Pinkie Anonymous

by Daemon McRae

Chapter 6: Pinkin, Blinkin, and Nod

Author's Note:

Commissioned work. PAAAATREEEEOOOOOONNNN. With a reworked Tier structure.

Chapter 6: Pinkin, Blinkin, and Nod

The break room of Lace Track was rather lavish, as far as break rooms go. It was much the same décor as the storefront and show floor, only with less… frilly things. Except the doilies on the table. Those were all kinds of frilly. The absence of a thousand kinds of intimates had somewhat soothed the atmosphere, although Twilight still looked ready to explode into a million different directions.

There were three Pinkie Pies. Three. One was enough, in her opinion, and now she had two hundred percent more Pinkie than usual. None of which were talking. Neither, it seemed, were any of her friends. Everyone seemed either too sheepish or too dumbstruck to really find a way to kickstart the conversation.

Twilight was just plain MAD. “SO,” she barked, making everypony jump. “Oh… sorry. “So… Pinkie. Would you please kindly explain to me, in a way I both understand and will not spontaneously combust for, why there are more than one of you?” Her tone had gone from the loud barking to a cool, even temper as she tried to maintain her inside voice.

Mina just glared at her. “What part of ‘we promised’ is getting stuck on you horn?”

Twilight felt her eye twitch. “Pinkie-”

“Mina. Pinkamena Diane. Short one’s spelled with an I,” the butcher growled.

“...fine. Mina. What, exactly, is your problem?” the Princess demanded.

Both Frilly and the real Pinkie scooted away from the meatcrafter as her eyes narrowed. “You want to know?”

“Yes. Very much so.”

“Well too bad, I promised,” Mina said with no lack of snark.

It was obvious she was trying to get a rise out of Twilight, so she turned her attention to the ‘original’ Pinkie. “Pinkie Pie, is there any way you can tell us what’s going on?”

The three girls all looked to each other, then Frilly sighed. “There is, but you are NOT going to like it. At all. Let me just close shop early and we’ll take you there.”

Mina stopped her with a hoof, looking ready to protest. Filly shook her head. “This is the princess, Mina. She can make our lives all kinds of difficult. And even is she didn’t, how could she be expected to trust the original after this? I won’t do that to a fellow Pie.”

Mina’s ear twitched as her sense of irritation ground against her loyalty to the Pies. “FINE. But I don’t have to be happy about it.”

“When are you ever?”

Mina grinned, and Frilly decided that question should remain rhetorical. For everyone’s safety.

----------------

The trek to Pinkie Anonymous was both long, arduous, and tense. The other Elements had been trying to find something to talk about, but between Twilight and Mina’s bad moods, the obvious tension in the air, and the aura of mystery surrounding the entire affair, they either didn’t feel comfortable saying anything, or didn’t have anything to say.

Eventually, Frilly stopped walking, which brought the entire troop to a halt. “We’re here,” she said, gesturing at the completely nondescript office building with the letters P.A. on the front.

“And where… is here?” Twilight asked, her immediate confusion momentarily overshadowing her seething irritation.

Frilly sighed, pushing the door open, and ushering the entire group in.

The last of them, Fluttershy, hadn’t even felt the door close behind her when every alarm in the building went off at once. A loud voice said on an intercom, and from a desk in front of them, “CODE PRISMA! I REPEAT! CODE PRISMA! NOT A DRILL!”

Everypony in the room flinched largely and tried to block out the sound, which fortunately didn’t last long. The sounds of scuffling, running hooves, and doors slamming long outlasted the sirens and yelling over the intercom. Mina glared largely at Pinkwell, the receptionist, who was currently breathing heavy into a bag. Another Pinkie Pie tore into the room, this one with A tight bun in her hair and large glasses. “Pinkwell I swear to god you better… not… be… joking...” she trailed off, seeing the room full of ponies.

Steadying herself on the edge of the counter, she reached a hoof into the air, where Pinkwell handed her her own paper bag. After a few deep breaths, she fanned her face, and turned to glare at Pinkie Pie. The original. “I thought. We TOLD YOU. You PROMISED-”

“It’s not her fault, Pie Chart!” Mina barked. “THIS ONE-” she pointed an accusing hoof at Rainbow Dash, “Came into the grill earlier, and caught me trying to sneak out after my shift. She freakin chased me halfway across town, and ran into this lot on the way,” she redirected her hoof to gesture at the rest of the Elements. “I tried to lse them by diving into Lace Track, but then the original Pinkie caught up with them and they foud themselves in a room with two Pinkies. Normally, protocol would involve a really inventive lie or blunt force trauma, but unfortunately the princess is both smart and a princess and I don’t think I could get a pardon for clubbing her with a meat tenderizer.”

“Ex-CUSE ME?!” Twilight shrieked.

Pie Chart stepped forward and smacked Mina upside the head. “Could you not?” She turned her attention to the obviously upset alicorn. “Miss Sparkle, I apologize for… whatever this is, but rest assured we actually do have a reason for all of this. Not the least of which was trying to avoid this exact situation. So let me be the first to welcome you to Pinkie Anonymous.”

Comments

[Seether00]

Looks like it's back to the pool for the lot of them.

[Merlin Prime]

8887488
That would be the same as murder!
After all each of the Pinkies have a unique personality.
Keep up the awesome work!

[SWEETOLEBOB18]

“It’s not her fault, Pie Chart!” Mina barked. “THIS ONE-” she pointed an accusing hoof at Rainbow Dash, “Came into the grill earlier, and caught me trying to sneak out after my shift. She freakin chased me halfway across town, and ....I......ran into this lot on the way,” she redirected her hoof to gesture at the rest of the Elements. “I tried to lse them by diving into Lace Track, but then the original Pinkie caught up with them and they foud themselves in a room with two Pinkies. Normally, protocol would involve a really inventive lie or blunt force trauma, but unfortunately the princess is both smart and a princess and I don’t think I could get a pardon for clubbing her with a meat tenderizer.”

freakin needs an apostrophe
lse = lose
foud = found

[Seether00]

8887750
pre00.deviantart.net/4394/th/pre/i/2012/324/6/f/twilight__s_killing_pinkies_by_racoonkun-d5lkov5.jpg

Yes. Yes, it would.

[psychosis]

8887940
As a person who tried to write a much lower quality version of this that died before it got past one-shot levels, I agree. Antony C's analysis has the right of it.

[Mitch H]

...please don't kill us all.

[BleedingRaindrops]

Mina’s ear twitched as her sense of irritation ground against her loyalty to the Pies. “FINE. But I don’t have to be happy about it.”

“When are you ever?”

Mina grinned, and Frilly decided that question should remain rhetorical. For everyone’s safety.

I cackled (as I occasionally do) like an evil villain when I read this line.

She freakin' chased me halfway across town, and ran into this lot on the way,” she redirected her hoof to gesture at the rest of the Elements. “I tried to lose them by diving into Lace Track, but then the original Pinkie caught up with them and they found themselves in a room with two Pinkies.

[Fanwriter]

So we have Pinkie in the Press department, Pinkie Detective, Froyo Pinkie, Meatcutter Pinkie, Silly Filly who is AWESOME....here's for more Pinkies who greatly unsettle the main six! :D Ooh! How about animator Pinkie! And is Surprise secretly an honorary Pinkie too?! Oh what about Cheese Sandwich...how do you top a birthaversary? With a Pinktastic Pinky Polka Pop Palooza Party of Pink! :D

:D I am greatly enjoying this...Bring on all the Pinkies to torment Twilight! :D

[LostArchivist]

That part about an inventive lie or blunt force trauma was hilarious. Especially right in front of the would-be victims.

[Sylica telca]

Mina stopped her with a hoof, looking ready to protest. Filly shook her head. “This is the princess , Mina. She can make our lives all kinds of difficult. And even is she didn’t, how could she be expected to trust the original after this? I won’t do that to a fellow Pie.”

Is or if?

[Sylica telca]

“It’s not her fault, Pie Chart!” Mina barked. “THIS ONE-” she pointed an accusing hoof at Rainbow Dash, “Came into the grill earlier, and caught me trying to sneak out after my shift. She freakin chased me halfway across town, and ran into this lot on the way,” she redirected her hoof to gesture at the rest of the Elements. “I tried to lse them by diving into Lace Track, but then the original Pinkie caught up with them and they foud themselves in a room with two Pinkies. Normally, protocol would involve a really inventive lie or blunt force trauma, but unfortunately the princess is both smart and a princess and I don’t think I could get a pardon for clubbing her with a meat tenderizer.”

Missed a letter