity really was awesome, just in a different way.
That being said, was she the pony she should bring this matter to? Rarity seemed more informed on sappy and emotional stuff—at least she acted like it—but what would be the potential fallout? What if rumors got out that the Rainbow Dash was actually all sappy and gooey at heart? What would all of her fans think? Rainbow suppressed a small shudder. She fancied herself a risk taker—Tartarus, it was essentially part of her job description, but this?
A sparrow flew past while Rainbow remained rooted to the spot, still staring at the stupid door. She died a little bit on the inside, knowing that she probably looked ridiculous, waiting with her hoof in the air to knock.
C’mon, Rainbow. This is stupid. Just knock! Go…
Hit it!
Hit the darned… pathetic…
Periwinkle door!
Rainbow lifted a hoof to knock, only to freeze again, a hair’s breadth from the surface. Was she absolutely sure that Rarity wouldn’t buck this up?
You know what she’s gonna do, right? She’ll drag it out of you, and then by noon tomorrow your super-secret love-crush will be tabloid material all over Ponyville and beyond!
Rainbow’s heart thudded in her chest as she swallowed.
And you will never… ever… live it down.
“Rarity wouldn’t do that!” Rainbow whined in a frightened whisper. Yes, the mare loved to gossip, and was usually the most informed mare in Ponyville. Heck, that was probably half the reason she went to the spa all the time in the first place, to get the latest news from the twins. It couldn’t be for the hooficures.
Rainbow shuddered again.
But in her heart of hearts, Rainbow knew that for all of her love of gossip, Rarity loved her friends more. Right? She would be overjoyed to see them in loving relationships with another pony, and not jealous at all. Right?
Besides! It’s not like I haven’t been on dates before. I’ve been out plenty! Why should this colt be any different?
But deep down, Rainbow knew that he was. Ugh. What a sappy thought. Rainbow shook her head and snapped her tail out a few times. She’d taken on dragons without hesitation, and had battled foul beasts from the abyss… She had saved Equestria several times over on sheer guts! Well, guts plus her friends… and some mystical jewelry. She returned her hoof to the door to knock, only to hesitate yet again..
“Ugh. But, to ask Rarity?” she mumbled. “Isn’t that like walking into a changeling hive on Hearts and Hooves day, and announcing you are catering a gorb-fest? I gotta be outta my mind…”
With a sudden thud, the front door to the Carousel Boutique burst open. “Can I help y—Rainbow?” Rarity blinked in surprise, lashes fluttering as she peered over the top of her red-framed spectacles. “I thought I heard somepony muttering. Well, Rainbow! What can I do for you today?”
Recovering from being startled, Rainbow relaxed her posture into an appropriate slouch, only registering about sixty-five percent on the rad-o-meter. She folded her forehooves and rolled her eyes. “Muttering? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Rainbow dear, I distinctly remember a scratchy voice outside my front door saying something about announcing a gorb-fest.” Rarity leaned forward slightly, cocking her head to the side and blinking. “Doesn’t ring any bells?”
“Bells? Nope! No bells ringing around here, heh heh...” Rainbow took a couple of steps backward, looking over her shoulder. “I mean hay, Hearth’s Warming Eve isn’t even for another five weeks! I was just passing by your place on my way to pick up an espresso at Luna’s Latte!”
Behind her red spectacles, Rainbow watched as Rarity’s eyes narrowed slightly. Her bright blue orbs flicked to the coffee Kiosk two blocks away, before focusing on Rainbow again. The pegasus rose into a nervous hover as Rarity’s eyes narrowed further, the unicorn likely calculating the distance to the kiosk, added to the fact that it was clearly on the other side of the street.
“Hmm.” Placing both of her hooves on Rainbow’s cheeks, Rarity brought the hovering pegasus up in front of her face, tsk-ing lightly. “But you don’t drink coffee, dear. You said something about it always making you too jittery? Are you feeling alright?”
“Y-yeah, never better. So listen! I’d better go—“
“—It seems that there is something on your mind, Rainbow Dash,” the fashionista declared with a giggle. “Would you care to join me for some tea? I know you do at least partake in that from time to time.”
“Psh! Nah, don’t worry about it, Rares. My question can wait until—I mean, umm… Anyway, I sort of have to see a mare about a thing! Catch you later!”
Rainbow’s body suddenly lit up with a glimmering bluish glow. “Rainbow Danger Dash, do I detect a hint of nerves?” Rarity grinned. “Now, as your good friend, I would be remiss if I didn’t take just a little concern, so come! Join me, and I shall give you a listening ear.”
“My middle name isn’t actually Danger, Rarity. I— ”
“—Not another word! Join me for a spot of tea.” Rarity’s smile gained a predatory edge as she motioned with her head, guiding her friend’s blue-furred body through her doorway in a flash.
* * *
Twilight stroked her chin with a hoof, interrupting Rainbow mid-story. “Okay, so I can see that you were nervous and all. Rarity brought you in, perhaps against your will, but I’m not sure what the big problem is.”
“Just hang on a second, Twilight!” Rainbow grumbled. “And ponies say that I like to jump the gun… the train is still en route to creepytown, so stay with me.”
Twilight looked over at Rarity, whose mouth was twitching at one corner. Shaking her head, she looked back to Rainbow. “Sorry. You were saying?”
Rarity raised a dainty hoof. “Um, now that the story has moved into my boutique, why don’t I share this part? Tut, tut!” She waved off Rainbow trying to cut in. “I will be absolutely, brutally… honest!”
* * *
“Rainbow? Do please come in. It’s not proper manners to loiter in a doorway.” Rarity walked through the showroom area toward the back of the boutique where her kitchen was. As she made her way past the her showroom stage, she turned her ears back, smirking as she picked up the sound of wing beats as her friend followed her in a forward hover. Turning her ears forward again, she pushed open her kitchen door with a hoof, propping it open for Rainbow to enter ahead of her.
Clopping back down to the floor, Rainbow walked into the kitchen and sat at the table with a grumble. “I wasn’t loitering, just wiping my hooves. I know how you are about that.”
Hiding a smirk, Rarity circled to the other side of the table, using her magic to bring a plate of biscuits along with some piping hot tea that she had just finished brewing. “Well, there we go. Thank you for joining me this morning, it really has been far too long since either of us has had time to do this! Now, I couldn’t help but notice that something is bothering you, Rainbow, so why don’t you settle your nerves with some soothing tea and let your best friend Rarity give you a helping hoof and a listening ear? No need to be in a little feathered snit all morning.”
Rainbow squirmed under Rarity’s gaze, her wings twitching in agitation as the unicorn poured her some tea. “Snit? Um, no snit here, heh heh.” Rainbow hoofed a biscuit and took a couple of hearty bites, ostensibly to busy her mouth so she wouldn’t have to talk.
Rarity studied Rainbow for a few moments. If she was reading this right, Rainbow was trying to come to grips with her own feelings, most likely a love interest, and had come to her for advice. Rarity’s mouth began to break into a smile, but she hid it behind the tea cup she was holding. At last… Now is the perfect opportunity. I can get you back for all of the pranks you have pulled on me over the years, Rainbow dear...
Quickly straightening her features, Rarity took on an innocent tone. “Darling, what is it? You are acting like your pet turtle just volunteered to be shot out of Pinkie’s party cannon.”
Rainbow grimaced as she swallowed her mouthful of biscuit, her ears twitching nervously. “Well, Rares, it’s like this. I’m pretty good with all types of situations, right? I mean, you know, Captain of the Wonderbolts, death-defying stunts in front of thousands of fans, public appearances…groupies? Everypony knows that the Dash is awesome, right?”
Rarity put on a bewildered expression. It was going to be fun to drag it out of this mare. “Well, of COURSE you are awesome, darling. It’s how you became one of the youngest captains in the whole history of Equestria’s most famous flight team. The youngest in times of peace, I believe. But I’m afraid I am not sure what you mean.”
“Well, you see…” Rainbow paused to take a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. “With all of those big events, even as Captain of the Wonderbolts, all I have to be is, well... me. With the team, we all joke around when we aren’t training... with the public, signing our autographs. Even with our groupies, you know? We talk and drink, and rub shoulders… maybe even take a pony out for a few ciders and so on.” Rainbow’s cheeks colored a little. “It’s always a blast!”
“Yes, you do live the high life, after all!” Rarity chuckled, but she didn’t allow her poker face to slip for a moment. “But I’m not sure what the hay you are getting at.” Rarity shook her head, pinning the other mare in place with her eyes before she took another sip. “Why don’t you gather your thoughts and start from the beginning?”.
Rainbow’s wings drooped as she set her biscuit down, glaring at the table. After holding in a breath for a moment, she exhaled through her teeth. “So not cool…” she muttered before resuming a normal tone. “Rarity, you’ve been on lots of dates, right? I mean… real dates, dates that were formal, or official, or whatever?”
Giving a warm smile, Rarity leaned back and regarded her friend. “I’ve… been on a few.”
Still looking down, Rainbow’s magenta eyes flicked up to glance at her through her drooping multicolored bangs. “How do you know if you’ve found the right one? What do you do if a date turns into something… or if you want it to become something… more?”
Bingo.
Rarity leapt to her feet, because a prank such as this needed her to put on a good show. And as the premier fashionista of Equestria, Rarity knew all about how to put on a good show. “Why Rainbow! Has some fair stallion caught your eye?” She clapped her hooves together with a squee. “Has our little Dashie has finally found love?!”
Instantly hovering, Rainbow waved both forehooves back and forth in a panic, her hackles standing up. “Whoa, Rares, I never said I loved anypony! Geez - it was only a question about taking a certain somepony on a date…”
“Certain somepony? ...Or special somepony?”
“Oh, for cryin’ out loud!” Rainbow exclaimed, her ears folded right back flat against her head. Suddenly, she was looking over her shoulder at the door.
Fanning her face with a hoof, Rarity chuckled indulgently and sat back down on her stool. “Tut tut, Ms. Dash! You were right to come to me.” Rarity leaned forward with her most winning smile. “You are speaking with the CEO of Rarity’s Equine Design! The owner of R*Bazaar magazine! Fashionista extraordinaire, glamour pony, and best friend to the end, Rarity L.S. Belle!”
Dumbfounded, Rainbow’s wings faltered as she clopped back down onto the polished floor again. “Wait, L.S.? What does the L.S. stand for?”
“Why, LOVE SPECIALIST, of course!” Rarity simpered.
Rainbow rolled her eyes and snorted. “Uh, its NOT love, Rares! It’s just that, you know, uh…” At this point, Rarity couldn’t help but allow her face to grow into a smirk. This couldn’t be going better!
Rainbow looked up at the clock on the far wall. “What’re we talkin ‘bout?” Suddenly, the worked-up Wonderbolt was in the air again. “Oh yeah! I wanted to commission you for some new outfits to be featured in our upcoming Wonderbolts routine - it’s gonna be totally sweet!” She looked at the door again. “But I... um, left the design specs back at my place, so Imma gonna go back there to get ‘em. Just wait here and I’ll–”
Time to spring the trap.
A sudden blue glimmer flashed on the kitchen door, slamming it shut followed by the ominous sound of the lock of the door engaging with a click. Rainbow’s eyes widened while Rarity’s did the inverse and became half-lidded.
“Oh, no no no! I distinctly remember you seeking relationship advice, not commissions for costumes.” Rarity slithered out of her seat to prowl around the side of the table, inexorably closing the gap until she was nose to nose with her friend, her voice dropping into a sultry growl. “No getting cold hooves now…”
Suddenly the blinds snapped shut, and then with a remote telekinesis spell that took a little bit more mana, there was the sound of her front door locking. Rainbow’s ears twitched as she picked up the distant sound, her eyes growing bigger and bigger.
“Now,” Rarity purred. “Who is this strong and handsome stallion? He must be quite the catch if he managed to capture your eye. Nothing less. Than. Awesome.” With a flash of magic, Rarity suddenly appeared to be wearing a showy tank top around her barrel as she flexed her biceps. “Let me guess – a strapping and muscular earth pony?”
“Rarity…”
Another flash of magic, and suddenly the unicorn’s mane was altered into a wind-swept look, flight goggles perched just above her horn. “Oh! Or a dashing pegasus – flashy, chivalrous, and brave…”
“Rarity!”
Yet another flash of magic as the tank top disappeared, this time replaced by a monocle and a false mustache. “Or maybe a classy and sophisticated unicorn stallion, hmm?” She made as if to swoon. “So romantic!”
“RARITY!” The cyan mare glared daggers, small beads of perspiration now starting to become visible and beginning to run down her forehead.
And now, the coup de grace…
Rarity knew she was a telekinesis prodigy, but using her talent like this was not something she often did… but it felt so empowering! Maybe she should do this more in the future. She brought a bolt of burgundy fabric forward, unwinding it as it drew near and starting to bind Rainbow’s front hooves to the table’s legs. Rarity knew this was crossing the line, and figured if anything would push Rainbow to action it would be to restrict her freedom of movement. Having played the pegasus perfectly, the prismatic mare burst out of the kitchen at the speed of Harmony. Anticipating her flight, Rarity’s horn was already alight with her next move.
With a quick action, Rarity’s precision telekinesis had angled Rainbow’s flight feathers downward to alter her lift, and with a subtle nudge, she guided her trajectory into a cluster of Ponyquin dress forms. The resultant spectacular crash reminded her of Wednesday bowling night with the girls. Equipment scattered to the far corners of the showroom as Rainbow slid to a stop. She wasn’t hurt, of course, and the mess was going to be irritating to organize, but getting even with Rainbow made it more than worth it.
“L-Let me go!”
“But we haven’t even discussed your feelings on the matter.”
“Who are you, Cadence? There is nothing more to talk about!”
Rarity slowly approached, subtly altering the timbre of her voice to gain a more haunting quality. “But you simply must tell me. You don’t know what you are missing, being in a meaningful relationship... in the arms of a big… strong… masculine stallion!”
Rainbow rolled to her back, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks as she watched her half-crazed friend approach. She kicked her legs frantically as she pushed ponyquins and other items in the way to fend off this fashionista demon. “Umm. I really think I hear Pinkie calling me.” Rainbow winced as her voice cracked. “Yeah. I need to go see what she wants: Element of Loyalty and all!
Like a cat, Rarity continued to stalk forward towards her fluttering feathered prey. “I don’t think so… Loyalty to your fellow fashionable filly friend comes first! Tell me!”
“No!”
“Tell meee?”
“NO!”
“Tellme-tellme-tellme-tellme-tellme!”
* * *
Twilight looked towards her dragon assistant in some annoyance, who couldn’t stop himself from laughing, before turning back to the girls. Rarity still had a certain gleam in her eye, while Rainbow only fumed.
“See? What’d I tell you!” Rainbow growled out.
Rarity regarded the prismatic-maned mare before turning back to Twilight. “I’m sorry darling, but you know me. I am only following good business practices.”
“Business practices? Wait until word gets out that you’re some kind of psycho-mare!”
“Rainbow, I am a staunch businesspony, As such, I always believe in paying my debts.”
Rainbow furrowed her brows while she processed that, until her eyes flashed in anger again. “Debts? You mean my last prank? Ah c’mon! What you just pulled was way over the line! I just bared my soul!”
Rarity gave her very first hint of anger as she huffed, scowling back at the huffy pegasus. “Prank? As in one? Over the line? Let’s review!” Rarity closed in as if she would pounce, her voice now dripping with malice.
“Two weeks ago, you and Pinkie switched the conditioner in my private shower with orange hair dye—Orange. Hair. Dye.” Rarity punctuated each word with a hoof tap to Rainbow’s chest floof. “And that was two days before the 4th annual Rarity Review Fashion Show in Vanhoover!” She glowered at the huffy pegasus while she waited for a response.
“Yeah, but I apologized for that! Pinks and I didn’t know anything about that fashion thing you had coming up!”
Rarity pursed her lips, unimpressed. “Fashion thing? Rainbow, I usually have a fashion thing coming up. My business has grown enormously, after all. I tried calling on Zecora so that she might fix it, but she was out of that particular potion, something called Rogaine or some such.”
Twilight and Spike exchanged glances, the dragon giving a sheepish smile and a shrug.
“So, at the last minute out of desperate necessity, I decided that I had to add an entirely different line of dresses styled from ancient Neighpon, all because the only hat that was sufficient to cover my hideous mane was an Ayam!”
“I… I—Ayam? What even is that?” Rainbow challenged.
Ignoring the question, Rarity went on. “I didn’t sleep for forty-eight hours, all so that I could have a whole new line of dresses to match my... admittedly stylish hat, all because I had to cover my horrid mane! Fleeting Thought, my local branch manager didn’t sleep either! She’s still mad at you!”
Rainbow nervously rubbed her own bruised shoulder. Fleeting Thought, known as Flita by her friends, had only been assisting Rarity for the past two years while Rarity’s empire continued to flourish, and that was one particular earth pony mare she did not want to trifle with.
Rarity went on. “Then! Two weeks before that, if you’ll recall, you sneaked into my showroom and swapped the ponequins with actual ponies, all outfitted with the dresses that were on display! There I was, coming back from lunch to resume my current project, not realizing that there were actual ponies in the room until Roseluck unexpectedly sneezed!”
Rainbow snorted again, this time to cover up a snicker. Spike didn’t quite cover up his chuckle until Twilight cuffed him with a wing.
“Oh Yes. I’m sure my abject terror was most amusing to you.” Rarity’s tail twitched as she gave Rainbow the stink-eye before glaring at Spike as well. “And finally, there was that incident three weeks before that at the spa. You recall the one? You should know that Lotus and Aloe are still apologizing for—”
“Okay, Rarity! Okay!” Rainbow was off the ground again hovering, this time looking somewhat abashed. “I’ll admit that I may have slipped a teensy bit into my old pranking ways. After the stresses of leading the Wonderbolts, and with our biggest show of the year coming up… sometimes a pony just has to blow off a little steam, ya know? Wait—did you already get back at Pinkie?”
“As for Pinkie, I consider her debts mostly squared. She was far more apologetic and even went as far as to offer her excellent services in helping me put on a gala for several corporate leaders and VIP’s… all free of charge! I think the most you have been able to do is not crash into my boutique over the last several months.”
Rainbow scowled, looking in frustration from Rarity back to Twilight again. “But this is all… she just… C’mon Twi, tell her! It’s one thing to prank someone’s mane—it’s just a mane! But to go and mess with somepony’s emotions?!”
Twilight stroked her chin again weighing the issue carefully. Rainbow was certainly more in the wrong than Rarity was, here. But she wanted to diffuse the situation. “Hmm. Rainbow does have a significant history with pranking. And, while I know you’ve cut back, Rainbow, you know that Rarity has been one of your favorite targets.”
Rainbow made a sound like she was being strangled. “Ugh! Really, Twi? You don’t think that was too far?”
Twilight stood up, allowing herself a small smile before walking up to put a hoof around the smaller pegasus’ shoulders. “Well Rainbow, you have to admit… if you really think about it… heh, she got ya good!”
Rainbow started to pull away with a snort, but Twilight tightened her grip. “However! I suppose if Rarity were to give you some actual relationship advice—and really set you up for success…”
Here, Rarity stood up and gave a broad smile.
“She really is quite skilled when it comes to such things.” Twilight smiled as Rainbow began to relax. “I don’t doubt she’s hoping she can still do that for you, and it would probably make things even and squared. Rarity? What do you think?”
Rainbow opened her mouth to fire back, but then stopped to consider, her eyes darting to the side. Finally, she shrugged, before hopping up into a hover again, folding her arms petulantly. “Fine! Fine, you got me, Rares! As far as pranks go, that wasn’t cool at all! But—it was rather radical.” She grinned. “Now, d’ya have any guidance for me, or what?”
Rarity gave her most winning smile. “Why, you only needed to ask, darling. If we can call a truce, and cease any more of this uncouth behavior, I will be your greatest ally. Why, with Rarity L.S. Belle in your corner, this will be the best night ever!”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Where have I heard that before?”
* * *
The small group continued on their way to Ponyville, and as they rounded a bend in the road, the Ponyville River bridge came into view.
“I’m sorry, Rainbow. I won’t take any payment, not a single bit. There is no charge, and no obligations. I would simply be delighted to put together a casual, yet chic ensemble for your date.”
“C’mon, Rares. You at least have to let me cover the cost of the raw materials. Money is not an issue for me anymore, you know that! Captain of the Wonderbolts?”
“And you know that money is even less of an issue for me. How about this? You let me give you two hours of advice and tips, while we are making a day of it at the spa, and I will consider that your payment.”
The airborne pegasus’ eyes popped wide. “What? No way!”
“It’s that or nothing!” She ended her statement with a rather petite growl.
The blue pegasus gave a grimace and dropped back to the road again. “You drive a hard bargain, Rares. Can’t I just pay you—triple the amount?”
Rainbow tried to pull off the pouty lip-face she had seen Rarity do to always get her way. She even added a little lip-tremble. Rarity must’ve had a heart of stone because she didn’t budge. “That is my final offer, take it or leave it.”
Rainbow blew out a raspberry. “Hey, no fair using your cutthroat business practices on me.” Rarity continued to look straight ahead, until Rainbow sighed. “Fine. I’ll see you at the spa… some time next we— “
“ —tomorrow. At 5:30 PM. Twilight? You are welcome to join us.”
“Maybe I could come as well?” Spike offered. “It’s been a while since I’ve had my scales polished.” He looked at Rarity hopefully, while the mare gazed back with a blank look, before her expression became more shrewd.
“I’m sorry, dear, but we are certainly going to be covering some mare-centric topics in our visit. Perhaps the next time?”
“Oh. Well, that makes sense, I guess. You gals have fun, then.”
Rarity’s boutique had come within view down a diverging street, whereas Twilight’s castle was another mile’s walk forward from the main thoroughfare of Ponyville. “Well, this is where I take my leave. I have a large order that Flita and I need to…”
Rarity trailed off into a squeak, stopping her walk entirely. Her brows slowly melded together while she shifted her weight back onto her rear hooves before she shifted clear past them, landing on her plush posterior. “Spike? Twilight? Are you seeing what I am seeing?”
Spike stood up on his hind legs to look over the head of Rarity. Rainbow had already swooped up into the air, her jaw hanging open. Spike found his expression matching Rainbow’s, and his arms fell limply to his sides.
“I… w-what?” Twilight stuttered.
Rainbow was the first capable of coherent speech again. “What in the great wide world of Equestria is going on?!”
The street going past Sugarcube Corner was littered with pie tins, lumps of oozing pastry crust, and other debris. Some pies were visible in a semi-recognizable state, while the rest appeared as part of a general morass of sticky devastation.
It was everywhere. Plastered to the sides of parked wagons, spattered across the walls and windows of stores. Barnyard Bargains was especially in bad shape, while the owners, Filthy and Spoiled, were nowhere to be seen.
As they took in the scene of carnage, several ponies could be seen darting from one location of cover to another, either carrying additional pies in their hooves or multiple pies in their magic. Occasionally, a low-flying pegasus would dart through the air, dodging airborne pies as they were hurled from the ground, or delivering their own strafing runs in an attempt to score a sticky hit.
Further observation revealed even more ponies, these hunkered down in makeshift bunkers or whatever could serve as cover while throwing their own salvos of pastry. As Twilight processed what was going on, she could honestly admit that she had never seen the like, except for when Discord was having his fun. One thing was clear though. Most ponies had received damage, and all of them were grinning like idiots.
Twilight scanned around to see if maybe Discord wasn’t behind this. Maybe he was suffering a relapse? She didn’t immediately see him, but she couldn’t rule out that possibility either. Maybe she should get somepony’s attention?
As a Princess of Equestria, and as a specialist in interpony relations, Twilight was duty-bound to step into a fracas such as this, and use her salient powers of diplomacy, magic and reason to rectify such problems. She cleared her throat to address the battle as it raged on.
“...”
Nothing was coming to mind. Her mouth snapped closed again, before she mumbled. “I… I can’t even…”
At this point, two ponies came running towards them. Twilight readied a defensive spell, but then she realized both ponies were unarmed, likely just trying to get away.
The red-and-white maned mare turned to her black earth pony companion, gasping for breath as they ran. “I heard that Ponyville was an adventurous location, but this is ridiculous! I have a gig tonight—I can’t have pie in my mane!”
The two ponies sprinted past, leaving flecks of pie debris on the ground behind their thundering hooves. As their hoofsteps faded into distance, Twilight scratched at her mane. “Who the hay was that?”
Rainbow Dash and Spike turned at the same time, giving her a look that screamed nerd! Rainbow pointed a hoof where they went. “Uh, that was Pepper Scratch. You know, the hot new DJ out of Canterlot? She’s got a gig tonight!”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I don’t stay on top of the dub-scene, or wub-scene, or whatever ponies are calling it nowadays.” Spike and Rainbow both shook their heads in disapproval.
A primal yell drew their combined attention as a blur of color, which may or may not have been Sunshower Raindrops, strafed across their position. Twilight hastily erected a shield spell, realizing too late that she might have led her friends into an unfortunately exposed position.
A pie flew out from a side alley next to Filthy Rich’s store, striking the diving mare on the side of her face and knocking her off course. With a crash, the athletic pegasus plowed through a sales display of lawn furniture in front of Quills and Sofas. Moments later, she woozily stood up from behind a patio umbrella, shaking her head. Relieved, Twilight deactivated her spell.
“I’m… I’m okay!” The yellow pegasus bellowed as she got airborne again, wobbling to and fro as she made her way back up to the Town Hall Tower.
Rainbow was blinking, her eyes as big as saucers before turning to Rarity. “Geez! So, uhh… do we lend a hoof?”
“A hoof?!” Rarity’s mouth fell open in an expression abject horror. “My dear Rainbow Dash, a lady does NOT lend a hoof by engaging in food fights!” Another pie came towards them, but harmlessly sailed overhead. “Especially food fights filled with sticky, mane-destroying pastries!”
Rainbow closed in, looping a hoof across Rarity’s withers while pointing her other hoof at the scene. “I dunno, Rares. Sounds like my kinda fun. Looks kinda… tasty.”
“Tasty?! Rainbow, you might think that engaging in such uncouth behavior is worth the consequences, but when— “ Rarity got cut off without warning as a high velocity pie flew in on a frozen rope, striking her square in the face before she could finish the thought.
Twilight winced as she watched the pie filling drip from the side of Rarity’s graceful jawline. Pie filling was also mashed into the side of her mane and her ear. She wasn’t fast enough this time around with her shield spell.
A voice from where the pie had originated sounded with a shout.“Leeeeeroooyy... Jennnkinnns!”
With a surge of blue magic, the crumpled pie and tin were flung away, revealing the white-hot fury of the fashionista mare. Her teeth were clenched shut, only barely muting her next three words. “IT. IS. ON!”
With the deathly calm that precedes a volcanic event, Rarity turned slowly to regard her prismatic friend. “Ms. Dash?”
“Yeah, Rares?” The athletic pegasus took a nervous step back, seeing something disturbing her her friend’s eyes.
Assuming a sprinter’s pose, Rarity lowered her head while she pawed at the street with a hoof. “This is where we fight! This is where they die!” Without another word she launched into the fray, her horn activating with a brilliant blue light, finally screaming “THIS. IS. PONYVILLE!”
Giving a little hoof pump, Rainbow gave an “Aw, yeah!” before she took off as well. She flew after the fashionista, shaking her head side to side while screaming “WITNESS MEEEE!”
After that spectacle, the astonished alicorn princess turned to look at her assistant, who seemed to be bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, his front claws lightly tapping together. He gave her a toothy grin, but had a pleading look in his eye.
“Uhh… Twi? Can I? Pleeease?”
Bringing a hoof to her face, Twilight sighed. “Oh, for the love of… yeah, go ahead.”
Spike’s face broke into huge smile as he crouched down to run. “Thank you, Twilight! Woo hoo!” The young drake ran off on all fours, his claws digging little furrows in the ground as he sprinted. After a few seconds his voice floated back to Twilight. “All for Rarity! I’ll defend you, Rarity!”
Before her scaly assistant could get too far away Twilight lifted a hoof and called after him. “Umm, also - could you save me a slice of pie?” Almost in comical timing, an entire pie came through the air again, hurled in her direction. Smirking, she activated her shield spell again with a flash of magenta light. The pie made a satisfying splat with its impact, before it slid down along the side of her bubble. Twilight lifted up her voice a little louder so that Spike could hear. “Or, um. Maybe just a coffee?”
Might as well sit and watch the show, after all.
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I had to look up all 3 of those colors.
:D
What IS a gorb-fest? I still haven’t got a clue.
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i couldn’t find anything better *shrug*
I never knew Rarity had that much *game*.
You go girl! Er, mare! 
I haven't laughed that hard since the last chapter. I see a trend!
9061168
Rarity is certainly a mare due her respect, and can be a force of nature to be reckoned with. Seeing her pull such a masterful prank just seemed right somehow, you know? Especially if she had never gotten even with Rainbow before...
9061007
Heh. I read Fluttershy's lips, and that doesn't seem to be what she's saying. It's that lip-bite on the "v" sound of LOVE ME! Ah well. Flutters is a force of nature too!
I can see this entire thing actually happening in MLP :P
Meh, I'm more for pizza anyways.
(Activates shield spell)
Just in case.
I was honestly expecting worse for the prank, but I'm glad it wasn't quite as bad as i was expecting.
9087445
I've seen a few "prank videos" on YouTube - and... personal view here: people tend to go waaaay too far sometimes. I mean, if you have a family member, ESPECIALLY if it is adult-to-child, there is supposed to be a fantastic level of trust there. Makes me mad, seeing moms or dads pulling a cruel prank on their children. Really mad. But breaking such trust with your child can only come back to bite you later on... at least it can.
That is all. I'll get off the soap box now. But Rarity still has her class, and she did a rather Rarity-esque prank there, so I really feel it works.
Wait. I thought Rainbow Dash didn't like pies? Why did she consider the pie fight 'tasty'?
9964214
Your timing is great. I just made three pies this evening. A cranberry-apple, a banana cream, and a sugar-free apple. Nopony’s throwing these puppies. To your question... er... AU?