The Power of Colgate
There was a long moment. All that she could hear was her own breathing. “Well,” said a cool voice. “If you’re quite done.”
Colgate looked up.
Two women stood, side by side in front of a hexagonal console. One had dark hair, and was garbed in a thick, furry white coat. The other was a shorter blonde wearing a pink dress and a long white scarf. The room was a dull paper-white, but well lit and pleasantly cool. It felt rather familiar. The women felt rather familiar. “Astra? Strella?”
“Not quite,” the blonde woman said.
“Oh. You’re Romana. Both of you.”
“How astute,” the dark-haired woman said drily. “Really, I thought your predecessor was bad...”
“Oh hush. Respect your elders,” the blonde replied with a grin.
Colgate raised a hoof. “Question. If you’re Romana,” she said, pointing at the tall, dark-haired woman, “and you’re Romana,” she continued, pointing at the blonde, “and I’m Romana, how do we tell each other apart?”
“Whoever said that you were Romana?” the taller woman asked.
Colgate looked at her sideways. “Well. If I’m not, I’m in rather the wrong place, aren’t I?”
The blonde— whom Colgate decided to refer to as “Two” sighed. “Well. You have the potential to be Romana, certainly. You are our future. Or, well, one of them. It’s gotten rather complicated.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Colgate replied flatly.
The dark-haired Romana (or “One”) gave the dentist a considering look. “Perhaps you’re not as bad as all that,” she conceded.
Two wrinkled her forehead, searching for the right words. “When I attempted to escape E-Space,” she said slowly, “We sort of… split. One Romana went on to become President of Gallifrey, fell in love with Leela, worked with Narvin and Braxiatel, eventually got thrown out of office by Rassilon, and ultimately died in a Dalek raid. The other one went to Equestria and became, well, you, and that's not even the whole list of possible timelines. Frankly, I suspect Faction Paradox involvement.”
“You always suspect Faction Paradox,” One said.
“If you’d met them as many times as I did, you’d be suspicious too,” Two grumbled.
“Okay…” Colgate said slowly. “So some of these memories are coming from the other Romana. But I’m also getting some from Minuette. Why?”
“Perhaps,” One said, “It would be easier to show you.”
The world suddenly flickered for a moment and reformed into an empty alleyway. Colgate spun around, astonished. “I— what? How did we get here?”
“We’re in the Matrix,” Two explained. “Time Lord hive-mind sort of thing. It allows us to replay memories, among other things. Now, shush, it’s about to start.”
“What?”
“Shh!”
***
As Colgate watched, the fabric of space and time ripped open for a second, depositing two forms on the pavement. The larger one was recognizable as Calco, though he was years younger. The other was a pinkish pegasus mare with a blonde mane. She pushed herself up. “Lousy rotten Vortex Manipulator,” she growled. “What I’d not give for a TAR—” she cut herself off, staring at her hooves. She turned to look at the tawny earth pony beside her. “Calco,” she said. “I am only going to ask this once. I expect a reasonable reply.”
“Yes?”
“Why are we horses?”
Calco paused, and then performed the same crude self-examination that his compatriot had just concluded. “Romana, why are we horses?”
“And I appear to be a pegasus, no less,” Romana noted, unfurling her wings and examining them. “They’re meant to be fictional.” A golden wisp of smoke caught her attention and her eyes went wide.
“Calco,” she said calmly. “Do you remember what I told you about my friend, the Doctor?”
“Yes. He was described as being very tall, annoying, overpowering in large doses. He has curly hair, a lengthy scarf, and a bag of that candy you always carry.”
“Yes, well done. I need you to go look for him, please. Tell him that I’m in trouble.”
Calco looked at her oddly. “How do you know he’ll be here?”
“It was in the letter that I received,” Romana replied matter-of-factly. “I don’t entirely trust the TARDIS navigation systems, but I’m sure she’ll get him here on time… eventually.”
“Yes, Miss Romana,” the Tharil said, trotting off.
Once he had gone, Romana took in a deep breath. “Okay. I’m dying again. Not altogether a bad run, I think. Wonder what did it…” Her eyes unfocused as she did a forensic self-examination. “Oh. Some sort of temporal tear while travelling through the void. The manipulator’s shielding must have malfunctioned. Calco's natural defenses must have protected him, but since he wasn't actually shielding me... hmph. I’d better see about fixing that.” She pulled out a thin metal wand and carefully pointed it at the manipulator with her teeth. There was a light and a faint whirring. After a few moments, the pegasus let the device drop from her mouth as she smiled. “There. That’s that done. Now, if I’m dying, I suppose I should choose what I want to look like…”
She frowned. “What do the inhabitants of this world look like? I can only assume this is the basic body shape, but why do I have wings if Calco didn’t?” She trotted out of the alley and peered about. All around, colorful little horses, eyes big and dewy, some with horns, some with wings, some with neither. “Unicorns as well,” Romana muttered. “And judging by the look of things, they appear to be in the majority. All right, I’ll try for that.” Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a familiar glimpse of blue. The Doctor’s TARDIS, perhaps?
No. Just another unicorn, trotting out of a bookshop. Romana gave her a considering look. She liked the blue, and the spiky hair was quite nice. Then, she caught a glimpse of the unicorn’s flank and giggled. “An hourglass? Perfect,” she decided. “After all, I did it with Astra, and that worked out.”
She hurried back into the alley. “I’d better write a note for Calco, else he might not realize it’s me.”
Then, she caught a glimpse of the other device that had been given to her and she frowned. “A Chameleon Arch,” she muttered. “Why would I need a Chameleon Arch? Unless— unless something was planned?”
Colgate leaned over to One. “What’s she talking about?”
One shrugged. “After my time.”
Two replied, “The letter we got that prompted us to come here told of a plot by the Black Guardian and Faction Paradox to… nobble us, essentially. It said that they’d figured out a way to travel to E-Space.”
“A plot by the who and the what?”
“...Never mind. Point is, if they could get to E-Space, they might be able to travel beyond that. Hence…”
Romana picked up the Arch. “Hm. I’ll need some kind of cover story, I suppose, if I am going to stay here. Perhaps if I…” she broke off as she coughed out a cloud of gold. “Ah. Better do this first,” she decided.
There was a brief blaze of gold from the alley. A few moments later, a blue unicorn stepped out, brushing herself down. “Brushie, brushie,” she giggled. “Ooh-hoo-hoo! Am I whimsical this time? I could get to like whimsical…” Then, she paused. “What was I doing? Oh, yes, deciding what I want to be… I wonder if my duplicate has any ideas?”
Smiling broadly, she skipped down the street with a smile on her face and a pocket watch in her mane.
Romana caught sight of her quarry not far ahead. “She might be a bit worried about meeting a pony that looks exactly like her,” she decided aloud. “I’ll just follow behind her for a little while. Oops, excuse me, pardon me,” she continued as she pushed through the crowded street.
“How did she think that was a good plan?” Colgate asked. “If there’s anything weirder than meeting your double, it’s noticing your double following you.”
Two shrugged. “Post-regenerative stress. Makes us all go a bit loopy. I’ve been told that after regenerating into his third form, the Doctor fell unconscious and only woke up to cuddle his shoes. Then he stole a man’s clothes and car to help save the world from mannequins.”
“That certainly sounds like him,” One agreed drily.
Colgate watched as she saw Romana slipping around ponies after Minuette until the latter turned into a cafe. The Time Lady hesitated for the briefest of moments before following the mare into the restaurant.
Minuette approached the maitre d’. “Excuse me? I’m here for Lemon Hearts, party of four.”
The maroon stallion checked his appointment book. “You’re a little early,” he replied in a not unpleasant upper-class accent. “If you could wait over there, please? Your table should be ready in about—” he checked his watch— “five minutes.”
Minuette trotted over to a nearby bench and sat down. Farther along, an orange earth pony sat idly staring at nothing in particular. “Hello,” Minuette said.
The mare started and glanced up. “Howdy,” she replied, nodding her head.
“I’m Minuette.”
“Applejack.”
Minuette smiled. “Could you watch my bag for a moment? I need to freshen up.”
Applejack gave a slight smile. "Sure thing, there, sugarcube."
"Thanks." The unicorn slipped her bookbag off her withers and onto the bench. "I won't be long," she assured Applejack before trotting quickly away.
Applejack glanced at the door to see if Cousin Clockwork Orange had arrived yet. When she turned around again, the blue unicorn was smiling back at her. "Whoa, Nellie! When you say ya won't be long, ya really mean it, huh?"
Minuette laughed. "Yes, rather. I just thought to myself, it was quite rude to just dump my bag on you without as much as a by-your-leave. Here, have a jelly bab — jelly... filly. They're a little stale, but they ought to still be good."
Applejack looked at the extended bag uncertainly for a moment, then peered in. “Don’t mind if I do,” she decided.
“Pardon me for saying so,” Minuette said as the mare took the bag and selected one, “but you don’t seem to be from around these parts.”
“Nope. Ah’m from Ponyville. Don’t reckon you’d’ve heard o’ it. Small town, some way southeast o’ here. Ah’m jes’ here fer business.”
“Oh? What do you do?”
“Oh, Ah’m a farmer,” Applejack replied, easing into the smile of someone who has been allowed to talk about a favorite subject. “Ah’m an Apple, ya see. Us Apples got branches all over Equestria, y’know, and some a way beyond that.”
“Just branches? Or whole trees as well?” Minuette giggled.
Applejack frowned for a second. Then the joke sunk in and she chuckled. “So, how ‘bout you, missy?”
“Me? Oh, I’m a, er... student. Studying medicine. I trained under a Doctor for a little while, but I struck out to study on my own. I don't yet have a practice of my own, but I'm working on it.”
Applejack shook her head. “That's mighty impressive. Good, solid work ethic ya got."
"And you? What's it like as a farmer in Ponyville?" She chuckled. "Could I set up a practice there?"
"Well, Ah dunno. We got th' hospital already, Ah guess ya could get a job there. As fer farmin', well, there's a schedule to it. Gotta git up with th' chickens an' sleep with th' cows, an' all."
Minuette regarded the farmer for a long moment. “Huh. Sounds… nice, I guess? Must get boring, though.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “What Ah wouldn’t do fer a borin’ day. Th’ orchard’s not that far off from the Everfree, an’ with mah baby sister t’ worry about, that’s plenty o’ excitement. An’ that ain’t even countin’ th’ work itself. Always some new problem or challenge.”
The unicorn nodded. “Well, that does sound —” she broke off, startled
Applejack glanced around. “Summat the matter?”
“I need to go. I'll be back in a jiffy. Watch my bag again?”
Applejack frowned, but nodded, and Minuette all but galloped away. For a second, Applejack thought she saw another unicorn standing at the bathroom door, one that looked exactly like Minuette, Then Applejack blinked, and the mare was gone.
Suddenly, Applejack realized something else. “Shoot. She forgot her candy.”
***
Romana hurried down the street, inwardly cursing herself. How could she have been so careless? She had just wanted to take some notes about life in this universe, but the conversation had been so interesting… Still, she had gotten away in time, and she had some ideas about what to do next. Ponyville sounded like a perfect place to stay, even if it had a rather unusual name. It sounded like calling a Time Lord city ‘Gallifreyanopolis’, or a town on Earth ‘Humansburg’. A small town, though, seemed perfect for a disguise.
But what could she be? Perhaps not an actual doctor — that would require medical skills that she didn’t have. Something more basic, something she could do with tools she actually had. A dentist? Technically a doctor, she supposed, but not one that would require much surgical knowledge. Her sonic screwdriver could handle a bit of plaque. For more difficult things, she could set up a perception filter that would ensure that they would get passed on to others. It wouldn’t even require that much in the way of parts. She could use the trash in the alley where she and Calco had landed.
By the time she had returned to the alley, she had almost completely worked out the details. Name? Colgate, after a brand of toothpaste she had seen on Earth. Occupation? Dentist. She would be formerly of… whatever this city was. Calco could be her nurse, or something. Did dentists have nurses? She neither knew nor cared. She trotted into the alley, overturning trash cans and recycling bins as she did so. “Old toaster… springs from a couch… lamp… perhaps I can make the building dimensionally transcendental?” She spread the components in a pile around her. She whistled idly as she worked. After a few minutes, she nodded. “There! That should settle things nicely. Not perfect models, of course, but they’ll suffice. Now, a quick note to Calco…”
“Who’s Calco?” a voice from up the alley asked.
Romana paused and turned. “Oh. Hi, mare from the restaurant that looks like me. Well, you look like me. I don’t look like the restaurant.”
Minuette stepped forward. “You were following me,” she accused, voice shaking. “Why?”
Romana did her best to look innocent as she continued to write hurriedly. “Well, wouldn’t you be curious if you saw a mare that looked exactly like you?”
“Yes. I was,” Minuette replied. “Which is why I followed you. What was all that about ‘perception filters’ and ‘bigger on the inside’?
Romana’s smile faltered. “How much of that did you hear?”
“All of it. You talk to yourself a lot.”
“Ah. Bad habit. I should work on that. Sorry, new body, new rules and that.”
Minuette drew back. “New body? What are you, a, a changeling?”
“A what?”
Minuette waved a hoof. “Mythological race of shapeshifters, not the point. The point is, is, what the Tartarus is going on here? I mean, what is this?” she asked, sticking her hoof in the Chameleon Arch.
Romana stopped smiling. “Don’t touch that,” she warned.
“Or what? What are you? What is any of this? Tell me, and I’ll let it go.”
“Please, put it down, it’s dangerous if mishandled,” Romana said, setting down her paper and pen to walk toward the fearful unicorn.
Minuette backed away. “No. No, stay back.”
“It’s alright, I won’t hurt—”
Minuette swung the Arch at Romana. The Time Lady had just enough time to register surprise when it made contact with her mane… and the fob watch she’d stored in it until she could figure out how these ponies carried things. There was a blinding flash of golden light. When it was over, Romana lay mostly hidden in a pile of garbage while Minuette sat, dazed, against a wall.
***
The memory flickered and faded to grey. “And that’s all we know,” One said. “After that, you became, well, you.”
Colgate stared at where her body had been. Her throat was dry. “So, now what?” she asked.
One and Two exchanged looks. “Well,” said Two. “That’s really up to you.”
“It’s not our body anymore,” One agreed. “Anyway, we aren’t really here, we’re just figments of the Matrix. Like Leela was.”
Colgate frowned. “So that was the Matrix as well?”
“Sort of,” Two hedged. “Time Lord biology is weird, neurology even more so. Essentially, all of our minds together made up the Matrix. It’s… complicated.”
Colgate rubbed her head, sitting down. “Okay, moving past that. How do I make the decision?”
Two looked at her askance. “What do you mean?”
“Is there, I don’t know, some kind of handy button I could push? A choice of two doors? Something?”
Two looked at One, thoughtful. “Do you remember that movie the Doctor had us watch when he was trying to show us Earth culture?”
“After my time,” One replied.
“Oh. I suppose it was, yes. Well, never mind.” She extended her hands. In one was a red pill, in the other was a blue one. “You know, I believe it actually was called something about a matrix,” she said, amused.
Colgate looked from one pill to the other. “I don’t get it,” she said.
“Take the red pill, stay in control. Take the blue pill, and go back to being Romana,” Two said. “I’d hurry. I don’t know how long we can stay like this."
Colgate stared from one hand to another. Red or blue? Kill or be killed? Her hoof hovered over the outstretched hands.
Stats
Page generated in 0.032 seconds
Total duration
958 users online
1,464,641 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Gleep.
9629232
I'm going to take that to mean that you found this chapter groundbreaking, powerful, and nerve-wracking. Thank you!
Why, um... yes. Yes! That is exactly, precisely what I meant. And I definitely meant that in total, total knowledge and understanding of the exclamation as an acronym!
Without a doubt.
I know I already said this, but I'm really glad that there's someone else who knows about the Wilderness Years and all their crazy stuff. Seeing the Faction Paradox mentioned surprised me, even though I know how important they are to the era presented. Keep up the great work!
Red? Blue? Why not both?
9851544
Because of this
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/xkcd_566_-_matrix_revisited_-_the_third_option_is_drugs_8488.png
Ah Pills. Nothing bad ever happened taking strange pills from matrix hallucinations.
9954563
Sounds like a Tuesday.