A [Displaced] story about three people who wanted to go to a con and have a good time, only to end up buying enchanted items from a vendor and sent to a war torn Equestria.
8548389 Considering Inferno and I are in different time zones, we usually start writing around 6:00-7:00 my time, and if things go well, we usually get the chapter done in 2 days.
Okay, there are a lot problems with this, and not just in terms of design(Sorry if that sounds rude.) First, this seems too rushed, not enough detail. I know that they are essentially on a time limit, but I've read plenty of stories with these kinds of situations that still managed to add as much detail as they could.
The grammar isn't terrible. It needs work, yes, but it's mostly minor to everything else.
All in all, I think you two aren't giving this world enough fleshing out. I know of a lot of other stories where it's fast paced almost all the time, but this is just so rushed it seems a bit too bland, only having a few interesting bits between the blandness to keep it just barely afloat.
Work on each scene, give them as much detail as you can without making them a wall of text.
I predict that in the next chapter we will see what happens when you surprise people who are already on edge....
May I ask what the update schedule is? Depending on how long it takes to write each chapter of course.
8548340
Maybe.... *Evil cackle*
8548389
Considering Inferno and I are in different time zones, we usually start writing around 6:00-7:00 my time, and if things go well, we usually get the chapter done in 2 days.
8548390
Let me guess.....
i.imgur.com/bznY6Lc.jpg
8548407
They may be on edge, but they're not gonna be that on edge. More like pointing their weapons but that's it.
8548410
You never know.....
but it will definitely spook the ones surprising the team...
Okay, there are a lot problems with this, and not just in terms of design(Sorry if that sounds rude.) First, this seems too rushed, not enough detail. I know that they are essentially on a time limit, but I've read plenty of stories with these kinds of situations that still managed to add as much detail as they could.
The grammar isn't terrible. It needs work, yes, but it's mostly minor to everything else.
All in all, I think you two aren't giving this world enough fleshing out. I know of a lot of other stories where it's fast paced almost all the time, but this is just so rushed it seems a bit too bland, only having a few interesting bits between the blandness to keep it just barely afloat.
Work on each scene, give them as much detail as you can without making them a wall of text.
8595271
Yeah, sorry about that.