Good premise, good pacing. Write bigger paragraphs though, the writing quality itself suffers from choppiness but you know... It works. It's just... A premise like this, a story like this would be fantastic if just written more collectedly.
I have only read the first chapter, might check out the others but sadly it is getting a bit late. Hope you've improved, if not well... I'll probably give it a read anyway but expect the same critique.
Now this is a bit interesting. More of a teaser than anything. Want to see where it leads.
Post it on some groups that will give it for sure some attention, overall if you gonna go with that kind of thing its will be very good
So far, so good.
Good job on the story, i hope you write more
Hey, that's pretty good.
Tags are good... That cast you have looks nifty...
And it's nicely written... I'm sold. When's episode 2?
~Skeeter The Lurker
Looks good. Looking forward to more.
Hmm. I like it
Good premise, good pacing. Write bigger paragraphs though, the writing quality itself suffers from choppiness but you know... It works.
It's just... A premise like this, a story like this would be fantastic if just written more collectedly.
I have only read the first chapter, might check out the others but sadly it is getting a bit late. Hope you've improved, if not well... I'll probably give it a read anyway but expect the same critique.
Onyx, you are just as replaceable. If not more. She brings in the hits. You don't