When Colgate, Ponyville's premier and only dentist, has a crisis of identity, she is swept up on a mad run through space, time, and beyond. Meanwhile, Sunset and a Trixie have borrowed the TARDIS.
Colgate is Ponyville's premier dentist. Also its only dentist. Funny how nopony can remember ever visiting her for a checkup. When a past that she can't even remember catches up with her, she is sent along with her friends back along her own timestream-- or somepony's timestream, anyway. Who is Romana? Who is Minuette? What do they have to do with the recurring nightmare that Colgate can never remember upon waking? And what lies at the end of this trip down memory lane?
Death tag for what is arguably the same character dying three times but not really.
Familiarity with the character of Romana is recommended, though not necessarily required, before reading this story. Familiarity with the character of Romana is recommended generally, actually. She's great. Just watch 'City of Death', 'the Pirate Planet', or the entire 'Key to Time' arc. Good stuff.
The world was burning. All around me, walls were collapsing with age and strain, or had simply never existed to begin with. Sounds of pain and terror could be heard from all sides. A woman with brown hair and bright blue eyes looked down at me, my head cradled in her lap. “Do not go, my love,” she whispered. I tried to smile, to assure her as I had done so many other times that it would be fine. That I would be fine, or that she would be fine. That we would be together. But I could not. I could not lie to her. So instead, I simply closed my eyes and-
***
Colgate awoke, screaming. Her blood thrummed, echoing in her ears. She closed her eyes and breathed out. It was only a dream. It was only a nightmare. Her heartbeat pounded through every part of her. Lub-dub Lub-dub Lub-dub
“Tick-tock,” she murmured. “Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-” She shook herself out of the strange interlude. She breathed out. Some nights, she wished that she could remember her nightmares. It would be so much easier to face them if she could just pin down a definite fear, rather than the empty blankness that replaced her dreams as soon as she awoke. Glancing at the clock, she sighed. 4:27. Too early to be awake, too late to try to go back to sleep. She rolled out of bed, dragging the blankets behind her like a robe, and trotted downstairs to make a cup of coffee. “Tick-tock,” she muttered dully. Behind her, the clock repeated her words over and over and over again, counting out into eternity.
***
Ponyville, Summer of 6 BAT: Caramel hummed to himself as he set up his stall in the marketplace. “Good morning, cousin Applejack!” he called as he saw the mare walk by. “Morning, Carrot Top.”
“How many times do I have to say that my name is Golden Harvest?” the mare shouted. “Carrot Top is my sister!”
“Sorry!”
“You’d better be!” The orange-maned mare stomped off in a huff. Caramel cringed.
“Morning, Caramel,” came a familiar voice from behind him.
The candymaker turned around with a dramatic gasp. “The dentist! My old nemesis!”
Colgate grinned. “So, Candycolt,” she said, slipping into a more hammy tone, “Up to your old tricks, rotting the townsponies’ teeth, are you? Well, the only thing that’ll be rotting is you! In a jail cell!”
Caramel frowned slightly. “Needs work,” he said.
Colgate shrugged. “Eh. I’m a dentist, not an actress.”
“Fair enough. So, what’ll it be today? Peppermints? Chocolate drops? The house specialty, perhaps?”
Colgate shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. I woke up with this weird craving, bat I can’t figure out what it is…”
Caramel frowned thoughtfully. “Chocolaty or fruity?”
“Fruity.”
“Hard or chewy?”
“Chewy.”
“Lots of little candies, or one big chunk?”
“Lots of little ones.”
Caramel nodded. “I’ve got just the thing,” he said, leaning down behind the counter. A few moments later, he produced a white paper bag, bulging with sweets. “Gummy ursas,” he said with an air of satisfaction. “Just the ticket.”
Colgate frowned slightly. She picked one of the little chewy candies up in her magic and popped it into her mouth. She chewed thoughtfully for a moment, then shook her head. “No,” she said. “Not quite. Almost, but not quite.”
Caramel’s smile slid off of his face. “Really?”
“Mhm. I can’t remember exactly what the candy tastes like, but this isn’t quite it. Sorry.”
Caramel shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. I’ll get you your candy, I promise.”
“Thanks, Mel. If I remember anything else, I’ll be sure to tell you.”
“Great. Hey, anything else to tide over your sweet tooth today?”
Colgate surveyed the table for a moment. “Peppermints,” she decided. “Humbugs, if you please.”
“One bag of humbugs, comin’ up!”
Colgate exchanged a hooffull of bits for the sweets and, popping one into her mouth, continued on her way to her office. She sucked at it thoughtfully. What was she forgetting? Her dreams, the name of that candy, and something else. Something more important…
Caramel glanced down at the counter and saw, to his dismay, that Colgate had left her coinpurse at the stall. “I’d better go give this back,” he muttered. “Hey, Applejack! Could you keep an eye on my shop for a couple minutes?”
“Sure thing, sugarcube,” she replied, nodding.
Caramel picked up the purse and galloped after Colgate.
***
Meanwhile, at the Doo-Turner house, the Doctor was staring fixedly at what appeared to be a radio with a fob watch and an egg whisk tied onto it with electrical tape. A small yellow light was flashing. “That can’t be right…” he muttered.
“What’s that, Doctor?” Dinky asked.
“Call me dad,” he responded automatically. “It’s a machine. It goes ding when there’s stuff. It also pulverizes coffee beans, detects underground springs, and right now, it’s telling me that someone in this town is using Time Lord tech.”
“Yeah, that would be you,” Dinky said flatly.
“No, no. Well, yeah, me. But this is detecting something else, something different.”
Dinky took another spoonful of cereal. “And why is this news to you?” she asked. “Shouldn’t you have already known about this?”
“I only just installed the artron energy detector,” the Doctor protested. “This took a lot of work to build, I’ll have you know. I’ve only just managed to keep it from turning wine into water…”
Dinky stared at him. “What?” he asked, holding the ungainly gizmo to his chest.
“I will never understand your inventions,” she replied solemnly.
“That’s alright. To be honest, I usually don’t understand them either,” he admitted with a grin, hopping up. “Have a nice day at school!”
“Where are you going?” Dinky asked.
“I want to see where this energy signal is coming from,” he replied, frowning. “I mean, it has to be a fluke, but still…”
“Right. Sure. Have fun with that,” Dinky said, rolling her eyes.
“Oh, I intend to,” the Doctor replied, grinning broadly. “I absolutely intend to…”
***
It was a slow morning for Applejack. Most ponies bought apples from the stand around lunchtime , and it was only half-past nine. She blew her hair back and slumped against the stand. “Good morning, darling,” a familiar voice sang.
Applejack brightened somewhat as she turned. “Howdy, Rarity,” she said. “Lookin’ t’ buy anything?”
“No, not really,” the fashionista admitted. “I was just passing by, and you looked so dreadfully bored that I couldn’t help but stop to keep you company.”
“Heh. Thanks, Rares. Most o’ th’ time, Ah can talk with Cara, but he ran off awhile back.”
“Caramel? Whatever for?”
“Oh, somepony left their bit bag behind. Ah think it mighta been that Minuette gal.”
“Minuette? I don’t believe I’ve met her.”
Applejack frowned. “Y’all don’t know Minnie? The town dentist?”
“I thought her name was Colgate.”
Applejack shook her head. “Nah, nah. Ah ran into her once, up in Canterlot-”
“When was this? Why was I not invited?”
“Well, this was before we were really friends, few years ‘afore Nightmare Moon. Had to go up fer a business meetin’.”
“And you met Colg— Minuette there?”
“Eeyup. Seemed sorta skittish, almost like she’d never been around so many ponies. Asked me where Ah was from, told me she was a dentist. Then she gave me a bag fulla candy and walked away.”
Rarity frowned. “That’s rather peculiar.”
“Ah know. Jest asked me if Ah wanted a jelly filly, hoofed me a bag, then ran fer it.”
The unicorn wrinkled her nose. “A… jelly filly? You don’t suppose that was some sort of… innuendo, do you darling?”
Applejack snorted. “Nah, they were little candies shaped like ponies. Sorta like jelly beans, or gummy ursas.”
Then she grinned. “Never knew ya had such a dirty mind, sugarcube!”
Rarity went pink, and seemed ready to retort when something caught her eye. “What in the world…”
Applejack turned to see what the unicorn had been distracted by. The Doctor was waving what appeared to be an iron rod over Caramel’s sweets stand, intently studying a device that was mostly tape. “Hey, Doc! Whatcha doin’ there?”
The Doctor glanced up in surprise, his face crinkling into a smile. “Hello, Applejack, Rarity. I trust you’re both well this morning?”
“Fine, darling. Tell me, what is that… peculiar device you have there?”
“Oh, this. It’s a scan for alien tech, nothing major. Although, I am picking up some very peculiar readings… Who runs this stall?”
“That would be mah cousin, Caramel Apple,” Applejack replied.
The Doctor frowned. “Your cousin. Hm. That complicates matters, somewhat...”
“Why would that be, darling?”
“Well, it means one of two things. Either your cousin is secretly an alien, or he’s in possession, knowing or unknowing, of a… well, some kind of powerful alien artifact.”
There was a long pause. Eventually Applejack said slowly, “Well, based on the fact that Ah ain’t an alien, Ah’d be inclined to go with th’ second one.”
“Well, that doesn’t prove anything. We don’t know that he’s actually your cousin- he might be some sort of pony-lookalike that replaced your cousin at a young age. Or, perhaps, he can control minds, make you think he’s your cousin…”
“He ain’t an alien. End o’ discussion.”
“Alright, alright, he’s not an alien,” the Doctor said, throwing his hooves into the air. “Either way, he’s got something extremely powerful and very, very bad, and I should probably go fetch it.”
“Ah’ll come with,” Applejack said, rising to her hooves.
“As will I,” Rarity agreed. “It sounds terribly interesting…”
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to keep you from your work,” the Doctor said, shaking his head.
“Aw, shoot. Gotta point there, Doc,” Applejack sighed, sitting back down.
Rarity, however, was not so easily deterred. “My backlog will keep for another day,” she said briskly. “There’s nothing that needs to be finished until Nightmare Night, and not much of that.”
“Well… if you’re sure.” the Doctor said.
“But of course! Caramel is my next-door neighbor, you know, and a good friend. If he is in danger, I should be glad to assist.”
Applejack gave a conflicted glance to her apples. “Ah really would like t’ come,” she said. “‘Specially since mah cousin’s involved. But…”
“But someone has to keep an eye on things at the stall,” Rarity finished. “Really, darling, it’s a wonder you weren’t made the Bearer of Loyalty. Don’t worry, we’ll make sure Caramel is quite safe.”
Applejack smiled. “Thanks. Ah guess Ah feel better ‘bout it with one o’ mah best friends on th’ case.”
“Oi! What am I, chopped liver?”
The two mares snickered at the Doctor’s offended expression. “Good-bye, Applejack,” Rarity called over her shoulder as the Doctor led her away. “I do hope trade picks up soon!”
“Thanks, Rares! See ya ‘round! Make sure Cara don’t do nothin’ silly, now!”
Applejack turned forwards once more, watching the passers-by. She smiled at most, particularly those who stopped to make a purchase. She scowled when Diamond Tiara walked by. The filly might have reformed— emphasis on ‘might’— but she remembered how Apple Bloom had been treated at her hooves. The scowl melted into a look of astonishment, however, when she saw a big, red figure pelting up the street at top speed. “Mac?” she asked, surprised. “What’re you doin’ here?”
Her brother skidded to a stop, blinking in confusion. “What?” he asked.
“Ain’t you meant to be up at th’ farm?”
Slowly he shook his head. “Eenope.”
She frowned. “Ah remember th’ job schedule, an’ you were meant to be takin’ care o’ th’ South Orchard all day. What’re you doin’?”
He merely hoofed her a note in response. She frowned at it. It was in her hoofwriting.
Mac, it said, something’s come up, and I need you to watch the stand for me. Cara’s got himself in a heap of trouble, and I gotta go get him out of it. Get down to the market right now!
-Applejack
Applejack scratched her head. “Well, all that’s true enough, Ah reckon, but Ah never wrote this. Who-all gave it to ya?”
“Got it from Doc Minuette,” Mac said. “Do ya need me here, or not? Ah still got eight acres to get ‘afore lunchtime.”
Applejack thought for a moment. “Ah reckon this might be worth lookin’ into,” she said, taking the note up once more. “Ah’m just gonna pop over t’ see Minuette, see if she can’t shed a bit o’ light on this. Ah shouldn’t be long.”
Mac raised a skeptical eyebrow. “That’s what ya always say,” he grumbled as he took his sister’s place at the stand.
“Oh, quit yer bellyachin’,” she scolded. “If ya can’t finish up the south orchard today, Ah’ll finish it up m’self.”
Anyway, she thought as she trotted off, it would do her brother some good to interact with other ponies more. She glanced back for a moment, and saw that a small herd of mares— and more than a couple of stallions— had already gathered around the stand, staring at her brother with googly eyes. Applejack grinned. Well! If a change in salesponies made for a few sales more, she supposed that would just be the crumble on the crisp.
***
The Doctor paused, frowning at the building he had arrived at. “I thought you said this fellow was a confectioner.”
“Oh, he is,” Rarity said, a faint smile on her face. “My goodness, the things he makes… Of course, nopony can beat Bonbon when it comes to chocolate, nor Pinkie Pie where pastries are concerned, but my word! His peppermints are divine, his rock candy is almost as lovely as real gems, and as for his caramels…” she trailed off, realizing that the Doctor was staring at her.
“You’re drooling,” he observed.
Rarity gasped, drawing a hoof to her chest in shock, which just happened to wipe at her mouth in the process. “Really, Doctor. How rude! Besides, a lady does not ‘drool’. At most, she, er… salivates.”
The Doctor chuckled. “Don’t worry. I’ve got something of a sweet tooth myself, I won’t judge. But, getting back to my question, what’s a candymaker doing at a dentist’s office? Seems a bit unexpected.”
Rarity laughed. “Well, perhaps it does. Obviously, however, you never met our Dr. Colgate. You may think that you have a fancy for sweets, but I would be willing to wager that nopony likes them as much as she does.” She paused, considering. “Excluding Pinkie Pie, of course.”
“A dentist with a sweet tooth?” The Doctor frowned, then shrugged. “Well, it takes all sorts. And from time to time, licorice allsorts as well…”
Rarity did not deign to dignify that with a comment.
The stallion at the desk glanced up as they walked in. His mane was wild and tufted, and seemed to threaten at any moment to form a full beard beneath his flattened snout. “May I help you?” he asked, his voice a rumbling baritone.
“Yes, we’re looking for a stallion,” the Doctor said. “A specific one, not just browsing. Name of Caramel?”
The receptionist nodded. “You just missed him. He only stayed long enough to return a piece of lost property, said he had to get back to his stand.”
“Oh.”
“Or, as Dr. Colgate put it 'the villain is returning to the Cavity Cave'.”
“I can’t decide if that or the ‘Palace of Plaque’ sounds better,” a new voice said, amused. “Hello, Rarity, Dr. Turner, and welcome to my Den of Dentistry.”
“Why, Dr. Colgate, how nice to see you? You’re well, I trust?” Rarity said, trotting over to the other mare.
“For the moment,” the dentist agreed. “Not sure if that’s going to keep up, though. Caffeine and sugar can only keep a mare up for so long…”
Rarity winced. “Those nightmares again?” she asked, sympathetically.
The dentist nodded. “You know Princess Luna, could you put in a word?” she asked. Her tone suggested that it was meant jokingly, but her too-tight smile and sagging pose said otherwise.
“I certainly shall,” Rarity agreed vehemently.
Colgate flushed. “I— no, I couldn’t ask you to do that! I wouldn’t want to bother the princess about my bad dreams…”
“It wouldn’t do to have our dentist falling asleep on the job, would it? A root canal would become a rather more worrisome procedure, to say the least.”
“I would never fall asleep in the middle of an operation!” Colgate replied, indignant. “I hardly sleep as it is, and I get by.”
“Really?” the Doctor asked. “Same here! Sleep is boring.”
Rarity sighed. “And both of you are as bad as the other! Doctor, sleep is a good thing. Celestia knows I could do with more of it myself. Colgate, of course the Princess will care about your nightmares— it’s in her job description! I’m rather surprised she hasn’t done so already, to be frank.”
Colgate sighed, deflating somewhat. “...Thank you, Rarity. I appreciate it. Really, it wouldn’t bother me so much if I could just remember what I was so afraid of.”
The Doctor frowned. “What?”
Rarity glanced back at the door. “I shouldn’t keep you from your job any longer, darling, and I rather think that we should get back to tracking down Caramel. Good-bye, Colgate- and pleasant dreams.”
She trotted back outside. “Come along, Doctor,” she trilled.
“I— but— what, I— nightmares—” he glanced between Colgate and Rarity. “Rarity, hold on!” he called, galloping after her.
Colgate watched them go. Her eyebrows were closely knitted, and she seemed to be thinking deeply. “Dr. Colgate?” the receptionist asked. “Are you well?”
“What? Oh, yes, I’m fine. I was just… trying to remember… something.” Frowning, she popped a hooffull of peppermints into her mouth.
The receptionist’s jaw tensed momentarily, but then relaxed. He shrugged. “It must not be that important, if you cannot remember it,” he said.
“True,” Colgate agreed, sucking thoughtfully at the candies. “Probably not worth worrying about,” she decided, trotting back into her office.
***
“So,” the Doctor said, falling back into step with Rarity, “These nightmares. Been going on long?”
“As long as I’ve known her, yes.”
“Has she ever mentioned any specifics?”
“No, she says she just wakes up in a state of terror, unable to remember a thing. Doctor, what is the point of these questions, if I might ask?”
“It’s just interesting,” the Doctor replied. “You never know, one pony’s nightmare might be another’s clue…”
“A clue? A clue to what?”
“Oh… well, anything, I suppose. Met a fellow once, in the nineties, name of Gently. He told me that everything was fundamentally interconnected, that everything is in some way relevant to everything else, and therefore that any problem can be solved using any piece of information when logically extrapolated to its extremes.”
“Well, that certainly sounds… profound…”
“Really? I thought it sounded like a load of balderdash, myself. But it seems to work out well enough.”
Rarity boggled. “I... “
“Don’t worry, I expect you’ll see soon enough. Travel around space and time long enough, everything starts to look related. You’ll understand.”
Rarity stared. “Understand that? I certainly hope not.”
The Doctor chuckled. “Anyway, the point is, sometimes dreams can be quite useful in figuring out what’s going on.”
“Please tell me you aren’t referring to some sort of psychic nonsense.”
“What? No, no. That’s preposterous, no one can tell the future. Well, not unless they’ve visited it, and even then it’s a tricky business. But dreams, see, they’re sort of a connection to the subconscious. We remember more than we think, you know, lots of little things that we don’t really remember, but they’re still buzzing about in the ol’ brain.” He tapped a hoof against his head to emphasize the point.
Rarity stared at him. “I get the feeling there’s more buzzing around your brain than half-remembered details, Doctor. Flies, perhaps.”
“Oh, now,” the Doctor said with a grin. “Nothing wrong with a little flippancy every now and again!”
“Not every now and again, no,” Rarity agreed drily. “So, aside from the peculiarities of the town dentist’s dreams, what else did you notice in there?”
The Doctor looked at her sideways. “Nothing… why, did you see something?”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “I noticed you staring at that receptionist. You recognized him?”
The Doctor shook his head, frowning. “No. I thought they both looked familiar, but I can’t quite place why.”
“Well,” the unicorn replied, with a twinkle in her eye, “Perhaps the answer will come to you if you sleep on it.”
The Doctor paused for a moment and slowly, he smirked. “Perhaps they will,” he agreed, nodding. “Dreams. Very mysterious things.”
Chuckling, they walked down the street back the way they had come. From behind, the receptionist watched them go, his face drawn with concern. “This is getting complicated.” He pulled out a fob watch, which had, for the first time in its existence, begun flashing red and gold. He swallowed. “This is extremely inopportune,” he whispered.
Applejack hurried down the street, her brow lined with concern and confusion. The hoofwriting was unmistakably her own, no question there. Equally unquestionable, though, was the fact that she hadn’t written the letter. What did it mean? Nothing good, Applejack was certain. Her face set, she trotted into the dentist’s office. It was oddly quiet.
Glancing around, Applejack realized that the waiting room was completely empty. Even the receptionist had left his post. She sat down on the sofa and picked up a magazine. After all, she could wait a few moments. Mac could handle himself at the stand, though she wasn’t certain how well he could handle the romantic advances of some customers. Patiently, she sat and waited, listening as the clock ticked on. Tick-tock
Tick-tock
Tick-tock
Tick- “AIEEEEEE!”
Applejack was on her hooves in an instant, racing in the direction of the scream. “Doc Minuette? Y’all alright there?”
A stallion poked his head out of one of the offices, a stern, stiff expression on his face. “No need to worry, Miss. Everything is absolutely under control.”
Applejack slowed to a walk, looking at the stallion with suspicion. “What was that scream?” she demanded.
The other pony hesitated. “Root canal. Tricky business, you know.”
“Sounded like Doc Minuette. She operating on herself now?”
“All screams sound alike, don’t they?”
Applejack hesitated. Slowly, she nodded, backing down. “S’pose so,” she admitted. “Sorry ‘bout that. I’ll head back t’ th’ waitin’ room.” She turned, but paused, facing away from the stallion. “Oh, one other thing?”
“...Yes?”
“Did y’all know that Ah’m a livin’ lie detector?”
There was just enough time for the stallion’s face to register shock and horror before Applejack bucked him in the face. She glared at him. “Worst liar Ah ever saw,” she muttered, stepping over the prone form and into the room itself. When she got in, however, she froze, astonished by what she was seeing.
Minuette was unconscious, strapped down tightly to the chair. A magic inhibitor had been stuck on her horn, which was glowing a bright gold despite it. And hanging from the light above the chair was an old, battered pocketwatch, flickering with gold and red sparks.
Applejack nodded slowly. “...Alright. Ah ain’t exactly no Fetlock Holmes, but Ah’m gonna go out on a limb here ‘n’ say there’s somethin’ mighty suspect goin’ on…”
She unbuckled the restraints as best she could, though she was forced to leave the inhibitor on the horn, at least until she could find the key. Unfortunately, Minuette was still unconscious. Applejack gently prodded the unicorn, but she didn’t awaken. Nodding thoughtfully, the farm mare examined the situation as best she could. No smelling salts, no convenient buckets of cold water, no Pinkie Pie… right. She reared back and smacked the unicorn across the face as hard as she could. The dentist’s eyes popped open like a pair of window shades. She screamed, long and loud, and Applejack flinched. When Minuette had finished, panting for breath, Applejack gently patted her back. “Uh… there, there?” she tried.
Minuette blinked slowly. She turned to look at the farm mare. “Where?” she asked. “Where and when?”
Applejack bit her lower lip, her brow furrowed. What was going on here? “Where and when?” Minuette repeated, louder this time.
“Ah don’t know what y’all mean sugarcube,” Applejack replied, attempting to gently settle the dentist back in the chair. “Jes’ calm down, an’ tell me whatcha need ta know.”
The unicorn screwed up her face, clearly struggling to express herself. “Where… am… I?” she asked slowly. “When… am… I?”
Applejack stared. “Where and when?” This sounded very much like the Doctor’s sort of problem. Unfortunately, the Doctor wasn’t here. She would have to suffice. “Why, you’re in Ponyville, Minnie. Second Diarchic Era Year 11. Y'know, somepony really oughta change that, now we’ve got Twilight’n’Cadence— an’ Discord’n’Sunset, too, ah guess...” She trailed off absently.
Minuette absorbed this information, eyes glassy. “Who?” she asked.
The orange mare raised an eyebrow. “Why, it’s me, Applejack! Y’all remember me, don’tcha? Ah mean, Ah ain’t come into many checkups, but…” she frowned. Hold up there, she thought. Have Ah ever had a dentist appointment? What ‘bout Mac, or Bloom, or Granny?
Her eyes widened. Had anypony in town ever had a dental checkup? About the only thing she could think of was when Button Mash chipped a tooth trying to get his cutie mark in daredevil jumps. Even then, Minuette had only examined him before recommending a specialist in Canterlot. Other than that, she couldn’t remember anypony in town needing to visit the dentist. She looked at Minuette for a long moment.
The unicorn was shaking her head. “Not… you… ” she whispered. “Who… am… I?”
Applejack stepped back, eyes wide, as the town dentist rose from her chair. “Who am I?” she wailed.
***
The Doctor and Rarity had something of a difficult time pushing through the throng of ponies that now filled the marketplace. “I always hate shopping on the weekends,” Rarity said, narrowly avoiding being struck by a bagful of produce. “So terribly crowded!”
“Yeah, I see what you mean,” the Doctor agreed. “Hold on, we’re almost there— huh?”
The sweets stand had apparently disappeared from where it had been standing. “Oh no,” the Doctor whispered. “Oh, no no no! The artron energy in the device must've started leaking, which must have erased the stand from existence, along with that Caramel fellow! And it won’t stop there, either.”
“Doctor,” Rarity interjected.
“It’ll keep going, erasing more and more stuff— objects, buildings, ponies— eventually all of Gaea will be wiped from existence!”
“Doctor!” Rarity interrupted once more.
“And then, after that, it’ll make it so that nothing here ever existed at all,” the Doctor concluded, staring grimly into space.
“DOCTOR!” Rarity shouted.
“Yes, what is it, Rarity?”
The unicorn pointed a hoof across the road, where Big Macintosh had dragged the candy shop, forced by the throng of ponies desperate for both sugar and apples to do double duty as a cashier for both businesses. “Oh,” said the Time Lord. “Well. Caramel’s still not here.”
The burly red pony glanced up from his work. “Miz Rarity,” he nodded.
“Ah, yes, good idea,” the Doctor agreed, pulling out a wallet. “Excuse me, sorry, official Time Lord business, excuse me…” he said, pushing through the crowd.
Mac regarded this with the same solemn air that he afforded to most any event. “Help ya with somethin’, Doc?”
“We’re looking for your cousin, Caramel? He’s managed to get ahold of a potentially very dangerous piece of technology, have you seen him at all?”
“Nope. Funny thing, though. AJ jus’ went off lookin’ for him, too. Summat about trouble at Doc Minuette’s office…”
Rarity’s eyes widened. “Doctor,” she said slowly. “You realize we’ve only got the receptionist’s word that Caramel left the office, yes?”
The Doctor’s face went slack. “Oh. Oh, yes. Right, time for running. Allons-y!” he shouted, spinning around and racing back the way they had come.
***
“Welcome,” Trixie said grandly, gesturing around her, “to the TARDIS.”
Sunset looked around, duly impressed. “Huh. Dimensionally transcendental. Presumably, the interior of the box exists in some kind of separate dimension to the exterior, but is immediately accessible at the same time. Kind of like the mirror portal, I guess, but more controlled. Neat!”
She noticed Trixie staring at her. “What? Did I get something wrong?” she asked, frowning slightly.
“Uh, I— that is, the Great and Powerful Trixie is just… impressed you figured it out that quickly!” the blue unicorn said.
It had taken Trixie forty minutes just to accept the basic principle, and she still didn’t fully understand the science behind it. Though, since the only ones that did seemed to be the Doctor and Twilight— and now, apparently, Sunset— she didn’t feel too badly about her own befuddlement. Applejack had decided to just accept it as being ‘magic’, or something indistinguishable from it. Spike had said that it was no more incomprehensible than some of Twilight’s experiments. Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy chose that it was best to accept that it was beyond their understanding of the world. As for Pinkie… Pinkie had gone off to show the Doctor her party cannon. The Time Lord had returned from that experience looking much older, though once he had had a few ginger beers at the tavern, he'd announced that Pinkie was either a genius, insane, or possibly both. Everypony else decided to take this with a grain of salt, since the Doctor had collapsed into a quivering mess immediately thereafter. Ultimately, this was put down to the usual explanation of “Pinkie being Pinkie”, as it was the least likely to cause one’s brain to melt.
While Trixie had been caught in her reverie, Sunset had strolled over to the controls. “What does this button do?” she asked, reaching for a control.
Immediately, Trixie snapped to her senses. “Don't touch that!” she screeched.
Sunset drew her hoof back like she’d been burned. “Right. Okay. Don’t meddle with the time machine’s controls. Sorry, it must be the chaos magic talking.”
Trixie breathed out slowly. “Trixie honestly does not know what any of these buttons do,” she admitted. “Well, apart from the one that opens the doors, operates the lights, controls the heating… Oh, and this scanner here,” she added, waving at a blank screen.
“What does that do?” Sunset asked.
Trixie glanced over. “Not much, at least outside the Time Vortex,” she admitted. “At present, it is merely scanning for other time travelers, which, of course, aren’t around.”
Sunset frowned. “Why not? Logic would seem to dictate that if there’s one time machine, others are likely…”
Trixie shrugged. “Apparently there used to be, but then something happened to all of them.”
Sunset stared at the scanner. “So, if there were any time travelers around, what would it look like?”
“Trixie has no idea.”
“Something,” the draconequus said, voice slightly quavery, “like that, perhaps?”
A golden dot had appeared on the screen, pulsating steadily. Trixie stared at it for a long moment. “Very likely,” she said. “Sunset, would you excuse Trixie for a moment? She needs to go freak out.”
“I’ll join you,” Sunset agreed readily. “What room would you suggest?”
Trixie rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “This one?”
Sunset nodded. “Right. AHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“AHHHHHHHHH!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHH! WE FOUND A TIME TRAVELER!”
“TRIXIE KNOWS! AHHHHHHH!”
“I’M TOTALLY WRITING A THESIS ABOUT THIS!”
“Nerd. AHHHHHHHH!”
***
Applejack had backed up from Minuette on instinct once the unicorn had leapt to her hooves and started rooting through cabinets and muttering. Unfortunately, this resulted in the farmer’s only exit route being blocked by the unicorn.
“Where is it? Where is it?” Minuette growled, shoving delicate equipment off counters and dashing examination tools to the floor.
Applejack slowly trotted around the perimeter of the room. Looking back, she thought, maybe Ah shouldn’ta clocked that receptionist so hard. Little help’d be nice about now.
She was almost at the door when it swung shut in her face. Aw, shoot. “Help me find it!” Minuette shouted.
Applejack turned. The dentist’s eyes had gone bloodshot and her coat was damp with sweat. Her horn snapped and crackled with light beneath the containment ring. The poor mare was almost frothing at the mouth! Applejack took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Aright, sugarcube,” she said in a calm, even voice. “Ah’ll help ya look. Jes’ tell me what y’all need, okay?”
Minuette just stared at her for a long minute. Then, rapid-fire, she replied, “Vortex manipulator. Machine. Wraps around a wrist. Hoof. Time machine.” She made a vague gesture toward her forehoof.
Applejack paused for a moment to process that. “Like a hoofwatch?” she asked, but the dentist had already returned to her frantic search.
“‘Kay then,” Applejack said. “Wraps ‘round th’ hoof… or what now? Wrist?” She frowned at the unicorn for a moment. “What in Celestia’s name is goin’ on here?”
***
Caramel groaned faintly. Where was he? There was a crick in his neck. He tried to stretch, but he found that he couldn’t. Slowly, he blinked one eye open. There was no visible difference. Eyes closed. Only blackness. Eyes open. Only blackness. He felt lightheaded, like all the blood had rushed to his head. Upon reflection, he realized that this was likely due to the fact that he was upside down. He struggled to right himself, rocking back and forth. There was a sickening moment of weightlessness and a strange feeling in his stomach for a moment, and then he and his prison tipped over with a percussive crash. “Ow,” he moaned, sitting upright and smacking the top of his prison open… with his head.
Wincing and cursing, Caramel extracted himself from his prison, which turned out to be nothing more that an empty storage locker in a dim and dusty room. What was going on?
Caramel tried to focus as best he could through the headache, seeking to recall the events that had led to this point. He had entered Dr. Colgate’s office to return her coin purse…
***
The bell atop the door jingled as Caramel walked through the door. The cool, dim reception area was a welcome reprieve from the steadily worsening heat outside. The stallion at the counter glanced up. “Good morning,” he said in a rumbling, vaguely unfriendly voice. “Have you got an appointment?”
Caramel shook his head, chuckling. “No, I’m afraid not. I just came by to return Doctor Colgate’s purse to her. She left it at my stand this morning.”
The receptionist inhaled sharply, his eyes widening. “Well,” he said. “We can’t have that, can we? Just leave it here, I’ll give it to her once she’s done with her patient.”
Caramel trotted forward, but his hoof caught on a loose end in the carpet. The receptionist flinched as the confectioner tumbled to the ground, the contents of the purse scattering across the carpet. “Whoops,” Caramel muttered, cheeks coloring. “I’ll just, uh. Pick all this up…”
“Caramel?” The stallion turned to see a startled Dr. Colgate standing in the hallway door. “What are you doing here?”
Blushing more fiercely than ever, Caramel held the dentist’s empty purse aloft. “You, uh forgot this.”
Colgate blinked, then broke into a soft smile. “Oh! I hadn’t noticed. Thank you for returning it.” She glanced around the office. “At least it’s all here,” she grinned.
“I’ll pick it up,” Caramel said hastily. “Sorry.”
Colgate waved a hoof. “No trouble,” she said. “I’ll help.”
“Dr. Colgate, you’ve got appointments to think of,” the receptionist pointed out. “You go deal with the patients, I’ll help this stallion clean up.”
Colgate’s smile faded slightly, but she nodded. “Just keep an eye on this one,” she chuckled. “Make sure he goes back to his depraved Cavern of Cavities after you’ve finished.”
The receptionist cast a suspicious look at Caramel. Dr. Colgate sighed. “It’s a joke, Paw. You know, funny ha-ha?”
“Ha ha,” the receptionist replied dutifully, but sans emotion.
Colgate deflated. “Fine. Whatever. Caramel, see if you can make him laugh. I’ve been trying for years, but no luck yet.”
The stallion gave a silly little salute. “Only a fool wouldn’t listen to his doctor,” he chuckled, but Colgate had already gone.
The tawny-coated receptionist sighed and stepped out from behind the desk, muttering under his breath. Caramel couldn’t make out any words, but it didn’t sound flattering. “So,” he said with false cheer. “You’ve known Dr. Colgate for a while?”
“Years.”
“Must have some pretty interesting stories.”
“Yes.”
No further response seemed forthcoming, so Caramel let the subject drop. The room lapsed into uncomfortable silence. After five minutes, Caramel had found a keychain, seven bits, an ID card, a lollipop stick, and that the receptionist gave him the heebie-jeebies. The way he moved was feline, almost predatory. His wild mane and dull, tan coat gave the impression of a wild beast. His hoofsteps were muffled by the carpeting, allowing him to move silently about the room. To Caramel’s relief, though, the purse was almost full. He could leave in just a few more— hey, what’s that?
From underneath the waiting room couch, Caramel could see a faint glow, golden and red. He trotted over to peer beneath the futon, squinting against the brilliant light. “What’s this doing here?” he asked, reaching for the glowing object.
Before he could see what it was, however, he was hauled back by his tail. Before he could recover his wits, he was pinned to the wall by the receptionist. “What have you seen?” he hissed, pupils dilated.
“N-Nothing!” Caramel yelped. “Nothing at all!”
The stallion pressed him against the wall harder. “Too much,” he whispered, eyes darting left and right. He licked his lips. “You have seen too much.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” Caramel said. “I swear, I was never here! Cross my heart and hope to fly-”
It was at this moment that something struck him— the receptionist was scared. One moment later, something else struck him, and he fell unconscious.
***
Caramel looked around him. It was still dark, but less so. He could vaguely see the shapes of various furnishings in the darkness. Maneuvering around the chairs, he suddenly sputtered and fell back into the hard corner of a desk when he ran into a massive spiderweb. “Ew, ew, ew, ew,” he chanted, desperately trying to brush the sticky gossamer fibers off his face and eyes. Some had even gotten into his mouth.
Once he was confident that he had removed most of the webbing from his muzzle, he turned to the desk. “Sheesh, this is dusty,” he muttered. “Doesn’t Colgate ever clean?”
Reaching across the desk, he flicked on a lamp that he’d not noticed until now. He scrunched up his snout, now taking in the true nature of the room for the first time. “This is disgusting,” he said, glancing around.
Dust covered every surface, and cobwebs filled every corner. Hoofprints in the dust showed that somepony had been in here recently. The receptionist, Caramel deduced. But why was this room so dirty? It looked like nopony had been in here for years. Curiosity piqued, he strolled around the room. There wasn’t much to see. No pictures hung on the walls, nor even posters about flossing. The bookshelves were empty of anything but dead flies. The top of the desk contained nothing but the lamp and a few scattered papers— neatly-drawn circles and lines, interconnecting and overlapping. Obviously doodles.
He hesitated for a moment before opening the desk drawers. This was private, personal stuff that he was prying into. Colgate was his friend, and he should respect her privacy. On the other hoof, her receptionist had knocked him unconscious and stuffed him in a cabinet, which did seem to give him some kind of right to know just what was going on around here. Eventually, curiosity won out, and he opened the top drawer. In it was some kind of hoofband and a pad of paper. Caramel pulled them out, absently buckling and unbuckling the band from his forehoof as he examined the paper. On it, inscribed in tight, neat writing, were several rows of numbers, six to a line, followed by more strange circular doodles. This was all becoming very odd, Caramel decided.
This decision was only compounded by the contents of the next drawer. Caramel carefully picked up the device and turned it around in his hooves. It looked frightening-- some kind of arch, with pointed wires and fiddly bits. He carefully set it back in its place and closed the drawer.
The final drawer was quite a disappointment after the other two— it contained only an empty paper sack, yellowed and fragile with age, and a small tartan band of cloth. If he concentrated, Caramel thought he could almost smell fruit. He closed the drawer gently. For some reason, he felt as if he had intruded in a mausoleum.
The room seemed darker now, more oppressive. Caramel picked up the pad of paper and the hoofband and left the room promptly, leaving the lamp burning and flickering behind him.
The Doctor was pounding across the ground, throwing up dirt as he ran along. Rarity ran parallel to him, being very careful to avoid getting struck by the flying soil. “Doctor,” she gasped, “Not to— question the— severity— of the situation— but— perhaps we— could slow down— a tad?”
The Doctor shook his head, not slowing. “Rarity, this is Time Lord tech. Properly speaking, it shouldn’t exist, not in this universe or any other.”
“But darling— you exist— the TARDIS exists— as does— your screwdriver— and everything else— you carry,” the unicorn replied.
Moments later, she crashed into the back of the Time Lord, who had suddenly stopped moving. “I never told you, did I?” he asked. “About my planet, my people?”
Rarity frowned, thoughtful. “...No. No, I don’t believe you did. Why?”
The Doctor turned to face her, his eyes downcast. “A long time ago, there was… there was a war. Between my people and the Daleks. Er, nasty genocidal squids in pepperpots. Wasn’t fought with pies, either.” He looked up at her, a fierce intensity in his eyes. “We fought with time. Reality itself was weaponized, and innocent planets, even galaxies, were wiped out easy as blinking.”
Rarity listened, dumbstruck and more than a tad fearful of the glint of fire reflected in the stallion’s eyes. “Eventually, it all got to be too much. It had to end, someone had to do something. That someone was me. I wiped both sides completely out of time and space. Time Lords and Daleks never existed. Only me.”
He took in a deep, shuddering breath and let it back out slowly. “That’s what it’s like, travelling with me. It isn’t safe. People get hurt. Sometimes, they even die. Think about that.”
Rarity looked off into the distance, digesting this. Then, coming to a conclusion, she set her jaw and nodded. “Right. Let’s get to the dentist, shall we?”
“Eh?” The Doctor’s jaw dropped. “But— but—”
“I am hardly a stranger to danger, Doctor,” Rarity said firmly, though a smile graced her lips. “Nopony in town is. Why did you think the Apples, Thunderlane, Tender Care, Romane Holiday and Lofty Ideal, and I allowed our respective Crusaders to keep returning to your home after that adventure in Timbucktoo, hm? We’ve all been through much more unusual situations here, often of our own devising. Ponyville, as you may have noticed, tends to attract the unusual. We have, to put it succinctly, seen a few things. We all trust you to keep our loved ones safe. Now, come along, Doctor— we mustn’t dawdle around here all day.” She smirked, and broke into a gallop toward the dentist’s office.
After a few seconds spent standing in shock, the Doctor slowly grinned. “Well, well,” he chuckled. “And here, I thought it was just my natural aptitude for trouble. Wait up, Rarity!”
***
Caramel peered down a hallway. He was uncomfortably aware of the fact that he had walked down more corridors than the rather tiny dental office could possibly contain, and still had yet to see another pony. He still, for that matter, had yet to see anything other than the unrelenting maze of corridors that seemed to stretch out into an infinity of beige walls and green carpeting. At one point, he had taken to tipping over the tables that occasionally appeared in the hallway, but stopped once he’d realized that he’d not seen any of them again. He wasn’t wandering in circles. He didn’t know what was going on, but he knew he wasn’t walking in circles. This was discomforting. He could handle being lost. He couldn’t handle… whatever this was, especially not in isolation. He wandered alone through the labyrinth of hallways, the monotony only broken by the occasional poster about flossing. Caramel shuddered at that— the notion that this was still a dentist’s office was terrifyingly surreal.
Just when he was certain that he was fated to wander these halls for eternity, there was a faint clattering. The confectioner froze. He slowly peered around the corner, looking down the hall from whence the noise had come. On one hoof, it might be something dangerous and deadly. On the other hoof, it might be a way out, or another pony, or some sort of friendly being. Or, it might be somepony in trouble— maybe Colgate. Eventually, his desire to escape the deadly monotony, combined with his curiosity, outweighed his fear, and he trotted down the corridor at a rapid clip, glancing nervously about him as though expecting an attack at any moment. Catching sight of a prone figure ahead, Caramel instinctively reared back in alarm, but when no obvious threat made itself known, he crept forwards, though still wary. He reached the body. Seeing that it was the receptionist from before, he hesitated briefly, but then checked for a pulse. Upon finding one, he carefully backed away, only to hear another crash right next to him. Caramel screamed and leapt away.
Once he had ascertained that he was not, in fact, dead, he looked about for the source of the noise. His eyes fell on a door marked “Dr. Colgate, DDS”.
Colgate was in trouble. Caramel, trembling, nevertheless stood up straight and trotted to the door. He could hear the growls and faint cries from the other side. He took a deep breath, screwed up his eyes, and threw open the door. “Let Dr. Colgate go!” he cried, his confidence belied by the tremor in his tone.
“Ah’m tryin’,” a voice responded. “But this mare won’t budge!”
Caramel opened his eyes. The office was in disarray, objects scattered everywhere. The chair was overturned, the drawers gaped wide open. In the center of the room, a certain blue unicorn lay unconscious atop an angrily struggling orange mare. Caramel’s jaw dropped for a few seconds, taking in the disaster. Then, he grinned. “Why, Cousin Applejack. Is this a bad time?”
“Don’t you start! Ah don’t—” the mare growled. “Well. Ah do, but this ain’t what it— Oh, jest get this mare off me!”
“I thought you lifted trees all the time on the farm,” Caramel pointed out, trotting over to help nonetheless.
“Yes, but th’ tree didn’t knock me flank over fetlocks first!” Applejack snapped as her cousin pulled the unconscious dentist to one side. “An’ trees don’t try to cuddle ya!”
“Fair,” Caramel nodded. “So, what happened in here?”
“Oh, well, Ah ain’t too sure— what happened to yer eye?”
“The receptionist knocked me out and shoved me in a cupboard,” Caramel replied.
Applejack frowned. “An’ he had Doc Minuette trussed up like a rodeo calf when Ah got here… Best we find out what-all he knows, huh?”
“Guess we’d better,” Caramel agreed. “You knock him out?”
Applejack smirked. “Ah don’t like bein’ lied to,” she said simply. “Should be enough time t’ get him tied up nice’n’tight afore he wakes up.”
But when Caramel opened the door, the receptionist was gone. So, it turned out, was the hallway.
***
The Great and Powerful Trixie studied the monitor closely. “It is a faint signal,” she warned. “Trixie is unsure as to how confident we should be about this.”
Sunset waved a hoof. “Just cut to the chase, Trix. Where is it?”
Trixie coughed into a hoof. “It is… in town,” she said.
Sunset nodded. “Right, right, we knew that, but WHERE specifically in town?”
“No, that’s all that Trixie can tell. This is a wide-range scanner. Actually, there’s a good chance that the energy trace might be coming from the Everfree Forest.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Yes, Trixie is kidding. This is a technological marvel, of course it can find the source. Help Trixie adjust the monitor.”
Sunset gave a snort of laughter. “Right. What knob do I need to turn—?”
Sunset gaped, staring at the TARDIS’s monitor once more. “Look! Trixie!” she gasped. “Look at the size of that!”
The stage magician glanced away from her study of the strange device to see what Sunset was gesturing at. “Yes, it is a big one, isn’t it?” she agreed, peering at the screen. “And it looks to be in about the same position as the last one, too.”
Sunset cocked her head. “Yeah. Hey, why isn’t it fading? The last one was here and gone in a flash.”
Trixie frowned. “Trixie does not know. Perhaps it would be wise to investigate?”
Sunset grinned. “Sweet. Let’s go.” She made for the door.
Trixie raised an eyebrow. “You realize we have a time machine,” she pointed out. “Trixie does not know how everything works, but a hop across town to a source which is already lit up like a candle should be of little consequence.”
Sunset paused, one hoof on the door. “Uh, you sure about that, Trixie? I mean, this is really advanced. Even I’m not quite sure how it works.”
Trixie sniffed. “That,” she said, “is because you have no concept of the finer things in life. This console is a masterpiece, not merely of engineering but of creativity. You may have brilliance in the fields of science, that is for certain, and you have obvious power. That is undeniable as your beauty.” Sunset, slightly taken aback by the compliment about her appearance, took her hoof off the door and cantered closer.
“You lack, however, the artistic flair,” Trixie continued. “This console was not meant to be studied and pored over, but intuited. Trixie knows these things” she concluded, setting a few coordinates and pulling a lever. With a whoosh and a thud, the TARDIS dematerialized.
***
Cat’s Paw trotted away from the office door, his head pounding. Things had gotten badly out of control. As if it hadn’t been enough with the watch to worry about, the stallion was still a concern, and now that mare had seen Colgate. Still, he thought as he trotted back to the front desk, he could handle things, or at least put them on hold for a moment. Taking in a deep breath, the stallion closed his eyes and focused on moving— not through space, but through time. The universe slowed gradually, like a windup toy running down until it finally stopped. The walls and floor behind Cat’s Paw grew steadily paler and paler, until all that remained was a blank white void.
He peeped one eye open, sighing in relief when he saw what he had done. This was tricky to do away from his home. The trio could stay locked for a time between universes, at least until he figured out how to best deal with them. All things considered, Cat’s Paw thought, trotting toward the front desk, it could be worse. At least all the interference was trapped now. Faintly, the sound of a bell tickled at the back of his brain, a chime repeated over and over again. Somepony at the desk, perhaps? Well, he could send them away easily enough. He had gotten rather good at that. “I’m terribly sorry,” he began, rounding the corner, “but the Doctor—”
“Is in,” a cold male voice interrupted.
Cat’s Paw stared, horrorstruck. The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “I’d recommend you cancel all your appointments,” he said.
***
She could not remember her name. It was too long, too short, too wrong, and not important anyway.
She could not remember where she was. It was… a planet. Probably a planet. Perhaps a city? It was full of metal and sharp edges and cold, smooth surfaces. Maybe a city. Maybe something else. That was not important.
She could not remember how she got there.
She couldn’t remember what she was doing there.
Hello?
She could not remember who she was with.
She could not remember why she was dying, or who was cradling her head, crying, crying, crying
Can you hear us?
“Don’t cry,” she whispered. She didn’t remember their name, but she remembered a smile, a beautiful smile.
“Why not?” they asked.
Please, let us help you!
She had no answer. She had no breath to answer with. She had nothing, nothing except a beat, fading into silence as her blood flowed from her body.
***
There was a dull pounding in her head when she awoke. An orange pony stood over her, looking on in concern. “Y’all right, sugarcube?”
Colgate looked up at her. “I think I’m going mad,” she whispered as the drums continued to beat out their nightmarish rhythm.
Applejack didn’t really have a response for that. Caramel, however, let out a light snort of laughter. “Wouldn’t be surprised,” he said. “After today, I’m not sure I’m feeling myself either.”
“At least,” Colgate said, “you are only feeling one self.”
Applejack frowned. “Now, what d’ya mean by that, Sugarcube?”
“I wish I knew,” the dentist replied mournfully.
“Well, if you think you’re feeling bad now, take a look at this,” Caramel said, swinging open the door to reveal… nothing.
Miles and miles of… nothing at all. The dentist gazed in bewildered wonder at the white void that seemed to extend forever. “Where are we?”
Her voice didn’t echo. That would have required something for it to bounce off. “Yeah,” Caramel said. “Not a great day for sanity in general.”
***
Trixie smirked at Sunset as the wheezing groan of the TARDIS settled. “Well, now that that’s over with,” she said with obvious pleasure. “Let’s take a look around, shall we?”
Trixie opened the doors to the TARDIS and stepped out into a bleak, dark cavern. She looked to her left. Strange runic writings covered a wall. She looked to her right. There was a dead wolf-like being, its blood spattering the walls. Trixie nodded slowly. “Trixie thinks she may have taken an ever-so-slightly wrong turning…”
“Ya think?” Sunset deadpanned. “Oh, look. Natives. And what beautifully polished spears…”
***
Rarity had gently but firmly maneuvered the receptionist into one of the comfortable waiting room chairs. He hadn’t resisted terribly much— one look at them, and he sat down on the floor, all his fight gone. The Doctor was more than a tad uncomfortable with this development. His face was lined with concern for the stallion, but anger and simple confusion warred for dominance behind his eyes.
Rarity, on the other hoof, was quite in her element. “There, there, darling,” she crooned. “Just calm down a tad and tell us all about it. We’ll be glad to help, won’t we, Doctor?”
“Well…”
“Won’t we, Doctor?” she repeated, a tad more force in her tone.
“Right, fine. Go on, then, tell us the tale.”
The stallion sighed. “You’d never believe me,” he said morosely.
“Try us,” the Doctor said, a little drily.
The receptionist licked his lips. “Very well,” he said. “This may shock you, but— I am an alien!”
The Doctor nodded. Rarity looked him over, her muzzle wrinkled in faint disapproval. “Do all aliens look like ponies?” she asked the Doctor.
“Nah. There’s the Satyrs, the Centaurs, whole bunch of ‘em.”
The receptionist looked to be at a loss for words. “Uh…”
“So!” the Doctor said. “What’re you, then?”
“I— I am Calco, of the Tharils,” the receptionist stuttered. “Not of this universe!” he added, a bit of pomp returning.
The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “How did E-Space get connected to this universe?” he wondered.
Calco drooped. “E-Space?” Rarity questioned, looking at the Doctor askance.
“Sort of a… pocket universe, if you like. A universe that holds onto another, separate one. Except, it looks like E-Space got stitched onto two other universes, mine and yours. And that’s… well. Not actually impossible, but not really common, either.”
“Dangerous?” Rarity asked. “On a scale of one to ten, let us say. One being a new draconequus and ten being a stain on a client’s ballgown.”
The Doctor opened his mouth, but paused. “I’m not sure which end of that scale is the maximum,” he answered carefully. “Which says rather a lot about your lifestyle, if I'm being honest. But no, not really dangerous. Might be rather useful, really. I might actually be able get back to my own universe through it…” He trailed off thoughtfully. "Yes, there might be a bit of a loophole there."
“Indeed. Follow up question, what exactly is a Tharil?”
“Hm? Oh, quite. Tharils are— um. Well, picture a lion, right, standing on its hind legs. And they can control time, a bit. That’s more or less a Tharil. Except he doesn’t look like that now because apparently your universe has a rule about everything being more pony-shaped.”
“I see,” Rarity nodded.
"You do?"
"No, not really, but do go on."
“Right. Back to the matter at hoof,” the Doctor said, turning to glare into Calco’s eyes. “Where’s Caramel? Come to that, where are Applejack and Colgate?”
The Tharil took a deep breath and let it out. “I suppose I had better start from the beginning,” he sighed.
“Before I came here,” Calco began, “I was not a receptionist. I was a freedom fighter in an old, old war.”
“The Tharil Independence War,” the Doctor nodded. “Yes, I had a friend who fought in that.”
“Then you know why it began,” Calco said solemnly. “My people were forced into slavery for the crimes of our ancestors. It had been that way for many years. We were helpless, trapped in their ships and forced to power them through time and space.”
Rarity gasped. “How dreadful,” she said. “What monsters could do such things?”
“Humans, mainly,” Calco replied. “There were others as well, but mostly humans.”
“Before their empire fell, the Tharils enslaved many other species, including humans,” the Doctor explained. “Eventually, they all revolted and overthrew their masters, forcing them to power great interdimensional spaceships.”
Calco nodded. “I make no excuse for my ancestors behavior, but neither do I pardon the revolutionaries for their actions. At any rate, it seemed that we would be forever trapped in servitude. But then, one of our number escaped— only temporarily, but long enough to bring help.”
“Help,” the Doctor added, “in the form of a certain dashing alien in a blue phone box.”
Rarity’s eyebrows rose. “Really? You?”
“Well. Mostly me,” the Doctor grinned. “My companions might’ve had a hand— hoof, sorry— in as well. “
Calco stared in shock. “You are the Doctor?” he asked, incredulous. “You… do not look like how he was described.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve changed a bit over the years.”
Calco nodded gravely, then continued with his story. “Two of his companions stayed behind in E-Space to help us in our fight for freedom— Romana and K-9.”
Rarity glanced at the Doctor. His eyes had grown a bit moist. “Yeah,” he agreed, voice hoarse. “Brilliant, the both of ‘em.”
“Things continued in this way for many years,” Calco continued. “For ten long years, our band grew ever stronger. We were nearly victorious at last. But then…”
“Then?” the Doctor pressed.
“Then,” Calco said slowly, “the pegasus showed up.”
Whatever the Doctor had been expecting, it obviously wasn’t that. “Pegasus?” he repeated blankly.
The Tharil nodded. “She was old, and scarred by battle as much as anyone else in our camp. More so, perhaps. She arrived at camp early one morning, and insisted on speaking to our leader, Romana, to whom she gave an armband, a strange machine, and a series of coordinates. She then gave Romana a message, and vanished into the night.”
“And what was the message?” Rarity asked.
“I don’t know,” Calco replied. “When she read it, she turned pale and destroyed it immediately. Then, she said that she had to leave us.”
“You just accepted that?” Rarity asked incredulously. “Pardon me for saying so, darling, but I don’t think that letting your leader leave you in the midst of a war is the most intelligent thing one could do.”
“We tried to argue,” Calco replied sadly. “But she would not be swayed. Eventually, it was decided that if she must leave, she should take with her a guard. I was selected for the role, and so accompanied her to her destination in the abandoned swamps of Alzarius.”
“Alzarius?” the Doctor asked, eyebrows rising sharply. “The swamp planet?”
“What’s so important about Alzarius?” Rarity asked.
“It’s the exit point of a CVE— a Charged Vacuum Emboitment,” the Doctor explained. “Basically, it vented entropy out of a universe, and into another. That also means you can get from one universe to another through them.”
“Which is exactly what happened,” Calco interjected. “Except, we didn’t get to the right one.”
The Doctor frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Romana was attempting to return home,” the Tharil explained. “But something went wrong, and we arrived here, as you can see.”
The Doctor nodded. “Riiight. All very logical and reasonable. Only question is,” he leaned in close to the Tharil’s face and growled, “Where. Is. Romana.”
***
Applejack and Colgate looked out into the infinite whiteness that surrounded them. “Well,” Applejack said. “That’s new.”
“What is it?” Caramel asked.
Colgate squinted into the abyss. “I— I believe I’ve been here,” she whispered. “I recognize it.” She hesitantly took a step forward, and then another.
Applejack and Caramel watched, incredulous, as the mare trotted out into what appeared to be empty space. After a few moments, Caramel commented, “I don’t think she’s stopping.”
Applejack sucked in her cheeks, then gave a heavy sigh. “Well, I reckon we better follow her. She seems t’ know more’n us about this place, an’ if we don’t keep an eye on her, she might do herself a mischief.”
Caramel stared into the abyss. The abyss did not stare back. Rather, it stared through the candymaker, barely even registering his presence. Suddenly, Caramel felt very small. “Ya can stay here if ya want,” Applejack said, trotting out the door. “But y’all’ll be stayin’ alone.”
The stallion looked around with trepidation. The walls seemed closer than they had previously, and the strewn paperwork seemed, to his fearful eyes, to be moving. With a squeak of mild terror, Caramel galloped after his cousin.
***
Calco wiped his brow. The Doctor was still staring intently at him, leaning in far too close for comfort, “Doctor,” Rarity said quietly, placing a calming hoof on his back. “I believe you’re scaring him.”
“Romana was one of my closest friends, and one of the few of my species that I actually got on with. Furthermore, she might be the only other Gallifreyan who didn’t die in the Time War. I will scare whomever I—”
Rarity smacked him rather hard. “I do apologize, Doctor,” she said as he rubbed his jaw gingerly, “but you were getting a tad intense.”
The Doctor winced and rubbed his cheek. “Right. Yeah, sure, I get it. Thanks.”
He turned back to Calco. “So. Romana. Where is she?” he asked, in a slightly more relaxed tone.
“Well, once we arrived here, she started glowing gold,” he explained. “And then she said that there wasn’t much time left, and that I needed to go find— well, you, Doctor. When I got back, she wasn’t there. Just Colgate, and a note from Romana telling me to keep her safe, along with a couple of machines. One of them made the office larger on the inside, and the other one’s purpose is still unknown to me. I don’t know any more than that, except that I have been posing as a dentist’s receptionist here for over ten years now, and I have grown to hate teeth more than anything else in the world. If I never see a poster about flossing again, it will be too soon.”
The Doctor leaned back in his chair, looking as though the wind had been knocked from him. “Glowing gold? Then she’s regenerated,” he sighed. “She could be anywhere, look like anypony at all."
“And what of Colgate and the others?” Rarity asked. “Where are they?”
“Oh— back in the dentist’s office,” the Tharil replied, indicating the hall door. “Er— best not to go in just yet, I had to… block the entrance.”
The Doctor furrowed his brow, his mouth an inquisitive moue. “Block?” he repeated.
“Um,” Calco hummed. “I… may have transported the office into the void between timelines?” He glanced between the two stony faces. “Sorry. I can bring it back!”
The Doctor’s thunderous frown was generally terrifying. Calco, however, didn’t even notice. It was tricky to see such detail when you’re on the ground bleeding because a mare has just sucker punched you in the face.
***
The emptiness was apparently eternal. Even Applejack was beginning to grow skittish, and Caramel was a few minutes away from having a full-blown freakout. Colgate, however, continued stoically on, as though in a trance. She had said nothing since they had departed her office, and the silence was, to Caramel, just as unnerving as the void, if not more so. At least voids were expected to be empty. His friend was not. She was meant to be making terrible, hammy jokes. She was meant to be bantering with him about tooth decay. She was meant to be discussing the relative merits of sugar-free candy. She was not meant to be absolutely silent. It seemed to the confectioner as though everything that made Colgate Colgate had just been drained out of her. “So, uh,” he said, “Colgate? Should we start heading back to the office?”
“Hn?” she muttered, eyes unfocusing for a moment. Then, she blinked sharply and shook her head. “What? Where are we? What’s going on?”
Caramel and Applejack exchanged worried glances. “Uh, sugarcube? Y’all were the one who led us out here,” Applejack said slowly.
“I… what?” Colgate looked back and forth between the two Apples. “I don’t even know where we are! I mean, what is this place? How did we get from my office to here?”
“Better question,” Caramel said, his voice a few tones higher than usual, “How do we get back?”
“Why, that’s simple, sugarcube, it’s right over… oh. Huh.” Applejack glanced around, as though expecting the office to appear right next to them. “Well, that ain’t good,” she muttered.
Caramel squeaked, and Colgate turned a few shades paler. Applejack nodded, half to herself. “Right,” she said. “Well, we were goin’ in a pretty straight line, so Ah don’t reckon we can be too lost. Come on, let’s git headin’ back,”
She turned about and started away at a canter, careful to keep the others from seeing the fear in her expression. They would find the office eventually, right? It’s not like there was anything else out in this place.
As Caramel and Colgate hurried after their friend, a cold, staring eye watched them go. A solitary white robot, blending almost perfectly into the endless white void, started after the ponies.
***
“I’m telling you, they were right in here!” Calco cried, stabbing a hoof at the dentist’s office.
The Doctor and Rarity stared dubiously at the undeniably empty room. “It’s not that we don’t trust you, darling,” Rarity began, but the Doctor cut her off.
“Actually, it is that we don’t trust you. It is exactly that,” he said, glaring at the Tharil.
The alien cringed. “I said I was sorry,” he mumbled.
“Sorry doesn’t quite make up for trapping three ponies in the interstitial space between universes,” the Doctor said flatly. “How did you even do that?”
“Oh, well, I just sort of removed the hallway,” the Tharil said vaguely as he looked in the cupboards on the off chance that the trio may have hidden in one of them.
“Removed the hallway?” Rarity echoed. “As in— no, I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean by that.”
“Tharils can bend space and time around them,” the Doctor explained. “They can time travel without a TARDIS, removing a hallway from the spacetime continuum is nothing. Although—” he frowned. “I’ve always wondered. Where do you put them?”
“Like I said, the interstitial spaces,” Calco said, now poking at scattered pile of paper, in the faint hope that the ponies might somehow be hiding under there. He glanced up, tucking away some small object. “Is it important?”
The Doctor had frozen. “You put the hallway,” he said carefully, “into the interstitial space.”
“That is correct.”
“You don’t do anything else to it.”
“No.”
“You didn’t maybe lock the office door?”
Calco looked puzzled. “No.”
The Doctor sighed. “So there’s nothing to keep them from, for example, wandering OUT of the office and INTO the void?”
Calco looked blank. “Why would they want to do that? It’s just empty space.”
The Doctor looked like he was considering making an extremely uncomplimentary comparison between the void and Calco’s head, but Rarity interjected. “You mean, they could all be wandering out in that… interstitial space, you said?”
“Yeah,” the Doctor agreed grimly. “Trapped between universes, in an infinite blank plane.”
He sighed. “Well, nothing for it. We’ll have to go after them.”
“How?” Rarity asked. “Won’t we be in the same situation?”
“Not if we take the TARDIS,” the Doctor said with satisfaction. “Come on, the both of you!”
***
Meanwhile, in another time and place… “No, be quiet,” Trixie said urgently. “Trixie heard something!”
Sunset fell silent. “I don’t hear it,” she said after several seconds.
“There was a crash,” Trixie insisted, turning to face across the street.
Sunset frowned. “If you’re right,” she said slowly, “that could mean…”
“We’re not here alone,” Trixie said, hurrying across the street, leaving Sunset to race after her.
***
The Doctor stared at the empty patch of grass behind his (or rather, his wife’s) house. “It was right here, I swear,” he said.
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Well, it can’t have just teleported away, can it?”
The Doctor frowned at her. “Rarity. It’s a time machine. That’s literally exactly what it does.”
She met his stare with her own. “Without a pilot?” she challenged. “I don’t think that any ship, no matter how advanced, is going to travel on its own.”
“Point,” the Doctor conceded. “Unfortunately, much as it pains me to say, Grand Theft TARDIS is a mystery for later. Right now, we need to get Applejack, Caramel, and Colgate out of the vortex.”
Rarity nodded. “But how can we do that without a time machine?”
The Doctor turned to the third member of their party, who was huffing and puffing heavily and bracing himself against the fence. Calco, sensing that he was the center of attention, looked up. “Huh?” he gasped.
“Tharils can travel through time and space at will,” the Doctor said. “And they can take passengers, can’t you?”
Calco considered this. “Ionno,” he panted. “Water?”
“I’m rather parched myself,” Rarity agreed.
The Doctor sighed. “Right, hang on, I’ll get you both water, then we’ll see if your powers can extend to others. I mean, you lot powered spacecrafts, so I don’t see why not…”
Once the Doctor had gone inside, Rarity turned to Calco. “Goodness, but I’ve had to do a lot of running today,” she said airily. “I must say, being friends with the Doctor certainly makes for a good exercise regimen.”
“Mm, mhm,” Calco muttered.
“I am rather surprised, though,” Rarity continued. “All your talk about being a freedom fighter— terribly interesting of course— but, well, one would expect you to be in slightly better shape.”
“Working— behind a desk— for over a decade— will do that—” Calco replied.
“Well, I suppose that— Oh, you seem to have dropped your watch,” she added, gesturing to a spot just behind the Tharil.
“Eh?” he gasped, spinning about in a panic. He scanned the ground frantically. There was nothing there.
Rarity nodded in satisfaction. “I thought as much. Oh, do calm down, you’ve not dropped it, I can see the chain in your mane. But, given how you attempted to hide it before the Doctor could get a good look at it, I must ask what exactly makes it so special.”
The Tharil glared at her, betrayal etched into his features. “How did you see it?” he asked. “I thought I had it tucked away before either of you could get a good look.”
Rarity smiled. “You don’t get as far as I have in the fashion industry without having an eye for detail,” she replied. “Now, if you would answer the question?”
Calco glared a moment longer before sighing and collapsing against the fence. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Romana left it for me in the note. I was to guard it, keep it secret from everyone, and use it to hypnotize Colgate if she started to question things too much.”
“Hypnotize her?” Rarity gasped. “But that’s dreadful! And what do you mean ‘question things too much?’”
Calco frowned sternly and, straightening, squared his shoulders. “I don’t know,” he sighed. “But I’d trust Romana with my life. She says that Colgate needs to be put in a trance regularly, so that’s what I’m doing. It’s not as if I’m controlling her, I don’t even give her any orders. I just have her look at the watch, and she’s out like a candle.”
“Well I don’t approve of your casual snuffing of her flame,” Rarity snapped, giving him an arch glare.
“It’s not like that,” Calco protested weakly.
“Then what, pray tell, is it?”
Calco’s mouth flapped furiously for a few moments, but he was saved having to answer when the Doctor returned. “There. Two glasses of water, perfectly lovely. Now, if we could get going?”
Rarity glared at the Tharil. “This is not over,” she mouthed.
Calco winced. “Come on, come on, time’s a-wasting!” the Doctor insisted.
The Tharil breathed out, closing his eyes in deep concentration. Time was, to time-sensitives like the Tharils or indeed the Time Lords, rather less like a little stream, and more like a raging river, dragging everything inexorably along in its steady current. What he was about to do might be compared to damming a little bit of the river, but not really. It was much more like shoving a pipe down through the riverbed, far enough so that it would let out in an entirely separate but parallel river underground. But that just sounds preposterous, frankly, so let’s just say that he was ripping a hole in the universe and leave it at that.
Rarity’s eyes went wide as the back door of the Doctor’s house began to fade, losing detail and color until all that remained was… nothing. Nothing at all. “Well done,” the Doctor whispered. “Oh, this brings back memories. Not very good ones, but memories nevertheless.”
He walked through the portal, hesitantly at first, but with every step he took, his confidence increased. He glanced back. “Well? Come on, you two!”
Slowly, cautiously, Rarity and Calco crossed over to the other side. The unicorn glanced around and shuddered. “So tacky,” she muttered. “All white can work, but only with the proper shapes and textures. This— this is just dreadful!”
“No time to stop and critique the decorating now,” the Doctor replied. “We need to find the others. Did you drop us about where you left them, Calco?”
The Tharil stared. “Space has no meaning here.”
The Doctor’s face fell. “Oh,” he said. “Yes. That’s a point. To be exact,” he sighed, puffing out his cheeks, “we’re points on an infinite blank plane, trying to find a trio of other points.”
“So it’s impossible, then?” Rarity asked, an edge of fear creeping into her voice. “Are they— are they gone forever?”
The Doctor frowned. “Nothing is impossible,” he replied. “We just need to find a way to get their attention…” He fell into silence, pondering.
Rarity looked around and slowly smiled. “An infinite plane, you said?” she asked.
“Yep.”
She looked at the Tharil. “Space and distance have no meaning?”
“Correct.”
Rarity nodded. “Then I believe that now is indeed the time to do something about the decor.” So saying, she illuminated her horn and shot a stream of bright, colorful sparks into the air.
“Are those fireworks?” her cousin asked, incredulous.
“No,” Colgate replied, “too focused. I think that’s some kind of signal flare!”
Applejack turned to Colgate, hope sparkling in her eyes. “Can you do that?” she asked.
“Yeah. Really basic spell, you just have to focus your magic and shoot.” She paused and rubbed the magic blocker on her horn. "It's low-power enough to get through this, I think."
“Right. Jes’ signal ‘em over, an’ that oughta do us jes’ fine. We’re home ‘n’ away!”
Colgate screwed up her face tight and golden sparks shot from the tip of her horn, fizzling like shooting stars. In the flat plane, such a signal could be seen for miles and miles around. The difficulty, of course, with such signals, is that one can’t really control who sees it. From places where they had lain dormant for— well. Time has no meaning in the interstitial space, or at least none that we comprehend. Let us say, therefore, that from where they had stayed, frozen for lifetimes, white robots turned to stare at the two showers of sparks. Then, with creaking joints and slow, deliberate movements, they turned and walked toward the source.
***
The Doctor let out a whoop of joy as the golden sparks shot up into the air from several miles away. “We got ‘em!” he crowed, cantering toward the signal. “Oh, well done, Rarity! Come on, let’s go meet them in the middle.”
Rarity trotted after the Time Lord, but Calco hung back, glancing over his shoulder with an expression of deepest concern. “Perhaps I should stay here, to watch over the portal,” he suggested.
The Doctor glanced back. “Well. Could do, yeah. Or, you could just close it up and rip open a new one once we get there.”
“Er,” Calco muttered. “I guess I could…”
“Well, come on then, let’s get on with it!” the Doctor concluded, turning back and trotting toward the distant sparks once more.
Calco turned and concentrated on the portal, eyes darting and mouth drawn. Slowly, the gate back to the real world shrunk away, fading into whiteness. Just before it faded into nothingness, it slowed, hesitating. A bead of sweat condensed on the Tharil’s nose, and the last vestiges of Gaea faded away. Above him, white; below him, white; white before and behind him, white to either side.
There is a condition deep-sea divers often get. They panic, believing suddenly that the ocean is all there is, that they will never see the land or sky again. The sea is a terrifying place, massive to the point of seeming endlessness and filled with strange and unusual creatures who might not understand you, or even wish you harm. The sea is not unique in any of this.
Filled with trepidation and a growing, unnamed terror, Calco turned to stumble after the others— the last glimmers of normalcy and a comprehensible world in this infinite whiteness.
***
Miles and miles away, Caramel was also feeling a little less than courageous. The hairs at the back of his neck prickled, as though feeling the gaze from unseen eyes. His own eyes darted left and right to the point that it seemed as though he were watching a game of tennis. A cold sweat drizzled down his spine with all the speed and energy of molasses. “I really don’t like this,” he muttered.
Applejack stopped midstride and turned to face her cousin. “That’s th’ third time y’all said that in the last ten minutes. We get it already, but we’re stuck here, so quit yer bellyachin’.”
“But it’s creepy!” Caramel whined.
His cousin raised an eyebrow. “An’ is complainin’ gonna make it any better?”
The candymaker lowered his gaze. “...No,” he sighed.
Applejack nodded in satisfaction and turned back to the shower of blue sparks visible on the horizon. Then, frowning, she looked behind her. “Where’s Colgate?”
“Uh?” Caramel gaped, glancing around. “She was here a second ago!”
“Consarnit, she can’t’ve jest disappeared!” Applejack scowled, scanning the horizon. “An’ it ain’t like she can hide, either.”
Caramel’s eyes widened. “AJ? Colgate was our signal flare.”
Applejack’s scowl tightened as his words sunk in. “Well, we can still see the others, Ah reckon, so we still got that goin’ for us.”
No reply. Applejack turned to look at her cousin, but there was nopony there. Her eyebrows shot up. “Aw, shoot,” she muttered, glancing around her.
Before, she hadn’t quite seen what Caramel meant about the ‘creepy’ aspect of the void. To her mind, ‘creepy’ was a word reserved for Nightmare Night, and maybe Changelings. ‘Creepy’ implied some kind of impending scare, a sense of anticipation. This place was just plain ol’ boring. There hadn’t been much impending anything here. But now that she was all alone? Standing in an empty, white vacuum? Yeah. She could see how this might be considered creepy. As a matter of fact, she was beginning to border on the out-and-out spooked.
She cleared her throat. It felt as dry as the buffalo lands west of Appaloosa. “Now listen here,” she said with as much bravado as she could muster. “Ah recognize that mah friends ‘n’ Ah might be trespassin’ on your property, or summatlike. Ah’m right sorry ‘bout that, but we don’t want no trouble. We jes’ want t’ get home. So, iffin y’all could be so neighborly enough to let mah friends go-”
Applejack blinked. For a moment, she thought something had moved, but there was still nothing but empty whiteness. There was, however, an unexpected draft on her head. Her hat was gone. In the vast expanse of white, there was another flicker of motion, as quick as a rattlesnake. Applejack, however, was quicker. She turned tail and galloped toward the blue signal flare as fast as her legs would carry her. She had to get away, had to warn the others. That whatever-it-was may have had stealth, but she was confident that she could outpace it. She risked a glance back. Nothing. She turned forward once more, just in time to see a flicker of motion just ahead of her. Then, everything went black.
***
The Doctor frowned. “The sparks have gone,” he said.
Rarity scanned the horizon. “Are you sure? Perhaps you’re just not looking the right way,” she suggested.
“No. No, they’re definitely gone,” the Doctor said, a note of concern creeping into his voice.
“Perhaps Dr. Colgate couldn’t maintain the spell?” Calco suggested from his position directly behind the Doctor.
“What, a little spell like this? That hardly seems likely,” Rarity sniffed.
Calco shook his head. “She had a magic-blocker on so that. Er."
The Doctor frowned. "Er?"
"So that she... wouldn't... fight back when I had to hypnotize her."
The Doctor stopped dead. "Excuse me?"
"We've been over it already," Rarity said. "Believe me, I intend to make my feelings fully known once everypony is safe and sound at home."
The Doctor scowled at Calco, who looked resolutely away. "I'm surprised she was able to shoot sparks at all," he said.
Rarity’s eyebrows knit. “Well, regardless of the explanation, it is undeniable that they are not signaling, and thus we have no heading.”
“True,” the Doctor agreed. “We should probably stay here. We wouldn’t want to start walking away from them, after all.”
“I remember from which direction their signal came,” Calco said. “I can lead the way.”
“Sure, yeah, let's follow the hypnotist lion who dumped out friends into the void."
Calco winced.
"Doctor," Rarity said warningly.
"Anyway, there’s really no rush,” the Doctor continued with a shrug. “Which is nice, actually. There’s usually a lot more running involved in these situations. ‘Course, I expect we’ve all had enough of that for today, eh, Rarit- Rarity?”
The Doctor turned around. There was a distinct lack of unicorn in the area. “Where’d she go?” he asked, perplexed.
Calco inhaled sharply. “The tales are true, then,” he whispered, glancing around warily. “The voidmen— they’re real!”
The Doctor frowned. “Hold on. The what?”
Calco’s eyes darted. “Voidmen. Invisible beings that live in the space between worlds. They kidnap unwary travellers and turn them into more voidmen!”
The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “Is that so? How do you know that?”
Calco stared. “Once they’re kidnapped, they’re never seen again.”
“Hm.” The Doctor glanced about thoughtfully. “Very interesting. You know, that sounds quite familiar— some story I heard once, or something. Perhaps… yes, it might just be helpful if I were to shed a little light on the subject.”
So saying, he whipped out his sonic and pointed it directly behind Calco. The blue-green light played over a metal chestplate, tube-like arms, and a head that resembled something between a microwave oven and a cardboard box. It was a robot, painted completely white so as to blend in with its surroundings. The Doctor blinked, lowering the screwdriver. “Well. I wasn’t expecting that,” he said. A moment later, he was grabbed from behind and hauled into the air.
***
Rarity was dumped unceremoniously to what shall be for convenience’s sake referred to as the ground. It was much harder than what one would expect, almost like a stage. Of course, one would hardly expect a void to have any kind of ground at all, so the point was perhaps moot. She glared up at her almost invisible captor. “Ruffian!” she spat.
The kidnapper did not reply. “It’s no good,” a voice said glumly. “They don’t talk.”
Rarity turned in surprise. “Caramel?” she asked. “Where are you?”
“Oh, sorry,” the stallion replied, stepping out of what appeared to be empty space. “These guys are everywhere.” He tapped a robotic leg directly to his left. “It really doesn’t help that you can’t see them.”
Rarity peered a little closer. She could just barely see the vague outline of a bipedal figure. “What are they? Minotaurs? Dressed in armor, perhaps?”
The confectioner shrugged helplessly. “I wish I knew. They got Colgate and Applejack, too, but both of them had to be knocked out.”
Rarity frowned. “Well. The Doctor and Calco are still out there,” she began, but was interrupted by another two bodies crashing to the ground.
“Ow,” the Doctor complained. “These fellows have terrible manners.”
Rarity sighed. “I stand corrected.”
The Doctor glanced up and beamed. “Ah, good! We’re all together then, I presume?”
“For all the good it does, yes,” Caramel agreed flatly.
The Time Lord beamed, apparently oblivious to the sarcasm. “Then as soon as our friend here wakes up, we can be on our merry way, can’t we?”
Rarity nodded slowly. “The idea does have merit,” she allowed. “But regrettably, Colgate and Applejack are also unconscious.”
The Doctor shrugged. “They’ll wake up soon, I expect. Anyway, we can just drag ‘em through the portal after us.”
“That is true,” Rarity agreed, brightening somewhat.
Caramel stared. “...Huh?” he managed.
“Explanations later,” the Doctor replied. “Right now, we’ve got these chaps to worry about.” He waved a hoof in the air, vaguely indicating the camouflaged robots.
“They don’t seem particularly inclined to harm us,” Rarity said doubtfully.
“Well, no,” the Doctor allowed. “That’s true. But I’ve crossed paths with them before, they’re generally working for some sort of greater power. The Master of Fiction, the Cybermen, a boy named Jason… long story, that one. Anyway, let’s just say that their presence generally doesn’t mean anything good.”
“How not good?” Caramel asked, nervously glancing at where he supposed a robot might be hiding.
The Doctor shrugged. “Depends. They might convert us into Cybermen, shoot us with lasers, put us in a book and close the cover, anything. For now, though, they seem content merely to keep us imprisoned, so I presume that they’re waiting for their boss to show up.”
Rarity nodded. “So we shouldn’t be too unduly concerned.”
“I shouldn’t say so.”
“How ‘bout being duly concerned?” Caramel asked, voice still strained. “Can we do that?”
The Doctor gave him a long, searching look. Then, he frowned. “What’s that on your leg?”
Caramel looked down in surprise. “This? It’s just something I found in one of Colgate’s back rooms. Why?”
The Doctor grabbed Caramel’s leg and held it closer to his eyes. His mouth fell open and his eyes went wide. “That’s a vortex manipulator,” he said.
“A… what?”
“Cheap and shoddy sort of time machine. I mean, it works, but if you compare the TARDIS to, let’s say, a steam locomotive, this is a… a space hopper in a catapult.”
“A time machine?” Caramel asked, staring at the device. “How does it work?”
“Well, you plug in the coordinates here, then hit the big button here. Though—” he broke off, peering closer. “This one’s got several sets of coordinates programmed into it already.”
Rarity stared at the band. “And… can it carry multiple passengers?”
“Well, I… suppose… Yes, it probably could. Never seen more than two at a time, but there’s no real reason it couldn’t be more. I might need to modify its stability just a tad. But everypony’s going to have to hold on to Caramel.” He pulled out his sonic and began to fiddle with the controls. Caramel, for his part, just stood awkwardly with one hoof in the air.
“Whazzat then?” a muzzy, dazed voice asked. “What’s goin’ on?”
Rarity smiled as an orange head topped with a now rather dishevelled blonde mane poked out of empty space. “Glad to see you’re awake at last, Applejack. Could you be a dear and drag Colgate over? We all need to touch your cousin.”
The earth pony frowned muzzily. “Ah don’t swing that way, an' Ah'm taken anyhow. ‘Sides, he’s mah cousin!”
The unicorn turned red. “Not like that,” she hissed through gritted teeth. “Really, Applejack, get your mind out of the gutter!”
The farmer smirked. “Jes’ funnin’ with ya,” she replied, ducking back behind the camouflaged wall.
“Really, that mare…” Rarity fumed. Then, she paused. “What do you mean, you're taken?”
There was a pause so pregnant that it was already in the delivery room, suffering terrible contractions and swearing a blue streak. “Uh. Jes’ a minnit,” Applejack muttered.
A few moments later, the orange mare reappeared, pulling Colgate by her tail behind her. She let the unicorn slide to the ground. “Right. Sorry ‘bout that. Granny always taught me never t’ talk with mah mouth full. What were ya askin’?”
Rarity hesitated. “That comment you made, just before you said that Caramel was your cousin. What did you mean by that?”
“Oh,” Applejack said.
“Awkward,” Caramel muttered.
“Ah got a marefriend.” Applejack nodded firmly.
Rarity stared. Applejack stared back, eyebrow not quite raised, but in the sort of position that implied that a Look of epic proportions was only one wrong word away. “You never said,” Rarity said.
Applejack shrugged. “Never came up,” she replied.
“I mean.” Rarity stopped. She took a deep breath. “Is there a reason you never told us?” she asked.
Applejack shrugged. “She don't wanna come out yet. Ah told Granny, o’ course, and Mac. Bloom knows, too, ‘n’ so do a few others in the family. Caramel, fr’instance,” she said, nodding at the confectioner.
“You know, of course, that we all would support you and her absolutely,” Rarity said.
Applejack sighed, exasperated. “Rares, much as Ah appreciate th’ sentiment, Ah don’t think this is th’ time. We need t’ get out of here!”
“Ah. Yes, quite. How goes it, Doctor?”
“Almost there,” the Time Lord promised. Looking up, he added reflectively, “Y’know, it’s a bit odd that the robots haven’t tried to stop us.”
There was a sudden flickering from a nearby source. Rarity closed her eyes. “Why did he have to say that?”
One by one, the party looked up at the source of the light. After a long moment, Applejack said, “Well, Ah dunno ‘bout you, but Ah can’t see a darn thing.”
“That’s probably good,” the Doctor muttered from around the screwdriver in his mouth. “Means whatever’s behind the light probably can’t reach us just yet.”
“So, uh, how’s that repair work coming?” Caramel asked, voice taut like a stretched rubber band.
“Give me a minute. If I get this wrong, and we try to use it, there’s a good chance that we’ll wind up with our component molecules scattered across the Time Vortex.”
“Ah always feel so much better after these li’l talks,” Applejack droned sarcastically.
Rarity peered closer into the light, squinting slightly. “What in the— how terribly peculiar. I believe that there’s a mirror or something back there!”
The Doctor tensed. “What.”
“I— yes,” Rarity moved forward. “Yes, I believe I can see myself in there.” She wrinkled her nose. “Though I look terribly washed out.”
“Rarity, get back,” the Doctor warned, his serious tone somewhat hindered by the garbling effect of his sonic.
Rarity turned, frowning. “It’s only a mirror…”
She saw Caramel gaping in open terror, staring at something behind her. The Doctor’s face was a mask of focused rage. Applejack’s eyes were wide. “Uh, sugarcube,” she managed. “Ah think ya might wanna look again.”
Rarity turned back to her reflection. She let out a shout, falling back. It was closer. Clearer. More real. It was not alone. Six ponies, one for each of the travelers, stood side by side, glaring dully at their counterparts. As the unicorn watched in horror, they seemed to draw ever nearer, despite the fact that they were as unmoving and apparently as emotionless as statuary. And all of them were washed out, so colorless as to be nearly white, with dull red eyes. The fashionista stumbled backwards into the group. “What are they?” she asked, her voice a tad higher in pitch than normal.
“Doppelgangers. Sort of,” the Doctor replied. “But they shouldn’t be here. Only one man used ‘em. And he’s not a threat anymore.”
“So, they aren’t going to hurt us?” Caramel asked, looking dubious.
“Didn’t say that,” the Doctor said, glancing up. All of the doubles were perfect mirrors of the originals, except one. A stallion stared back at him, lined red eyes glaring out from beneath a black skullcap. “Looks like there might be some truth behind Calco’s ‘Voidmen’ after all. Hold on. And stop wriggling!”
Meanwhile, the copies were drawing ever nearer. The ponies all backed up, but it was if they weren’t moving at all. They could see them all clearly now, right to the whites of their dead eyes. Caramel whimpered. Applejack snorted and planted her hooves, ready to fight if need be. Rarity closed her eyes tightly and screamed as her double reached out a hoof to touch her. “Got it!” the Doctor cried. “Everypony over here!”
Applejack spun and touched Caramel’s shoulder, pulling Rarity away from her double in the process. The Doctor grabbed Calco and Rarity hastily picked up Colgate. The clones were still closing in. There was a flash of light, a momentary feeling of disorientation and—
***
The first thing Rarity noticed was the smell. It was earthy and wet. Petrichor. Not altogether unpleasant, but rather strong. The next thing she noticed was the fact that she was standing in a pool of water. She cracked open one eye. Trees. Mud. Vines. Water. Mud. Grass. Mud. Mud. Mud. She let out a shriek and leapt to drier land. The next thing she noticed was that, apparently, Calco had turned into some kind of giant cat. The unicorn stared around in befuddled wonder and terror. Meanwhile, the Doctor and Applejack were trying to support a dazed, floundering Colgate while Caramel staggered under the suddenly massive dead weight that was Calco. “Where are we?” Colgate gasped. “What’s going on?”
The Doctor glanced up. “Greenish sky. Swampland. Sparsely populated, apparently. Yes, and judging by the smell, I’d say we’re on the planet Alzarius, in E-Space.”
“Say again?” Applejack said.
“Alzarius,” the Doctor repeated, drawing the word out. “Swampy sort of place, home to a race of amphibious life forms, but they all left. Had a friend from here once.” He gazed off absently.
“Lovely, we know where we are,” Rarity huffed. “Now, how do we get home, exactly?”
The Doctor frowned. “Ah. Well, that's a bit of a puzzle, really. I'm not actually sure how we got here to begin with.”
Caramel gaped. “You— you what? Yes you do, you're the one who fixed the Vertex Manipulator!”
“Vortex,” the Doctor corrected. “And, yeah, I souped it up a bit. But I didn't have to put in coordinates, they were pre-programmed. Why they took us here, I've no clue.”
“But you can get us back,” Rarity said, her voice tinged with concern. “You must know!”
The Doctor nodded. “Well, probably, yes. We'll need Calco to wake up again, so we can get back to the proper timestream, but yes. However,” he continued, “I’m rather more interested in this.” He lifted Caramel’s front hoof off the ground, causing the candymaker to stumble under the weight of the transformed Tharil on his back.
“It’s all rather convenient, isn’t it, that pre-programmed set of coordinates?” the Doctor asked. “Particularly since I’ve been here before? Bit of a coincidence, eh?”
“So, what d’ya want t’ do ‘bout it?” Applejack asked, laying the semiconscious Colgate down on the island Rarity had leapt upon.
The Doctor examined the manipulator. “There’s a few other sets of coordinates in here,” he said. “What say we follow them?”
Rarity scowled. “I’d rather go home,” she said flatly. “Particularly if all the other places you intend to visit are as filthy as this!”
“Oh, look, I think that one’s… Paris?” the Doctor said. “Yep, Paris. City of Lights. Beautiful place. Fashion, food, art...”
Rarity nibbled at her lower lip. “Ah. Well. Perhaps I was a tad hasty…”
“Aw, Ah dunno what yer on ‘bout, Rares,” Applejack said. “Fer a swamp, it ain’t bad.” It was true. The water was more or less clear, and the plants seemed surprisingly well-kempt.
“You’ll have to get used to it for at least a little bit, anyway,” the Doctor said. “The manipulator’s taken a bit of a soaking, and I’ll have to dry it out before we can take it anywhere.”
Rarity groaned, flopping backwards into a convenient patch of grass. It was no chaise longue, but it would suffice. “Of all the things that could happen,” she began, “this is—”
“Prob’ly better than whatever those clones woulda done to us,” Applejack interrupted.
Rarity paused. “Point,” she conceded. “Still, Doctor, how long will it take to repair the device?”
“Hard to say,” the Doctor replied, slipping the band off of Caramel’s hoof. “Still, let’s work on getting some supplies together, food, shelter, clean water. We may have to stay the night.”
“The NIGHT?” Rarity shrieked. “But— but— my boutique— and Spikey— and— and—”
“Don’t worry,” the Doctor said. “Time machine, remember? It’ll be like we never left. Now, Applejack, why don’t you and your cousin try to find some edible plants? The rest of us will stay here building shelter and starting a fire.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Applejack agreed. “‘Cept, Ah ain’t never seen plants like these before.”
The Doctor paused. “Oh. Right. Well, just gather up some grasses, that should be fine. I must say, I rather wish the TARDIS was here now, that’d make things much easier. I wonder what’s become of her?”
“You don’t seem too worried,” Caramel noted.
“Nah. The TARDIS is a tough old bird. She’s been around the universe a few times. I’m sure she can take a bit of a joyride.” His face hardened. “Mind, if the paint job gets scratched, I won’t be held accountable.”
***
Meanwhile… The Sphinx took a swipe at the TARDIS. The box flew across the room, scratch marks gouged into its side.
“Well,” Trixie muttered. “That’s going to be Tartarus to sand out.”
“Ah, darling, so good to see you awake at last,” Rarity cried, trotting over to embrace the dentist. “We were all quite worried about you, you know.”
Colgate stared blankly at the fashionista. “Oh… were you? Sorry.”
“Oh, not at all, darling!” Rarity gasped. “It was by no measure your fault! It’s just, well— you know, you talk in your sleep?”
“Uh, no. I did not know that. Why were you worried? What did I say?”
Rarity wavered. “It was rather indistinct, of course, but I do believe I heard you say something about… Leela, was it? And there was a mention of… vampire blood. The Doctor seemed particularly worried.”
While Rarity had been talking, Colgate had been letting her eyes wander around her surroundings. “What’s that big cat?”
Rarity followed her gaze. For the briefest of moments, derision flickered over her features. “Do you not recognize him, darling?”
Colgate slowly shook her head. “Should I?”
“That would be your receptionist, in his true form.”
The dentist stared. “My receptionist. Cat’s Paw. He’s actually a cat?”
Rarity hugged Colgate once more. “I understand that this may be something of a shock to you—”
“Big kitty,” Colgate said dreamily.
Rarity looked at her with concern. “Are you feeling well, dear? Perhaps we should get you to the fire.”
“No!” Colgate snapped. Rarity recoiled in shock, and the dentist quickly calmed. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what came over me just then.”
The fashion designer quickly recovered herself. “Quite understandable, darling,” she consoled. “You’ve had rather a large shock, you know. Come along, have a bite to eat.”
***
The group around the campfire was quiet and solemn. Eventually, Colgate couldn’t take it any longer. “Great dinner,” she commented, if only to hear some voice in the void.
“Thanks,” Caramel replied, not looking up.
The silence returned in force. Colgate frowned. “Alright, what’s wrong?” she sighed. “Am I dying? Are we stuck here? Is Cat’s Paw going to be a lion or whatever forever?”
Applejack coughed awkwardly. “Well, while y’all were snoozin’, we-all had some time t’ talk about what exactly happened t’day. An’, well, some interesting things started turnin’ up.”
Colgate glanced between one face and another. “What?”
The Doctor shifted uncomfortably. “Dr. Colgate,” he began, “What do you remember about your childhood?”
The dentist frowned. “Well, uh, I grew up in Canterlot. My mom’s name was Starlight, and my dad’s name was Ivory Shield. I dunno, it was a pretty normal childhood. I loved candy, but I hated getting cavities, so I always made sure to take really good care of my teeth. That’s what made me decide to be a dentist. I liked to play pretend, like, knights and castles and adventures. Uh, I had a dog.” She trailed off. “Is there a point to this?”
“How well do you remember your childhood?” the Doctor pressed. “Can you remember your tenth birthday? The first day of high school? Any of your teachers? Your parents, what do they look like?”
Colgate’s face had slowly changed as the Doctor questioned her. “I— I don’t remember. I don’t know!” She looked at the tan stallion in horror. “I don’t remember my parents!”She set her face in her hooves. “How? Why?”
Caramel, who was sitting nearest to the unicorn, awkwardly patted her on the back. “Uh, it’ll be alright?” he tried. Even to his ears, it sounded unconvincing.
“There, there, sugarcube,” Applejack consoled, embracing the overcome dentist. “Th’ Doc reckons he knows what’s goin’ on.”
The Doctor himself looked rather less sure. “Well… it’s the only explanation I can think of,” he said reluctantly. “But it’s also utterly impossible.”
Colgate looked up at the stallion. “Doctor,” she said quietly. “Today, my office hallway turned into an infinite empty void. We were attacked by invisible beings. And now we’re in a swamp. Let’s not be hasty about judging what’s possible.”
“Point,” the Doctor conceded. “Alright, Colgate. Tell me what you know about… this.” He held out a faintly glowing pocket watch. The dentist stared. It wasn’t anything important. In fact, it looked like the most unimportant thing in existence. Yet, she couldn’t draw her eyes away from it. She swallowed hard, her mind throbbing with a sudden headache as her heart seemed to pound itself practically out of her chest and her eyes were burning and she was dying she was dying she was—
In an office. Not a dental office. This room was plush and comfortable, almost to the point of being overbearing. It was like being smothered with a pillow. The desk looked to be of a dark wood. Tapestries hung on the walls depicting events that seemed to move when she wasn’t looking at them. Through the closed windows, she saw skies of orange, and below it a sprawling city in shades of red and brown, spires and spheres, cylinders and cones, perfect geometric structures. She felt stifled, trapped like a mosquito in amber, or a butterfly under glass. She was a tiger, pacing the walls of her too-small cage when she should be running through the trees of some wild far-away forest. She couldn’t move, she was suffocating beneath the responsibility and utter mundanity of her life, trapped in ennui and bound in red tape.
The door opened. “Hello, Romana.” Ice-blue eyes. Dark, fine hair. A smile, full of the wild. Freedom.
***
Colgate’s eyes shot open. Applejack was gently slapping her cheeks and Caramel had lifted her hind hooves into the air, saying, “She’s not getting enough blood to the head!”
“I’m alright, I’m alright!” the dentist said, pushing away the others. “Just a little dizzy.”
She looked around. The lion— Cat’s Paw? Calco? had woken up and was looking at her with concern. Rarity stood guard over the beast, her glare enough of a deterrent to keep him in place. The Doctor…
The Doctor nodded grimly. “You were yelling in your sleep,” he said. “Do you remember any of that?”
Colgate stared at him blankly. “Any of what?”
“Let me refresh your memory. Gallifrey. Arcadia. Romana.” He hesitated for a moment. “Leela.”
A face swam hazily back into Colgate’s memory. “I… yes, I remember something,” she muttered. She looked around. “I remember being here, I think. Twice? Yes. Never alone, always with someone. Once it was…” she frowned. “Him.” She pointed at the trussed Tharil. “And the other time was with… with…”
The Doctor said quietly, “Me?”
Her head snapped around. “With you!” she gasped. “And… and your box. And you gave me the dog!”
“K-9, yes,” the Doctor agreed. “Whatever became of him?”
The unicorn’s face fell. “I don’t remember,” she whispered. “Doctor, I don’t understand. Why can’t I remember?”
The Doctor inhaled sharply and sighed, “Well. You don’t remember because, for reasons unknown, you didn’t want to. You took out all your memories, your personality, all your Romana-ness, and you shoved it in this pocket watch. And thus, Dr. Colgate, DDS was born.”
“An’ in Canterlot, th’ day Ah met ya, ye’d jes’ arrived,” Applejack said slowly. “An’ ya hadn’t thought up a good name yet, so ya picked Minuette, or so Ah reckon. An’ then, Ah remember, y’all kept askin’ whereabouts Ah was from. Ya wanted t’ find some small town t’ live in, get away from it all.”
“But, but I didn’t!” Colgate said. “I lived in Canterlot for most of my life. I can remember that. I only moved to Ponyville a few years ago!”
Calco made a sort of sputtering, choking noise. Rarity, after a moment’s hesitation, telekinetically undid the gag over his mouth. “That’s not true,” he stated. “Almost as soon as I met you, we headed to Ponyville. That was over a decade ago.”
Colgate made a strangled noise. “What? No! I lived in Canterlot, in an apartment near the college. I had friends! Moondancer, Twinkleshine, Twilight Sparkle!”
Rarity hesitated. “That does ring a bell,” she admitted slowly. “I remember seeing pictures of the two of you together after Twilight’s little adventure in Canterlot. But I also remember the day Rainbow Dash and I had to get Scootaloo into your office because she’d chipped a tooth.”
“Lucky it was only a baby tooth,” Colgate agreed. Then, she frowned. “Wait. That was… six years ago. I was still living in Canterlot.”
“Well, all of this is speculation,” the Doctor sighed. “You can’t really be Romana.”
“Why not?” Colgate asked.
The Doctor looked down. “Because Romana is dead. Dead along with her home, my home. Gallifrey. She was the Lady President when the war started, but she was eventually deposed with the return of Rassilon.” When he said the last word, he screwed up his face like he’d bitten into a rotten apple. “She died in a Dalek raid.”
There was a long silence. “Still,” the Doctor said. “There’s something in here, I suspect. Shall we see just what’s making it tick?”
He moved to open it. “No!” shouted Colgate. Everypony froze. The dentist took in a long, deep breath. “May I?” she asked quietly.
After a long moment, the Doctor nodded. “Of course,” he replied, hoofing it to the mare. She held it like a fragile glass statue, turning it over and over in her hooves. After what seemed like an eternity, she pressed down on the catch.
Nothing happened. The assembled continued to stare at the watch, holding their collective breath. Nothing persisted in happening, rather emphatically. “It’s broken,” Colgate said quietly. “The face is cracked.”
“What?” the Doctor gasped. “Give it over.” He grabbed it from her hooves.
The face was, indeed, cracked. A neat fracture ran straight through the glass, and the inside appeared to be full of murky water. “Time Lord tech,” he whispered. “This is definitely part of a Chameleon Arch. Yet another point for the theory that you are, or were, Romana.”
“And the crack means…” Caramel prompted.
The Doctor stared at him. “No idea. Never happened before. Frankly, they’re not really meant for extended use. Last time that happened… well, it didn't end well for anyone.” He looked down and muttered, “Not for anyone who remembered that year, anyway.”
Colgate did not hear them talking. She did not observe as, one by one, they all slipped off to sleep. She just stared blankly at her faint reflection in the broken glass. In the watch, Romana looked back out at her.
***
In Canterlot, a group of mares sat in a cafe, laughing merrily over doughnuts. “So, so then, right,” Twinkleshine giggled, “I told him to stuff it!”
“What’d he say to that?” Moondancer asked.
“Oh, it had been dead too long for a proper taxidermy job,” the other replied, smile drooping slightly. “Saved the head, though.”
Starlight Glimmer chuckled. “Oh, I bet that must’ve looked nice,” she said. “A dog’s head, stuffed and mounted like a trophy.”
The others chuckled at the image. All save one. Moondancer looked at the sole exception, worried. “You okay, Minuette?”
The blue unicorn let out a grunt of surprise and glanced up. “Sorry,” she muttered. “Not feeling myself right now.”
“What’s wrong?” Lemon Hearts asked, placing a hoof on her friend’s back.
“Dunno,” Minuette admitted. “Just felt like… somepony walking over my grave. I’m fine, now.”
“Are you sure?” Starlight asked, looking carefully at her friend.
“She’ll be fine, you heard her,” Moondancer said briskly. “So, what happened next, Twinkles?”
The others slowly turned back to the previous topic, but Starlight kept an eye on Minuette. There seemed, suddenly, to be something far more fragile about the mare. Fragile— and perhaps volatile.
***
White. Clean. Orderly. She breathed out. It was comfortable, here. She, too, wore white— an elegant dress, beautiful in its austerity. Everything was clean and neat and tidied away in proper fashion. “Hello,” boomed a jolly, sonorous voice. “Would you like a jelly baby?”
Dark. Untidy. Chaotic. He did not fit in any boxes. He was unexpected, unpredictable, an enigma from a distance and a nuisance up close. He was a legend in an ill-fitting scarf and overcoat. “My name is Lady Romanadvoratrelundar,” she heard herself say.
“I can’t call you that,” he said. An unusual complaint from someone who refused to ever use his own name.
“It’s Romana or Fred,” he concluded.
“All right then, call me Fred.”
“Come along, Romana.”
***
The next morning dawned without further incident, apart from the obviously unusual nature of a dawn unaided by alicorn magic. Regrettably, none of the party thought of this as being particularly important at the time, and thus the miracle of planetary motion went uncelebrated. Colgate blinked muzzily in the still-dim light of the morning. Above her, she saw sticks bound together with dried mud and weed. The shelter. How she’d got in here, she had no idea. Check that, yes she did. “Hello, Doctor,” she said.
“Dr. Colgate,” the stallion replied with a nod. “You’re the last one up. We saved you some breakfast.”
“Thank you,” she said. “Will we be leaving shortly?”
“Soon as you’re ready,” the Doctor agreed.
“I’m sorry.”
The Doctor paused. “Sorry about what?” he asked, brow furrowing.
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t her. Romana.”
The Time Lord stopped. He breathed in and let it out slowly. “I miss her,” he said quietly. “She was one of my best friends. She was one of my people. But none of that is your fault.”
“I didn’t say it was,” Colgate returned. “But I’m sorry I can’t help.”
The Doctor stared off into space. “Colgate. There is nothing you can do about what’s happened. But, if you really do want to help…”
“Yes?”
Deep brown eyes met dark blue ones. “Be my friend?”
Colgate stuttered to a halt. “Uh?”
The Doctor continued to stare at her. He looked older than his face implied, and more tired than his energy belied. “I’ve made some mistakes,” he said quietly. “And there have been times when I’ve let my anger get the best of me. I’ve hurt people, and that’s only come back to bite me in the flank. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that I need friends, people- or rather, ponies- to keep me grounded. Colgate, I don’t know if you were once Romana or not, but please, would you do me the honor of being my friend?”
The unicorn was suddenly finding it rather hard to speak. “Of course,” she choked out.
“Thank you,” the Doctor said. Then, straightening, he grinned. “Now, let’s be off, shall we?”
“I haven’t had breakfast yet,” Colgate protested.
“Ah, but we’re going to Paris! City of Lights!” the Doctor enthused. “I’ll buy you a crepe or something, you’ll love it.” Noting her hesitation, he continued, “It’s either that or stay here and have some swamp grass soup.”
“Well, when you put it like that,” Colgate chuckled, “Crepes sound delightful.”
“Brilliant!” the Doctor beamed. “Look at us, doing friend-type things together already! I’ll just let you freshen up, and then it’s off to gay Paree!” He trotted off with a merry jaunt in his step.
Colgate watched him go, torn between amusement and bemusement. Why couldn’t she stop imagining him in a long, trailing scarf? She shook her head. Foolishness. What had he suggested? Freshening up? Well, if she was going into the city, she might as well try.
She strolled out of the shelter, down to the bank of the little island. The water was cold and clear as she splashed it against her face and she blinked herself slightly more awake. “Better than coffee,” she said with satisfaction. “Now, let me fix my mane…”
She waited patiently for the water to turn smooth and placid once more. As the ripples faded, a frown crossed her features. That wasn’t her reflection. A strange creature stared back up from the water, hairless of face and blonde of mane. Her eyes were so absurdly small that Colgate could hardly fathom how the creature could see anything. They stared at each other, the original and the reflection. It seemed almost impossible to tell which was which.
Then, a slight ripple made the unicorn blink and the spell was broken. When Colgate looked back at the water, it was her own face staring back. As it should be. Right?
***
The Doctor glanced up as Colgate cantered over from the banks. He frowned. “You alright? You’re looking a bit peaky.”
“Hm? Oh, I’m fine,” Colgate replied, smiling. “Nothing to worry about. Hey, are we gonna stand around all day, or are we going to get some crepes? I’m starved.”
Caramel leaned over to Applejack. “She’s lying,” he whispered.
“Thank ya kindly. Ah hadn’t quite picked up on that,” Applejack said in the sort of tone that would make a deceased skillet green with envy.
Caramel, oblivious, just nodded. “Right.”
“Okay,” the Doctor said. “Now, is everypony ready?”
Rarity glared at Calco. “I still don’t see why he needs to come along,” she huffed.
“Neither do I,” the Tharil admitted. “Really, I just want to go back to my people.”
“All in good time,” the Doctor assured him. “Right now, though, I’d rather you stayed with us. If what you’ve said is true, then Romana might still be alive, somehow, and you were the last one to see her. Besides, if the manipulator breaks again, we may need another way to get back to Equestria.”
Calco frowned. “So nice to feel wanted,” he muttered.
“Right! All you lot, hang on. Three, two, one-
***
-Oof!” the Doctor finished as he fell rather painfully to the ground. He picked himself up and brushed off his coat with a hand. Wait. A hand? A hand! He was in his normal shape once more! “Oh, brilliant!” he enthused.
“Gah,” Caramel gaped as he stared down at his body. He was tall and fairly muscular, if a bit thick around the tum, with tan, sun-kissed skin.
“Huh,” Applejack said, staring at her new, freckled hands. “Okay, this is new. How do Ah get aroun’ like this?”
Rarity managed to pull herself upright for a moment, wobbling badly. The Doctor reached out and grabbed an arm, stabilizing her. After a moment, she stood still. “Well, this isn’t as bad as Twilight described, certainly,” she said, pulling away from the Doctor. “Walking may take a little bit of doing, but I believe I- Oh!” She stumbled and fell back to the floor. “Then again, perhaps not,” she sighed.
Colgate was doing the best of them all. “Oh, is this a museum?” she asked with interest, walking over to a painting. “I’m not sure how I feel about this one. Where are her eyebrows?”
The Doctor glanced over. “Ah. La Belle Gioconda. The Mona Lisa, if you prefer. We must be in the Louvre. I tried asking Da Vinci about that once, about the eyebrows, but he was out. Something about a supper engagement, I think. Beautiful picture, though.”
Applejack walked over to look at the painting. “Huh. ‘S alright, Ah reckon. Don’ quite like th’ eyes, though. Like they’re followin’ me.”
“What a hideous dress,” Rarity said. “Unless she’s in mourning, I suppose.”
“I like her smile,” Caramel opined. “She’s got a nice smile.”
Calco grumbled something indistinct about how you couldn’t let a nice smile rule your head.
The Doctor stared at them for a long moment. Then, chuckling, he shrugged. “Well, that’s art for you,” he said with a grin. “Colgate, I believe I promised you crepes. As for the rest of you… walk around. Enjoy yourselves! We’ll meet at the Eiffel Tower at half past one, move on to the next destination. How does that sound?”
“An’ where d’ya expect us t’ go ‘til then?” Applejack asked, raising a very existent eyebrow.
The Doctor waved a hand about. “This is Paris. I’m sure you’ll find something. Go get a picture drawn, or eat lunch by the Seine, or sit around discussing the nature of the universe. There’s a big fashion scene here. Not too much farming or apples, or anything like that, but I’m sure you can find something.”
He walked off, hands deep in his pockets. Colgate shrugged and raced to catch up with his long strides. The remaining four watched them go. “Lunch sounded nice,” Caramel ventured.
“Perhaps, but I don’t believe they’ll take bits,” Rarity pointed out.
“They might,” Calco said. “Your currency is practically pure gold. I’m led to believe that humans consider that a very valuable material.”
“Well, we’ll find someplace and ask there,” Applejack decided. “Ain’t no harm in askin’.”
“I suppose that sounds reasonable,” Rarity agreed. “First things first, however; how do we get out of this museum?”
***
It was a gorgeous day. The sky was cloudless, the streets were packed, and the sun shone down warmly from above. The air smelled faintly of violets. The Doctor inhaled deeply and smiled. “Paris. Never been another city quite like it in the whole universe. It’s got it all. Art, food, culture— it’s like a beautiful floral arrangement, made of all different sorts of plants that all blend together into a sort of— sort of—”
“Bouquet?” Colgate suggested.
“Bouquet, yes,” the Doctor agreed. His smile faded somewhat. “Been a long time since I last visited,” he said quietly.
“You were with— her?”
“Yep! Seems a sort of a Romana day, eh? Great time we had, too. Well. When we weren’t in danger of being shot, or thrown in a dungeon, or nearly erasing all life on this planet.”
“You did all that?” Colgate asked, eyebrow raised.
“Oh, yes, and that’s not nearly the half of it. Come on, there’s a lovely cafe right this way if they’ve not demolished it since I was here last. We’ll have a nice bit of brekkie, and I’ll tell you all about the story of the seven Mona Lisas…” He trailed off. "Well, perhaps we can save that for later. It's your first time in Paris, what do you want to do first?"
Colgate hesitated, glancing down the street. She saw artists making sketches of their customers, people selling trinkets and souvenirs, jugglers, mimes, and more. "Breakfast first," she said firmly. "I'm starving. There's a flower stall--"
"Not as a human," the Doctor said firmly, taking her arm and guiding her towards a cafe. "Like I said before, crepes. Or croissants. Or both, if you like!"
Colgate smiled at him. "Funny how they all speak Equestrian, isn't it?"
"No, they're speaking French," the Doctor corrected. "The TARDIS translation matrix will be converting the language into whatever form you're most comfortable with."
"Oh." Colgate paused. "But the TARDIS isn't here."
The Doctor stopped dead. "No... it isn't, is it?" He looked at her intently. "The psychic connection would still be there, even if you'd only traveled with me once, and it'll be sustained by this..." He rummaged through his pockets and pulled out a glowing key. "But you would've had to have traveled with me before to be connected."
Colgate stared. "But I haven't traveled with you before."
The Doctor nodded. "No. Interesting, isn't it?"
***
The bakery wasn’t a patch on Sugarcube Corner. It was in too upper-class of a neighborhood for anyone’s liking, apart from Rarity. Applejack grumbled that it was “too frou-frou”, but she was pretty hungry, and while those may not have been Pinkie Pie’s Cherry Chim-Chimney Chimichangas (the eventual naming compromise), DANG if they didn’t smell good.
The man at the counter looked up as the group walked in. He sighed to himself. Tourists, one and all. Americans, probably, he thought darkly. Two of them were dressed like a bad cowboy film, and another was covered in hair. He would get out the textbook language. He smiled wanly at the customers. “Bonjour, madames et monsieurs. Vous-desirez?”
The one with purple hair smiled dazzlingly. “Let me handle this, darlings,” she said to the others.
She stepped up to the counter. “Bonjour, monsieur. Tu accepter les, er, coins du gold?”
The man stared at her. “Quoi?”
The blonde with the red-and-white-checked shirt stepped forward. “Aw, quit with yer fancy-talk, Rares.” She turned to the man behind the counter. “Bonjour, monsieur. Nous désirons de gâteau, mais ils n’ont pas l’argent locale. Nous avons seulement pièces d’or.” She held up what looked to be a disc of solid gold, emblazoned with the head of a unicorn. “Peut nous vous payez avec la?”
The man stared at the freckled blonde cowgirl. This did not entirely compute with his worldview, particularly as it regarded the parts of the world which were not France. He may, therefore, be forgiven for merely stammering out, “Oui, madame. Bien sur.”
“Mademoiselle,” the woman corrected. “Nous désirons un gâteau chocolate, s’il-vous plaît. Aussi, quatre des tartes aux pommes. Combien fait?”
“Euh, vingt-trois euros, mademoiselle. Peut-être… trois pièces d’or?”
“Ce fait semblant de juste,” she nodded. Three gold coins were placed on the counter. “Tiens la monnaie,” she added as an afterthought. “Pas les mathématiques passade.”
“Merci, mademoiselle.”
Applejack accepted the bag full of goodies. “Au revoir, monsieur.”
She turned to see the others all staring. “What? Y’all forget how t’ speak plain Equestrian or summat?”
***
“A key,” Minuette said suddenly, dropping her book. “I was looking for a key.”
Starlight looked up in confusion. “You were? When was this? Can I help you find it?”
The two had left the others some time before to visit the library. Starlight was reading a text on ancient civilizations, while Minuette had opted away from her normal philosophical sojourns to try a book on thermodynamics, of all things. That book was now lying open on the floor, which couldn’t be good for its spine. “I— I was looking for a key,” Minuette repeated, struggling to remember. “First, I— I looked under a rock. Yes, a blue rock. There was a lizard next to it, I think. Then, then I looked on… a ship? No, that can’t be right.”
Starlight set down her book. “Minnie, you’re scaring me. What are you talking about?”
“Pirates,” Minuette replied miserably. “There was a nasty parrot, and a wicked queen. Then, I looked in a stone circle, and in a castle garden. Then…” she trailed off. “Then, I think… I think I met myself.”
Starlight got up. “Okay, that’s it. We are getting Twilight. Now.”
“I tried to look in the swamp, but there was a squid in the way,” Minuette said dully, her eyes glazed. “And— and then, I asked myself, where was the key, and I said, I am the key. Me. Astra.” Her eyes rolled back in her head, and she fell off her chair.
***
“So y’all didn't understand what Ah was sayin’? Or that other fella?”
“You were speaking another language,” Calco confirmed.
“Prench, darling. Word-perfect Prench.”
Applejack frowned. “That don't make sense. Ah was talkin’ Equestrian th’ whole time, and so was that fancy feller.”
“I assure you, darling, you were not.”
“Guys, are you going to try these tarts or not?” Caramel asked. “They're good.”
Applejack got up. “Ah reckon mebbe Ah’d best get a little fresh air,” she said, grabbing a pastry. “Ah’ll be outside.” The others watched her go in silence.
“The cake’s good, too,” Caramel said.
***
Colgate’s brow was furrowed in concentration. She had ostensibly been telling the Doctor a story about her days in dental school for the last ten minutes, but she was plainly distracted. Her eyes would occasionally flicker to the side, then back to the menu before her. She kept repeating details. Eventually, the Doctor’s curiosity won out. “Something the matter?”
“Hm?” Colgate looked up in surprise. “Oh. No, it’s nothing. Just not quite sure what to order.”
“Sure?” the Doctor asked.
Colgate sighed. “No. It feels like I’ve been here before, a sort of weird deja vu, y’know? Just like it was back on Alzarius.” She looked around the cafe. “You came here. This restaurant. With Romana.”
The Doctor didn’t respond. “There was someone else here, an artist,” she continued, faster. “He drew a picture of m— of her, with a broken clock for a face. And then— then—” She broke off.
“You can’t be her,” the Doctor said quietly. “I know you can’t. She’s dead. But if you aren’t her…”
“How do I know all this?” Colgate finished.
The Doctor stared at her. “I wish I knew,” he sighed.
Sitting on a bench on the sidewalk, Applejack gazed off into the horizon of the Parisian skyline. A shadow suddenly rolled across the ground to lie at her feet. “Mind if I join you?” Rarity asked.
Applejack shrugged and scooted over to one end of the seat. Her friend gracefully turned and reclined at the other. “It’s a beautiful view, isn’t it?” Rarity commented, nodding at the skyline.
Applejack glanced up and nodded. “Very nice,” she agreed.
The duo sat in awkward silence for a moment. Then, Applejack rolled her eyes and sat back. “Alright, out with it.”
Rarity blinked in carefully prepared shock. “Why, I have no idea what you’re talking about, darling.”
Applejack gave her a thousand-yard stare. After a few seconds, Rarity let out a heavy sigh. “It’s just—we’re friends. I’m certain of that. You knew when I began dating Spikey-Wiley. I would like to know why you didn’t just tell us that you had a marefriend—”
Rarity flinched back from the force in her friend’s voice. “Of course not!” she gasped. “As I said, we are friends, no matter how often we may differ.”
Applejack nodded. “So, it don’t matter if ya know or not. It never came up. Ya’ll don’t know everything about me. Ah ain’t never told ya that Ah can build card towers. Ah never said that Ah used ta like sailin’. Ah never told ya ‘bout that time Ah went ta Canterlot an’ met Minuette. That stuff, it ain’t who Ah am, It’s stuff Ah’ve done, sure, but Ah don’t reckon any of it defines me. Not like th’ farm, or mah family, or mah apple pie recipe. It ain’t that Ah didn’t tell ya t’ be dishonest—Ah just didn’t reckon it was all that important.”
“Not even a little?” Rarity asked, looking askance at her friend.
Applejack shrugged. “Who Ah’m attracted to don’t define me. Who Ah choose t’ date, maybe. But this ain’t nothin’ Ah got control of.”
Rarity sat back, staring off into the skyline. “I see. I do understand where you’re coming from, darling, and yet…”
“Ya still feel hurt. Yeah, Ah get it. Believe me, Ah wish Ah’d never let that li’l comment slip. Not exactly how Ah woulda liked t’ tell anypony. But, well, what’s done is done.”
Rarity hummed thoughtfully. “Pragmatic of you.”
“Par fer th’ course, then.”
“Well, quite. Now, tell me darling, may I at least guess at the lucky mare who has caught your eye?” An expression crossed her face that Applejack didn’t entirely like, something akin to a leer. Though, she doubted Rarity would ever do something quite so low-class as leering. “Colgate, perhaps? Carmel tells me he found her lying atop you.”
“Ah still say it’s Minuette, and no, it weren’t like that,” Applejack huffed. “All you need to know, Miss Nosy, is that Ah have got a marefriend, andshe ain’t ready t’ come out jes’ yet. Won’ even tell me why.”
“Mhm…” Rarity gave Applejack a searching look.
The farmer scowled. “It’s the truth!” she protested.
“Oh, I believe you, darling,” Rarity corrected lightly. “I just didn’t think you would stand for such things, being so enamored as you are with honesty…”
“Honesty’s important, eeyup,” Applejack said shortly. “But so’s patience. She’ll spill the beans when she’s good’n ready.”
Rarity sighed. “Fair enough. Will you introduce her to me once that occasion has come to pass?”
Applejack stifled a snicker. “Sure thing, Rares. Sure thing…” She paused, thinking. “Where are th’ fellas?”
Rarity waved a hand. “Oh, off in the lavatory, washing up. They’ll be back shortly.”
Applejack nodded. “Well, they best hurry up. Ah reckon it’s almost time to meet Minnie and th’ Doc.”
***
Twilight lit her horn, uncovering the prone form of Minuette that now lay in Starlight’s bed. “And what did she say before she collapsed?” the alicorn asked.
Starlight shrugged helplessly. “She was looking for a key, and she said something about meeting herself. Then she said that she was the key, or Astra was the key, or something. I don’t know! Is it important?”
Twilight shrugged. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “But that’s all we have to go on right now, so we should probably start there.”
“What do you mean, ‘that’s all we have to go on’?” Starlight asked. “You mean you can’t tell what’s wrong with her?”
“Well, that’s the problem,” Twilight said, plopping down on the bed next to the unconscious unicorn. “All the diagnostic spells I’ve cast are turning up normal results. Physically, I can’t find a thing wrong with her, apart from a few bruises that probably came from falling to the floor.”
Starlight repeated that to herself, silently mouthing out the words. “Nothing… physically wrong,” she said slowly.
“Correct.”
“So there’s something else wrong here.”
Twilight hesitated. “Well, it’s certainly not normal,” she hedged. “I don’t know if it’s ‘wrong’, per se, but… well, take a look.”
Her horn glowed. “The spell I’m casting is a sort of… aura reader. It allows the caster to view the magical signature of the subject. Try to copy it.”
Starlight studied her mentor’s horn for a moment, and then, hesitatingly, she matched the spell. She blinked. “Whoa.”
“Weird, right?”
“Oh, sorry, I was looking at you. You’ve got… a whole lot of magic going on there.”
Twilight paused, then nodded slowly. “Um, thanks? Now, look at Minuette.”
“Right, right—” Starlight turned to look at her friend’s prone form. “Twilight.”
“Yes, Starlight?”
“What the Tartarus is that?”
Around the blue unicorn, gold and red sparks flew, battling a glow of dark blue that matched Minuette’s magic. Twilight shook her head. “Like I said. Weird. It’s like there’s two spirits in there, fighting for control.”
Starlight’s eyes bugged. “Is that even possible?” she asked, horrified.
Twilight sighed and slumped against the headboard of the bed. “I don’t know,” she sighed. “This is completely new, even to me. I’m going to write Trixie, maybe she or Sunset will have some ideas, or at least research some things for me.”
“How is she working out as your assistant?” Starlight asked.
Twilight shrugged. “Pretty well, actually. She’s training Sunset to be my other assistant. Or, I don’t know, maybe Trixie’s assistant.”
Starlight grinned halfheartedly. “Her lovely assistant?” she asked.
Twilight stared blankly for a second before the other horseshoe dropped. “Ah. No, just a personal assistant. No rabbits out of hats or disappearing mares.”
She lit her horn and nabbed a quill and parchment from Starlight’s desk. “Trixie,” she muttered, half to herself. “In Canterlot… strange illness… magical in nature… Come quickly. Yours, Twilight. PS: Bring Sunset.”
Her horn flashed, and the letter was gone. “Impressive,” said Starlight. “How do you make sure she receives it?”
“The spell links our auras to a degree,” Twilight replied. “No matter where she is, the scroll can reach her.”
“Clever,” Starlight nodded. “Might be dangerous, though. Have you considered—” The rest of whatever Starlight was going to say was drowned out by a sort of rising and falling wheezy groan. A blue box slowly faded into existence in the corner. Twilight and Starlight stared. The door to the box opened and a blue unicorn stumbled out. “Ha! See, Sunset? Trixie knew she could get us here eventually!” Trixie cried. “We’re right on top of that artron energy!”
The fiery-maned chaos spirit poked her head out. “Yep. And it only took you, what, six weeks to get back to Gaea?”
The unicorn stuck out her tongue. “Jealousy doesn’t become you, Sunny.”
“Jealous? Me?” Sunset asked. “Jealous of what? Certainly not your flight skills.”
Trixie smirked. “My personality perhaps? My mane? My good looks?”
Starlight blinked. “Did she just use a first pony pronoun to refer to herself?”
“Um, girls? Did you steal the Doctor’s TARDIS to get here?” Twilight asked.
Sunset waved a hoof. “We were looking for time travelers. Long story.”
“...Right. Okay, why not? Anyway, we need your help. Minuette started babbling, and she’s gone into some sort of magically induced coma.”
Trixie stared at Twilight. Sunset stared at Trixie. “Every time,” the draconequus said flatly. “Every time we step out of those doors, it’s a new problem. Is the TARDIS attracted to them, or what?”
***
In another universe, a Time Lord frowned briefly as a sudden moment of indignation rushed over him, but it was gone as quickly as it came, and he settled back to enjoy the sights.
The view from the top of the Eiffel Tower was magnificent. The Doctor leaned on the rail, dangling his hands over the edge, while Colgate merely stared in awe at the panorama. “Wow,” she whispered. “It’s so… vibrant. Much better than I remembered. She. She remembered.”
“Well, that’s Paris for you,” the Doctor said with an air of satisfaction. “Beautiful, crazy city. Last time I was here, I snogged the lover of the King of France and saved the nobles from an army of clockwork robots.”
Colgate looked at him. “You’re joking.”
“Nope, Celestia’s own truth. Swear it.” He glanced over her shoulder. “Oh, look, it’s the others.”
“I don’t see why,” Rarity panted, “we couldn’t just take the elevator.”
“Aw, come on, sugarcube, it weren’t that many stairs.”
“One thousand. Six hundred. Sixty-five,” Rarity ground out. “I counted. I don’t believe we were meant to use them beyond the second floor.”
“Well, the lines for the elevators were very long,” Calco said.
“Longer than taking the stairs?” Rarity snapped.
“Well, we’re here now,” Caramel interrupted quickly. “Look, there they are, they’re waving!”
Rarity straightened. “Good. Let us hope that our next port of call will be somewhat closer to the ground, hm?”
Applejack’s ears suddenly pricked. “What’s that?” she asked, turning around only to see a large, red-faced man in a uniform rush out of the stairwell, pointing and shouting angrily. “Uh. Rares, Ah reckon ya mighta been right about not bein’ allowed ta take them stairs…” she said slowly.
“Run!” Caramel yelped, racing toward the Doctor and Colgate, the others close behind. The guard was right on their heels. The Doctor held up his screwdriver. There was a whirring noise. The Vortex Manipulator began to flash. The Doctor grabbed Caramel’s sleeve in one hand and Colgate’s arm in the other. Calco pulled Rarity and Applejack into the cluster. The security guard reached out a hand, but he clutched at empty air.
***
Caramel grunted in dismay as his cousin, Rarity, and Calco all fell on him at the same time. “My back!” he groaned. “You’ve crushed my spine!”
“Aw, quit yer bellyachin,” Applejack snapped. Calco had fallen across her legs, pinning her to the ground.
“What a ghastly design,” Rarity said, glancing around. “It’s rather like being down a mine, complete with the poor lighting.”
“Mm. I rather think we are down a mine, actually,” the Doctor said. “Yep. Definitely underground, and I rather suspect I know where.”
“Atrios,” Colgate said slowly. “Atrios, locked in constant war with… Zeos?”
“Mm, mhm,” the Doctor agreed. “Ruled by the Princess Astra, lovely girl.”
“And… the other planet…” Colgate said slowly. “With… the Guardian. And Drax. You rode on K-9, I remember. We had to make a false segment of the Key, didn’t we?”
“Colgate?” Caramel asked, concerned. “You okay?”
“Huh?” She snapped out of her reverie. “Oh. Yes. I’m fine.”
The Doctor looked at her sideways. “Well. No point in hanging round here, I suppose. Ancient history, now.”
“Astra…” Colgate said slowly. “Astra was the key.”
“Yes, that’s right,” the Doctor agreed. “The sixth segment of the Key to Time.”
“No, no,” Colgate said, waving a hand. “I mean— she’s the key to— to— to something else. I don’t know.”
“You feelin’ all right there, sugarcube?”
“No,” Colgate replied, miserable. “I remember too much. Or maybe I don’t remember enough. I need to see Astra.”
“Colgate—”
“I need to see Astra,” she repeated, pulling away from the group and running down the hallway.
“I don’t understand,” Starlight said, close to tears. “Who is she talking to? Who needs to find her? Astra?”
Sunset rolled her neck one way and the other. “Right. Let me at her.”
“What?” Twilight’s head shot up. “What are you planning?”
“I,” said Sunset, “am going to get into her head. Chaos powers plus mind-reading powers, amiright.”
“Define ‘get inside her head’, please?” Starlight said warily, moving to stand between her unconscious friend and the chaos goddess.
“Um. Trixie?”
“Yeah?”
“Give me a hoof here?”
“Sure.”
The showmare walked over, removing her hat. “Stay out of Trixie’s childhood memories,” she warned.
“Right. Gotcha. Bad juju.” So saying, the chaos goddess reached around and pulled open a zipper on the top of Trixie’s skull. There was the sound of crackling electricity and the smell of ozone. Blue light shone out of the showmare’s cranium as her mane and her entire scalp flopped over.
“Ta-dah,” Trixie said idly, waving a hoof around. Twilight and Starlight just stared, their faces a matched set of horrified bewilderment.
“So, can I try it?” Sunset asked, grinning broadly.
***
The door slammed in Sunset’s face. “Well,” said Trixie. “That went over better than expected.”
“Yeah. Hey, you wanna get a doughnut? There’s this great place downtown.”
“Pinkie Pie has told Trixie great things about a restaurant called ‘the Tasty Treat’,” Trixie suggested. “Very spicy, very nice…”
Sunset considered. “Fine. But then doughnuts. And you’re paying.”
“Deal,” Trixie agreed.
***
Starlight stared at Twilight. “Okay, we’ve both seen some crazy stuff,” she said slowly. “And we’ve both committed terrible crimes against nature in our respective quests for knowledge. But that…”
Twilight shrugged. “Eh. Remember the time with the equinculus made of gorgonzola?”
“I had been trying to wipe that from my memory,” Starlight grumbled.
Minuette twitched. “Doctor,” she hissed. “Find me…”
***
“Where is she?” the Doctor shouted, turning round to face the others. “I mean, she had maybe three seconds of a head start!”
“How. Can. You. Run. That. Fast,” Caramel wheezed, bent double at the waist.
Applejack rubbed her chin. “Ah reckon we ain’t goin’ about this right,” she said slowly.
“What do you mean?” Rarity asked, frowning.
“Well, we don’t know where Colgate is. But we do know where she’s tryin’ t’ get to: the Princess.” She paused. “Uh, Doc? Is this ‘Astra’ some kinda alicorn?”
“Hm? Oh! No, no, normal humanoid. She’s just got more political power, that’s all.”
“Right,” Applejack nodded. “Well, seems like she oughta be right in th’ middle o’ things, real easy t’ find.”
“So, if we find Astra, Colgate will probably be there too!” the Doctor concluded. “Brilliant! Applejack, I could kiss you if Rainbow Dash wouldn't have my head for it!” He ran off down the hall. No one followed.
Rarity gave Applejack a long look. “Rainbow Dash?” she repeated.
Applejack breathed out, long and slow. “Ah am gonna kill him,” she growled. “An’ when he regenerates, Ah am gonna kill him again, til he turns into somethin’ that don’t talk as much.”
“I’m not judging, darling,” Rarity said hastily. “It’s just— well. Don’t you two fight rather a lot?”
“Occasionally,” Applejack agreed, not taking her eyes off the Doctor's retreating tail.
“And doesn’t that make the relationship just a tad rocky?”
“Eh. All relationships have their fights. It’s small stuff, usually. Easy enough t’ get through.”
“Well, what about—”
“Rares. Focus. Find Colgate. Get home. Buck th’ Doctor’s face in.”
“I can see that dating Dash is having an absolutely wonderful influence on you,” Rarity said flatly.
A pretty, youthful blonde sat in the center of a room, surrounded by the last group of survivors of her race. She wore a beautiful, flowing violet gown, a delicate golden tiara, and an air of absolute authority.
“Wynne, you are in charge of repairing the communicators. Derek, you are to be our diplomat to Zeos, on the off chance that any of its natives are still extant. Merak, darling, keep up the good work in the medical bay. Shada, I am assigning you to adjudicate the case of Atrios v. Marshal— yes?”
The last was in response to a noise from the doorway, a quiet sort of shuffling. A head poked into view. “Hello? Are you the Princess Astra?”
The princess made a subtle hand signal for her guards to stand down for the moment. “I am. Who are you?”
The girl sighed in relief and stepped into view. “Well, that’s the difficulty. I’m not quite sure, you see. I knew who I was a few days ago— or, I think I did— but I’ve changed since then, so many times.”
“I see,” said Astra, who did not.
“Anyway, it all comes back to you,” the stranger said, scratching her blue hair. “Astra. I can almost remember you. You were the key. Or, part of the key.”
Astra stiffened. “Who are you?” she demanded. “How do you know about that?”
“Once,” the stranger said thoughtfully, “I'm told I was called… Romana?”
“Romana?” repeated Merak in astonishment. “But that’s impossible! You don’t look a thing like her.”
“No. Nor the other one,” the strange woman agreed. “As I say, I’ve changed.”
Astra had not moved a muscle. “Leave us,” she said, gesturing her guards away. “You too, Merak.”
“But my love—”
“‘Your highness’, when I’m in the throne, Merak. That means that I am your ruler yet, and I command you to leave me alone with this woman.”
There was some shuffling of feet and distressed muttering. Astra’s face hardened. “Leave us!” she thundered.
‘Romana’ looked rather impressed. “Excellent use of the Royal Canterlot Voice,” she observed.
Astra turned to frown at her as her advisors and subjects filed from the room. “The what?”
“Never mind,” the blue-haired woman sighed. “So. How goes the reconstruction of Atrios now that the war is over?”
Astra smiled slightly. “Rather well, I think. It helps that there aren’t really any more Zanians in the star system.” She frowned. “Zanites? Zanomeres? Hm. At any rate, we’re trying the Marshal for war crimes, and without the constant threat of bombing, patients are finally beginning to recover from their various ailments.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“So. Assuming you are Romana, despite all appearances, what are you doing here?”
The blue-haired woman sighed. “I’m not certain,” she admitted. “I just know that you’re important, somehow. A clue.”
“A key?” the princess suggested drily.
“Something like that, I think. Don’t worry, I don’t think you’ll have to be turned into a piece of crystal again.”
“Imagine my relief.”
“I just…” she trailed off, staring at the princess. “I don’t know. I keep having strange flashes of memory. You’re in them often, you and another princess. Strella.” She paused. “Do you have a sister?” she asked hopefully.
“No.”
“Pity. That would’ve explained a lot.”
Astra studied the stranger. “Do you know, I think you might be Romana,” she said slowly. “I didn’t have time to really get to know her, but… there’s something in your eyes. Something very, very Romana in your eyes.”
Suddenly, there was a commotion out in the hall. “Look, let me through, my friend is in there!”
“Oi! Get off, I once saved this planet.”
“How dare you touch a lady in that manner!”
A large, leonine man stepped through the doorway, flanked by a blonde in a loose, outdoorsy flannel shirt and a fairly average-looking man in an old-timey apron. “Colgate,” the man in the apron shouted. “We’re ready to leave now. Have you got everything you needed?”
Colgate/Romana looked back at the princess for a long moment. Then, she nodded. “Yes. I think I have. Thank you, Astra.” She ran toward the trio.
A tall, gangly man with wild hair and a long coat swooped into the room, a pale woman in a blue dress close on his heels. “Hello Astra!” the man called. “Sorry, can’t stay and chat.” He grabbed the shoulder of the one in the apron, and the other strangers followed suit. There was a brief flash, and they were gone.
Astra stared thoughtfully at the spot where they had stood as her subjects rushed back into the room. “Changed… Goodbye again, Doctor,” she murmured. Then, she frowned. “But which one was the little robot dog, I wonder?”
***
Minuette’s eyes popped open. “Strella!” she cried. “Find Strella!”
Twilight just looked at her old friend with mixed confusion and resignation. Starlight sat in a corner, staring in silent terror. “Mind and body,” Minuette whispered. “We were never meant to separate like this. I am so, so, sorry, Minuette.”
“What is she talking about?” Starlight whispered. “What does she mean?”
Twilight stared. “Mind and body…” she repeated slowly. “The two sets of auras…”
“You have an idea?”
“Yes. Maybe. You won’t like it.”
“I don’t like any of this,” Starlight said flatly. “What’s happened to my friend?”
Twilight nibbled her lower lip. “I think somepony else is in there with her.”
***
“The garden,” Colgate murmured, wandering aimlessly. “I looked under the statue for the key…”
Applejack stared at the dentist. “Ah don’t like this,” she muttered.
“None of us do,” Calco agreed, his face grimmer than usual.
The Doctor looked around in confusion. “I don’t remember being here,” he said slowly. “It feels a bit familiar, but I’m certain I’ve never been in this garden before.”
“You were like Beowulf,” Colgate said dreamily. “You defeated Grendel.”
Rarity frowned. “Come again, darling?”
“Beowulf,” the Doctor explained. “Earth story. Great hero, slew the ravening beast Grendel. Hold on, how do I know that name?”
“Halt, trespassers, in the name of Count Grendel!”
“Oh, yes,” the Doctor said, snapping his fingers. “That was it. He tried to have me killed.” His face fell. “Oh.”
He turned, only to find a very angry-looking soldier holding a sparking sword near his face. “Ah. We seem to have arrived just a tad early,” the Doctor said.
***
All things considered, the cells were not a terrible place to be imprisoned. They were reasonably clean, and decently furnished. Unfortunately, they were also too far apart for the travelers to touch Caramel, and the Doctor’s sonic had been confiscated. He was still sulking about that. Colgate was staring blankly at the wall. Calco was watching her carefully, and Caramel was trying to get her to talk again. “Hey, uh Colgate, any thoughts about that candy you wanted?” he tried. “Chewy, fruity, all that?”
“Jelly babies,” Colgate muttered.
Caramel nodded gamely. “Well, okay then,” he replied. “You want jelly babies. Where can I get them?”
“The Doctor’s pockets,”
Meanwhile, Applejack leaned in a corner, staring into space. “Ah jes’ realized,” she said slowly. “We’re on another planet.”
Rarity glanced over at her. “Well, quite,” she said. “We’ve been jumping from planet to planet for some time now, darling.”
“Yeah, yeah, Ah know. ‘S jes’, it didn’t really sink in ‘til now. We were movin' too quick t' think about it too much. Sure, th’ void was weird, but it was jes’ empty. Alzarius was jes’ a swamp. Paris was like Canterlot, an’ on Atrios Ah was too worried ‘bout Colgate t’ really think ‘bout it. But now…” she trailed off. “T’day, Ah woke up in a swamp on another world, lit by another sun. It weren’t raised by Celestia, an’ there weren’t nopony else there, so who did it? We turned into talkin’ monkeys. Ah ordered cake in Prench. We met a princess in an underground bunker, and now we got captured by fellas with magic swords.”
“I think they’re just electric,” Rarity put in. “You know, like a toaster.”
“Toasters don’t shoot lightnin’ Rares. Or, Ah dunno, mebbe they can. Mebbe they can shoot lightnin’, somewhere out there, an Ah just ain’t never seen ‘em.” She sat, pulling her knees into her chest. “An’ where does that leave me? Ah ain’t nothin’ special. Just a farmer. How come Ah can see all this?”
“Applejack…”
“Ah don’t know none o’ this stuff! Ah don’t understand a thing. Ah’d be better off back on the farm.”
“Applejack. Darling. Listen to me. You are not ‘nothing special’. You are far more than just a farmer. You are the Element of Honesty!”
“Not anymore.”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “You’re a living polygraph, darling. Title or no, you are the Element of Honesty. You have more common sense than anypony else I know of. You are stubborn, and fiercely loyal to your friends and family. Where did all of this come from?”
The Doctor looked at her. "D'you really feel that way?"
She raised a brow.
"Right, embodiment of Honesty." The Doctor gave her a slight smile. "The universe is a big place, Applejack. We're all gnats in comparison. But small has never meant unimportant. The littlest things can sometimes have massive effects."
Applejack opened her mouth to reply, but the rattling of a doorknob made her look round. A guard opened the door. “Stand to, maggots,” she growled. “The Count wants to meet you.”
Caramel turned to the Doctor, lightly touching the Vortex Manipulator. The Doctor shook his head. “Wait,” he mouthed.
One by one, the cells were unlocked. “Follow,” the guard said shortly, marching out through the door.
The Doctor spied his sonic on a table nearby. Thinking quickly, he shoved Calco. The behemoth barely stumbled, but shoved the Doctor back in surprise, sending him sprawling into a wall. “No fighting!” the guard shouted, turning around, eyes fierce. The Doctor levered himself up with the table, struggling briefly to rise. When he stepped away from the table, he held a small metal cylinder.
As the party marched out of the room, the Doctor flashed a thumbs-up to Carmel, who responded with a blank look. No hands. Right. The Doctor tapped at his wrist, nodding at Caramel’s arm. The confectioner looked down at the Vortex Manipulator, and he gave a quick nod. He held onto Rarity's arm, and reached slowly for the device with his other hand, but he froze when Colgate let out a shout of recognition. “Strella!” she called. “Princess Strella! Down here!” She waved her arms frantically. The guard reached for her electric sword, but a quick kick from Applejack put her out of commission.
A dark-haired woman peered out of the window. “Who are you?” she asked, startled.
The dark haired woman stared down blankly. “Are… are you here to rescue me?” she asked doubtfully.
Applejack opened her mouth to reply, but the Doctor cut in. “Sorry, love to, but can’t,” he said brusquely. “Don’t worry, help is on the way. Come ON Colgate,” he said, tugging her away from the tower.
“Doctor, whyever can’t we help the poor girl?” Rarity asked, looking up at the high window and the princess trapped within.
“Because I’ve already done it,” the Doctor replied. “Long story, but basically, this planet has a lot of androids.”
“Androids?” Applejack repeated.
“Robots that look like people,” the Doctor explained. “Anyway, there was an android Strella, and they both looked exactly like… Romana…” He slowed to a halt. “And… Astra. Romana based her second body on Astra, they could’ve been twins. Doppelgangers…” He looked at Colgate thoughtfully.
“Ah don’t understand any of this,” Applejack muttered.
“I’m told that most generally pick it up as they go along,” Rarity replied in an undertone. “Frankly, I’m not certain that he knows what he’s doing either.”
The farmer studied the Time Lord for a second. “Eeyup. That would explain a lot,” she agreed.
The Doctor himself had begun to pace up and down the cobblestones, rubbing his chin and gesturing with his hands. He was saying things that were probably words, but the meaning was unclear and he was muttering. Then, in midstride, he froze. “Oh. Oh that is good. That is— well, it’s terrible, actually, and it seems like it shouldn’t even work but, hey, who knows?”
“Doctor?” Caramel asked.
The Time Lord turned to Colgate. “Canterlot! You said you were from Canterlot. Where did you live, what did you do there?”
She sputtered. “Wha-huh?”
“Please, Colgate, Romana, Minuette, whatever your name is, this is important! Try to remember!”
“Doctor?” Caramel repeated, a little louder this time.
Colgate scrunched up her forehead in concentration. “I was… a student. At Celestia’s Academy for Gifted Unicorns. I was studying… Philosophy? Philosophy and natural law. Why would I do that? I’m a dentist!”
“Doctor!” Caramel shouted. “The guards are here!”
The Doctor blinked and spun about. Angry looking soldiers surrounded them, swords held at the right level to impale a person like a marshmallow on a stick. “Ah,” said the Doctor, taking Colgate’s hand and backing away. “You know, I think we may have overstayed our welcome…”
“Get them!” snarled a rather bruised guard. The Doctor recognized her as the one that Applejack had knocked over.
“Right, time to go,” he said, dragging Caramel’s arm into view and pushing the travel button as the group charged them. Then, he caught sight of the destination. His eyes bulged and his mouth dropped open. In the next instant, they were gone. The guards, unable to stop in time, fell on each other. The air was filled with pained yelps and the smell of burning and ozone.
“My word,” said Rarity standing upright and brushing herself off. “What a dreadful landing.”
Calco glanced around. “I dislike this,” he said quietly.
They stood in a bleak waste of sand and rock. Colgate stared around, squinting at the surroundings. “I… don’t remember this…” she said slowly. “Or… do I?”
The Doctor remained kneeling on the ground, his face blank. “We shouldn’t’ve come here.”
Caramel rose. “Maybe there’s something more over that ridge?” he suggested.
The Doctor closed his eyes. “Please don’t,” he whispered.
Applejack gave him a funny look, and then turned to scale the rocks. It was easier than she had expected; having fingers was helpful. After a few minutes, she pushed herself up onto a ledge and looked out at the landscape below. She froze, halfway between crouching and rising. This world was dead.
“Where are we?” she asked in a hushed whisper.
Below her, she saw a massive desert. Dead trees littered the sands, occasionally interspersed with burn marks that must have been miles in diameter. In the center of it all, a dome, larger than anything she had ever seen. No, that wasn’t quite true. The shield spell over the Crystal Empire was just as big, and looking closer, Applejack could see that, through the dusty and warped glass, there was indeed a city under that dome.
“Gallifrey,” a dull voice said from behind her. “In the last days of the Time War. The last days of being. The last days of ever having been.”
The Doctor stood a few feet back from the edge, hands shoved deep in his pockets. “We really shouldn’t be here,” he said. “As in, it should be quite impossible to be here. This whole planet, the whole war, was timelocked. Nothing gets in, nothing gets out.”
“So… how come we’re here?”
“Best guess? Those coordinates were programmed in before the Time War. Being in an alternate universe, they didn’t get wiped properly.” There was something in his expression that Applejack didn’t like. Or, rather, there was something missing from his expression. It was as though all emotion had left him.
“Hey.” Applejack put a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s get ya home.” As soon as she realized what she had said, she winced, looking down at the decimation of the Doctor’s planet. “Uh, Ah mean—”
The Doctor pressed his lips together in an approximation of a smile, but his eyes were as empty and dead as the plains below. “Quite right. Yes. I think that would be best.”
Together, the two started down the rocky ledge. The Doctor paused. “What’s wrong with Colgate?”
She was lying prone on the ground as the others stood around her. The Doctor hurried down the cliff. Applejack let herself drop and ran to the dentist's side.
***
Colgate blinked lazily. The world was hot, and her head was throbbing. Her hair was heavy with sweat.
"What a miserable place," Rarity said. "It's worse than Appaloosa in July."
"Colgate," Calco said. "Do you remember this place?"
Colgate opened her mouth to reply, but spoke only a low moan.
"Okay, so that's a no," Caramel said, taking her hands in his and guiding her toward a rock.
Rarity hurried over, fussing like a mother hen. "Oh, dear. You don't suppose it's heat stroke, do you?"
Calco snorted. "It would need to be much hotter than this to get heat stroke as quickly as that," he said.
"Shuddup," Colgate growled. Her heartbeat was echoing in her ear/One of her hearts sounded faint. "I can almost remember--"
"Gallifrey," the Doctor said, up on the rocks above, and she wasn't quite sure how she heard him, but she certainly did, and that word and this place and these memories--
"Oh," said Colgate.
"Damn," said Minuette.
"Otherfu-," said Romana, her eyes glowing golden.
Then, as the mind behind them struggled to comprehend this sudden onslaught of contradictory memories, her eyes drifted shut, fading her friends' horrified faces out to black.
***
"She just passed out," Rarity said, fanning Colgate's unconscious body. "The poor dear looked like she came over with a fever, all of a sudden, and--"
"Her eyes went gold," Calco said, barely restraining his alarm.
"She isn't going to die, right?" Caramel said, not even bothering to try hiding his own fear.
"Not if I can help it." The Doctor grabbed Calco’s wrist. “Open up the void.”
“But, the robots,” the Tharil protested.
“We'll be quick. Go! Now! We need to get to Canterlot, I think I know what’s going on!”
The Tharil hesitated. He looked to Colgate as Applejack hauled her over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. His face hardened. He focused as hard as he could. Slowly, the world began to fade to white. “Right. Caramel, give me the manipulator.”
“Why aren’t we ponies again?” Rarity asked.
“Rarity. Focus. Where is Canterlot relative to Ponyville?”
“About forty miles northwest,” she replied promptly.
“Right.” The Doctor fiddled with the coordinates. “Come on, come on,” he muttered. “And… Calco! Get us to P-Space!”
“P-Space?”
“Short for Pony-Space!”
The leonine giant focused, his forehead lining. Shapes began to form in the whiteness— a fence here, a back door there. The ground began to turn green and grassy. “Right. Everyone hold on, one last trip,” the Doctor said. He slammed down on the teleport button, and the world whirled away in a flash.
***
In Colgate’s mind, she could see it all as it happened. The world was burning. All around her, walls were collapsing with age and strain, or had simply never existed to begin with. Sounds of pain and terror could be heard from all sides. A woman with brown hair and bright blue eyes looked down at her, head cradled in the stranger’s— no, not a stranger— lap. “Do not go, my love,” she whispered. Colgate tried to smile, to assure her as she had done so many other times that it would be fine.
The woman looked down at her, eyes wide and glistening. “Romana. Please. Stay strong for just a while longer.”
Colgate frowned. This hadn’t happened before.
“It isn’t happening now, either.” the woman said gently. “This is a dream.” Her form twisted, hair turning darker, almost blue. “And that makes it my domain.”
Colgate stared in befuddlement. “Princess… Luna?”
“Indeed.”
The unicorn thought for a moment. “What are you doing here?”
“Well,” said the princess. “That is a rather long story. However, since you appear to be dying, we may as well tell you.”
Princess Luna paused, then facehoofed. “Shouldn’t have told you that.”
“But— but-— I can’t be dying! I don’t want to!” Colgate shouted.
“You were much calmer about this when you were actually dying a few seconds ago,” the princess said, frowning.
“That was a memory!” Colgate said with a wave of her hoof. Then, she froze. “That… was a memory…” she repeated. “Why do I remember dying? How can I remember dying?”
“A memory…” Luna repeated, rubbing her chin. “Yes, that would explain why we were unable to get through. And now that you are dying, fantasy and memory mingle into one… Most intriguing.”
“Princess!” Luna looked up. “Why can I remember dying?”
The Princess of the Night looked startled for a moment, and then her expression softened. “Apologies,” she said quietly. “I had not given much thought to your emotions. Please, excuse me.”
Colgate breathed in and out slowly. “That’s alright,” she said at length. “I used to do the same thing.”
Luna locked eyes with her. “Another memory?”
“Yes. The trouble is, I don’t know whose memories these are. Mine? Romana’s? Somepony else’s?”
“Mm,” Luna said thoughtfully. “I don’t know, I’m afraid. I’ve been trying to get into your dreams for some time now, you know, but I was never able to pull it off until now. Some part of you, it seems, was always awake. I couldn’t get into your head properly.”
“There we go again,” Colgate said, smacking her hooves together. “Multiple ‘me’s, out wandering the universe. How many clones can a mare have?”
Luna remained silent, scrutinizing the pacing dentist closely. “I mean, you have to wonder if it’s coincidence at some point,” Colgate continued. “I remember looking like Strella and choosing to look like Astra— or, well, I remember Romana remembering that— and, see, that’s the thing. I can’t even trust my own memories when I don’t know whose they really are!” She stomped a hoof firmly on the floor. “Who am I? Who can I be if I don’t know who I’ve been before?”
“If I may make a suggestion?” Luna said mildly.
Colgate paused. “Oh. Yes, of course, your highness.”
“Live in the moment.”
Colgate stared at her. “Live in the moment.”
“Indeed.”
“So I should go back to panicking about my impending death.”
“No, that’s living in the future. Right here, right now, just… stop. Think. Who is it that you want to be right now?”
Colgate sat down heavily. “Right now? I don’t know. I’ve always been a dentist, at least… I think I have.”
“But you don’t have to be,” Luna said. “That’s the thing about dreams. You can be anything you want in them.” Then, without so much as a disruption of the air, she was gone.
Colgate stared thoughtfully around her. The dream had frozen, a moment perfectly crystallized in time. She was dying. Okay, fine. But right now, she was still alive. What could she do? Somehow, she was floating in a strange amalgamation of dream and memory, unable to impact the real world. So, she thought, what about in here? What can I do here? Her eyes fell on the frozen form of the woman who had been holding Colgate’s dying form. Her mind supplied a name. Leela. Slowly, Colgate began to smile.
***
“Right,” said the Doctor. “Canterlot. Now, all we need to do is find Minuette. Thoughts?” He turned to the others expectantly.
Applejack frowned. “Ah thought there weren’t no such pony,” she argued. “Ain’t she jes’ Colgate? Er, Romana? Dang, but this is tricky to keep straight!”
“No, Minuette is real,” the Doctor replied.
“Remember?” Rarity supplied. “She was Twilight’s friend from when she lived in Canterlot?”
Applejack stared. “Ah’ll take yer word fer it,” she decided.
“But Doctor, Canterlot is massive,” Caramel said, gesturing to the city at large. “How are we going to find one pony in all this?”
The Doctor paused. “I don’t suppose any of you have an address?” he asked hopefully. He glanced at Calco. “Hey, big fella? Don’t suppose you know?”
The Tharil-turned-pony merely shook his head sadly. The Doctor slumped. “Ah,” he said. “Well, in that case, er,” he trailed off.
“Would this be helpful, Doctor?” A hoof reached out, dangling a pocketwatch under his nose.
“Eh?” The Time Lord said, eyes crossing as he focused on the watch. “Wha— Oh. Oh, yes! That might just work! Colgate, you’re brilliant! If I can trace the mental connection back to its other end, then maybe…”
Colgate leaned over to Calco. “How long do you give it until he realizes?”
Calco held up a hoof. “Three. Two.”
“Colgate?”
The Tharil scowled. “So close.”
The Doctor spun to look at the blue unicorn. “What? How? When? Eh?”
The unicorn cut him off with a raised hoof. “I can’t explain now, I’m dying. Get me to Minuette, quickly.”
The Doctor opened his mouth, then quickly closed it again. “Romana?” he whispered.
“Almost. Now go! Move!”
“Right!” the Doctor agreed, holding the screwdriver up to the watch. There was a brief green glow, intermixed with gold. He held the screwdriver up, sweeping it around. “Come on, come on,” he muttered. Suddenly, it lit up much brighter and the Doctor grinned. “Allons-y!” he roared, leaping forward.
“So, Minuette,” Applejack began.
“Colgate,” the unicorn corrected.
“Sure?”
“For the moment, at least.”
“Good, that makes this less confusin’.” Applejack nodded. “Y’all wanna explain exactly what’s goin’ on here?”
“Well, I don’t know the whole story yet,” Colgate admitted. “But basically…”
***
Colgate slowly trotted over to the frozen woman. “Hello?” she asked “Leela?”
As though waking from a trance, the woman blinked and rose to her feet. “What is this? Romana?”
Colgate lifted a hoof, smiling weakly. “Hi.”
Leela froze, pale eyes staring into darker ones. At length, she let out a strangled chuckle. “You Time Lords often have said that regeneration was a game of chance,” she said, sitting down next to the blue unicorn. “This, however, is unexpected.”
Colgate rolled her eyes. “Try living it,” she sighed. “Anyway, I don’t know how much time we’ve got, so let’s cut to the chase. This is a dream. My dream. But it’s also a sort of memory. You are… some kind of subconscious avatar? Probably? Shoot, I think that was one of Minuette’s thesis papers.”
Leela looked blank. Colgate sighed. “I can try to explain better…”
“No,” Leela decided. “You said you were in a hurry. Why?”
“Well,” Colgate began, and told Leela the rough outline of the story. The warrior was a good listener, and she sat cross-legged before the unicorn, staring intently into her eyes as though it were a perfectly normal thing to do.
At the end, Leela leaned back, staring up at the ceiling, which was frozen in an instant as it crumbled to dust. “What do you wish for me to do?” she asked.
“I’m not sure,” Colgate said. “I just wanted someone to talk to. Although, any ideas you have would be welcome.”
Leela nodded. “I do not think that you should wait here to die. Such inaction would be not only ignoble, but foolish.”
“Okay…” Colgate said slowly. “So what do you suggest I do instead?”
The warrior looked at the unicorn for a long moment. “I do not know.”
“Right. Thanks.”
“You do not know either, Colgate.”
“I’m aware.”
“But we are not the only two minds present,” the warrior continued.
Colgate froze. “Leela?”
“Yes?”
“I believe I know why Romana loved you so much.”
The warrior smiled thinly. Colgate took in a deep breath. Then she let it out slowly. “What happens next?” she asked.
Leela’s smile vanished. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve worked it out. Either Minuette is a fake personality that Romana made up, or I am. One of us is going to die so she can come back.”
Leela was silent for a moment. “You do not have to,” she said at length. “Only two may live, but it does not have to include Romana.”
Colgate looked up in shock. “Don’t you love her?”
“Oh, yes,” Leela agreed. “But I would not trade an innocent life for hers. She would not want that. And, in the end, it is not my choice. Colgate. It is time for you to wake up.”
***
“So, yer either gonna have t’ die or let somepony else die for ya,” Applejack said.
“Pretty much. I don’t think Minuette’s in any real danger, though. I’ve been getting all the memories, after all, and I had the pocket watch. So, it’s me or Romana.”
Applejack frowned. “Alright, so where does Minuette fit into all this?”
Colgate opened her mouth, then winced. “Assuming either Romana or I survive, you’ll get that explanation after the fact. I need to conserve my energy.”
Applejack nodded.
After a moment, Colgate spoke up again. “Don’t tell the Doctor. He’ll try to stop me.”
“Which one are ya gonna choose?” Applejack asked.
Colgate was silent once more. Just when Applejack thought she wasn’t going to answer at all, she replied, “I’ll let you know when I’ve decided.”
***
Starlight lay another wet cloth over Minuette’s forehead. “She’s burning up,” she whispered. Twilight merely looked on in forlorn silence. “I’ll call a doctor,” Starlight continued. “She needs medical attention.”
“A Doctor, you say?”
Twilight and Starlight spun around. Standing in the door was a tan stallion in a necktie. “Doctor?” Twilight asked, incredulous. “What are you doing here?”
The Doctor lit up. “Twilight! And you must be Miss Glimmer, I’ve heard so much about you. And this is Minuette, I suppose?”
“Doctor, now is not the—” Twilight began.
Starlight interrupted. “Can you help her?”
“Me? Well. No. But I know somepony who thinks she can.”
The door swung open and five more ponies pushed into the steadily more claustrophobic space. “What’s going on here?” Twilight demanded. “How did you all know where I was? Or— huh?”
This last was in response to Colgate pushing past her and making her way toward the bed. She looked at the prone form in the bed for a long moment. Starlight stared. “They’re like twins,” she whispered.
“Triplets,” Applejack corrected. “Now, y’all jes’ stand back. Let th’ mare get things done.”
The Doctor stared at Applejack. “Why, what’s she planning?”
Applejack looked away. The Doctor turned toward the dentist, a word of warning forming on his lips as Colgate opened the pocketwatch Ribos Operation Lying Old Witch in the Wardrobe A̵n̷d̸ Square One Inquiry Horns of Nimon Shada Lies Chaos Pool e̷̚͜v̸͕̗̎ẹ̷̏͂r̴͐̕͜ỳ̵̬͙t̵̛̯̟̃ẖ̶͓̀i̶̥̪̅̌n̵̤͛̕g̸̱͔͒ Warrior's Gate Stones of Blood City of Death Leisure Hive Destiny of the Daleks Apocalypse Element Armageddon Factor Panacea h̶͎̑̈́̚a̴̖̻̖̜̾p̵̻͛͋́ Ancestor Cell Androids of Tara Rebirth Neverland Pirate Planet p̵̤̬͚̌̑́̌̓̓͛e̷̢̛͛͊́̈́̾͋̈́͐͝n̴̪̒̿̓e̵͖̎̆̋̌̈́̈̅̇̎̀̎̕ḏ̶̘̗͖͕͇͚̗̙̪̊̓͛̎̂̽̈́͝͝ Creature From the Pit Shadows of Avalon Dimensions in Time Prime Computer Ads Enemy Lines Blood Harvest a̵̛̝̝͐̔̇͗̽͜ͅţ̶̢̡̨̦͇͖̫̲̲̺̜͈̞̰̤͕̐͆̓̒͗̓̉̃͑͘͝ͅ Auntie Matter Nightmare of Eden Goth Opera Tomb of Valdemar Imperiatrix Christmas on a Rational Planet Intervention Earth Ascencion Full Circle Power of Kroll Renaissance o̸̧̡̡̹͚̝̜̗̞̻̘̘̠̱͉̰̼̟̼̤͎͎͓̤̤͓͓͈̭̠͓̮̮̘̠̎͊͑̆̈́̊̿̒̑̆͑̈́̒̈̏͆͂͆̂̀̾̑̓̑̇͐̀̀̔͌̕͘̕̕͜͠n̴̢͍̥̬̘̗̗̰̦͇̞̈́̾͌̇͒̕c̸̨̨̛̛͍̜̘̳͓̣̯̩͉̠̺̹̖͕͚̝̹͇͕̞̰͈̟͈̫͙͐̓̿͌̓̀̏͗͊͂̔̄͒̔̀͑̎̕͘͘̕ͅe̴̡̡̪̳̱͚̳̫̩̦̭̻̼͕̭̯͈̞͉̻̞̲̖̮̐̽̈́̌̄̈́̊̏̅̚͘͠ͅ
Colgate—
no, M̵̧̲̯͉̰͔̈́ĭ̸̧͕̤̘͇̓͊̏nue̸͓̩̩̎͌̄͊͝ţ̸̫̲͂̓̕te̷̲͖̠̋—
was in a jungle— was in a TARDIS— was in the r̴͕̅̅̓̇̀̾̔͠uine̸̢͈͎̙͔̞̅̇͝d̶̡̹̲̦̜̉ ̶͇̗͇͇͇̪͐̓͋̔C̷̡̨̧̥̰̬̤̭̈́͗̅͒͋̕itḁ̶̣̞͈͓̺̈̇dë̴̡̧̮̀̓̒̄͒l̷̦̒—
with a friend— with a lover— with her bodyguard— ă̵̧̢̢̫͍̜̠̝̯̠̜͇̦̣̬͖͇̗̣̲͍̝͕̼͇͈̜̫͖̩̹̩̱̳̯̒̔͑̀̋͐̈́̓̕ͅͅl̴̢̛̗̗͍͖̪̞͚͔͖͙̜̫̩͓̗͗̆̉͋͒́͊̏̚͘͠o̴̢̨̧̢̡̨̠̬̙̞̪̫̥͓̣̜͕̬̱̪͇̰̖̪̘̲̦͉͉̜̪̯̗͉̖̗̝͇̣͇͇̠̻̓͒̊͑̉̏͛̅̃̃͗̈́̾̉̒̏͗͊́̀̆̐̍̄́̓̽̾̈́̍̉̈͋̿͊͑̽̔̒͊́͠͠ͅņ̸̛̤͈̬̹̺̣̟̥̖͙̝̤̱͉̟̠̜̮̟͍̻̞̗̫̞͓̝͇̞̐̒́̀̎̿̃̀̈́͗͑͆̈́̌͊͐͛̉͊̒͋̆̉̈́͑̂̈́̚̕̚̚͜͜͜͝ͅẹ̵̛̪̪̪̣͖̥͍̖̙̱̠̬͈̝̞̜̙̥̮̹̹̯̦͉̖̱̭̯̙̆̓̀̽̔̂̿͊̈́̒̂̋̐̍̌͋̋̎͆̈́̑̑̑͛̀̔̊̊̑͂̌̀̽̕̚̕̚̚̚͜͠— o̴̬̺̱̲̤̾͗̿̊̈́͗̈͆͆́͛̉͋̔͗̔̏̋̈́̌̍͗̉͂̈́̿͛͋̑̀̂͋̓̀̚̚ṇ̶̨̡̨̡̡̧̝̣̼̺̠̭̜̤̞̪̩̱̣̘̝̪̼͎͈̹͍͔̞̮̩̜̱̪̤̣̩̥̯̫̠̦̤͇͎̙͊̈̆̎́̄̋̈̐̏͛̍̄̊̇̏́̒̐̆͒̓͋͐̆̏̈́͒̈́́̊͐͘̚͜͜͜͝͠ę̴̧͇͓̬͎̫̮̖̦̯̞͇̳̞̦̤̦̬̜͉͍̯̱̜̌͆̑̔̈́̎̆́́͑͆͑̈́͌͘̚̚͝ ̶̡͇̱͔̪̩̤̣̪̜̹̙̝͖͓̺̳̠̔̑͊̉̀̽͂̆͂̆͑̽̊̆͗̅̇̿͋͂̕͝͠͝ẹ̵̡̩͉̻̳̭͉̝͙̭͙̱͉͖͕͔̱̺̤̜̺͇̯̞̻̰͌̀̑̇͘͠a̵̡̡̨̛̛͍̱͔͖̗̟͈͈͕̹̗͔̦̳͉͍̮͇̻̞͓͖̮͎̟̠̦̯̮͇̖̥̖̻̤͉̠̠̩̦͖̯̋̃̂͗̅̽̔̈̍̃̋̂̏̑̈́͋͛͌̏̕̚͘͜͜͜ͅc̸̛̬̜̱͔̤̯̟̣̹̦̥̦̫̆̌͛̈́̏́̓̈̇̽̓̈̑̍̑͌̉̋̾̎̾̚͠͝ͅͅh̵̨̠̤̣̹̀̎͜ ̶̫̦̻̠͈͔̰͚͇̲̫̪̦̞̮͈͚̘̺̜̥̱̽͑͒͋̒́͊͝͠ͅͅe̶̡̢̡̧̢̢̘̬͚̟̱͉̮̫̲͈̝̻̲͓̺̠͖̮̣̪̤̣̫̳̻̟̦͓̣͍͕̞͕͊̒͛̐́ͅṇ̵̞̀̐̔̏͊͐̏͐̉͌͛̓̎͝d̸̢̧̢̡̜͉͍͉͎͚͕͈̹̜̗̬̦̻̣̮̤̰͉͔̪͉̳̲͎̣̻̫̲̤͈͎̰̻͒̉͊̽͑͜͜͝ ̴̧̹̘͚̖̬̼͚̗̗̺̳͈͎̣͉̜̪͔͚̪͔̟͕̩̠͍͖̙̮̀̑̀͒͒͒͛͛́͋̑͐̎͊̋̓̄̇͒̂̊̊̀̀͋̈́͂̆̍̉̉̈́̑̓͛̂̈́̕̚̕͜͜͠͠͠͠͝&̴̻̯͕̹̟̳̙̮̙̮̽̆ ̵̧̨̖̬̟͎͍͔̤̲̼̩̺̬̯̩̤̖̥̩̲̣̮̘̫̦̹̙̬̟̦̩̘̣̫͎̭̦͉̦̟̗̭̾̈́́̀̇̃̒̂̋̔͒̕̚͘͜ͅͅͅṣ̵̨̧̢̖̙̞̙̙̘̫͇͈̠̺̙͉̠͔̠̰̮̝̗̘̠̣̤̖̗͕̜̰̼̝̭́̋̓̊̑͊͐͗̿̄́̃̒̒̓͒̂̂͆͊̐̀́͑̇͜͝͝͠͝͝ͅͅt̸̢̢̯̘̞̙͕̥̪̬͇͇͉͖̜͈͉͖̗̗̻̬̳̺̟̰̙̠͈͐̋̔͗̉̄̐͠͝ͅȩ̸̨̢̢͉͕̳̙̰̳̞͇̳̘̤̻̺̫̀̆̓̑͐̑͆͘ą̸̛͍̬͚̜̥͔͈̟̻̞̫̝̦͇̺͕̖̦̬̗̒̉̔̔̅͊́̒̆́͗͛̑̕d̴̢̛͖͚̪̲͇̤̼̟͖͕̰̭̺̲̻̝̣̗̣̞͕͔͕̩͖͖̹̭̥̟̗͖̦̱̙̾̈̔͊̍̄̀̽̈̏̈̈̍̉̑̓̒̐̐̈̈́̈́̓͒̈̑͐̿̓̈́͐̈́͛̅͒͑͆̚͜͜͝y̵̢̮͖͙͔̘̘̠̭̐̑̋̃̀̈̆̎̃̿͒̾̀́̅́̓͌̐͛̀̃̃̈̇̽̈́̓̈́̈́̑̀̂̿͐̕͝ ̴̡̨̢̛͓̲̣͙̪̫͙̺̜͚͖̦̼̜̳̟̟͖̫̟̰̬͖̲̘̱͉̭͕͔̹͍̤̙̱͍̗̳͈͍̆͌̏̆̃̃͑̓̈̿̔͆̕͜͜͜͝͝ͅͅà̷̡̢̼̪͉͕̺̜̗̹̤̩̫̤̳̣͉͖͇͖̺̭͈̓̅͊͋̋̄͂̒̎̆́̈́̀͊͂̎̈́́̍͆͌͌̀̃͗̿̾̕̚͜͝͝͝s̵̢̜̻̻̻̲̪͙͎͍̭̤͓͙̦̠̣̘̜̠̭͇̞̥̩̪̘͇̦̘͙͇̗̯̳̼̖͉̍̌͊̈̇̉͜͜ ̷̛͎͕̣̻̘̦̙̞̙̗͕̣̺͓̤̪͖̩̫̖͆̿͌̽͆̿̏͗̆̔̊͊́̅̽̂͊̀͌́̈́͗̓̾̀͛̅͌̈́̄͋̐̿͌̋͌̽̆̽̊̕̚̕͘͜͝͝͝ͅw̵̛̛̥̼̭̞̦̲̩̝̖͓̲̬͙̦̺̯̥̟͆̄̿̐̿̾͑͆̈́̋͋̀̐͗̀́̊̏̒̂̆̄͋́̏̓̑̊̿̈́̀̾̐̓́̔̈͛̃̀̒̇͘̚͠͠͠͝͠ͅé̷̢͎̥̫̳̦͕̪͎̮͛͛̉́̂̍̆̓̎͊̏̈́͂͋̉͊̉͆̀̓͌̐͂̀͐̏̑̅̃̾͐̏̐͊̓͗̑͗̋͑̅͂̚̚̕͜͠͝͝͝͝ ̴̛̛͈̬̮̘̟̟͍̖̞̦̜̤̲͇͓̉̈́̌̑̂̀̾́̍́̚͘͝͝ģ̷̨̛̙͇̞̦̱͙̼͉͎̝̼̼͔̬̠͎͐̈́̄̎̔̃̂̆͋̊̌̏́͗͑͊̇ǭ̵̛̘̫̙͎̼̼̜̭͖̰̘̟̬̺͇͕̹̩͈̗̖̘̫̭̥̻͎̯̞̗͉͇͕̓̀̄͊̈́͋̈͐̒͌̀̐̿̌̄̀̏̎͐̅̿̊̐̿̔̈̈̆̔͌̈́̋͊̈̈́̓̅̃͆̅̒̒̀̈́̽́́͜͜
she was d̷̬̣͕̦̰̜̮͐̈́͌́̀̓̐̕͜yį̷̨͎̟̮̥̲̫̬̘̻̹̙̟̟̹̣̞̘̻̱͎̯̲͙̭͖͎̩͈̠͍̰̬͉͚̙̱͖̮̳̪̥̞̃̎̇̽́̌͐̍̇͊͛͗̽͌̿̾͒͊̔̆͋̓͐͘̚ͅͅͅng— ş̵̡̡̛̱̙̳͇͇̥̭̖͎̺̐̓̀͂͐̐́̇͋͗̈̇͌̓̅̋̚͘͝hĕ̵̡̢̛͖͇̥̻̖͙͔̒̂̒̈́͐͐͒̃͗̒̌̉̑͆̍̍̕ ̶̢̛͉̲̻̠͒̾̈́̓̀̍̔̆̈̔̑͆͠wȧ̴̪͚̲̜͍̜̲̻͂̒̾̊͆̇͐͛̈́̃̀̆̏́̈́͗̅̋͗̽͛̔̄̏͒͗̌̉̕̚͝͠ş̵̡̨̲̻̩̰͇͙̘̱͎̠̪̑́͐͋̊͌̔͋̐̈́̽͑͊̆͘ ̴̨̛̛̱̦͈̼̮̖͈͚̭̞̲̮̭͖̼̮̝͚̙̮̠̝̝̺̻̙̤̋͗̽́͐̓̒̀̓͊̕͜ͅg̴̢̢̦̝̭̩̖̠̘̘̦̠̖̫̼͓̞̼͕̫͙͈̻̤̲͚̫̬̹͒̈́͗͆̈́̾͆̽̇̍̅̏͑̑͗ͅͅoinǵ̶͙̙̪̳̳ͅͅ ̵̧̧̜̩̻͓͖̦̖̞̰̰̦̪̳͖̣̃̍ͅm̶̧̛̛̛̥̤͍̤̞̝̓̄͆̔͐̅̾̏͋̾̌̈́̑̄̌̃̂̒̚ͅa̵͉͎͚̟͙̣̯̜͎̺͍͍̲̮͒̎̄͊̎͐̌̓̊̀̉̔̔͆̆̂̊̈́̄́̋͘͜͜͠͠ͅͅd—
she was d̶̩̲̤̼̯̺̮͔̙͖̲̭̩̫̅̅͛̃̊̉̈̔͋̽͆͝ͅy̸̨̡̢̧̛̪̝̗̻̩̻̖͎̻̹̜̯̹̭͚̘͈̦̳̪͕͙̪͖͚̣̗͍̪̥̦̩̪̩̰͔͙̗̹̤͖͔͚͙̹̭͇̟͚̯͚̺̭̥̣̝͈͉̹͙̮̯̯̪͓̘̤͗̂̋̍͗̈́͑̀̈́̉̎̒̓̈́̑̎͌͊̀̄̀͐͑͂̋̃̆̎͒̉͊̉͋̇̉̔̇͗͛͐̑̅͒̇̔̾̐̅̎̏͊͊̏̆̈̽͛̈͋͘͘̕͠͝ͅȉ̵̧̡̨̨̛̱͙̥̫̜̦̭̰͉̟͕̲̗̺͙̯̳̝̹͇̮̭̦̹̞̭̝̦̱͈̈̿̄̎̃̔́͐̃͊̍̐̃͗̋͑̾͑̒̂̀̈́̆͐̈́́̚͜͝͠ň̴̢̨̛͓̠̙̯͈̮̳͙̭͙̲̬͚͉̳̪͇͕̤͇̳͍̞̠̮̉̈̊͒̀̈́́̉̈́́͑̈̐̾̃͆̂͒͑́͒̓̋͆͌͋̀̔̀̾̋̀̿̋͆́̾͆́̍̋̚̚͘͝g̴̛͈̞̘̟̭̱͍̤̝̘͕̬̻͓̈́̽͋́̽̍̏̑͂͐̏͋͂̈̅̈́̄̋̓͆̿̆͑̐͊͋̑̃͌̂͂̐̂̒͛̈̔̍̚͘͘͘͠͠—
she was a̶̢̨̨̛̛̻̖͔̲̳̩͚̺͓͔͙̙͚͕̣̫͕͂́̏̋̔͒̈́̿̂̎͌̃̂̉̓̉̿͋̊͌͐͗̄͆͒͌̇͋͑̑̈́̉͋͆̿͋͋̽̏̃͑̇͋̃͂͑̅͌̒̊́͐̽͐̇͑̈́̆̅̈̔̆́̄͗͌̑̓̓̐̇̽͒͋́̄͌̾̐͆̿́̿̐̾̒̅̎͂̎̔̑̓̀́̈́͛̓̈́̓̀͗̅̈́̕̚̚͘͠͠͠͠͝͠͝͝lre̷̡̢̧̨̨̡̛̛̛͇̹͚̬̯̙̫͎̖̟̝͕̳͈̞͍͎͍̫̫̣͔͖̰̩̖͎̩̳̠̝̜͎̮̲̤͕͖͈̻̳͚̜͓̮͙̤̤̖͎̱̝͙̼̳̻̰̼̙̓̈́̓̀́̃̋̽͂̈́͗͛̈́̑̉͂̽̓́̽̋͐̈̏̾̅̓̈́͊͊̋̑̓͆̀̾̓̓͂̿̌͑̓̑̐̃͗̓̌̾̐̋̊̀̋͆͗̆̉̋̍̊̈̈́̎̾͐͂̓̇̋̍̆͊̑́̎̅̆̿̈́̉̂̀̔̐̉̑̐͘̕̚͘̚̕͜͜͜͝͠͠͠͝͠͠͝͝͝ͅą̸̨̨̢̡̢̡̨̢̢̛̛̛̛̻̣͎̬̗̻͈͈͔̦͙̦̞̤̝̠̯̹͔̘̗̰̟̣̮̝͈̺̼̝̹͇̟̗͉̭̯̥̱̗̤͓͕͖͇͈̗̲̪͕̖͇̬͎͓͔̰͎̞͖̯̮̰̦̲̠͉͖̞̱̣͓͈̬̙͈̇̊̑͐͊̇͂̽̌̀̀̉͊̈͊̑̍̂̀͋̽̒̅̍̄̉́̔̒̌̊̓̄̾͋̏̅̃̊͊͋͂̍́͑͛͒̾͗̈́̏͌̈̎̀̂̐̅͐̄̿̈́̈́͒̒̎͌̄͗̆́͊̂̓͛̊̀͊̓̌̓̇͑͂̀͊̈́͘̚͜͜͠͝͝͝͠ͅdẙ̶̧̧̨̢̧̢̛̛̖͙̙̘̙̥͖̝̜̯̭͎̼͉̟̦͇̤̥̖͔͍̮͚̳͎͕͇͎̟̼͖̭͖̥̦͙̞͉̩̬̥͙͚̤̹͔̺͕̮̬̦̺̤͎̥͍̬͖̘̻̦̥̦͍̱̙̼̺̼̜̗͈͓̤̼̱̥̦͙͎͈͚̝̯̳͓̥̩͙̥̓̀͐̌͑̈́͑͒̆̂̈͂̑̾̍́͐̉̎͆͊͆̊̂̍̓͆̑͊͛͂͒̽̏̈́̿͛̓͆̄͛̌̈́͐͋͛̐̃̃́̈́̅̍̈̄̆̐̾̏̍̇̎̈͋͛̏̃́͊̋̂̉̾̉̽̾̍̏̽́̓͌̀̂̑̇̽̆̐̆͐́͒͐͗͂́̈̒̉̄̅̆̕͘̕̚̚͘̕͜͜͝͝͠͝͝͠ͅͅ dea̸̡̨̛̛̦͚̝̤͉͗̏̄̽̎̋͐͑̑̋̓̒̐̐͛̽̌̄̆̇͋́͊̈̓̓͗̾̉̆̉̈̈́̈̐͒͐͛̏͋͆̔̑̄̂̉̉͆̑͊͂̓̂̊̍͐̀̍̄̽̾̌̾̌̒̔́̊̌̇̏͊͒͛̈́̈́̋̇̽͐̓͑̒̈́̀̽̽̏͆̿͘̚͘̕̕͘͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͝͠͝͝͝͠d̴̨̡̧̡̢̢̨̼͕͇̫̺͖̲̯͇̯͚̜̹̹͕̠̦͎̪̘̯͓͉̫̦͕͖̪͖̘̩͉͈̝̮̝͉̺̠̜̟̦̳̞̣͇̖̪̠̮̦̯͔̭̬͖̓́̈́̂̇̅̄̒̆̐̓̉̍̓͂̂̇̈́̿̄͆̆̌͆͌̋̽̓̎̓͛̀̽͋̈́̊̈̀̉͊͗͑̏͘͘̚͜͜͝͠͝͝͝͠͝ͅ—
w̶̨̮̙͍̘̱̺̲͖̾a̸̡̢̻̟̦̦̤̣̝̱̱̯̩̫̖͖͉̳̪̦͂̈́̍͋͛͌́̅͘͜s̷̠̜̟̣̠̖̣͚͈̗̺̙͎̼͔͕̮͙̝̈́͜ͅ ̶̩̣̰̭͖͗̃̂̉̉̂̆̍͛͗̀̄̑̈́̑̒̎͑͒̚̚͠͠͠͝h̴̢̧͍̩̦̳̩̬͍̭͇͙̟̳̗͚̰͑̀̋̆̈́̌͗̓̓̔̑͂̾͆̍̍́͝͝ͅȇ̵̮̖̰͕̩̘͖̟̾̀͆̉̽͜ ̵͖̝̆̈́̆̉́į̴̠̯̤̬̗͕̆́n̷̗̬͕̖̘̟̉̍͑͋̽̈́̊̇̊͆ͅ ̸̨͕̩̬̼̥̲̻͓̦̈́t̸̛̛̛̖̣̫̝̼̣͚̹͂́́̀͛͊̀̾̆͐͐̈̾̚͠͝͠r̷̨̨̢̛̳̹̟͈̳͕̥͎̗̗͚̹͍̖̦̻͎̥̽͂̂̈́̿́͜͝ở̸̥̥̤̘͈̘̲̹̜͌̽̎̍̔̀́̄̉͆̊̑̍͊̓̆̈́͝͝͠ͅữ̵̤̩̟͖̀͗͆̌͑̈́̀̋̃̅̕͝b̴̨̢̨̬͇̘̖͐͒̆̇̋̉͑̈́̍͊̏̆̀̌́̏́͛̂͑͌̇͛͘̕l̷̨̨̡͔͕̼͇̦͉̠̥̼̠̩̼͆̾̈́͛̾̎͗͐̈́̓̀̓̏͝e̵̡̨̱͉̠̤̥͕̬̅̓ͅ ̷̬̯͎̫̼̝͗̔̊̆̾̒͐̔̃́̅̃͌̽͑h̷̢̥̜̬̹͇̮̫̫̹̠͚͉̋̈́͋̀̀̓̀̈́̃̑́͘͜͜͝ȧ̴̦͈̹͕̗͔̳̭̯͚͜l̶̲̠͖̣̺̜̙̯͇̲̼̘̲̓̾̂̽̔̈́̃̚f̴̢͔̳̥͕͙͙̥͖̜͖̺̲̬̞̹͉̲̳̠̪͐͌̉͂̉̓̌̀̀̅̓́͒͊̈́̐̈́̔̕͘͝͝͝ͅ ̶̢̡̘͙͎̱̗͉̬̯͎̬̳͙̬͉̤̺̘̠͛̓͜ͅa̷̢̫̳̹͉̗̲̲͉̘̰̼͖̻͙̯̠͚͓̍̓͂̈̀͗͛̋͂͝͠ ̴̡̡̢̧͉͓̜͚̯̠̪̻͙̤͇͚̰̼̻̞͇̇̈̂͜͜t̴̡̧̝̣͚̫͎̼̭͈̽̂̇͑̃͛́͒̆̆̀͐͠͠͝ͅô̸̧̳̝̺͉̠̙̝̩͔͙̲̰̼̫͎̞̖̓͆̉͋̾͛͗̽̐̿͛͊̔͛̔͊͗͘̕͝͝n̴̡̟͖̰̜̯̮͇̈́͗̉̎͑ ̷̢̡͚͙̻̱̬̮͉̥̺̑́̇̈́͒̋̓͌̑̈́̒̂̄̽̕̕ǫ̶̫̽̎͘͜f̴̛̮̭̻̞͋̌̒̄̈́̉̈́́̓̄ ̸̢̦̟̗̣̜͙̰̻̬̙͙̮̲̲̘̫͎͎̙͕̩̪̒̀͑̈̀̃̀̓͆̏͠ͅͅr̴̛̗̯͋̍͊̉̃̄̃͊̾̓͜ű̷̙͉͈͓̲̤̠b̶̧̨̻̦̫͙̺̱͉̣̜̈́̒̅̈́͒̌̒͊̓̓̾̊̐̒͒̐̏̔̅̕̚̚͝͝b̶̖͍͇͙̲̮̮̘̹̲͚̫̱͕̜̰̏̃͘ͅl̷̡͕͖͐̌̏̾̾̈́̽̄͗̉͋̌̽̃̐͊͝ḙ̶̡̭̯̭̫͙͔͇̝͉̮̘͎̞͔̻̯̯͇͇͔̮̙̹̌̇̅̒͊͑̓͋͛̂̍́́̈́͝ She screamed, long and loud enough to shake the walls.
There was a long moment. All that she could hear was her own breathing. “Well,” said a cool voice. “If you’re quite done.”
Colgate looked up.
Two women stood, side by side in front of a hexagonal console. One had dark hair, and was garbed in a thick, furry white coat. The other was a shorter blonde wearing a pink dress and a long white scarf. The room was a dull paper-white, but well lit and pleasantly cool. It felt rather familiar. The women felt rather familiar. “Astra? Strella?”
“Not quite,” the blonde woman said.
“Oh. You’re Romana. Both of you.”
“How astute,” the dark-haired woman said drily. “Really, I thought your predecessor was bad...”
“Oh hush. Respect your elders,” the blonde replied with a grin.
Colgate raised a hoof. “Question. If you’re Romana,” she said, pointing at the tall, dark-haired woman, “and you’re Romana,” she continued, pointing at the blonde, “and I’m Romana, how do we tell each other apart?”
“Whoever said that you were Romana?” the taller woman asked.
Colgate looked at her sideways. “Well. If I’m not, I’m in rather the wrong place, aren’t I?”
The blonde— whom Colgate decided to refer to as “Two” sighed. “Well. You have the potential to be Romana, certainly. You are our future. Or, well, one of them. It’s gotten rather complicated.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Colgate replied flatly.
The dark-haired Romana (or “One”) gave the dentist a considering look. “Perhaps you’re not as bad as all that,” she conceded.
Two wrinkled her forehead, searching for the right words. “When I attempted to escape E-Space,” she said slowly, “We sort of… split. One Romana went on to become President of Gallifrey, fell in love with Leela, worked with Narvin and Braxiatel, eventually got thrown out of office by Rassilon, and ultimately died in a Dalek raid. The other one went to Equestria and became, well, you, and that's not even the whole list of possible timelines. Frankly, I suspect Faction Paradox involvement.”
“You always suspect Faction Paradox,” One said.
“If you’d met them as many times as I did, you’d be suspicious too,” Two grumbled.
“Okay…” Colgate said slowly. “So some of these memories are coming from the other Romana. But I’m also getting some from Minuette. Why?”
“Perhaps,” One said, “It would be easier to show you.”
The world suddenly flickered for a moment and reformed into an empty alleyway. Colgate spun around, astonished. “I— what? How did we get here?”
“We’re in the Matrix,” Two explained. “Time Lord hive-mind sort of thing. It allows us to replay memories, among other things. Now, shush, it’s about to start.”
“What?”
“Shh!”
***
As Colgate watched, the fabric of space and time ripped open for a second, depositing two forms on the pavement. The larger one was recognizable as Calco, though he was years younger. The other was a pinkish pegasus mare with a blonde mane. She pushed herself up. “Lousy rotten Vortex Manipulator,” she growled. “What I’d not give for a TAR—” she cut herself off, staring at her hooves. She turned to look at the tawny earth pony beside her. “Calco,” she said. “I am only going to ask this once. I expect a reasonable reply.”
“Yes?”
“Why are we horses?”
Calco paused, and then performed the same crude self-examination that his compatriot had just concluded. “Romana, why are we horses?”
“And I appear to be a pegasus, no less,” Romana noted, unfurling her wings and examining them. “They’re meant to be fictional.” A golden wisp of smoke caught her attention and her eyes went wide.
“Calco,” she said calmly. “Do you remember what I told you about my friend, the Doctor?”
“Yes. He was described as being very tall, annoying, overpowering in large doses. He has curly hair, a lengthy scarf, and a bag of that candy you always carry.”
“Yes, well done. I need you to go look for him, please. Tell him that I’m in trouble.”
Calco looked at her oddly. “How do you know he’ll be here?”
“It was in the letter that I received,” Romana replied matter-of-factly. “I don’t entirely trust the TARDIS navigation systems, but I’m sure she’ll get him here on time… eventually.”
“Yes, Miss Romana,” the Tharil said, trotting off.
Once he had gone, Romana took in a deep breath. “Okay. I’m dying again. Not altogether a bad run, I think. Wonder what did it…” Her eyes unfocused as she did a forensic self-examination. “Oh. Some sort of temporal tear while travelling through the void. The manipulator’s shielding must have malfunctioned. Calco's natural defenses must have protected him, but since he wasn't actually shielding me... hmph. I’d better see about fixing that.” She pulled out a thin metal wand and carefully pointed it at the manipulator with her teeth. There was a light and a faint whirring. After a few moments, the pegasus let the device drop from her mouth as she smiled. “There. That’s that done. Now, if I’m dying, I suppose I should choose what I want to look like…”
She frowned. “What do the inhabitants of this world look like? I can only assume this is the basic body shape, but why do I have wings if Calco didn’t?” She trotted out of the alley and peered about. All around, colorful little horses, eyes big and dewy, some with horns, some with wings, some with neither. “Unicorns as well,” Romana muttered. “And judging by the look of things, they appear to be in the majority. All right, I’ll try for that.” Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a familiar glimpse of blue. The Doctor’s TARDIS, perhaps?
No. Just another unicorn, trotting out of a bookshop. Romana gave her a considering look. She liked the blue, and the spiky hair was quite nice. Then, she caught a glimpse of the unicorn’s flank and giggled. “An hourglass? Perfect,” she decided. “After all, I did it with Astra, and that worked out.”
She hurried back into the alley. “I’d better write a note for Calco, else he might not realize it’s me.”
Then, she caught a glimpse of the other device that had been given to her and she frowned. “A Chameleon Arch,” she muttered. “Why would I need a Chameleon Arch? Unless— unless something was planned?”
Colgate leaned over to One. “What’s she talking about?”
One shrugged. “After my time.”
Two replied, “The letter we got that prompted us to come here told of a plot by the Black Guardian and Faction Paradox to… nobble us, essentially. It said that they’d figured out a way to travel to E-Space.”
“A plot by the who and the what?”
“...Never mind. Point is, if they could get to E-Space, they might be able to travel beyond that. Hence…”
Romana picked up the Arch. “Hm. I’ll need some kind of cover story, I suppose, if I am going to stay here. Perhaps if I…” she broke off as she coughed out a cloud of gold. “Ah. Better do this first,” she decided.
There was a brief blaze of gold from the alley. A few moments later, a blue unicorn stepped out, brushing herself down. “Brushie, brushie,” she giggled. “Ooh-hoo-hoo! Am I whimsical this time? I could get to like whimsical…” Then, she paused. “What was I doing? Oh, yes, deciding what I want to be… I wonder if my duplicate has any ideas?”
Smiling broadly, she skipped down the street with a smile on her face and a pocket watch in her mane.
Romana caught sight of her quarry not far ahead. “She might be a bit worried about meeting a pony that looks exactly like her,” she decided aloud. “I’ll just follow behind her for a little while. Oops, excuse me, pardon me,” she continued as she pushed through the crowded street.
“How did she think that was a good plan?” Colgate asked. “If there’s anything weirder than meeting your double, it’s noticing your double following you.”
Two shrugged. “Post-regenerative stress. Makes us all go a bit loopy. I’ve been told that after regenerating into his third form, the Doctor fell unconscious and only woke up to cuddle his shoes. Then he stole a man’s clothes and car to help save the world from mannequins.”
“That certainly sounds like him,” One agreed drily.
Colgate watched as she saw Romana slipping around ponies after Minuette until the latter turned into a cafe. The Time Lady hesitated for the briefest of moments before following the mare into the restaurant.
Minuette approached the maitre d’. “Excuse me? I’m here for Lemon Hearts, party of four.”
The maroon stallion checked his appointment book. “You’re a little early,” he replied in a not unpleasant upper-class accent. “If you could wait over there, please? Your table should be ready in about—” he checked his watch— “five minutes.”
Minuette trotted over to a nearby bench and sat down. Farther along, an orange earth pony sat idly staring at nothing in particular. “Hello,” Minuette said.
The mare started and glanced up. “Howdy,” she replied, nodding her head.
“I’m Minuette.”
“Applejack.”
Minuette smiled. “Could you watch my bag for a moment? I need to freshen up.”
Applejack gave a slight smile. "Sure thing, there, sugarcube."
"Thanks." The unicorn slipped her bookbag off her withers and onto the bench. "I won't be long," she assured Applejack before trotting quickly away.
Applejack glanced at the door to see if Cousin Clockwork Orange had arrived yet. When she turned around again, the blue unicorn was smiling back at her. "Whoa, Nellie! When you say ya won't be long, ya really mean it, huh?"
Minuette laughed. "Yes, rather. I just thought to myself, it was quite rude to just dump my bag on you without as much as a by-your-leave. Here, have a jelly bab — jelly... filly. They're a little stale, but they ought to still be good."
Applejack looked at the extended bag uncertainly for a moment, then peered in. “Don’t mind if I do,” she decided.
“Pardon me for saying so,” Minuette said as the mare took the bag and selected one, “but you don’t seem to be from around these parts.”
“Nope. Ah’m from Ponyville. Don’t reckon you’d’ve heard o’ it. Small town, some way southeast o’ here. Ah’m jes’ here fer business.”
“Oh? What do you do?”
“Oh, Ah’m a farmer,” Applejack replied, easing into the smile of someone who has been allowed to talk about a favorite subject. “Ah’m an Apple, ya see. Us Apples got branches all over Equestria, y’know, and some a way beyond that.”
“Just branches? Or whole trees as well?” Minuette giggled.
Applejack frowned for a second. Then the joke sunk in and she chuckled. “So, how ‘bout you, missy?”
“Me? Oh, I’m a, er... student. Studying medicine. I trained under a Doctor for a little while, but I struck out to study on my own. I don't yet have a practice of my own, but I'm working on it.”
Applejack shook her head. “That's mighty impressive. Good, solid work ethic ya got."
"And you? What's it like as a farmer in Ponyville?" She chuckled. "Could I set up a practice there?"
"Well, Ah dunno. We got th' hospital already, Ah guess ya could get a job there. As fer farmin', well, there's a schedule to it. Gotta git up with th' chickens an' sleep with th' cows, an' all."
Minuette regarded the farmer for a long moment. “Huh. Sounds… nice, I guess? Must get boring, though.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “What Ah wouldn’t do fer a borin’ day. Th’ orchard’s not that far off from the Everfree, an’ with mah baby sister t’ worry about, that’s plenty o’ excitement. An’ that ain’t even countin’ th’ work itself. Always some new problem or challenge.”
The unicorn nodded. “Well, that does sound —” she broke off, startled
Applejack glanced around. “Summat the matter?”
“I need to go. I'll be back in a jiffy. Watch my bag again?”
Applejack frowned, but nodded, and Minuette all but galloped away. For a second, Applejack thought she saw another unicorn standing at the bathroom door, one that looked exactly like Minuette, Then Applejack blinked, and the mare was gone.
Suddenly, Applejack realized something else. “Shoot. She forgot her candy.”
***
Romana hurried down the street, inwardly cursing herself. How could she have been so careless? She had just wanted to take some notes about life in this universe, but the conversation had been so interesting… Still, she had gotten away in time, and she had some ideas about what to do next. Ponyville sounded like a perfect place to stay, even if it had a rather unusual name. It sounded like calling a Time Lord city ‘Gallifreyanopolis’, or a town on Earth ‘Humansburg’. A small town, though, seemed perfect for a disguise.
But what could she be? Perhaps not an actual doctor — that would require medical skills that she didn’t have. Something more basic, something she could do with tools she actually had. A dentist? Technically a doctor, she supposed, but not one that would require much surgical knowledge. Her sonic screwdriver could handle a bit of plaque. For more difficult things, she could set up a perception filter that would ensure that they would get passed on to others. It wouldn’t even require that much in the way of parts. She could use the trash in the alley where she and Calco had landed.
By the time she had returned to the alley, she had almost completely worked out the details. Name? Colgate, after a brand of toothpaste she had seen on Earth. Occupation? Dentist. She would be formerly of… whatever this city was. Calco could be her nurse, or something. Did dentists have nurses? She neither knew nor cared. She trotted into the alley, overturning trash cans and recycling bins as she did so. “Old toaster… springs from a couch… lamp… perhaps I can make the building dimensionally transcendental?” She spread the components in a pile around her. She whistled idly as she worked. After a few minutes, she nodded. “There! That should settle things nicely. Not perfect models, of course, but they’ll suffice. Now, a quick note to Calco…”
“Who’s Calco?” a voice from up the alley asked.
Romana paused and turned. “Oh. Hi, mare from the restaurant that looks like me. Well, you look like me. I don’t look like the restaurant.”
Minuette stepped forward. “You were following me,” she accused, voice shaking. “Why?”
Romana did her best to look innocent as she continued to write hurriedly. “Well, wouldn’t you be curious if you saw a mare that looked exactly like you?”
“Yes. I was,” Minuette replied. “Which is why I followed you. What was all that about ‘perception filters’ and ‘bigger on the inside’?
Romana’s smile faltered. “How much of that did you hear?”
“All of it. You talk to yourself a lot.”
“Ah. Bad habit. I should work on that. Sorry, new body, new rules and that.”
Minuette drew back. “New body? What are you, a, a changeling?”
“A what?”
Minuette waved a hoof. “Mythological race of shapeshifters, not the point. The point is, is, what the Tartarus is going on here? I mean, what is this?” she asked, sticking her hoof in the Chameleon Arch.
Romana stopped smiling. “Don’t touch that,” she warned.
“Or what? What are you? What is any of this? Tell me, and I’ll let it go.”
“Please, put it down, it’s dangerous if mishandled,” Romana said, setting down her paper and pen to walk toward the fearful unicorn.
Minuette backed away. “No. No, stay back.”
“It’s alright, I won’t hurt—”
Minuette swung the Arch at Romana. The Time Lady had just enough time to register surprise when it made contact with her mane… and the fob watch she’d stored in it until she could figure out how these ponies carried things. There was a blinding flash of golden light. When it was over, Romana lay mostly hidden in a pile of garbage while Minuette sat, dazed, against a wall.
***
The memory flickered and faded to grey. “And that’s all we know,” One said. “After that, you became, well, you.”
Colgate stared at where her body had been. Her throat was dry. “So, now what?” she asked.
One and Two exchanged looks. “Well,” said Two. “That’s really up to you.”
“It’s not our body anymore,” One agreed. “Anyway, we aren’t really here, we’re just figments of the Matrix. Like Leela was.”
Colgate frowned. “So that was the Matrix as well?”
“Sort of,” Two hedged. “Time Lord biology is weird, neurology even more so. Essentially, all of our minds together made up the Matrix. It’s… complicated.”
Colgate rubbed her head, sitting down. “Okay, moving past that. How do I make the decision?”
Two looked at her askance. “What do you mean?”
“Is there, I don’t know, some kind of handy button I could push? A choice of two doors? Something?”
Two looked at One, thoughtful. “Do you remember that movie the Doctor had us watch when he was trying to show us Earth culture?”
“After my time,” One replied.
“Oh. I suppose it was, yes. Well, never mind.” She extended her hands. In one was a red pill, in the other was a blue one. “You know, I believe it actually was called something about a matrix,” she said, amused.
Colgate looked from one pill to the other. “I don’t get it,” she said.
“Take the red pill, stay in control. Take the blue pill, and go back to being Romana,” Two said. “I’d hurry. I don’t know how long we can stay like this."
Colgate stared from one hand to another. Red or blue? Kill or be killed? Her hoof hovered over the outstretched hands.
“No!” the Doctor shouted as the watch swung open. Gold light flared out. Colgate’s eyes went dull and she collapsed in a heap.
The Time Lord sprang toward her as though shot from a cannon. Applejack observed the scene, lips pressed together tightly. Calco stared, horrorstruck. “What? What has she done?”
Rarity carefully checked the dentist’s pulse. “She’s still alive,” she said with relief.
Starlight was already checking over Minuette. “So is she,” she said, slumping back against the wall, smiling.
Caramel looked at his cousin. “Did you know she was going to do that?”
All eyes turned to Applejack. The mare shifted uncomfortably. “Ah didn’t know she was gonna do that specifically,” she replied. “Ah knew she was gonna try something. Something dangerous, Ah ‘xpect.”
“And you let her do it?” Calco boomed, glaring at the farmer.
Applejack stood tall. “Weren’t mah choice. An’ Ah trust her t’ do the right thing.”
***
Ah trust her t’ do the right thing.
Colgate paused. “What happens to Minuette? If I don’t take Romana out of her head?”
One blinked. “What happens to…”
Two turned to her. “That’s a good point, actually. I mean, she’s got a Time Lady’s brain stuck in there. That’s probably not altogether healthy.”
One nodded slowly. “Even the watches aren’t meant to hold them indefinitely,” she agreed.
“So…” Colgate prompted. “What happens?”
One frowned. “Hm. Death, at the worst. More likely a coma.”
Colgate nodded. “Right. Give me the blue pill,” she said firmly.
“Are you sure?” Two asked. “You don’t— “
“No,” Colgate agreed. “I don’t. But I’m going to. Not for Leela, not for me, and certainly not for Romana, but because it wasn’t Minuette’s fault. She was scared, and brave, and never meant for any of this to happen. And now she’s dying, and only I can fix it.” She took the blue pill from Two’s hand. She looked back and forth between the two. “Do me a favor, though?”
“Of course,” One said.
It took Colgate a moment to speak again. She blinked once or twice and said in a voice that shook only slightly, “Remember me?”
“Until the very end,” Two promised solemnly.
Colgate opened her mouth and swallowed the blue pill.
***
Romana’s eyes fluttered open. A tan stallion held her head in his hooves.“Doc… Doc-tor,” she choked out.
His eyes opened wide. “Yes?” he asked warily.
“She… was… the nobler.” Romana murmured. “She sacrificed her life for a stranger.”
“Who? Which one are you?” the Doctor demanded, eyes dark.
Romana’s eyes flickered briefly. A memory surfaced, and she smiled.
“Call me Fred,” she replied.
***
There was much more to be done, of course. The full story had to be told, obviously. Starlight and Twilight, after all, were completely lost, and it was important that Colgate’s bravery not be forgotten. Applejack herself blushed more than a tad when she heard that her comment had led to the final act of courage. She felt proud that her words had saved a life. It was tempered with guilt, though, from the loss. The TARDIS had to be taken back to Ponyville, with a slight detour to yesterday so that Romana could create the stable time loop that had gotten Applejack involved in the first place. And, of course, Calco had to return home.
***
Romana regarded the large, tawny earth pony sorrowfully. “Are you sure you have to go?” she asked.
“Yes.” the Tharil replied flatly. “For the last decade, I have been apart from my people, away from the fight. I must return to them.”
“I see, of course,” Romana nodded.
“Furthermore,” Calco continued, “for the last decade, I have been posing as a dental receptionist in a world full of colorful magic ponies, and I will take it no longer.”
“Ah,” said Romana.
The Tharil regarded her for a long moment. “Goodbye, Colgate,” he said, an unusually hoarse note in his voice. The air around him shimmered, and he was gone.
“Thank you,” Romana whispered after him.
***
Romana insisted that a funeral be held for Colgate. The mayor was very confused when she was first approached about the matter, as funerals are very rarely discussed by the ponies for whom they are held. Once she was thoroughly apprised of the situation, however, she rose admirably to the occasion. Romana was even allowed to read the eulogy. She was, after all, the one who knew the deceased best. It would take a callous mind to judge her for the hitch in her voice as she spoke of Colgate’s unusual birth and ultimate death. An empty casket was lowered into the ground. Empty, that is, except for a cracked pocket watch that had once bridged three minds. It was surreal, yet oddly solemn.
The Doctor threw in the first hoof-ful of dirt. He had considered bringing out his old scarf for the occasion, but decided against it. That scarf belonged to Romana's Doctor. Colgate had befriended him.
They were so ephemeral, the Doctor thought as he walked away from the grave. He had only known Colgate for a day, but she had told him her life story. Was it a life story if it hadn't actually been lived? Was it her life even if it had all been an illusion?
He felt a wing fall over his back, and he pressed himself into grey fur, breathing in the smell of baked goods and paper. They were so ephemeral. That was why they were so precious to him. He allowed Ditzy to lead him home, but he didn't go inside. He went to the TARDIS instead. He walked to the storage rooms, back past the Greek chiton of the girl who had thought him a god, back past the shattered badge for mathematical excellence, all the way to the little chamber covered in photographs. Faces smiled back at him, old friends and lovers and selves.
He took out the picture he'd smuggled away from the wake, clipped it on at the end. Colgate gazed back at him. He sat down and stared up at her. They were so ephemeral. He remembered them all. Tonight would be a vigil.
***
Romana laid the paper flat on Ditzy's kitchen table. Her housemate, Berry Punch, had taken the news of her sudden rebirth about as philosophically as she could. In practical terms, that meant that while Berry and her daughter, Ruby, were hit hard by the loss, Romana did still have a place to sleep. However, Romana had thought it prudent to let them mourn her alternate persona without any undue interference on her part. The Doctor and Ditzy had been kind enough to let her stay at their house for a few days, for which she was deeply grateful.
She placed a bowl at the top of the page to hold it flat, and laid a hoof at the bottom. The paper was old, and it bore the stains of its age. It had been gathering dust in Colgate's office for years now, ever since her arrival in Ponyville. This was the letter that had prompted her flight from E-Space, a paradoxical message that told of her eventual ascent to the Gallifreyan Presidency, of an attempt by some nebulous force to undo her accomplishments before they had ever happened. If she concentrated, she could remember echoes of whatever timeline all that had happened in.
The Doctor had conjectured that she had been split across the universes, just like him -- in another timeline, Calco had returned her safely to Gallifrey, where she had indeed become president and made all kinds of reforms to Time Lord society. She could believe that easily enough. Temporal theory had always held that diverging timelines by entering into another universe was possible, if incredibly risky. Her apparent ability to be aware of what her other self was doing was unexpected, but again not impossible. Little was known about travel between universes, after all.
What she still didn't understand, though, was one sentence in the last section of the letter -- a promise that the Doctor would be waiting at the other side of the CVE. Her recollections of the alternate timeline were shaky at best, but they were clearest at the moments immediately after her division. The Doctor hadn't been there, not for either of her, nor had he even known about the warning. The letter must have been written to lure her out of E-Space. But for what ends? Had she been the intended target, or had her temporal double? Frowning, Romana picked up the old paper once again and put in back in its binder. One thing was certain. This paper was a loose end. She had a nagging feeling that in the fullness of time, she would have to face that fact one way or another.
***
And then it was over. The coffin had been interred. The bills labeled “Colgate” had ceased to arrive. The last few impacts that Romana’s alter ego had made on the world began to fade like ripples in a pond. Caramel gazed sadly at the building that had once been the dental office. There would probably be a new dentist eventually. That would be something that could be dealt with when it happened.
Quietly, Caramel took out a package. It had taken a few weeks to arrive from Trottingham, and when it had arrived, Ditzy had looked at him with deep, open concern. “You’re going to be alright,” she said. “I miss her too, but it’ll be okay. I promise.”
He had smiled and nodded and gone through the motions. Nevertheless, this had to be done. He opened the door and walked in.
The silence was that of the grave, and Caramel had the feeling that he had walked into a mausoleum. But this time, there was no trespass involved. He walked past the cramped, dusty waiting room chairs, past the peeling posters encouraging ponies to floss, past the cobweb-covered reception desk. The hallway was shorter, now that the ‘bigger-on-the-inside’ machine had been removed, but the walk felt like miles. The confectioner opened the door to the dentist’s office. This was it. This was where the end had begun, he thought.
He was wrong, of course. Ends begin at the beginning. It's just that no one realizes it at the time.
Caramel set down the brown paper parcel on the counter, pulling the string undone with his teeth. He pulled out the bag inside and ripped that open, too. Then, reverently, he placed it on the dentist’s chair in the center of the room. With that, he took the brown paper and left, the bag of jelly fillies still sitting open on the chair like an offering on an altar, the faint smell of fruit pervading the room.
