Frieza goes to Friendship School

by Thought Prism

A Fate Worse than Death

Frieza's eyes snapped open, his tired body aching all over. The first thought he had upon waking was that he didn't remember falling asleep. The second was that something felt off.

Groaning, he scanned his surroundings from his prone position. It became immediately apparent that wherever he was, Frieza very much didn't want to be there. Many mysterious objects hung suspended in the air, staining his retinas with their too-bright colors. Others lay sprawled haphazardly along the floor or atop archaic furnishings. The only thing he recognized was the artillery device in the corner.

His first instinct was to blast the offensive hovering things into nonexistence with a small fraction of his unmatched power, but when he raised his arm at the nearest one, he gasped. Where his lithe, muscled arm had once been, there was now some sort of hairy, fingerless stump. What the devil is this? he thought.

To better examine himself, Frieza stood. Or at least, he tried to. Bafflingly, his legs seemed unable to support his weight. Growling at the indignity, Frieza instead opted to launch himself into the air. However, that too proved fruitless, as his body remained sprawled on the floor. Wait, thought Freiza, his eyes widening, oh no no no no no this can't be happening. I can't feel my energy! Not a single speck of it!

Now, for only the second time in his entire life, Frieza felt truly afraid. In this state, he was completely helpless to enforce his will upon others! He couldn't even blow up a simple planet, let alone his many adversaries!

Scrambling frantically on all four legs like an infant, his heart pounding in his chest, Frieza desperately searched for a reflective surface. When he found one on a wall, he could only stare in abject horror. The face staring back at his was not intimidating in the least. It was the visage of a tiny, pathetic herbivore, the sort his minions would effortlessly dispatch for a quick lunch. He was still white, the crown of his head was still purple, and his eyes were still red, but that was the extent of the resemblance. Aside from the aforementioned hair all over his body, he was now a full-blown quadruped. He didn't even have a prehensile tail with which he could choke the life out of the fools who dared oppose him! Instead, it was made entirely of the aforementioned hair.

The sight made him want to vomit. Copiously.

Ok, Frieza, don't panic. Such actions are beneath you. Slowly, he managed to calm himself back down, shutting his in contemplation. In an effort to find an explanation, any explanation, for his current predicament, he searched his recent memories. The last thing he could remember was participating the Tournament of Power at the behest of his filthy Saiyan nemesis. While the whole 'no killing' thing make the event less enjoyable for Frieza as it could have been, it was still better than being trapped in his own personal hell for eternity. Especially considering he and his universe were the strongest among those participating.

And that was when it hit him. Right... we won, and everybody else was basking in their hard-fought victory, their happiness souring my mood again. Then I brought up the topic of my resurrection, Whis said I deserved to be happy too and then—

The realization hitting him so hard he nearly fell over, Frieza's eyes roved further upwards, to the space above his head. And he saw exactly what he expected to see: nothing. No halo. He was alive again. But at what cost?

Snarling in rage, Frieza slammed a hooved foreleg into the mirror with all his strength, which was barely enough force to crack the glass. "I can't believe this!" he exclaimed. "That loathsome angel went ahead and resurrected me before Goku could! Except he was actually cruel enough to strip away my power and my dignity in the process! The monkey would have been too stupid to think of that!"

He paused, his scowl deepening. Even his voice had changed, now higher-pitched and squeaky. "Will the indignities never cease?"

Frieza should have known better than to tempt fate, as that was when the door to the room opened. The creature that entered looked like he now did, except this one was bright pink and wore a smile. He hated it already.

The figure approached with an unholy, springy gait that defied reason. "Hey there, you naughty little guy! What are you doing in my room?"

Frieza tilted his head back to stare at the probably-female-now-that-he-got-a-closer-look alien that loomed over him. He desperately scrambled for an explanation, but couldn't come up with anything. Rather than stand and fight, his new body's first instinct was to shy away like a recently kicked space puppy.

When he failed to reply, her eyebrow rose... along with her entire head, as her neck stretched impossibly long so she could loom directly over his back. "Well?"

Wait a minute, thought Frieza. Pink, stretchy, terrifying... this must be that Majin Buu I keep hearing about! And I can't possibly fight her in this state. That left only one option, unfortunately. "I apologize for the intrusion, mighty Buu," said Frieza, very much reluctant. "I'll just be going now."

At this, she giggled, her neck and expression both returning to normal. "Oh no, silly, I was just messing with you! I don't mind, really! Also, Buu? Is that a new nickname? I like it, it's cute!"

Frieza blinked in confusion. "Wait, you aren't Majin Buu? Then who are you?"

"I'm Pinkie Pie!" she said, her arms spread wide as confetti rained down from somewhere. "Party pony extraordinaire! My Pinkie Sense was telling my there was in unattended foal in my house, but I never expected it would be somepony new!"

Frieza cringed at the display. Somepony? Kai, that's idiotic. Is that what I am now? A 'pony'? And judging by the size discrepancy, not even an adult one!

"Anyway," continued Pinkie, "What's your name? Where are your parents?"

Now that he knew this 'Pinkie' probably wasn't going to eradicate him, Frieza no longer allowed himself to be intimidated. He straightened his posture as best as he was able, to project his usual aura of confidence and malice. She didn't need to know he was powerless at the moment, and would let his reputation alone serve his needs. "I am Frieza. Lord Frieza, Emperor of the Universe."

However, she did not respond with the expected awe and fear that was usually evoked when he announced himself. Instead, she giggled again. "Ooo, I love playing pretend!" Pinkie then quickly contorted her face into a stern yet goofy pout. "I am Lady Pinkamena, Empress of Frosting!"

As Pinkie raised a hoof overdramatically, Frieza audibly exhaled. It seems these creatures have somehow not heard of me.

"For realzies, I need to take you back to your family, though," Pinkie said. "Are they in the bakery downstairs?"

Frieza narrowed his eyes. This pony was testing his patience. "I have no family, not anymore. I never knew my mother, and my pathetic weakling of a father is long dead."

Pinkie's eyes widened in shock, her mane sagging. "T-That's horrible! You poor thing!" Then, before he could react, Pinkie lunged forwards to try and crush him to death in a brutal surprise attack.

"Ack!" he exclaimed, struggling desperately to escape her grasp. Curse this useless body!

When the force of her hold did not increase after a few, tense seconds, Frieza realized something. Wait. This is one of those 'hug' things, isn't it? Unbelievable.

"I have no need of your comforting! Let go of me at once!" said Frieza.

Reluctantly, Pinkie broke away, stepping back and sniffling. "O-Ok. I guess, in that case... I know exactly what to do."

Frieza was very much dreading what the answer would be, but he had to ask. "And that is...?"

"If you don't have a family, friends are the next best thing!" Pinkie then grabbed Frieza's hoof in hers and started dragging him away, much to his displeasure. "There's plenty of room at Twi's Friendship School!"

As Frieza was whisked away down a broken escalator made of dead plant matter, his face was locked in an expression of utter horror. A Friendship School? Friendship? School? Friendship ranks right up there with love, empathy, and compassion on the list of the most pointless, contemptible concepts in existence! And school? I never went to school! I never needed to! Any time I couldn't just figure out how to do something myself on Space Ask, I threatened a smart weakling to do it for me on the penalty of extreme suffering if they didn't!

By the time his internal tirade was over, and Frieza was once again able to focus on his surroundings, he had already been pulled outside. Apparently, he was in some sort of tribal village, filled with flimsy structures. They were painted in bright pastel colors, and populated with equally bright, pastel ponies. Not only that, the sky, sun, grass, and clouds were all obnoxiously inviting and pristine. There were even plenty of flowers.

Images of the personal hell he had been trapped in for years, so similar to this place, flashed before his eyes. Freiza shook with revulsion before addressing the most pressing issue: Pinkie Pie. "I never agreed to any of this!" he exclaimed. "What you're proposing is the last thing I want, you aggravating imbecile!"

At this, his assailant's jaw dropped. "WHAT? How can you not want FRIENDS?" she asked. "Friends make everything better!"

Frieza turned away. "You have no right to question me, worm."

Much to his chagrin, Pinkie completely ignored him. "Here, I'll show you!"

As she led him forward, skipping merrily as she went, upbeat, instrumental music inexplicably started playing from somewhere. In disgust and confusion, Frieza's ears folded down to block out some of the noise. But it was not enough, and Pinkie began to sing.

🎵Friends are awesome, friends are great, definitely something to celebrate! When times are tough, when you're feeling blue, your friends are always there for you!🎵

Frieza paled, which was no mean feat considering his coloration. Oh, please, no. I take it back! Cease, indignities, cease!

Other ponies began to watch as she continued. 🎵Go without, and you'll miss out! Have some laughs, have some fun, friends should be had by everyone!🎵

And then back to the chorus. 🎵Friends are awesome, friends are great, definitely—🎵

Unable to take any more, filled with incoherent rage, Frieza tilted his head towards the heavens. "EEEAAAHHHHHH!"

Both Pinkie's lyrics and the background music careened to a screeching halt. One could almost hear a record scratch. Pinkie turned to stare at Frieza, who was panting with exertion after screaming for a solid ten seconds straight.

"It is not an exaggeration on my part when I say that was literally the most painful torture I have ever experienced," Frieza stated. Seriously. Those pixies and stuffed animals back in hell only sung near him, not at him. "If you value you life, and the lives of those you hold dear, do not do that again."

Pinkie continued to stare. "You don't need to be such a drama princess. If you wanted me to stop, all you needed to do was ask."

I was being serious, but fine. Whatever. "Very well."

The rest of their walk went by in an awkward silence. Frieza tried his best to ignore the other ponies, and the town, and anything that looked too joyful for his tastes. So, basically everything except his own thoughts.

He stopped to more carefully analyze his current situation. Frieza most certainly wasn't on Earth, or any other planet he was aware of. He may not even be in Universe 7 anymore. More relevantly, he was powerless. For a moment, he considered ending his own life, but quickly decided against it. Though this place was about equal to hell in its horrors, at least he had agency here. Frieza, given time, would come up with a plan to regain his body and his strength. The resources available at in institute of learning, despite its purpose, would undoubtedly aid him in this. He just needed to make sure not to draw too much attention to himself in the meantime. Perhaps I shouldn't have threatened to kill Pinkie and her family and instead held my tongue for once. Too late now.

Frieza really didn't want to yield his birthright and integrate himself into the ranks of these ponies and their society, but his internal musings offered him no better choice. If I'm lucky, this world will have a set of Dragon Balls I can use. Then I will show these pathetic fools what it truly means to fear.

Obviously, he hadn't met any ponies besides Pinkie yet, but he assumed they were all pathetic fools compared to him, and would continue to think thusly until proven otherwise.

"We're here!"

The obnoxious mare's exclamation drew Frieza's attention back outwards, and he looked up at the structure in front of him. He was actually pleasantly surprised. It seemed to be some sort of fortress carved from blue crystal, its tall, reflective façade likely meant to blind any would-be invaders. What made him smile, though, were the plethora of pointed carvings and spires, sharpened to razor-thin points that looked simply perfect for impaling people and displaying their corpses in a show of foreboding.

When Pinkie saw that he was smiling, this brought back her own. "I'm so glad you're in a good mood now! Finally excited for school, huh?"

Frieza knew better than to correct her, and simply said nothing while keeping his eyes on the fortress.

"That's not Twilight's School of Friendship, though; that's her Friendship Castle!" informed Pinkie. "The school is right over to your right. Ha, right mean two things!"

Oh, well so much for my opinion of that building. The architect should be incinerated for his ill-conceived design sensibilities. Sighing to himself, Frieza aimed his gaze in the direction indicated. After a few blinks to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him, he frowned.

It was as he feared. The actual building he was going to be spending most of his time within for the foreseeable future looked exactly like all the other structures in the primitive settlement, only larger. Its inviting pink and purple trim was broken up by peaceful waterfalls which cascaded gently into a calm pond. Joy. My favorite.

Steeling himself for the horrors that most assuredly awaited him, Frieza crossed the stone bridge over the pond and went inside. Pinkie led him straight to an office near the entrance, where another mare waited, slumped over a desk. This pony was purple, and had a pair of wings, as well as a single horn on her head. Curious. Perhaps that isn't her final form? he mused.

"Hi, Twilight! Sorry to interrupt your business, but I've got a new student here for ya," said Pinkie.

Twilight, hearing this, sat up straight. "That's okay, Pinkie. And did I hear you correctly? Is this colt a prospective friendship student?" Eyeing Frieza's contempt-laced expression, she frowned. "He doesn't look very eager to learn."

"Of course he is!" said Pinkie. "He's just sad because he's been all by himself." Then, she leaned down to pinch his cheeks. "Freezer here has no family, so he needs lots of love! Also, a dorm room."

At this, Twilight gasped. "He's an orphan? That's terrible! Of course I'll enroll him right away!"

As Twilight reached into a nearby drawer to pull out the appropriate form, Frieza's brow furrowed. "Village Idiot here got my name wrong. It's Frieza."

Pinkie tilted her head to the side. "That's what I said."

Twilight, only half paying attention, started scribbling in all the blanks on a the form, quill held aloft in her magenta-colored magic. "Name... Freezer."

Frieza groaned. Of course.

She then glanced up at Frieza for a second. "Race... Pegasus Pony."

Frieza blinked. It seemed there were multiple types of pony. Pinkie had no extra appendages, while Twilight had multiple. Well, the horn clearly grants its owner psychokinesis. Wish I had one.

Now that he was thinking about it, Frieza decided to doublecheck his new body. Sure enough, his actually came with a pair of tiny, feathered wings. He flexed them experimentally. Hmm. This will take some getting used to. Really, manual flight? How asinine. Previously, he could have simply willed the heavens themselves to accommodate him, as even they yielded before his might. However, now he would have to put in actual effort if he ever wanted to fly again.

"Age?" asked Twilight.

"I have no idea," Frieza replied, truthfully. It was kind of hard to keep track after dying and being resurrected twice.

Twilight looked down at him in pity, which Frieza neither wanted nor needed. She took a deep breath. "That's alright. We'll leave the rest of this blank for now. All that leaves is where to put you, and I know just the place."

---

Twilight knocked on the numbered door with an almost motherly smile on her face, causing the bile to rise in Frieza's throat.

"Don't worry, your life is bound to get better soon, I promise," she assured him.

Oh yes, thought Frieza, bitterly, it will. Hopefully at the expense of your own and many others.

When the door opened, Frieza was expecting another pony to open it. Instead, holding the knob in a set of claws was a partially feathered blue creature with a beak. His annoyed expression quickly changed to one of surprise when he saw Twilight. "Headmaster! What are you doing here?"

"Good afternoon, Gallus," she said. "How are you? Finished with all your homework, I hope?"

At this, Gallus glanced away slightly. "Uh, most of it. Why are you here, teach?" Then, noticing Frieza, he added "And who's this?"

Twilight draped a wing over Frieza's back, causing him to flinch in disgust. "This is Freezer. Starting tomorrow, he'll be joining your class. He also needs a place to stay, and I was thinking that, since you didn't have a roommate yet, he could stay with you. Is that alright?"

Gallus' eyes widened. "Oh, uh, sure. I guess so."

"Great!" said Twilight. "I'll leave you two to get acquainted. Those first building blocks of a new friendship are quite important, after all!"

Gallus smirked. "Heh, I guess they are. And as my dad always says: more is better." After shooting a quick grin at Frieza, he turned back to Twilight. "See you in class, then?"

Twilight nodded. "Yep. Until then, I had better follow Pinkie's lead and get back to work. Take care!"

As Twilight cantered off, Frieza sighed in relief. Finally. Both of those blathering fiends are gone. Now to ascertain this new annoyance.

Gallus extended a taloned hand towards Frieza. But before he could formally introduce himself, Frieza walked right past him, batting the limb aside.

"Wow, ok, what's got your tail in a knot?" he asked, his head crest bristling.

Frieza just ignored him, instead familiarizing himself with his new accommodations. The room was tiny, barely larger than one of the equipment lockers on his flagship. On each side, there was a small bed, along with a chair, a workstation, and two separate storage units. The set on the right was adorned with a whole manner of paraphernalia, most of it likely useless, while the one on the left was totally empty. There isn't even a rejuvenation pod. Just how much of a backwater is this planet?

"I'm beginning to see why you got enrolled here," muttered Gallus. Then, he walked up to Frieza. "Look, if we're going to be roommates, you have to talk to me. Open up, or whatever."

Frieza growled, his tapered tail lashing to the side as he bored directly into his eyes. "I, in fact, will do no such thing, Gallus. You will not rob me of what little I have left. I am not here by choice, and the only reason I remain is that the alternatives are all somehow worse. I will play by the rules, of course, but you didn't make them."

Gallus blinked. "Could have just said 'no thanks'."

When Frieza callously resumed examining the room, Gallus sighed. "So, I'm gonna go meet up with Sandbar at his place to hang out now. You can just... keep doing that. Get settled in."

"Good," was Frieza's curt reply. And he meant it. Perhaps this won't be so bad after all, if all my 'peers' will acquiesce as they should.

As Gallus pulled open the door again, his head turned. "If you have any questions about how anything works around here, Freezer, a copy of the Student Guidebook is on my desk. Grover knows I needed it."

"Ah, that actually sounds helpful," said Frieza. "Now leave. I wouldn't want to keep you from your important social event, after all."

After rolling his eyes, Gallus obliged.

Now blissfully alone, Frieza trotted over to Gallus' half of the room to locate the book among his many belongings. Once he found it, he sighed to himself. "Let's see what fresh nightmare I've gotten myself into."

Author's Note:

I've had this idea brewing in some form ever since Goku first approached Frieza about the tournament like a year ago. I'm glad I waited until my other projects were finished (as usual) though, as this season's gimmick was the perfect way to make Frieza's stay in Equestria as miserable as possible.

Comments

[ridingonapony]

Very funny! Highlight for me was “Maybe this isn’t her final form.”

Favorited

[Crimson Blade79]

Ha! Just wait till Frieza mucks it up by getting into a fight.

[FTR2017]

I faved it and gave it the thumbs-up - the amount of comedy you can milk out of this subject is staggering.

I'll be tracking it for more Freezer-related shenanigans.

[titanhades70]

Manual flying... Wait till he meets Starlight..

Now that I think about it... out of any MLP character, Starlight might fit the best in the DB universe.

[FanOfMostEverything]

I see Twilight based her admissions policy on Canterlot High's...

In any case, this looks like it's going to be amazing in all the worst ways. Eagerly looking forward to more. (And to be fair, assuming Pinkie is Majin Buu does seem like a fairly safe approach.)

[wizard0209]

this is going to be good

[Admiral Q Ponyform]

Pinkie Pie/ Majin Buu, there's a difference?

It's freeza, with an e and i hope he is more like his TFS version