Frieza goes to Friendship School

by Thought Prism

The Gift of Suffering

The next day, Frieza reluctantly left the relative bliss of sleep to prepare himself for his first day of classes. As set about the arduous task of figuring out how to clean his disgusting pony shell using the primitive tools available through trial and error, without hands, no less, his mind wandered to what he'd garnered from the guidebook.

It had been useful, coming with a map of the school grounds Frieza had memorized. From his readings, he now knew that he didn't need to worry about money, as the entire operation was government funded. Why this nation of Equestria deemed such an asinine facility worth supporting was beyond his reckoning, but that was at the very least one less thing he needed to worry about. Another minor relief was that not all six classes happened on every day of the week, due to the busy schedules of the teachers. Also, two of days of the week were designated as the 'weekend' and had no classes at all. He would be free to do as he pleased 2/7ths of the time.

However, on top of the whole 'learning about friendship' thing, there were so many rules. If he skipped class, broke curfew, didn't do his homework, or attacked someone, even verbally, he would be punished. That last one was akin to salt being poured in his wounds. He couldn't even get himself expelled intentionally, lest he risk starvation without the use of the cafeteria.

Speaking of, that was where he would be heading first. When he was finished in the bathroom, Gallus waited impatiently by the door, tapping his foot.

"Finally," said Gallus. "It's like you've never had a shower before, or something. I would have just left without you had I not recently learned to know better, Freezer."

"How deeply moving," he replied, thick with sarcasm. "I won't be keeping you any longer." Then, Frieza gestured to the door. "By all means, lead the way."

After rolling his eyes, Gallus did just that, and the pair of them made their way over to the cafeteria.

By the time they got there, the place was bustling, eliciting a sigh from Frieza. Many creatures, most of whom were ponies, sat at tables with eachother alternating between eating and chatting amicably. After waiting around in a line, Frieza was able to wordlessly pile food onto a tray. He was going to make a beeline for one of the completely empty tables, but Gallus waved him over.

"Come on, Freezer, let me introduce you to my friends," he said. "They're pretty cool, I think you'll like them. Maybe."

I'm expected to socialize outside of class? Hooray. "Alright," Frieza said, groaning to himself.

As they approached, the four other students at the table paused from their meals to greet Gallus. Interestingly, Frieza observed that none of them were ponies.

"Good mornin', Gallus!" exclaimed a light pink female. "Who's that with you?" she added.

"I'm glad you asked," said Gallus. "Silverstream, this is my new roommate, Freezer. Freezer, this is Silverstream. She's a hippogriff."

Silverstream waved at him. "Hiii!"

"Charmed," replied Frieza. "And who might your other... lovely associates be?" he asked Gallus.

A small blue insectoid straightened, "I'm Ocellus. It's nice to meet you, Freezer. And I, um, apologize if my being here makes you uncomfortable. Being a changeling and all..."

"It's fine," Frieza said. You are all equally insufferable regardless of species, I assure you.

Ocellus let out a soft sigh. "Ok, that's good."

"Me Yona! Yona is Yak! You become friends with Yona soon!" suddenly shouted the smelly, hairy thing.

The last one to introduce herself was a small, orange lizard. "I'm Smolder, one of the few dragons capable of holding a rational conversation. Try not to be too intimidated, hehe."

Wait, a dragon? But she's so unimposing, despite her claims to the contrary! Still, I can work with this. "Wow, really?" Frieza exclaimed, not needed to fake his excitement. "Say, can you grant wishes?"

At this, Smolder blinked in confusion. "Uh, no. I'm pretty sure you're thinking of Djinns, dude. I knew you ponies don't know very much about us, but still, sheesh."

Well it was worth a shot. Bah.

Silverstream giggled. "It would be super great if you could though! You would totally bring our dreams to life, right?"

"Sure I would, Silvy," said Smolder. "I'd just do my own first," she added, winking.

Once the resulting chorus of giggling died down, that thankfully seemed to be it for the pleasantries, as Gallus sat down and began eating. Frieza did the same, listening in on their conversations but only going out of his way to chime in when one of them asked him a direct question.

Eventually, a bell rang, signaling that he and the others get moving. According to the schedule sent to him by Twilight, he had Generosity first period, so that was where he went. Yona and Ocellus, as it turned out, also had Generosity first. This made navigating the unwelcome bustle of the hallways easier, given that he could simply trail behind Yona's bulk and avoid the curious eyes of the other students. To Frieza, no conversation with an ingrate was a good conversation with an ingrate.

He made it with time to spare, copying the others by seating himself in a plush chair. The room had numerous such chairs, ornate in appearance and nothing else. Almost everything was some shade of purple, from the floor to the curtains, save the blue pedestal in the center. Soon, an adult pony entered the room with an exaggerated gait, presumably 'Rarity'. The bell rang again as she took up a position on the pedestal. Judging from her appearance relative to the others he'd seen, Frieza immediately hated Rarity more than the others. Vanity was right up there on the list of traits he abhorred, a bit below stupidity and incompetence.

Freiza leveled a glare at her as soon as her back was turned. I mean, really, she's even making a mockery of my trademark dark-purple-on-white coloration. Those are the colors of doom, not... those impractical curls.

"All right class, welcome, welcome!" she said, all smiles. "Before we begin, I would like to point out that we have a new student with us starting today!" She then pointed directly at him. "Say hello to Freezer, everyone."

Frieza hunched into himself as a round of hellos permeated the air. I'd like this planet a lot better if it had no atmosphere. For multiple reasons.

"Now then," began Rarity, "for today's lesson, we're going to cover an aspect of Generosity that is deceptively simple on the surface, but in reality can be quite challenging for many: the art of gift giving."

"Really?" asked a yellow mare. "How is that complicated?"

As Rarity turned to face her, a smirk crossed her lips. "It isn't. Not if you want merely be acceptable at it. But today, I shall teach you all how to excel at gifting, such that your recipient's eyes will gleam in awe every time." Then, she pivoted again. "I'm sure many of you have heard the phrase 'it's the thought that counts' before, but it could not be more applicable here. The act of putting in an effort, being generous, is the most important part. Just giving your friends bits will never cut it, even if that would be the most universally useful present. You have to figure out what they want, even if they don't yet know so themselves. Does that make sense?"

Everyone nodded, including Frieza. It does produce better results in the end when I fit the punishment to the transgressor. Like when I utterly humiliated Vegeta by letting him live in my service. Ah, those were good times.

"Great!" exclaimed Rarity. "Let's start off with a simpler exercise. And please, don't hesitate to ask questions. First, pretend that you'd like to give a gift to a newborn baby. For a baby shower, if you've heard of those."

Yona's hoof shot up immediately. When Rarity called on her, she said "Yona would give many diapers! Baby Yak want lots of those!"

A small frown formed on Rarity's muzzle. "You're on the right track. Diapers would be useful for a baby, yes, but those are something babies need, not something that the infant or its parents would want. That would just be akin to bits."

Rarity's eyes scanned her students, eventually settling on Ocellus. "Are you raising your hoof, dear?"

Ocellus lowered her leg bashfully. "Yes. I was thinking that lots of love would be good, right?"

"Well, of course it would, but all creatures want care and affection," replied Rarity, giggling a bit. "Remember, we're trying to find a gift that would be good for a baby. Perhaps you have an idea, Freezer?"

Frieza bristled. He hadn't been expecting to be addressed abruptly like that. My first instinct would be a swift, painless death so it could avoid life's many agonies, but I'm fairly sure that's not what she's looking for. Hmm... Oh! "I would get the helpless newborn military-grade body armor, as some small measure of protection for its weak and fragile body," said Frieza.

Rarity stared, along with everybody else, as they processed that statement.

"Well," said Rarity, just to break the awkward silence. "That's... a somewhat unconventional present, but you've got the idea. Most ponies only protect their foal with a crib, so extra security would be a nice gesture."

After that, he was not called on for the rest of the class, which Frieza took slight pleasure in. Rarity presented three more hypothetical scenarios after that one, each a tad more difficult than the last, and the other students had mostly gotten the hang of it by the end. Then Frieza was off to - ugh - Kindness class.

The room in which said class took place looked very different from the last one. The walls were painted in earthy tones to go with a tree motif, and it was on the second floor, allowing for a balcony. Frieza's solitude was interrupted when Gallus approached him to introduce Sandbar, the green maned stallion he mentioned yesterday. Introductions were kept brief, and Frieza couldn't tell if that was because Sandbar was an individual of few words or because Fluttershy was already present.

Observing the way she carried herself and made small talk, Frieza felt betrayed. This teacher seemed to be his favorite sort of person to torment: weak both physically and mentally, with a compassionate worldview that just begged to be shattered into a dozen pieces along with all the bones in her body. Actually having to learn from such a person instead, though... not so much.

Soon, Fluttershy quieting everyone down and got the proceedings moving. Once she had finished making another cringe-inducing call-out of Frieza's presence, she switched gears to the lesson proper. Here's hoping it's not as horrendously bad as I expect, Frieza thought.

"Alright class, today we're going to expand on what we learned last week," said Fluttershy. "By now, you're all quite familiar with how easy a feat sharing kindness is, and how that sometimes, your kindness won't always be returned."

"Heh, yeah, that was fun," chimed in Gallus.

Fluttershy smiled. "I'll be sure to tell Cranky Doodle next time I see him. He did a great job as our designated grump."

Upon hearing this, Frieza very much wished that had been the plan for this lesson. He could have volunteered instead and used the opportunity to vent his frustrations. Can I expect anything less than utter disappointment at this stage?

Fluttershy blinked. "Where was I? Oh, yes, reciprocity. Even if it seems like your care and attention isn't making someone feel better, you should rest assured that kindness almost always has an affect, even if you can't see it."

"However," she continued, "the more difficult barriers to overcome are on your end. There will be plenty of times when it's hard to show you care, especially when you're afraid. Celestia knows I've struggled with that myself in the past."

Yes, I bet you have, thought Frieza as the others all chuckled.

"So, to help you all understand, as well as take the first step in overcoming what might be holding you back, I've brought another friend in to help."

The students watched with trepidation as Fluttershy reached into her bag and pulled out a jar with holes in the lid. Inside the jar, sitting on a tiny cushion, was a spider. Some of Frieza's classmates gasped or shied away when they saw it, including Sandbar. Frieza himself, however, was baffled, by the spider itself as well as their reactions. Are they seriously scared of that thing? On my home planet, their fear would have been at least somewhat justified, but in that case the spider would be thirty feet long and could spit corrosive venom at Mach two. This is just stupid.

Notes of concern flitted across Fluttershy's face as she extracted the spider. "Class, I'd like you to meet Fuzzy Legs. I know he may look a bit scary, but he has a good heart."

"No way! Ewewewew!" exclaimed a unicorn filly in fresh panic. "I am not touching that thing!"

Fuzzy Legs frowned in disappointment.

Fluttershy frowned in dismay. "I haven't even said anything yet." Taking a deep breath, she added "you'll each be taking turns feeding him."

The filly vehemently shook her head. "Nope! Nu-uh!"

Frieza groaned. Gods, will she ever shut up? I bet shoving that spider down her throat would do it. And be most amusing to watch.

Thankfully for her, Frieza didn't have to, as Gallus spoke up. "Teach wouldn't be going this if the spider was going to bite," the griffon said, one eyebrow raised. "Here, I'll show you by going first. Ms. Fluttershy?"

"Sure," Fluttershy replied, walking over to him. She held the spider up on one of her wings as she grabbed a small dropper bottle from her bag. "Just put a couple drops of this on your foot and hold it out. He'll come to you," she explained.

Gallus did as instructed. Fuzzy Legs wasted no time in skittering over to slurp up the liquid. "Oh, it tickles!" said Gallus.

Frieza watched in annoyance as Fluttershy repeated this process around the room. Some of the students required lots of gentle encouragement before they could bring themselves to suck all the fun out of that poor spider's life. Surely it misses the thrill of the hunt.

Before it came to be Frieza's turn, Sandbar took his. He was visibly perplexed by the bottle. "What's in this, anyway?" he asked.

"Oh, it's a special protein shake made from soybeans," answered Fluttershy.

It took a moment for what she had said to set in. "Unbelievable!" exclaimed Frieza, unable to contain his shock.

Fuzzy Legs jumped into Fluttershy's mane. She flinched at his outburst, her attention diverted along with Frieza's classmates. "What's wrong, Freezer?" she asked.

Seeing the misplaced compassion in her eyes made Frieza sick. "What's wrong? What's wrong!? You've been feeding a spider - a predator and carnivore - vegetable smoothies!"

Fluttershy pursed her lips, taking a moment to think. "I suppose that's true. But Fuzzy Legs doesn't mind the shakes. I don't take in any animal friends unless they're willing to play nice with the others, and the change in diet for the carnivores helps all the other critters feel safe."

Frieza snorted, glaring at her. "Some 'element of harmony' you are, then. That's not friendship; it's warping their very natures to suit your own goals. I would never do such a thing." Internally, he added not because I'm morally against it, just because it takes too much effort.

Judging from the expression on her face, it looked as if Fluttershy might actually get upset. Frieza smirked. "Oh, I do apologize, Ms. Fluttershy. It seems I've struck a nerve."

She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. "Apology excepted. But I have to ask to speak with you after class."

At this, Sandbar deigned to speak up. "Don't hold it against the new guy; I think he's just passionate about his special talent."

Frieza's brow furrowed. "Huh?"

In an abrupt shift in mood, Fluttershy now looked at him inquisitively. Frieza followed the path of her gaze to the side of his lower body. More specifically, the image of a black snake with gleaming eyes and bared fangs, coiled and ready to strike.

"Oh! You're right, Sandbar. I guess I should be the one to apologize, then," said Fluttershy. "Never mind about staying after class. Just remember that what's expected isn't always what's best, ok Freezer?"

"Ok," he replied automatically. Now it was Frieza's turn to get lost in thought. Those symbols are an indicator of talent? This whole time I thought it was personality and ignored them. This changes things. And what luck! It seems I've been pegged as some sort of biologist. The less these naïve creatures suspect, the better.

"You should stop by the sanctuary sometime!" said a beaming Fluttershy.

"That sounds like fun," Frieza said, in what he hoped was a convincing manner. "But you should probably get back to teaching now."

Fluttershy put a hoof to her mouth. "Oopsie."

As the others all giggled, Frieza rolled his eyes. Idiots, the lot of them.

Once he had been forcefully acquainted with the spider, Frieza sat quietly and ruminated until class was over. For the rest of the day, he did his best to play the part of a reserved but largely amicable pony, who, while not eager, was at least receptive to the knowledge of friendship. This held true during lunch, where he seemed to have become something of a new companion to Gallus and those in his silly clique. Sure, he was becoming more and more annoyed with his existence simultaneously, but with determination he powered through despite a couple more slip-ups due to his admitted lack of experience.

None of that mattered once he was free for the evening, though. Because that was when he bid his 'friends' adieu to go study in the school library. He had told them it was to catch up on all the lessons on harmony he had missed since the school year began. However, the truth was that Frieza would be researching the means through which he could regain the ability to callously blast them all to ash with a flick of his wrist. The irony was not lost on him.

When he found the library, Frieza was initially dismayed by what he saw: huge rows and stacks of actual, paper books. Digging through them would be a hassle, but still better than actually approaching some too-cheerful servant wench for assistance. For once, luck was on his side. The books were well catalogued, and he quickly zeroed in on the first subject of interest that would preclude success: Dragons. More specifically, Dragon Balls. I don't trust Smolder one iota. I'll see for myself, thank you.

And so he dove into the pages, aiming for the knowledge he sought. With each sheet flipped, however, Frieza's zeal was slowly replaced by frustration. The only mention of Dragon Balls he could find was an illustrated anatomical summary he very much wished he could forget.

Still, he pressed on, and spent hours scouring for related topics. To his surprise, not only was there zero mention of Namekians anywhere, there wasn't a single piece of nonfiction about any aliens at all. Moreover, Equestria's study of space travel hadn't even advanced beyond the point of theory.

Frieza slid the last book in his hooves to the side dejectedly as he planted his face into the table. Kai damn it. I can't even contact what few loyal soldiers I have left. What am I going to do?

After moping around for a minute, Frieza slapped himself. No! This isn't over, not by a long shot. His expression hardened. This world cannot break me! I'll read every tome in this place cover to cover if I have to! Soon, very soon, I will reclaim my place as a titan among worms once more!

Comments

[Vansho-Lakon]

This just keeps getting better😁 I look forward to seeing more of Frieza misfortunes

I'll read every tome in this place cover to cover if I have to!

and then Twilight will give a bookworm reward.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Vanity was right up there on the list of traits he abhorred, a bit below stupidity and incompetence.

And slightly above hypocrisy.

On my home planet, their fear would have been at least somewhat justified, but in that case the spider would be thirty feet long and could spit corrosive venom at Mach two.

To be fair, the Everfree might contain such specimens.

This continues to thoroughly amuse. Definitely looking forward to more. If nothing else, Frieza might enjoy Magic class...

[Admiral Q Ponyform]

issue with FLuttershy. We have SEEN her feed fish and worms to carnivores so she is actually out of character here.

[black_arachnia]

Vanity? Um the same Frieza that wished to be a few cm taller to look more imposing in the Broly movie?