This is a story about Naruto waking up eaons after him being sealed away waking up and, coping with losing not only his family and his whole world but, having to adapt to a world populated by pacifist pastille colored horses. without losing his mind.
8542510 Unless you’re writing a joke fix, change it. Emlements is a misspelling of Elements, and considering it’s the first words we see,in the title of all things, you don’t want that.
Twilight Sparklem gasped. “You think you can destroy The Emlements of Harmony just like that? Well, you're wrong, because the spirits of The Emlements of Harmony are right here.”
Nightmarem Moon was taken aback. “What?”
Twilight Sparklem looked confidently towards her new companions:
“Applemjack, who reassured me when I was in doubt, represents the spirit of... honemsty!
“Fluttemshy, who tamed the manticore with her compassion, represents the spirit of... kindnems!
“Pinkiem Piem, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger, represents the spirit of... laughtem!
“Remity, who calmed a sorrowful serpent with a meaningful gift represents the spirit of... gemerosity!
“And Rembow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her own heart's desire represents the spirit of... loyaltem! The spirits of these five ponies got us through every challenge you threw at us.”
Nightmarem Moon cackled. “You still don't have the sixth Element! The spark didn't work!”
“But it did!” Twemlight countered. “A different kind of spark.” She turned to the ponies beside her. “I felt it the very moment I realized how happy I was to hear you, to see you, how much I cared about you. The spark ignited inside me when I realized that you all... are my friemds!
“You see, Nightmare Moon, when those Emlements are ignited by the... the spark, that resides in the heart of us all, it creates the sixth element: the emlement of... emagic!”
Context: This story was original titled A Heros's Sacrifice for the Emlements
Comment posted by ME ME BIG BOY deleted Nov 10th, 2017
I’m pretty sure there is a group on this site where you can look for editors, but I’m not sure what it is called. I would also be willing to help if you want. The best way I found for me is to share the chapter with me via google drive. I’ll let you know of the specifics later tonight. Right now I have to get to my Football practice.
8542694 are all the editors like this? because if so that sucks for the little guy trying to get his/her story out there. i am struggling i will admit that much. when i first wrote this it sounded way better in my head but, i am thankful for any criticism i can get.
8542718 okay like i said earlier i am new to this site. are the editors able to be patient with me if i don't do 'x' or 'y' correctly or on time or just so. i just dont want a ball buster ya know.
8542730 Nope the editor guild (if I remember this is what's it called) the moment you make a mistake they boot you out of the group. So like I just said earlier just ask for an editor someone WILL answer the call if you broadcast far enough.
8542808 well that sucks i mean wth " oh i need an editor because my grammar is atrocious i should really look into getting one." plot twist the person that you rely on is an asshat wtf
top ten anime betrayals meme!
thanks for the suggestion my dude. got a blog up and will do some searching hopefully i will be successful and get an editor and he/she will be tolerant of my mistakes.
Dat title.
good or bad or maybe just cringe?
8542510
Unless you’re writing a joke fix, change it. Emlements is a misspelling of Elements, and considering it’s the first words we see,in the title of all things, you don’t want that.
8542510
Bad, I mean emlements ELEMENTS
Twilight Sparklem gasped. “You think you can destroy The Emlements of Harmony just like that? Well, you're wrong, because the spirits of The Emlements of Harmony are right here.”
Nightmarem Moon was taken aback. “What?”
Twilight Sparklem looked confidently towards her new companions:
“Applemjack, who reassured me when I was in doubt, represents the spirit of... honemsty!
“Fluttemshy, who tamed the manticore with her compassion, represents the spirit of... kindnems!
“Pinkiem Piem, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger, represents the spirit of... laughtem!
“Remity, who calmed a sorrowful serpent with a meaningful gift represents the spirit of... gemerosity!
“And Rembow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her own heart's desire represents the spirit of... loyaltem! The spirits of these five ponies got us through every challenge you threw at us.”
Nightmarem Moon cackled. “You still don't have the sixth Element! The spark didn't work!”
“But it did!” Twemlight countered. “A different kind of spark.” She turned to the ponies beside her. “I felt it the very moment I realized how happy I was to hear you, to see you, how much I cared about you. The spark ignited inside me when I realized that you all... are my friemds!
“You see, Nightmare Moon, when those Emlements are ignited by the... the spark, that resides in the heart of us all, it creates the sixth element: the emlement of... emagic!”
8542540
8542539
title fixed whoops my bad peeps i am pretty bad when it comes to spelling, structuring and pacing thank you for the feed back i need it badly.
that's what you get when you get a D+ in senior english, and it's my first language. UUUGH the teacher was a total ball buster.
love you all thank you for the criticism.
V.S.
Seriously, get an editor. The grammar and punctuation mistakes are too numerous to list without turning this comment into one giant wall of text.
8542566
I know i need one BAD but i am new to this site and do not know where to get an editor if you have any suggestions i would be thankful for it
I’m pretty sure there is a group on this site where you can look for editors, but I’m not sure what it is called. I would also be willing to help if you want. The best way I found for me is to share the chapter with me via google drive. I’ll let you know of the specifics later tonight. Right now I have to get to my Football practice.
8542599
okay sounds awesome thank you for your consternation to help me edit I will take you up on that offer and i hope we can work well together.
by the way good luck on your Football practice.
thank you
V.S.
8542599
I went to this group once or twice to see what it was more specifically, and those guys are a bunch of stuck up assholes.
8542694
are all the editors like this? because if so that sucks for the little guy trying to get his/her story out there. i am struggling i will admit that much. when i first wrote this it sounded way better in my head but, i am thankful for any criticism i can get.
i aim to get 'gud' as it were.
V.S.
8542706
What I would do is simple post a blog here about help finding an editor you will have more chance of finding one like that
8542718
okay like i said earlier i am new to this site. are the editors able to be patient with me if i don't do 'x' or 'y' correctly or on time or just so. i just dont want a ball buster ya know.
Interesting beginning, and the only big problem I see so far is the spelling and grammar.
deleted my own comment because i spazed at my own post hehe whoops.
8542730
Nope the editor guild (if I remember this is what's it called) the moment you make a mistake they boot you out of the group.
So like I just said earlier just ask for an editor someone WILL answer the call if you broadcast far enough.
8542808
well that sucks i mean wth " oh i need an editor because my grammar is atrocious i should really look into getting one."
plot twist the person that you rely on is an asshat wtf
top ten anime betrayals meme!
thanks for the suggestion my dude. got a blog up and will do some searching hopefully i will be successful and get an editor and he/she will be tolerant of my mistakes.
thank very much
V.S.
8542850
I just sent you a PM explaining sharing via Google Drive so that I can edit for you.
8543084
okay thank you i take a look at it