A human who dies in an infiltration mission, gets sent to Equestria unharmed and alive, but his body has been changed to adjust the magical world he calls home now. He'll do everything he can to fight for his new home world and keep it safe.
Okay so why in every story you write you put the main 6 jumping to conclusions an use the elements on the hero. It doesn't make a lot of sense. Can't wait for more soon.
8344335 I think some parts should be, like how the beginning part of the chapter wasn't explained very well. It was suddenly "Hey everyone, I just so happen to like Kilala97's work and now it's in the story, this includes pairings and offspring.", I'm not saying it's a bad thing it was just quite sudden and unexpected.
Another thing that doesn't seem consistent is Reyes overall size, in chapter two Brave Heart "rubs against his side.", the inconsistency is that if he were Alicorn sized she would not be able to do this as Celestia in canon seems to be able to have a guard walk under without obstruction. But this is a fanfiction, not canon, so I may be wrong in this aspect.
Another thing is the how Celestia seems to act, I may be wrong but the fact that he has "pure" magic and dark magic doesn't seem that bad to me, and certainly doesn't incite need the immediate use of the E.O.H, especially with how nice he acts around everyone.
But that's my opinion, you can take it how every you like, I still enjoy the story even with these sudden plot twist and hope you continue to write for us.
Also if anyone wants to dismantle my comment and point out things I may have missed or messed up, please do because I probably did.
8344335 Honesty yes. It's still a good chapter but in my opinion they jumped the gun and judged to quickly even after they saw his memories. It would make more sense if the fathers jumped in on account of their hostility rather than the royal duo. That's just a suggestion though.
You guys sure are abservent. You guys pointed out quite a few things that I need to fix, but I'll just rewrite the chapter so it'll sound better. I apologize for messing up this chapter, and for having so many plot twists in this chapter. Also I apologize for not explaining things better. I'll be sure to fix all that.
8344487 Like I said, I still enjoyed it, there was just a lot suddenly added to the story. A good way to justify the Addition Of Kilala97's OC's is to put in the description that it is a part, yet an alternative version, of said universe, that would get over a lot of confusion.
With that being said those "problems" won't be enough to get me to not like a story as the premise is interesting to me and I thoroughly enjoy these types of stories, so please, keep up the good work.
8358319 Yeah, it really kind of was. Those words are for a dialogue, but you turned it into a soliloquy and sliced it off right after. IDK about lazy, but it certainly wasn't good.
What just happened?
So why exactly is this "dark magic" an issue if he's not using it much less knows he has it? The response seems rather immature.
8344123 Things happened.
8344156
Now I get it
Okay so why in every story you write you put the main 6 jumping to conclusions an use the elements on the hero. It doesn't make a lot of sense. Can't wait for more soon.
8344268
8344155
8344123
You know, I might have gone to quick on this chapter. Should I rewrite it?
8344335
I think some parts should be, like how the beginning part of the chapter wasn't explained very well. It was suddenly "Hey everyone, I just so happen to like Kilala97's work and now it's in the story, this includes pairings and offspring.", I'm not saying it's a bad thing it was just quite sudden and unexpected.
Another thing that doesn't seem consistent is Reyes overall size, in chapter two Brave Heart "rubs against his side.", the inconsistency is that if he were Alicorn sized she would not be able to do this as Celestia in canon seems to be able to have a guard walk under without obstruction. But this is a fanfiction, not canon, so I may be wrong in this aspect.
Another thing is the how Celestia seems to act, I may be wrong but the fact that he has "pure" magic and dark magic doesn't seem that bad to me, and certainly doesn't incite need the immediate use of the E.O.H, especially with how nice he acts around everyone.
But that's my opinion, you can take it how every you like, I still enjoy the story even with these sudden plot twist and hope you continue to write for us.
Also if anyone wants to dismantle my comment and point out things I may have missed or messed up, please do because I probably did.
8344335
Honesty yes. It's still a good chapter but in my opinion they jumped the gun and judged to quickly even after they saw his memories. It would make more sense if the fathers jumped in on account of their hostility rather than the royal duo. That's just a suggestion though.
8344383
8344400
You guys sure are abservent. You guys pointed out quite a few things that I need to fix, but I'll just rewrite the chapter so it'll sound better. I apologize for messing up this chapter, and for having so many plot twists in this chapter. Also I apologize for not explaining things better. I'll be sure to fix all that.
8344487
Cool. Keep the papa Rayes though. That was just plain adorable.
8344487
Like I said, I still enjoyed it, there was just a lot suddenly added to the story. A good way to justify the Addition Of Kilala97's OC's is to put in the description that it is a part, yet an alternative version, of said universe, that would get over a lot of confusion.
With that being said those "problems" won't be enough to get me to not like a story as the premise is interesting to me and I thoroughly enjoy these types of stories, so please, keep up the good work.
8344493
Thanks, I appreciate you telling me this.
8344491
Papa Reyes will be sure to stay.
8344512
No problem.
Good chapter can't wait for more
Huzzah for chapter four!
8344335
Yes. They ask Reyes if he's aware of his dark magic and use the Elements ONLY as a last resort.
Better. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Dammit cliffhanger dam you cliffhangers it was getting good
8356932
Sorry to say, but there will be more cliffhangers coming your way.
That wasn't even a cliffhanger. That was just a lazy cut-off.
8358286
Lazy cut-off? Really?
8358319
Yeah, it really kind of was. Those words are for a dialogue, but you turned it into a soliloquy and sliced it off right after. IDK about lazy, but it certainly wasn't good.
Soo who getting Reyes? Fluttershy or Brave Heart? I hate to see one of them broke, especially Brave Heart.
8801556
Maybe both there may be herds, which would make sense.
LMAO, you added the Next Generation Ponies onto this story, I can’t LOL.
Rating: 2/10