I tap my fingers in boredom as I read from my book. I spare a glance out of the window from time to time. A hundred floor view of New York sounds better than it looks. New York just lacks the authentic feel of time passing from up here. Empire State Building may be unique, but it is smothered in the glass box skyscrapers around it. This building is different though. Something to show the economic power of America. More akin to the Eiffel Tower in it’s symbolism than any other building here.
I take a glance from my book, for once glad for the overly bright interior of the building. I observe my father as he seals a deal for his business with an important client. His look is one I achieved to get. Average height and build, but that is where the average ends. His bright, snow blue eyes almost seem to glow, with his dark glasses off his face and on the table. He wears a very formal suit, this client being particularly important. His face is one covered in the passage of time. Stress, happiness, all shows itself prominently. His hands are calloused from holding everything from books to briefcases. A mustache grows on his face, like it was stolen from the corpse of Wilhelm the Second.
I look alike to him in many ways, only reversed in time. Middle school isn’t exactly a place for me to be stressed, or happy. His mustache has yet to grow in on me, but I expect for it to when I grow older. Unlike me, however, he has learned how to see without sunglasses and without squinting. My teachers and few friends have all made comments at one point about how my squint makes it look like I’m glaring everyone down. After all, Florida isn’t the best place for those sensitive to the sun.
I return my eyes to the outside for a short period, until they start to hurt from the influx of light. I start back up on my book. But, it is then that I hear footsteps approaching.
A man sits down in front of me, although it seems like he did nothing to disturb the chair he sat on. He wears some strange purple robes that seem to flow in a nonexistent wind, and has an emotionless stare that could face my own glare head on. People seem to ignore him despite his odd wear. He smiles, a smile with no humor behind it, “Hello there. What is that you are reading?”
I hesitantly answer back, “A book on American History. I’m nearly at the end of it.”
He lets out a single laugh as he hears me say ‘end’ and he leans forward, “Is that so? Feh, you must have gotten an old copy. If you think that book contains all of American History, you’d be wrong. After all, History is about to be made, and an ending shall be led up to.” He leans back in the chair, even though it doesn’t seem to squish to him at all, “Ah, allow me to introduce myself first. I think the name that you would understand in your limited language would be ‘Edis’.”
I try to make a friendly smile, “Well, uh, hey. Look, what are you here for?”
He clicks a bit, “Well, I am here to ensure a good ending, Austin. It is, after all, my job. I suppose you might more appreciate my full title. Edis, God, or Spirit if you prefer that, of Endings.”
I chuckle, “Oh, you’re a nutcase then? Here to seduce me into some Scientology type shit?”
He shakes his head, “Oh, not at all. I am just the distraction. Discord would try and mess it all up with his altruistic goals in mind whist forgetting the bigger picture.” With that, he looks out the window, “Ah, looks like my time is up. Oh well, guess you can have a tiny bit of time.” He waves his hand around, and seems to fade out of existence.
At the same time, I can feel a pressure I didn’t know was building in my head release. With that pressure gone, I can suddenly hear something within.
”Run! Quickly, run!”
The nervous and pleading tone of the voice prompts me into action. I quickly get up, and walk over to dad. It seems the meeting has reached the paperwork stage, so I am not interrupting. I look him in the eyes, our ice cold eyes locking onto each other, “Dad, we need to go.”
He smiles, “Don’t worry, we’ll be out of here soon. You can explore the Empire State after I finish this paperwork. Only about ten more minutes, okay?”
I shake my head as the voice insists, “Something isn’t right. We need to leave, now.”
He looks over at me, “Everything is perfectly fine, Austin. We’re in the middle of New York, what could happen to us? Now go and sit-“ His eyes lock onto something behind me, and I can hear a strange whistling. He jumps out of his chair, and pulls me down, “Get down!”
I can only barely process the sound of an engine and crashing below me. Rubble flies up from the ground, and something heavy lands on my head, knocking me unconscious for a bit.
—
“... possible terrorist attack”
—
“... crazy!? The floors below are filled with fire!”
—
I fade back into consciousness to see my dad kneeling before me. He smiles, and pats my head, “Hey, you’re finally awake. I’m going to go get help, okay? I’ll make sure that you are rescued, and everyone else here.” He takes the sunglasses off his shirt, a pair of black aviators, “Here, put these on. They’ll protect your eyes from the bright fire and the dust. Keep them on until you see me again. I will be back.”
He gets up, and walks away, leaving me to fade away again.
—
I’m brought back by terrified screaming. I manage enough strength to stand up, and go over with the crowd. They look out the window, all in different states of shock. I look as well, to where the South Tower once stood. Now, all that is there is a pile of rubble and dust.
Dad’s client loses all hope upon the sight, “This is hopeless. We’re all going to die, aren’t we? Any second now, we’ll collapse as well.”
People take his despair into themselves, and all dejectedly sit on the floor. Some cry in hysterics, some lay there to await death, and a group steps up to the window.
The last group is led by the client, and he looks back at me. He shakes his head, “Kid, come on. Be better to die falling than in a pile of rubble.”
I step forward, towards him. I then stop, “My dad said he would get help.”
The client shakes his head, “No help is coming for us. Not anymore. There is nothing powerful enough to stop this damnation.”
I hear rubble collapse into our floor as I start to walk forward once more. I hear a person near me get pinned down by the rubble, and turn to look as they shout for help. They look at me, “Kid, please, help!”
I shake my head, “What can I do? I am just a child, I am not enough to lift rubble. No savior comes for any of us.” I take my book that I carried under my arm. I toss it over to them, “There’s never been a savior. No being of any kind has ever come to save humanity in the past, why would they now? This is the fall of Rome all over again. This is the end of our history.”
I take the clients outstretched hand, “And the end of our lives.” He leans backwards, allowing gravity to overtake him. Others fall beside us as we fall to the cloud of dust below.
The only thing I know for sure is that my dad’s glasses are still on. My glasses, stay on.
The ground quickly approaches, and I prepare for the pain at the end.
———
It never comes though, and I open my eyes. All I see around me is darkness, an empty void.
Then, something appears. A statue of a chimera, and it begins to speak, “Perhaps you could not be a savior in that life. But, the chance now approaches.” I start to glow, and I can see the statue move itself just enough to snap, “Your mana is now open to be used in whatever form you choose. Apparently Bending if the looks are anything to go off of.” I slowly start to drift away from the statue, and it gives me a final message, “Find Discord! Free me!”
Not sure if Displaced or not..
mhmm besides the nazi stuff not bad.
Sweet so far keep it up.
8882094
The Nazi stuff is just a joke.
You have done it again an awesome start to a story
Ancestor, really? General Patton is the ancestor. You're looking for descendant.
8882466
Either that, or he means that he's going to sire generals... Either way, he should probably still get a beta for this story.
You have a period in the title. Why? Why did you do that?
The description tells us nothing of the story, what the plot is, or anything original about it.
HiE Crossover with Discord? Truly the cup of creativity has overfloweth with thine ingenuity.
Overall, a generic story. Looking into the chapter, it's 90% dialogue, can't describe a scene well, and is more telling than showing in just about every instance. As for other mistakes, there's a section where every letter is capitalized to give the impression of screaming, which is a trap all amateur writing falls into.
As for random Avatar the Last Airbender powers... Nothing you did previously set up the world to be the one in ATLA. It seemed like a normal earth and, so, with a random kid getting powers with no real justification, I just yawn. Oh, and don't say you did it through "Ancestor of X", as he's based in the real world, supposedly. He didn't have bending powers. Nothing in this made sense in a cursory read over.
I'd advise you to get an editor and double check your writing. I'd also say you should scrap the idea and go for an original one that lacks humans, but that's personal taste talking.
Edit:
Upon taking a look at you, dear Author, I noticed that there's a mistake in the tags. See, you put in "OC" and not "Self Insert" which this character obviously is if your fimfic bio is anything to go on.
8882676
Note, OC is not the main.
All is explained later, but I will say one thing. His powers were given by one more powerful than Discord and Pinkie combined. The reason why shall be explained, but it’s supposed to be confusing now.
8882466
Thank you for that.
#Random
uh-huh...
One Middle Schooler
ok...
everybody thinks he’s a warmonger because he wants to test these powers
the first two made me say no. but this? this just might make it worth while
8882676
hmmm, your honest review makes me want to skip this story....... I'll wait for it to be finished and see if it's worth the read then
8883499
Thanks for giving it a chance. The main reason I put random is because... well it’s a failsafe more than anything. Ever since another story wich was downvoted because it was ‘too random’ with its jokes, I’ve always put random. After all, the ideas I have come randomly!
The reason I make the charichter a middle schooler is so I can feel them (they are just a different version of me) and to set up the Grass Mafia and Running Militia thing, wich are actual groups at school. Me and a group of friends made the Mafia, another friend made the Militia.
8882361
Still, some of it was weird them making fun of him being a Hitler look alike would have been funny, hell even him looking like Hitler while having the powers of the fantasy Dalai Lama(Aang) is kinda funny but the
that part might be going a bit far.
Chapter one and this story is already a pile of stupid bullshit and I’m loving it!
Normal thing for me too
Huh I like it
You had me at "A mustache grows on his face, like it was stolen from the corpse of Wilhelm the Second"