Chapter 1 – The Holy Word
There are many journeys a pony can make during his lifetime. A journey is nothing more, nothing less than a path, a hardship that ponies need to conquer in order to fulfill their objectives. Some of them made journeys desiring to find health, others to find treasure and others just for the thrill of adventure. Still, none of those journeys are more dangerous and terrifying than the search for the truth. Of course none of them is more rewarding either.
Everypony at a right moment of their lives gets into contact with the light. The light can come in many ways, but the truth that it leads to is always a single one. When the ponies see the light they have two choices: to pursue or ignore it. And many choose to ignore, because they desired to stay in the comfort of their lives, to live and do whatever they wanted to do rather than follow where this path could bring them.
Fluttershy's journey began the day she borrowed a special book in Twilight’s library. Her quest started when she was looking at the shelves of Ponyville Library, wanting to find a new book to read. It was then that a special book caught her attention: it was just waiting on the shelf to be borrowed. It was a bit dusty, showing that it had been some time since it was last borrowed. She looked at its cover: it was black, the words ‘The Holy Word’ written with silver colored words.
“The Holy Word?", asked Fluttershy, her curiosity being clear. She picked the book with her wings, bringing it near Twilight. "Twilight, what is this book about?”
“Fluttershy… I’m not very sure. The only thing I know is that there are some ponies out there who take it very seriously. I think they are called Silverians or something like that. They usually live on the borders of Equestria, so I don't really know much about them.”, answered Twilight, who was busy reading another book.
“Can I borrow it?”, the yellow Pegasus asked.
“Yeah, sure”, said Twilight.
As Fluttershy prepared to leave the room with it, a thought struck Twilight. She quickly removed her eyes from the book, looking at Fluttershy and saying with worry: "Wait a bit... I must warn you that this book... it kind of mess with ponies. Please remember that it’s only a book."
Fluttershy was confused by Twilight reaction. Why did she make this warning? Still, she just nodded in compliance before taking the book back to her cottage. And there she started to read about it…
"In the beginning the Master created the heavens and the earth", read Fluttershy loudly. She was sitting on her couch, wanting to relax after finally doing all her obligations to the animals. Angel bunny was sleeping soundly on his crib, so she would have a lot of time to continue her reading.
As she read the book, she got shocked: the book was harsh in its words, denouncing all the evil that plagued the world of the past. The Master showed himself as an implacable judge, one that would unleash vengeance upon his creation without remorse.
"I always knew that the times of the past were barbaric... so much that the Wendigos almost brought the end of our world. Still, I never expected that things would be like this", Fluttershy said, quickly closing the book with emotion.
Fluttershy put the book on a stand near her, unsure if she wanted to keep reading it. The mare had always been pretty emotive and seeing so much evil made her feel sick. Still... she felt like there was something else in the book, something that she needed to see. After thinking about it for a few moments, she remembered Twilight words 'It's just a book'. "Ah yes, that's right. It’s just a book. I shouldn't let it hold me over like that", said the yellow mare.
Decided that this was just a story, Fluttershy picked it up and continued reading. She was determined to read it until the end…
Time passed. Everyday Fluttershy would spare an hour or two to continue reading The Holy Word... and the more she read, the more questions started pouring at her mind.
The idea that a single, omnipotent and perfect creator made the world bothered her, making she wonder how could such a being even exist. The strangest thing about The Master is that he appeared like two completely different beings: one that was the bringer of love and mercy for all creation, the other was the bringer of divine wrath upon those who broke his laws.
And even through the book had several passages that made her feel uneasy, she just couldn't stop reading it. What started as something just for fun started to feel like an obligation, like she needed to go with it until the end... even if it did bring her emotions she would naturally avoid.
Things then changed when she entered in the New Covenant: it was there that she learned about the messiah, Silver Light.
Silver Light, the son of the creator… the one who took the ultimate price, dying so all the evil in the world could be redeemed. The book taught about his birth, his miracles, his teachings. The book told that his messages touched the hearts of thousands of ponies whenever he went... just like they had touched hers.
"He actually asked for forgiveness for his enemies? The ones who humiliated, tortured and brutally killed him?", Fluttershy asked in shock, tears slowly filling her eyes. She always considered herself to be good pony... but even she wondered if she would be able to do that, especially in the face of her own death.
"Love your enemies, because what value there is in loving those who are your friends...", Fluttershy said loudly again, wondering if she truly did all those things. Did she actually love others like Gilda and Discord for example? She did actually help reform Discord... but was it out of love? Was it really out of desire to help him? Or mostly because Celestia asked her too?
Fluttershy got confused upon her own feelings. She remembered how much hate, how much mean she could be... even to her friends when her buttons were pushed. And there was a stallion, one who simply let himself be taken to a slaughterhouse out of love for others.
While Fluttershy wasn't actually sure if what she was reading was real, she began wishing with all her heart that such a stallion existed. She wanted that a message like this would be relayed through the world. It was strange: she started loving the figure of Silver Light while wanting to dismiss his creator.
She read about how much his followers struggled to relay his word... and how gruesome their endings were. How could so many ponies be motivated to do something, even though they knew the consequences?
'It's just a book.', Twilight words kept going on Fluttershy’s mind. And even with all the evil she had read about in this book, she started to wish it was true. Because of him, just him... what he showed to be. She wished from the depth of her heart that a stallion like this truly existed. There were many ponies who actually preached love... but how many preached love against those who hates you?
She finally arrived at the ending of the book. In it there were promises of a new world, a perfect heaven for the ones who were saved and final punishment for those who weren't. The prospect of the world ending was a new one for the innocent mare, one that deeply worried her. What if a final judgment really existed? Would each of her deeds be put on a scale, for everypony else to see?
She finally closed her book. She truly started to wonder if it really was 'just a book'. Many ponies called the prophecy of Nightmare Moon just a story... and they were all proved wrong in the end. What if there really was a final judgement coming to her world?
The more she thought about it the more sense it made. How could a perfect world such as hers be created without the supervision of a supreme being? Some ponies stood that the alicorns were the ones who created the world, others that it was created in a concentrated mana explosion. Still, each explanation ponies came up with would always create even more questions, questions that would show the need of an external force, something else in order to deliver them. Was this force just 'chance'... or could it be the Master?
Wanting to know more, she decided to do something that the book suggested, something that she never had done before: she prayed.
Fluttershy closed her eyes, put her hooves together and said: "The Master, I am still not sure if you are real... but your book says: 'ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.' Please then, show me the truth."
She suddenly felt relieved, like she had just gotten ridden of a heavy burden on her back. Feeling content, she closed the book and went to her bed…
That night Fluttershy had a very vivid nightmare: she saw Ponyville, Canterlot, Cloudsdale. She was standing on top of a mountain, a mountain so tall that it allowed her to see the entirety of Equestria. Suddenly, she saw the skies turning red and began hearing the sound of thunder falling.
Trumpets began to ring in a chorus, like an announcement of the end of the world. Fire started to fall from the heavens, destruction falling upon the entire world. Fluttershy quickly closed her eyes, trying to shield them from the horrifying images…
"Oh no, please no!" she screamed, not wanting to see anymore.
Suddenly the sound of destruction stopped. She slowly opened her eyes, seeing the destruction the fire had brought. Tears started falling from her eyes to the ground, shocked for the destiny of her homeland.
She then looked through the burned remains of Everfree Forest: there was a ray of light cutting through the skies, showing a city who wasn't affected by the destruction.
The city was yellow like gold, releasing light through the horizon. Her vision focused on it, allowing her to see inside: the ponies which lived there were wearing white robes, all of them also releasing light. They were calm, protected from the fire by the light that bathed the city.
"Is this... the promised Celestial City?" asked the confused Fluttershy .
Suddenly she heard a voice, softly yet kind ringing on her ears: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
"All this destruction... is there a way I can save this world?" replied Fluttershy, using her hooves to clean her tears.
She then saw an earth pony standing before her: it was a stallion, strong and tall. He had the appearance of a hard farm worker, using a short, silver mane. His body was white and his eyes were silver too. Compared with other stallions, he didn't seem that special... but there was a huge light from heaven following him.
"Are you... him?" Fluttershy opened her mouth, unsure of which word she could say that would fit what she was seeing with her eyes.
"Follow me" the stallion replied with a smile.
The stallion then turned in pure light, looking like a star. It quickly started flying towards the Celestial City on the horizon.
"Wait, please! I have so many questions!" Fluttershy shouted as she started to run after him.
Not paying attention, Fluttershy accidentally tripped, falling from the mountain. As she fell, she heard his voice saying: "Know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
Fluttershy woke up. She was sweating... heavy. It was not everyday that she had a dream that was so livid… a dream which showed the end of all things.
At first she tried to disregard it as a simply nightmare, but the next night she had it again. What was the chance of having the same dream two consecutive nights?
She decided that there had to be something wrong with her... or was it perhaps with the book? She needed to know more, so she started to search for more knowledge.
She started to visit Twilight library regularly. Twilight would often comment: "Wow, Fluttershy! I knew you liked reading... but not that much.". Twilight didn't bother to see what the yellow pegasus was actually reading.
She started picking books, maps and anything else that could show Silver Light and where he lived. While the mare succeeded in learning more about the areas taught in the Holy Word and their tribes, she just couldn't find anything about Silver Light. Nothing at all.
Feeling tired and down, she returned home. 'Well... I did what I could do. I guess there was nothing to find after all.', thought Fluttershy. Even saying those words to herself, she knew that this wasn't entirely the truth. Her dream… she knew where she had to go find her answers, but she was afraid of it. Even though she lived near the Everfree Forest, she knew that nopony had ever crossed it completely and returned.
Fluttershy decided to call off the day, going to her bed… and as she expected, there was the same dream of all those nights. She woke up, breathing heavily and sweating like in the other times. This night, however, she tried something different: she kneeled over the floor, closing her front hooves and praying: "Silver Light... I want to find you. But I am afraid of going into the forest alone. Please send me a light."
Upon saying those words, she felt relaxed. Just like when she prayed the first time. "Perhaps it was this that my heart was desiring...", she said quietly as she returned to sleep…
This was the first night in many that she actually slept well. In fact… she felt like she had never slept better. When she woke up, she was feeling great, highly motivated: she almost jumped out of her bed, quickly making up a list of all her chores, marking which tasks she had been delaying during her study of The Holy Word.
Angel suddenly woke up from the commotion, watching what his keeper was doing. Fluttershy was working fast, setting her objectives of the day on a nearby table. She was thinking, seeing the most efficient way to accomplish them.
Angel reacted by giving a few steps backwards, terrified by how her owner was acting. What happened to the shy mare that he knew so well? While she had never failed to live up to her obligations, it was just so strange to see her acting confident and taking pleasure upon her menial tasks.
He could only watch as Fluttershy went straight into the kitchen, setting up breakfast for her and her house animals. After eating, she picked her list and went straight outside, determined to fulfill every last thing on it.
Her friends noticed through the weeks the difference in Fluttershy life, which kept reading about this single book and would sometimes even talk about it. For some reason they couldn’t see, each day Fluttershy grew more confident… not only in her personality, but also in her faith. Their friends decided to stay quiet about this issue, not wanting to upset her. That stood until one day, when Twilight finally decided to confront her about what was happening.
“Are you still reading that book, Fluttershy?” asked Twilight clearly worried.
“Yes. My heart… it tells me to keep going”, said Fluttershy, her wings touching the place where her heart resided.
“But didn't you say that book made you feel uneasy? If that’s so, you should stop reading it”, replied Twilight, continuing: “I have many other good books on my library. You could also try them!”
“But Twilight… while there are things in this book that made me upset… there are other things that I have been feeling. Things that I have never felt before”, Fluttershy answered.
“What do you mean, Fluttershy?”, Twilight questioned. That last bit picked her interest.
“I… I had a vision, Twilight. I saw that a great fire is coming from the skies… and that it will destroy Equestria as a whole. And then there is this stallion that promises us that there is a refuge, a place where we can be saved from the fire. But we need to find it first!”, explained Fluttershy.
Twilight stared at Fluttershy, disbelief clearly in her face: “That’s… that’s impossible, Fluttershy! It makes no sense, why would fire come from nowhere and destroy everything? And who is this stallion that claims to know how to save the world?”
“He is… he is Silver Light, the son of the Master, our creator”, said Fluttershy, worried that Twilight wouldn't take her seriously.
Twilight looked for a whole minute at Fluttershy, thinking about what to say: “That’s… enough for me. Listen Fluttershy, I don’t want you to read this book anymore. This book is just stories… fantasies, Fluttershy. It’s not real.”
“But…”, Fluttershy tried to argue…
“Fluttershy, the world has existed for millions of years. We have Celestia, our leader, and the elements of harmony to protect us. This is silly. The world won’t end… not in such a silly way, I mean”, Twilight continued.
“Twilight… I think I want to see it for myself. I truly believe in it, because what my heart is feeling can’t be an illusion. And I want to search for this place… and when I find it, I will bring you and all our friends so they can be saved too”, said Fluttershy, decided.
“Fluttershy, you won’t find anything. I… I lied to you before”, Twilight admitted, a bit of guilty in her voice: “Truth is… I had already read this book. And I too searched for this refuge, but I could never find it.”
“But Twilight, did you truly believe in it?”, asked Fluttershy.
This question pierced Twilight. She stood still for a moment, no reaction, before finally answering: “Listen Fluttershy… I am tired of arguing with you. You want to get in this dream hunt, fine. But I warn you, you won’t find anything. Because there is nothing to be found.”
Before Fluttershy could counter-argue, Twilight got up and left the house. Fluttershy could only look as her friend went away.
Fluttershy felt bad for the discussion she had with her friend, however she was decided to find the truth about the book. Every day she kept reading the book, and she started to meditate about what lessons she could get from it. But even with all her dedication, there were still passages she couldn't understand. She wished to simply move, to seek the city at the heart of the Everfree Forest… but she couldn't find how she should start her journey for the light. So Fluttershy choose to do what the book had told her to do: she starting to pray every night, wishing for somepony who could guide her in her journey.
As time passed, Fluttershy began to get unsure if her prayers were actually being received, because no matter how much she read for herself, she just couldn't find the right way to start her search.
But one certain day, during a moment of weakness, her prayers were answered. Fluttershy was alone in her bedroom, looking at the book:
“I keep trying and trying… but I just can’t find the way. Perhaps Twilight was right… but was everything I felt just a lie?”, Fluttershy asked, tears starting to fall from her eyes.
As doubt filled her heart, she heard someone knocking on her door. She went and opened it, seeing a stallion outside. He was white, his eyes and hair being black. He had a cutie mark of a silver cross and was an earth pony.
“Hello, miss. I need to ask you for some directions…”, he said, when he suddenly noticed the tears in her face. He then gave a worried look, asking: “What’s the problem, miss?”
“It’s just… I have this book here; it’s named ‘The Holy Word’. I read and read it, trying to find the path to him… but I just can’t seem to grasp it”, answered Fluttershy, shame clearly in her voice.
“Do you really want to find the light?”, asked the stallion.
“Yes... please, you don’t know how much hard this has been for me!”, pleaded Fluttershy.
“Then I can help you. I know the way”, answered the stallion, his words comforting the yellow pegasus.
“Thank you, mister…?”, asked Fluttershy, waiting for his name.
“You may call me Evangelist, for I go from town to town preaching the word. Silver Light, the son of the Master, actually resides in this direction”, he answered, pointing with one of his hoofs to the forest. He continued: ”Far behind the mountains and the Everfree Forest. If you look with your heart you will see his shining light. Can you see it?”
“I…”, Fluttershy looked at the direction, trying to see something. After looking straight for a few moments, she finally noticed a ray of light shining on a very far place. Her eyes got wide, her voice softly replying: “I… can.”
“It was always there, Fluttershy”, answered Evangelist. He gave her a head nod, before continuing: “Those who look deep inside their own hearts can see it, but sadly very few ponies have the necessary faith to do so. This is why my work is important: all ponies have the capacity to see the light… they just need a little push to do so.”
“I see”, replied Fluttershy, still amazed by what had just happened.
“Then you are ready to go, Fluttershy. Start your journey, go now and don’t look back. And when you arrive you will find the door”, said Evangelist.
“The door?” asked a confused Fluttershy.
“Yes, and you will know how to unlock it. You should go quickly, because they are coming to try to stop you”, answered Evangelist, pointing to the trail that went to her house.
Fluttershy looked where he was pointing, only to see Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Rainbow Dash coming near her house.
“But I…”, said Fluttershy. Her heart was beating fast and her thoughts were flying like a rocket.
“They won’t believe in you. But your heart knows this is true. If they stop you, you will never be able to see it for yourself. Go before they catch with you”, said Evangelist, waiting for her reaction. He stopped for a moment before asking: “Do you really believe in the word?”
“I...”, Fluttershy was frozen. Now it was time to make her choice. She closed her eyes, thinking about everything that happened, everything she felt and did. She finally realized the truth, answering: “I do.”
“Then you know what you need to do”, replied Evangelist, using his hoof to touch his heart.
Having made her mind, Fluttershy quickly turned to the Everfree Forest, running towards it with all her might.
“Fluttershy, come back here!”, screamed Twilight.
“Fluttershy, darling, please don’t go!”, shouted Rarity.
“Fluttershy, we need you here!”, screamed Rainbow Dash.
“C’mon Fluttershy, what about your cottage?! Your animals?!”, questioned Applejack loudly.
“Fluttershy, is it because of the muffins? I promise my next batch will is far better!”, shouted Pinkie Pie, tears falling through her cheeks.
Upon hearing their voices, Fluttershy stopped for a second. She turned her head back, tears falling through her face. She suddenly shouted: “I am sorry… I really wish there was another way… but there isn’t! I have to do this… I have to do this for all of us!”
Upon saying these words, Fluttershy started to run with all her strength towards the darkness of the Everfree Forest. Her friends could only look in awe as the well known shy Pegasus disappeared from their view…
Pony reading the Bible? That's a first.
FYI, you're going to (or at least the author is going to) get a lot of downvotes by parasprites because of a fic relating to Christianity. It's better to leave religion out of fics, mostly in an effort to please everypony.
I personally want the author to continue writing this fic as it's really interesting so far. However, if people actually verbally complain about it being based on Christianity, ask for him/her to discontinue it.
However, I'm praying that won't have to happen.
Hmmm... Christianity?
...
i.imgur.com/CAxIL.jpg
Sorry, nothing personal, but I just can't. I'm not going to dislike your story due to the content, but I just can't read it. I could go on for hours about what I think of Christianity, and most other religions, but it just isn't worth it. I don't think religion has any place in MLP, and I cringe whenever I see it done. Seriously though, keep it in the church.
Downvoted due to this being legitimately bad.
This fic is not really trying to tell a story nor trying to make people think over issues for themselves. It's simply a thinly disguised sermon with ponies involved.
Your characterisation is bad. Nopony's acting believably, they're just acting in a way you'd prefer them too. They're simply plot devices, a means to an end. They're not characters in themselves, they're just bodies doing stuff.
I appreciate the sentiment of you trying to communicate your personal philosophy and beliefs through stories, but I cannot appreciate what barely passes for a story. It's like reading Atlas Shrugged.
Try again, author. Try again.
951893 Why? You have the right to believe anything you want, you also have the right to voice those opinions. No one should tell you "Keep those atheist views to yourself". So, why should Christians or other religious groups be treated differently? Why do we have to "keep it in the church"? Because you don't like Christianity? I don't like atheism any more than you do Christianity, yet I won't tell you to keep your thoughts to yourself.
And thank you for not disliking this story just for its content, you have shown more maturity than most people on the internet.
After Forever - Black Sabbath
PRAISE SMOOTHS!
Just had to put that in.
951928
"It's like reading Atlas Shrugged."
Damn. I agree the narrative flow is not the best but... damn.
the FiM world is rife with religious imagery. And I've considered a few pony/bible crossovers but it would be difficult to not step on some hooves, for reasons like: according to canon, the royal sisters operate the sun.
Which, if taken literally mean they don't need God to provide ... well, much of anything since they can grow their own freakin' crops, thank you very much. But if it's untrue, then the royal sisters are deceivers of the highest order ... primitive tribal shamans got away with that kind of blatant lie because it wasn't yet clear far above their station these mere men had placed themselves, claiming to be God.
I've touched lightly on this in one of my 'fics ... by saying the sun is inside the atmosphere; it makes sense in this world for it to be a product of pony labor, like skyscrapers or electricity. This means, and a I haven't fully considered it yet, but it means that there would be a way for ponies to live peaceably and successfully without the royal sisters or the unicorn-council before them to create and raise a "sun"
Having said all of that, I haven't read the 'fic here ... because I'm at work but the concept is worthwhile, and I'd just like to speak up in favor acknowledging that good writing comes from the heart ... which has such components in it as religious and philosophical beliefs, which will be visible in the 'fic itself.
Which, if written badly regardless of initial starting point or intent, will I assure you still be a bad 'fic. 'Nuff said.
Real world religions and MLP… Oh boy that’s no easy topic. There are many ways how this story can take a turn for the worse, but it’s a ratherunique idea so I’ll give it a try.
I think the problem most people have with this kind of stories is the message: Only Christianity will save you. So it’s rather easy to predict what’s going to happen: all Mane Six will convert to Christianity by the end of the story and it turns out this is the only true religion ™ that prevents you from the eternal hellfire ™.
Since I don’t want to start a religious debate on the Internet – nothing good will come out of it - I’ll just say that this message makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. But I’ll give the story a chance. Maybe it will be an interesting story that has more to offer than just the standard phrases of so many religious movies and books? Only time will tell. Until then I don’t give it a thumb up or down.
For a second language, you did quite well with your spelling and grammar. Admittedly, the story does leave you hanging a bit, but I am sure that subsequent chapters will help fix that.
Don't listen to the Neigh Sayers either. They seem to forget that accepting others includes accepting things that they may not believe. Let them do what they will do, but take heart that there are those who will stand with you, and praise your courage.
God bless you, and be well!
951893
You seem to forget the very message of MLP:FiM. Isn't accepting others, despite their beliefs a big part of it? I didn't see this author do anything wrong, nor force anything upon anypony. Perhaps you need to consider just what it is that you're saying to somepony who is just trying to share their own view.
951944 I actually consider myself an Agnostic Theist more than an atheist. I believe that there could be, and probably is a god or some high, divine entity, but I would just as easily accept that there may not be if evidence or proof said otherwise. And while I do agree with you that everyone should voice their opinions, and sometimes even beliefs, I do not entirely agree when it comes to Christianity. I think TimeFly said it perfectly, this is just the typical religious sermon, another Christian spouting his beliefs and spamming the internet with stuff we don't want to hear (apparently, still haven't read the story, just going by what he said). I really wouldn't mind so much if they at least tried to make it good instead of just rewording the same lecture over and over again. Of course, it's nowhere NEAR as bad as Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, and those other cults.
Now, I know that some people like this stuff, so that's why I am still not downvoting. I also try to make a note not to downvote stories I haven't read. If I did read it however, chances are I would thumbs down simply on the premise that the story itself might be bad. But if people like it, more power to them. I'm glad that at least some people got something out of it.
Ok, just a few points. Grammatically, you need to write 'Fluttershy's' as in 'Fluttershy's journey'. It's not a bad fanfic, but I don't really think you've kept to Fluttershy's character. She's not impulsive, so racing away from her friends and animals she cares for seems implausible. Also, Fluttershy is a bit too... forceful... with her ideas. It's almost as if Fluttershy turned into a Jehovah's witness overnight. You've also just smashed through the first chapter without really elaborating on any of your ideas. It could be an ok fanfic if you put some time and thought into the plot, but at the moment it's a bit too rushing for me.
Is there a chapter where you intend to burn Lyra and Bon-Bon at the stake coming up? The tachings of christianity, islam and judaism are basically the absolute antithesis to the message of my little pony. Perhaps add a grimdark tag? -.-
952076
I thought My Little Pony was about accepting others, even if their beliefs did differ from yours. Did I miss something here? Is it not more tolerant and loving to accept somepony even if they have a view you don't like?
952053 I apologize for just assuming you were an atheist. No there are no proofs, that's one of the reasons being a Christian is hard sometimes. But that's were faith comes in. Don't worry, I won't ramble on about my faith however.
Sadly you are right, throughout history we have forced our beliefs and imposed them on others. It's one of the many mistakes we have made. Just last week I was running on a 5K run, and sure enough there was a a guy hollering about the end of the world and telling everyone to believe what he had to say. It's embarrassing, really. That is just not the way to go and spread the gospel. Sadly, many still do just that.
You know that feeling MLP:FIM gives you? The one that makes you want to tell everyone about this show we all know and love? That feeling is similar to the one we feel as Christians.
Downvoted, but I do have critique for it.
I'm not much a fan of Christianity, or any religion in general, so as an Atheist, I would suggest just trying to make it a good story first. It seems too "preachy" at the moment; that might be what you're going for, but if you're writing this for the support of other Christian Bronies, you don't need to stick to the religious themes so heavily (a couple comments from Pinkie Pie were genuinely funny in this, so from her and Twilight, I feel you have a good sense of the characters).
The "preachy"ness of it also seems to have taken away from the events of the story. It moves too fast (at least for me), and it feels like the message is more important than the actual story itself. I'm a beginner in fiction as a whole myself, much less fan-fiction (so feel free to take this with a grain of salt), so my main suggestion here, if anything else, is to just flesh out the events, add more details where needed. You started the story off rather well, so future chapters will have more opportunities for improvement.
Again, not an expert at any of this stuff. Christianity may not be for me, but I will check back on future chapters to see how they improve. Thank you, and have fun writing.
952076 Ok, I have to admit that made me laugh my arse off
I was trying to reply to everyone individually, but the comments keep coming.
First I want to thank everyone who commented. For a first fic, I didn't expect to receive so many comments. ^^
Second, I want to remind you that this fanfic is a crossover with the movie Pilgrim Progress. Here is a link if you want to read more: null
And here is the trailer of it:
null
Before you rate this fanfic, please ask yourself: would you like this movie?
Removing the christianity complains, the most common thing people are picking is the flow. I think the fault of this is on me: those who watched the movie known that Christian was already intrigued with the bible at the beginning. The idea of the movie wasn't: "Why Christian converted to christianity?", the idea is "What Christian has to do to become a christian?". At the start of the movie, he was already seeking it so I didn't put much focus on Fluttershy conversion.
Hmm. This gave me an idea. Even through it's not on the movie, I can reserve a chapter to Fluttershy studying the Holy Word. Or I can improve this chapter with a few more paragraphs. I will let you guys think about it.
952102 Not exactly. MLP is about tolerance. Tolerance means you put up with something, you don't have to like it. On the other hand, look, for example, at the policies pushed on to us by the catholic church. Gays can't get married and are basically flawed in the eyes of their god, HIV in africa, I could go on.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not telling anyone to stop writing. Everypony equal, right? I am just saying that I fail to see how Christianity and MLP are compatible, that is all.
EDIT: Good job writing the pony variety show btw., loved it!
952153
Personally, I have issue in the same way with the homosexual agenda, so it goes both ways. I feel like something that is unhealthy is being promoted and pushed upon me. It doesn't give me the right to criticize every piece of homosexually focused art here. I may not agree with somepony, but I will not be their judge either.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and for liking the PVS! I hope you can see where I'm coming from.
952147 Definately consider fleshing the story out a wee bit, details are always nice. And although the story is based on a book, or film, you should put your own twist on it, using the book only as a scaffold. Many human ideas don't translate neatly into Equestria, so I would keep an eye out for this. Also, religious thread wars will always erupt in stories like this, just carry on writing it for the people that enjoy it.
952107 I kinda know how you feel now. I hate it when bronies are constantly spewing ponies on people who clearly aren't interested, like saying stuff like 'Needs more ponies' or '*** is best pony' or posting pony memes in places where it was totally unnecessary and unwarranted. I know people like ponies, but there is 'liking', and then there is obsessed. Take r34 for example, if it stayed within the confines of its own community and away from the light of day for all to see, then fine, I have no problem with that, but sadly that doesn't happen. Now we have a bad name simply because of the obsessed, religious zealots (figuratively), and it's hard for people to see past that to the good side.
If more Christians were like you, then I think more people would welcome them and possibly even consider sharing in your belief.
952102 Say what?
Religious based or not, this doesn't feel like a cohesive story. It feels like a sermon.
951928
"It's like reading Atlas Shrugged."
Oh damn! Burn! You, my good fellow, know your way around a reference. And you're right. Preachy, slanted and all.
952210
I was simply saying I see the issue of pushing one's beliefs on others to go both ways. If someone were to tell me that I'm short-sighted and wrong for sharing my beliefs, then I imagine that person would be the one making judgements, dependless of what my beliefs are.
So, for example, say my belief is that gay marriage is okay, and I say so. If somebody tells me I'm wrong, then that makes that person an unfair judge.
But say my belief is that God is real and the Bible is his holy word, and I say so. If somebody tells me I'm wrong, then that makes me the one who is wrong, simply because they don't agree with me?
This is where I'm trying to get with tolerance. Personally, I feel that my belief is violated by the prevalent homosexual agenda. I feel that they are telling me something should be held up and praised, when I see it as harmful. It doesn't mean I judge them every time they say so, but I don't need to agree with them either. I won't go around, criticizing them for writing a homosexual ponies story, because that would be intolerant. So why is it okay to go around criticizing a Christian ponies story?
Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts, and for liking my work! I hope we can reach common ground here.
952227 Always wondered what the Midwest was like. Heard it was pretty Christian-intense, but oh well! I prefer more liberal places, like here in Britain we don't really care that much about who is what. People forcing their views on other people is pretty sad, people are entitled to their views.
952198
There are many like us, sir. We are merely the victims of stereotyping, as much as any.
I just don't buy it, Fluttershy becoming religious by reading the bible (or some pony equivalent)? I doubt she'd make it past Genesis without being traumatized.
The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.
Richard Dawkins
i love flamewars
952102 I was under the impression that criticism is what these little boxes under the stories are for.
Your argumentation assumes the absence of evidence in all question regarding faith, ethics or morality. Evidence, hower, is not absent. We live in a society that is subjected to an everchanging code of morality, which we use to discern between right and wrong. Se lets say, for example, that someone goes around and tells people to blow themselves up in busses or restaurants or whatnot, because the invisible man/woman/entitiy in the sky has told that this might be a jolly good idea. Would I be wrong for pointing out that he is insane, or would he be?
Lastly: What homosexual agenda is it that you are speaking of? You make it sound like homosexuals are trying to force their sexual orientation onto others, which they don't. They only "agenda" going on is people fighting for their right to be treated equally and fairly. Because at the moment they are not.
Now how is homosexuality harmful? Many people would now go around mentioning little boys being raped by priests, but that isn't really fair, is it? If you take up this argument you'd have to declare heterosexuality as equally harmful, so it is not an argument at all. Next idea: Homosexuality is bad for you health. True, you can get veneral deseases when sleeping with someone of the same sex. You can get the same deseases when sleeping with someone of the opposite sex or, in rare and somewhat disturbing cases, by sleeping with an animal of your choice. Happily, we have ways to protect ourselves and while abstinence is the only 100% secure way of avoiding getting sick, condoms are still pretty safe. Apart from that, I can't really see how homosexuality could be considered harmful. Unless, of course, you assume that fillyfoolers and coltcuddlers go to hell. This, however, would mean that you are actively forcing your unproven beliefs on others, making you dead wrong. If you'd do that in some of the more... lively gay bars, just dead.
So in conclusion I would argue that criticism is not wrong. Pointing out obvious shortcomings and intolerance in the christian belief is also not wrong. Unless the world is completely free from religious oppression, which it is not.
Yeah I'm gonna give you some advice. If you want to make a fic where anything religious is involved, just don't do it. At all.
The internet is very immature in it's view of religion. It hates religion in its entirety, is VERY intolerant of it, and will attack you the minute you mention it. Just don't involve religion, trust me, it will be better that way.
I only checked this out because I saw the insane amount of comments and it's not on its first hour yet. Well done on setting a flippin' record.
Any of you that dislike religion or Christianity and don't want this story to be viewed, then you failed epically by getting it so popular. Muaha.
I have to say this fic is intresting, though I dont really like it, everything is happening to fast and theres no reaction, like when Evengalist came told Fluttershy he knew where the salvation place was, she just said thanks and acted like it wasnt that important. Theres more than just that thing but im not going to make a list. But you should continue on with this story. It is still an interesting idea.
952255
Nearly all religions have unsavory and intolerant aspects, I suppose is what Loki wants to get at. The homosexual "agenda" isn't intolerant of straight people, it's about equality. I personally could never believe in any doctrine that teaches that people deserve eternal torture simply for believing in something else, regardless of how good a person they are or what their sexuality is, or a doctrine that evokes the end of the world as punishment. But to each his own.
I never thought about it much, but it feels like real-world religion is something Discord would introduce to Equestria in one of his schemes; I can't see any good coming from it. That said, this story deserves a chance to improve and be read, as all stories do.
I just hope, along with others here, it doesn't turn into a doomsday scenario where the believers are saved and the non-believers are condemned, as that does not fit with the themes and message of MLP:FiM at all. It would be a great disappointment to see love and tolerance replaced by something so awful.
INB4 Christfags...
952339 Stereotypefags...
952339
No need for name-calling/insults now.
952308
If the criticism is fair, then of course they are. It doesn't justify one using it badly.
It is reasonable to assume someone being unreasonable, illegal, or otherwise questionable should be treated as such. That said, I didn't see anything in this author's work that should be taken in this manner, nor do the actions of some justify the judgement of something as a whole. Such thinking is the same type that gets black people stereotyped as criminals, merely because some individuals of that race have committed crimes.
The homosexual agenda, which I only wish to use as an illustration point, is actually quite prevalent. If you go anywhere and bring up the topic, it will most likely be defended quite fervently. Anyone who disagrees with it on the internet is even more likely to suffer serious criticism, even if they make a valid point. This is the agenda I'm talking about. People romanticizing the idea, and refusing to hear anything else.
My opinion on it's harmfulness is a personal belief, and extends to sex in general. While it would take me some time to explain, I do believe that any sex can be damaging to a person if abused, and homosexuality is merely one form of a much bigger problem that breaks down a person's spirit. It is not a view I expect everyone to take, but one I do.
This is my point. You have chosen to assume that all Christian belief is intolerant, and as such, have labeled it as oppression. I don't recall oppressing you, nor have I forced any view upon you, only shared my beliefs. If anything, I have sought to be quite tolerant, even with things that I disagree with completely. There is no tolerance without there being something that needs tolerating.
Again, thank you. I do not wish to make you feel unwelcome, and would like to think of this as a sharing of ideas. Please do not take offense to me, for I will not choose to be offended by you.
952192
Thank you. I will add more details for now on. And about differences and twists, yes... I will change a few parts of it, with the sole purpose of making it fit in Equestria plane better.
Also you said that there are human ideas that don't fit in Equestria. I agree, this is why I am not using christianity but a paralel religion based on christianity. It carries all main ideias and beliefs, but it also had some backstory changed to fit better with My Little Pony. To tell you the truth I am currently trying to rewrite the whole bible, with ponies of course. But after some comments I have decided to add a bit more detail to each passage before publishing it.
And I won't lie: I knew this wouldn't be met with open arms. But having some real feedback and a few people who like it is satisfying enough for me.
952440 I'm not sure how crucifying Luna will go down (just kidding!) but I wish you the best of luck!
952333
I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm not here to judge any agenda, but to point out the similarities in how two things are judged, and the differences. Even in your example, you have made an assumption that I disagree with, but for the sake of avoiding argument here, I'll leave it be.
I view it quite differently. After all, the conflict doesn't come from what one believes, but how one uses or abuses what they believe. I think the differences in our world and Equestria is entirely a matter of how we use what we know.
Considering that the author stated that this was a retelling of a classic book, not merely a religious view, I think it is being misinterpreted. Judging the work as something awful without being sure seems unfair to me.
Hm... a fic having to do with religion?
*grabs popcorn* Let's see what flame wars are going on down here in the comments...
*tries to read* ...TL;DR.
I have no religion, period. I'm not even an atheist. I'm one of those people where if I don't have evidence for something, I'm not going to claim it's true. (I'm one of those "Pics or it didn't happen" people.)
I do, however, respect the right for people to have their own beliefs and opinions. I just really hate people who shove religion in peoples' faces all the time. If you know people might have a different religion, why shove your own in their faces?
This flame is just outrageous. If you know this story is about a different belief than you, then why click on it? Everyone who is hating on this story is no better than brony haters, since it's the exact same thing.
Now, onto the story review itself. I agree with 951928 ; The characterization is pretty bad. And the grammar is bit off, but nothing too crazy. (Especially since English isn't your first language; good job on that, by the way.) Also, the pacing moves at the speed of light. It goes way too fast; this chapter alone could have had almost double length if you slowed down.
Overall, it's not too bad. Just ignore the people who are hating because it's about Christianity. It's not true criticism, so don't think about them twice. I'm not going to like or dislike, since I'm not sure what to give. It's still better than most stories on this website.
952102 So you sharing your beliefs is one thing, but homosexuals and supporters of equality defending theirs is an agenda? The problem here, I think, is that you are confronted with the shifting moral opinion of our society. The fact that most people disagree with your personal beliefs is not a sign of an evil agenda taking place.
Now I think you are assuming too much. Christians have many good ideas. Well, technically other people had those ideas aswell, which is why it would be unfair for christians to monopolize them, but there you go. Anyway: The golden rule is a brillaint idea. It is the epitome of tolerance. It is however not the homosexuals who go around condemning the christians to hell. Quite the opposite, as it is. Again, this does not apply to all christians. My parents are roman catholic and perfectly fine with my bisexuality or anyone else's for that matter. So christian does not equal bad, but neither does it equal good. Personally I think that people should choose to do good things, because they want to and not to score points for the afterlife, but since actions matter, I can't complain.
Of course sex in excess is bad for you. Everything, done excessively, is bad for you. But I fail to see why homosexuality would break down anyone's spirit. On the contrary, homosexuals being told that their orientation is flawed, that they are somehow sick and must be cured it was serves to get them down. I don't see people commiting suicide just from having gay sex. They do it, because an intolerant society is determined to force their beliefs upon them.
So what I want to know is this: How is love a bad thing? How is two men or two women loving each other any less beautiful and precious, than when it is between a man and a woman?
I think Terry Pratchett sums it up pretty well: "A lot of that sort of thing about, apparently," said Ridcully. "People make such a fuss. Anyway, in my opinion there's not enough love in the world. Besides, if you didn't like the company of men you wouldn't come here in the first place. I say! Well done, that man!"
Givin' it a shot.
Oh, and Western society is crumbling at the roots because of this "no wrong door" gluttony we've become accustomed to.
952468
While I take issue with your view of homosexuality, and how criticism of it compares and contrasts with criticism of religion, I too feel a debate on that subject is best saved for elsewhere. Though, I am always interested as to why people view homosexuality as harmful to any particular group of people.
It is my view that a doctrine that encourages a separation from reality, and instead a belief in the unseen and undetectable, as well as in the punishment of those who do not share your belief, will always cause conflict in some shape or form, regardless of those who are exposed to it.
Also, I actually presumed that doomsday scenario bit from the story's description, not any real-life holy book. I am not judging it as something awful, I said such a message would be awful and against the message of MLP:FiM; in my first comment and critique, I thought I judged the story and its premise quite fairly.
952505
But most people don't disagree, just a vocal few. If most did, I don't imagine I could keep talking about it, for fear of my inbox being flooded.
This is fair, and yes, the center of the idea in many beliefs is tolerant and loving. The difference between your view and mine seems to be about what Christians do. I don't believe they (as a whole) condemn anyone, merely warn them of the danger they believe in. Those who condemn others are a vocal minority, yet the whole seems to be judged for it.
It is the nature of relationship that I feel breaks down the spirit when sexuality is abused. Relationships are meant to be bonds between individuals, holding them together. When things like jealousy, envy, or even misunderstanding occur, it can break the relationship, and thus damage the individual. If one's only bond to another is sexual, or if the loss of the sexual element can damage or break a relationship, it is dangerous to the individual. That is why permanent commitment is so important in any sexual relationship, and why I don't believe a relationship based on what merely pleases someone is harmful. There is more to it, and this is only a personal belief, but it does sum up a simple perspective of my beliefs on the matter.
My personal perspective on the matter is found in 1 Corinthians 6:12. "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible, but not everything is constructive." In this I see that anything can be done, but some things may hurt us in ways we don't see.
I walk among men, that I may be a light and a guide. My ways aren't perfect, nor my creed flawless, but I endure for the hope that all will be blessed. Thank you!
952537
From my other conversation, if you would like to read it:
It is the nature of relationship that I feel breaks down the spirit when sexuality is abused. Relationships are meant to be bonds between individuals, holding them together. When things like jealousy, envy, or even misunderstanding occur, it can break the relationship, and thus damage the individual. If one's only bond to another is sexual, or if the loss of the sexual element can damage or break a relationship, it is dangerous to the individual. That is why permanent commitment is so important in any sexual relationship, and why I don't believe a relationship based on what merely pleases someone is harmful. There is more to it, and this is only a personal belief, but it does sum up a simple perspective of my beliefs on the matter.
From my perspective, it is entirely different. It isn't separation from reality, but the recognition that we don't understand reality enough to see how much of it there truly is. As for my creed concerning judgement, a Christian should not condemn, but aid another so that they will not be condemned.
The book in question is Pilgrim's Progress. It's not a doomsday book, and it's message is one of hope and enduring through trial. The reason I found your critique to be unfair was that there is no indication of where this story is going beyond the religious message, yet it was deemed to be dark nonetheless.
Thank you for sharing your opinion, and taking the time to talk about it. I would much rather hear and understand than to judge without knowing, so that we might both come to agreement, even if only peaceful disagreement.
Umm guys, could you please stop talking about homosexuality and focus on the story instead? The comment section is no place for an off-topic discussion.
952102 We have got a bit off topic, so I'll say my (hopefully) last piece:
You say: "It is the nature of relationship that I feel breaks down the spirit when sexuality is abused. Relationships are meant to be bonds between individuals, holding them together. When things like jealousy, envy, or even misunderstanding occur, it can break the relationship, and thus damage the individual. If one's only bond to another is sexual, or if the loss of the sexual element can damage or break a relationship, it is dangerous to the individual. That is why permanent commitment is so important in any sexual relationship, and why I don't believe a relationship based on what merely pleases someone is harmful. There is more to it, and this is only a personal belief, but it does sum up a simple perspective of my beliefs on the matter."
Why does this only apply to homosexuals? Are they, in your opinion, unable to form a relationship, which goes beyond the mere physical? Are gays or lesbians not capable of permanent commitment? I'm not too big a fan of casual sex, allthough I have occasionally dabbled, but everything you just said should apply to straights and gays equally. They feel the same pleasure, so why judge them differently?
If you'd like to continue this discussion in a less public environment, write me a pm or something.
To the story: Havn't seen the movie, so I can't say too much. What I can say, however, is this: The story moves way, way too fast. To get every necessary aspect covered, you should have used abour four times as many words. I'm also curious on how it ends. Do Flutters and the other mane6 survive, while the rest of equestria is snuffed out in heavenly fire? Or is there some sort of masterplan to save everyone afoot?