Her Mother's Diary

by Church

day forty-nine

… Day forty- nine...

Doing this just isn’t going to cut it.

The job search is a failure so far. I’m running out of the money in my account, and I have to pay for food, for the apartment, for the foalsitter etc. I like the foalsitter, and I want to keep her around because I’m definitely not going to get Mom to foalsit for me. She already has her hooves full with Dad. I don’t have any other options. Something has got to give soon.

And so I tend to be out of the house more. I don’t have the time to see Dash as much as I’d like, and I don’t have the time to see Dad for the same reasons. Sometimes, I come home, and I feel like Rainbow hardly wants to see me at all. She sees the foalsitter on a consistent basis. I think I know where her loyalties lie. That, well, it saddens me. I walk into the house, and she’s laughing and giggling with the foalsitter, a mare named Wonder. When Wonder leaves, Dashie inevitably tires out. It’s apparent she isn’t an infinite ball of energy. It’s funny, because I never truly remember her ever exhausting herself during the day.

Today the same story played itself out. I came home, talked to Wonder for a bit about Dash, laughed and smiled as we talked about what Dash did. Wonder read that picture book to Dash again. They played a few games. Rainbow ended up climbing all over the counter. You know. The things my lovely, rambunctious Rainbow Dash usually does. I smiled as Wonder and I talked, but I guess I didn’t really know how to feel. Sometimes I just wish that Dash would pull the pots and pans back out in the middle of the night and bash them together in a cacophony of sound. It would put a smile on my face, and it would piss the neighbors off. I like the sound of that.

But Rainbow is sleeping. I’m up wandering around the apartment like a zombie. I’ve gotten to a point now where sleep is unreachable. Maybe I’ll bang the pots and pans around like a half-wit. I can’t imagine what kind of joy it would bring me, but at least it’s something to do.

No. I don’t want that.

Instead, I’ll most likely end up hanging over the side of her crib. I’ll most likely end up stroking her multicolored mane. I’ll most likely end up making sure she stays tucked in tight. I’ll most likely end up crying over top of her, not only for her, but for my Dad and my own pathetic situation as well.

Then I’ll most likely end up getting lost in a book. I won’t be reading it. I’ll just be staring at the pages, wishing that I could get sucked into their world so I too could fight monsters and steal relics.

And then, during some point in the night, I’ll most likely realize that I myself am lost. And then I’ll just sprawl out on the floor and wait for the sun to come up.

Then we’ll do it all over again tomorrow.

Comments

[bigchibz110]

[SuperPinkBrony12]

[Rainbow87dash]

Wow that's just.... Depressing