Who were these people this ‘Pinkie person ‘was talking about? Was it my friends … or maybe a scary gang wanting to kill me?... Sunset, or whatever I am, stop overreacting, you’re better than this. I need to figure a way of what to do if they arrive, but what? I don’t know who I am, where am I or if I even am this ‘Sunset’ person. How do I not even know my name? Grrrr, this is so frustrating!
I walked cautiously down the stairs aiming to get to the kitchen; my legs wobbling as I try to balance myself by gripping on the railing. Something bad really had to happen to me if I don’t remember anything including how to walk. Oh well, not like I can do anything about it now, maybe the Pinkie person will know?
Ding Dong "Sunset open the door it's us!"
I froze, paralyzed with fear midway down the staircase. That was a different voice than what I heard earlier from that black glass. There were more people. They were here. They knew where I lived! … Should I open the door and let them in? Should I risk it? No, no I need to… need to work this out on my own. Maybe these people made me like this? Were they the ones that made me not remember? I clench my fist feeling a wave of betrayal flow by. Breath. Stay. Calm. You haven’t met them yet. They might help.
“Sunset come on! This isn’t funny, open the door, it’s us!” a rusty but girly voice yelled through the door trying to get my attention. It almost sounded… concerned? Maybe these people were here to help her, like some kind of guardian angels of some sort. Sunset. Paranormal things and magical creatures don’t exist, don’t go ahead of yourself.
“Sunset? Sunset, come on!”
“Maybe call her darling, she may be sleeping that poor dear,” another slightly higher voice said to the other calmly articulating each word very clearly.
“Fine”
Moments later the same ringing as before was visible in the air. I didn’t dare to go upstairs and touch that black glass. I needed to find a way out of this. Without them knowing I’m here. I looked down the stairs, where it led to the closed door.
Kitchen. There was a kitchen on the left. All kitchens have knives. And… if those people ARE planning to harm me, I’ll have a way to defend myself. All I need to do is walk down these stairs silently, turn left, and head towards it.
~~~~~~
"It’s not working! I tried like a billion times!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash.
"Anyone have a spare key to Sunset’s home?" asked Applejack.
"Nope", they all said simultaneously.
"‘Well, maybe we could.."
"Try again Dashie! She’ll pick up eventually!" said Pinkie impatiently.
"But maybe I could…"
"No Pinkie, I already tried, we need a quicker way to get in, she could be hurt!" Rainbow Dash said quickly.
"GIRLS, JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONE MINUTE!" shouted Fluttershy, silencing everyone. "Sorry about that, but I thought, well, that maybe I could just ask Ray to get Sunset’s key from the other side...?" she said starting much quieter.
"Oh yeah, I forgot Ray existed! ... What?" Pinkie said bluntly, while everyone ignores the comment.
"Okay, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea but one problem. How do we get Rays attention or get him out here? Like Ray is probably stuck in a lizard cage or whatever." Rainbow Dash added.
"Actually, Sunset once told me that she specifically didn’t use any cage or and restrictions in the house for Ray. And to answer your previous question he’s right at that window." Fluttershy says more confidently, pointing at a window, making everyone look towards it where Ray was - the kitchen window.
~~~~~~
Okay, I made it. I mean kinda. I’m pressed against the wall of the kitchen, the same wall the window is on. The window that directly shines on the entire kitchen… I’m never going to get that knife, am I? I guess I’ll just ignore the people outside, and wait for them to leave.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
I looked up at the clock that was directly above me, but I couldn’t get a clear view of the time from my angle.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Are they gone?
Tick. Tick-
-Click.
Wait. Click? That wasn’t the clock at all, maybe I misheard. Did I hear footsteps? AHHHHH! DON’T PANIC!!! AH! OK, ok, think straight. You’re in the kitchen, and there is basically no space to hide. Table, table, yes! I rushed silently towards the table dragging one of the chairs out from underneath and went right under it. I then tried to drag the chair back towards me and towards the table, so that it wouldn’t look so obvious I was here under it. It made a scraping sound which in my head made me panic even more. If anything happened, I would use the chair for defense, trying to get a knife is just too risky now.
~~~~~~
2 minutes ago
"Ray come here boy come on, don’t worry", Fluttershy said calmly. Ray slid from under the open window creak and walked up to Fluttershy. After a few minutes of convincing Ray to help them open the door, Ray ran back through the creak opened window, avoiding Sunset, and attempting to get her key. Fortunately, it was in her leather jacket, but she was yet to wear it; being in PJ's. Ray didn’t need to walk far, to get to it. He exited the kitchen and quickly ran to the destination of the jacket - as silently as possible. With ease, he climbed up the plastic back of her chair, and then gently grabbed the leather, searching for the key in the right pocket. After a few moments of searching, he found it. He scattered gently across the floor, heading towards the kitchen window. Without Sunset seeing him, Ray then gently gave the key to Fluttershy.
(If anyone could help me in the comments on how I can resize this picture/move it, I would be very grateful)
"Oh thank you, Ray! I’ll make sure to give you some special treat for you the next time I visit" Fluttershy said happily with a smile.
"Okay girls, this is it, but remember to not be too loud, we don’t want to startle Sunset or wake her up," Fluttershy said opening the door with the given key.
Click.
All the girls agreed on this, walking into the house with the wooden floorboards. They all were looking around the house, and when they looked to their right (where the kitchen was), they saw Sunset looking at them. Under a table. With fear in her eyes.
I will be keeping an eye on this very intriguing and very interesting story
8848847
I'll try not to disappoint!
Feedback you say? As you wish...
This is very good. While the 'ooh I can't remember anything' is pretty over used, this story is really shaping up to be something special. But I must say, I came down with a severe case of memory loss (lucky me!), but I still knew how to walk and stuff. You don't forget stuff you normally do on a day to day basis, that comes naturally to someone, like eating. Though it could be reasoned with that since Sunset didn't always walk on two
hooveslegs, she would have difficulty walking properly.If I may make a suggestion to the future of the story, it would be nice for her to slowly regain memories, but the older ones first, leaving her confused as to why her first memory appears to be her as a coloured horse.
But if she is going to regain memories, do it later. Her with no memories at all is too interesting.
Ok, good start up to this with the reactions bound to happen now. Things are about to get very interesting and I KNOW Wallflower is in it big time now. Hmm, hoping for more Trixie as friend help too.
8848853
Thank you for the feedback, I will consider it The 'unable to walk part' is from her being a pony as I believe she doesn't have the muscle memory as a human to do so (at least not yet). I feel sorry for you for having the case with the memory loss, is everything okay now? Anyway, I hope you will enjoy the story as it progresses!
8848863
Hmmm, maybe have her walk on all fours then? Better muscle memory in that case. It does make more sense though.
Memory loss is fine now, even though I might be inflicted with monochromia as a result of the same incident. I'm over it though. If you need some help with the kind of beheaviour Sunset would display as a result of the memory loss, feel free to message me!
Oh, and are you going to include Wallflower in this? I don't particularly dispise her, but I would like to see her confronted (perhaps punished) with all this.
Oh that's good that you are better now! Hmm, yeah, I did also consider that, but to be fair she doesn't have many Pony memories either so I just stuck with this for now Oh and thank you for the offer
8848884
Thought I'd let you know on account of my memory loss - when you regain your memories, you basically have a mental breakdown - a bit too much stress, too much strangeness to be in different habits, et cetera.
Also, you are soooo lucky (smart rather) you don't have Sunset staying with anyone. Seeing my family at the hospital sucked, when I think back about it.
Though I can't get too much in depth about this stuff - I was too much thinking about trying to live in a black and white world. (That's not that bad btw, if you exclude the 276358 people who ask you what colour is the nearest object.)
Anyway, my offer stands, but do be careful about how you make Sunset act. There are a suprising amount of people who will just stumble upon this and act offended, claiming to 'know someone who knows someone who lost 0.00000000001% of their memory and they don't appriciate that you are making fun of the disabled community!'
Those people, however, are pricks.
8848906
Yeah, I can see how distressing a situation as such may have been. To be honest, I did think something like a breakdown would happen in a case like that, considering the changes and all, so to be fair Sunset may experience a few stages of that. I have never had something like severe memory loss, but because I'm bilingual, and English is not my first language, I did actually experience forgetting my first language or forgetting both sometimes at a certain time and just overall I think my brain couldn't adjust to it sometimes. It would always come back to me in the end but, it still happens sometimes. Yeah... It was really embarring for me whenever I couldn't reply to someone or just replied... But in the wrong language😅 So I can understand how forgetting something may be really annoying tbh, but I know my example isn't really anything to compare to what you had.😅
8848964
You know, I can relate to you so much. You know the first thing someone asked me when I got out of hospital? "Is this dress blue and black or white and gold." didn't even know I was colourblind. Anyway, this is not the place for me to rant about my disabilities.
But seriously? Don't just base this off of real life rules. Magic did cause this after all. And magic can do anything! Abraca-bloody-dabra.
8848971
Yeah, that must have been awkward, I have a friend who is colorblind and I witnessed other people do such things by accident like that too. If you don't mind me asking, how severe is your colorblindness? (can you see certain colors?) But yeah you're right, with any story that is written no logic has to apply... like magic That is what makes an unpredictable story after all, and that makes it interesting😄
8849252
Completely black and white. Look up monochromia (don't say that's bad or anything. I get it enough). I like how we've turned these comments into our little messaging system.
And I suppose I must ask: you have any schedule for this story? Whenever I read a story and it's not complete, I always want to do it myself. Already started on three. (Don't check them out. They're currently at the status of confusing trash.)
8849272
Oh okay, yeah I just wasn't sure with the term sorry😅 And with the schedule... I don't really have any specific one. I am still in school, so that is always a first for me before I do something like this. Although, each time when I have free time, I come back to this. Yes, that may seem slightly unorganized, but I am planning to do this as this is basically a way of developing a hobby of mine (and art - but I may include that later). I enjoy writing, and I won't stop until I finish this story. Plus, I am planning to write a book of my own in the future, but there is no point if my writing is uninteresting, or grammatically incorrect. This is also a way to see if other people indeed do like the stories I make. I am aware, that I am still learning how to be good at writing, but it's always worth a try!
8849298
Don't worry, I know the feeling. Currently on Easter break, as soon as it ends, I won't be able to write at all. Or it will take several months for me to get back to it. That or I completely flop my exams.
Keep up the good work, regardless if you get hate or not.
Don't worry if your grammer isn't perfect. There are more and more programs out there that help with that, and most authors use them. It seems like you simply have to have a good story. That's my problem. Don't get me wrong, I can think up good stories (even though so far I've ripped off of dead ones), I just can't put them into a proper order.
8849305
To be honest, I also have an Easter Break right now, so I did have time to write finally, and I also have a test week right after... Yay Oh! Have you tried writing some beats for your story? (writing out your story in a very simple form only with bullet points on what that chapter would be about, and then expanding it - you just need bullet points for the key events that happen, I usually use about 10 for each chapter) It's a great way to structure a story without having the trouble of having a writer block, it keeps it simple, and they can really give you an aim at what you want to write about, and when you have one, it is easier to achieve that next point to tick off, than thinking of something on the spot to write. That will help you with writing out your stories with some originality, way faster, without having too much trouble with it
8849322
I do that, but I get distracted, and next thing you know someone is ressurected before they even die in the first place. This is why I want to stick to short stories, but my wild imagination will not allow it!
That and I always write when I'm tired. It's past midnight where I'm from and I haven't slept for....too damn long.
But I shall take your advice and cherish it. I just get carried away with what I'm doin all the time.
Oh, and another excuse: I can type 2,000 words in less than an hour with minimal mistakes, but I also do not put enough thought into the writing as a result. Honestly, I might try to take up editing.
If you ever need an editor come to me!
/end shameless_plug.exe
8849272
If you don’t mind a question, do you have an easier time spotting minor color descrepancys like a near white toothpaste stain on a white shirt?
Yay! Another chapter!
Still don't know about the POV changes. If it was tension and suspense you were going for, you should have just stuck with Sunset. But that's more of a nitpick.
I'm also interested on what you plan to do with Ray. It seems odd that he didn't say anything to Fluttershy as to what is going on or alert them that Sunset is hiding in the kitchen with a freaking knife. Just seems like, out of anyone, he knows the most about the situation.
8849660
Depends. If it is the exact same shade, then it is impossible. If they are very slightly different shades, then I will be able to tell the difference, but it would still take a little bit of thinking to know for sure. So yes, it is slightly easier to tell colour differences.
8850375
Interesting. I only ask because I read a book once where the forward was concerning an Air Force pilot with monochromia who had lied his way through the standard vision tests. Apparently when flying in enemy territory he saw a large camouflaged area that was clear as day to him but anyone else who looked at the later photos could only spot it if it was pointed out to them. I was curious if there was any truth to the story.
8849252
Oh boy, this is going to be interesting.
New chapter!
Thanks so much and keep going!
Always a pleasure to wait worthy chapters and a great story ^^
8853614
I'm glad you like it so far!
That's a good drawing! Wow! There aren't enough stories on this site that have pictures to go with them. Original stories, anyway.
I hate to admit it though, but I think I know the picture that you got Ray's positioning from. Aaaand now it's ruined forever. Noooo!
8853927
Thanks! And with Ray.... Well yeah I did need a refrence, (like most people do), overwise Ray would most likely look like a splodge of goo, if I didn't get the facial features right
8855059
Eh, it's fine. It's just that whenever I see a drawing and recognise it from another image, it always downsizes the quality. There's nothing wrong with it, just me being... I dunno. Picky?
8855082
Nah it's not picky. Most people like original pieces of work, but it's not always so easy to do so. Tbh, most people just use refrences just in case the character they are trying to draw doesn't look 'right'. Because I am not sure what kind of art style I'm going for yet, it looks more identicle to the actual picture I used rather than its own 'self' per say. So yeah I do get what you mean, I am still getting used to digital art so, right now , these are just tests so I don't mind the feedback
8855097
Nonnonnono, I still like it, there's nothing wrong with it. Also, I am still expecting a picture of Sunset under the table. That has been in my mind for weeks, and I want it on my screen, and out of my head.
Don't do it if you don't want to though. I'm not forcing you to do anything. I'm just saying that's all I can think about when I see this story.
8855106
Nah, don't worry I didn't take it in a bad way. I am planning to draw the picture of sunset under the table, but I have to be careful with time management, (considering I have test week, next week that depend on my final grades for the end of the year) so it might take me a bit longer with this one.
8853617
And I won't stop :D!
8855914
Normally you would add height and width attributes to the image tag.
img width="100" height="50"
Unfortunately, the sizing options are disabled on this website. It might work to link to a resized image. If nothing else, you can at least center it by using the center tag. The quote tag can also be used to offset the image.